411 Games Top 5 11.02.12: Top 5 Video Game Killers
Hello everyone, I hope it has been a good week for all the readers out there, Death is waiting for you.
Honorable Mention: Altair (Assassin’s Creed)
5. HK-47 (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)
HK-47 is easily the most entertaining video game killer. Come on, a psychotic, human-hating assassin droid? How can you possibly go wrong with that? KOTOR and KOTOR II had a lot of great things going for them, but none quite as awesome as having this guy as a companion. He has become so popular that he appeared in Star Wars: Galaxies as a quest-giver and The Old Republic as a boss in two flashpoints, showing how firmly he’s been embedded within the Star Wars Expanded Universe lexicon.
4. Ryu Hayabusa (Ninja Gaiden)
Ryu was one of the original video game bad-asses, and one of the original video game ninjas as well. Ryu first appeared in 1988 as the lead character who cuts a bloody swath across the United States before getting a backstory and name in the NES version of the game. He is without a doubt the most popular ninja in gaming and that’s quite an accomplishment in and of itself, but he also (as a ninja) happens to be a pretty proficient killer as well. Can you even count how many bodies you’ve sliced and diced in Ryu’s skin? I know I can’t.
3. Agent 47 (Hitman)
Make a list of the top video game killers and not include the lead character of a game called “Hitman?” Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. Agent 47 is the star of all current and upcoming Hitman games to date and has firmly established his blood-soaked reputation as one of the top pixellated killers of all time. He has incredible skills as an assassin and can get in and out of just about anywhere without breaking a sweat. Sure, his backstory is a bit involved but do you really care about that when you’re in the process of setting up an elaborate “accident?” No, you don’t. All you care about is that Agent 47 is the man.
2. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)
Sephiroth’s inclusion may be a bit odd to some, being as the fact that he’s more of villain archetype than a pure killer. The reason I included him here is because he commits one of the most memorable and shocking video game kills of all time when he impales Aerith in Final Fantasy VII. There are STILL people trying to figure out a way to save the poor girl. Sure, Sephiroth may not be an assassin or a serial murderer, but to me he will always be remembered not as a megalomaniac but as the guy who killed poor Aerith.
1. Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)
Mortal Kombat is a video game franchise full of hired killers and psychopaths who could qualify for this list, so why does Sub-Zero get the top spot? Simple: he’s the most iconic. How many MK characters got their own game centered on them (whether it was good or not isn’t the point)? He was originally just named “Ninja” and became the template that countless other killers in the franchise were based on. He has the mad killing skills and the most interesting backstory, and Mortal Kombat is my personal favorite fighting game which puts him at the top of my list.
5 – Death – Darksiders 2 – If there’s one entity I wouldn’t mess with it’s Death. Now while I more go with Terry Pratchetts idea of Death’s role, Darksiders makes him go full of Horseman of the Apocalypse. He sycthes through some pretty badass enemies and I do love going full on Reaper.
4 – Mathias Nilsson – Mercenaries 2 – Apparently this guy kills for money, but he spends all his money on better killing toys. He’s up for killing anyone, often going to the extreme. I’ve seen him nuke cities to rubble (killing all those civilians who are too scared to leave their homes), it doesn’t matter if you’re his friend, he’ll still kidnap your mates or take a picture of their char-grilled corpse, how did he kill them? Probably with a jumping monster truck, or a cruise missile, or what you might as well call a batpod. Boys and their toys.
3 – Mario – How many creatures does this guy kill? These things have names you know, they have civilisations, and lives until Mario comes stomping on them. He doesn’t even have to kill most of them to continue on his quest but damned if that stops him. Usually a hands/boots on guy he also enjoy setting them on fire and taking a hammer to their heads. After expanding his cruelties to his entire world he now travels galaxies delivering death. He’d be higher if not for his weakness, if he comes close to you one day make sure you grab a tennis racket.
2 – Kratos – Just being on the same screen as this guy means, you’re either going to fuck him, or you’re fucked. This guy just doesn’t care who he kills from gods to helpless prisoners. Through his actions innocents across the world suffer and die and he doesn’t give a toss. Still thats better than if he kills you personally, then you’ll be sliced and diced with limbs scattered and guts pouring out, and even then he’ll be ramming your head into something.
1 – The Grenade – Call of Duty World at War – This bloody thing is annoying on the easier difficulties but ramp it up and it becomes damn near impossible not to die constantly due to it. You’re not worried about the soldiers and tanks its this little thing. At times you just camp somewhere and spend 10 minutes listening to the constant rain of grenades being thrown at you. It becomes about luck not skill. So for killing me more times than anything else, the grenade gets my top spot.
Honorable Mention: Every 12 year old that plays CoD
5. Triple H
Okay, my list is only semi-serious, since I was given leeway as to what an assassin was. I only picked Triple H, because he’s the Cerebral Assassin, and he’s here because that is a loophole and I find it funny that I can put him here. Plus, there are 3 of him in the new WWE 13 game, that must mean he’s the greatest and most talented wrestler of all time.
4. Ezio Auditore
This is one of my serious picks, because while I only own AC2, I thought Ezio was a complete and total badass. (spoilers) He took on the people who murdered his family, killed them, and then proceeded to kill Pope Alexander VI. He can free run like there is no tomorrow, was friends with Leonardo Da Vinci, and had a wrist gun that was way more badass than most weapons in the game (and much harder to aim).
3. Sam Fisher
Next up is the coolest OPSAT Ninja on the list, Sam Fisher. I have only played the games from the first one to Chaos Theory, but what I have played, I really liked the dude. He had skills in stealth, could pick a lock faster than Ron Jeremy with a bra, and had more gadgets than James Bond. He also can shoot with both hands, speaks about 7 languages. What puts him at this spot for me is also the fact that he can make you laugh while holding you at knife point and trying to get answers from you, and when you give him what he wants, he can still kill you!
I’m serious too, the only reason that he didn’t get number one is the fact that there are enough video games for me to make a list, so his mission of destroying video games failed. For those who don’t know, a game based off of the ET movie came up in Christmas of 1982, while it sold over 1.5 MILLION copies, the game was a total piece of shit, and there were over 2.5 million cartridges unsold. So while the game netted a good $25 million dollars, it also lost $100 million in the wrong and almost single handedly killed video games dead. So way to go ET, now go watch what the Germans did with you visage.
Is there any surprise that he is Number 1? Okay, there might be, because he’s only an assassin droid, and not technically an assassin, but in all fairness, can you really not put a droid that addresses every human as, “MEATBAG”. This droid is awesome, he can shoot anything and everything you need, and he would happily do it, he wanted blood, and he will get it whether or not his victim want him to do it. Did I mention that he calls all humans Meatbags?
Dirtsheets.com A website started by two of the Triple Threat Column writers. Not only is it the permanent home of this world famous column but it has recaps done by me, wrestling news, and other columns.
Wrestling 2 the Max Podcast A friend and I started our own wrestling podcast. Go listen to episode 10 and tell us what you think. New Episodes come out every Sunday Morning. This was our Halloween episode, so we talked Scary wrestling characters, previewed Hell in a Cell, talked about Ric Flair coming back to WWE, and should the WWE and World Titles be unified all with special guests from 411mania.com Dimitri Dorlis and Robert Cooper.
Games Coming Out on 11/06/12
Halo 4 (Xbox 360 Only)
Little Big Planet Karting (PS3)
Angry Birds Star Wars (PC and Mobile)
Dragon Ball Z Budokai HD Collection (Xbox 360 & PS3)
NASCAR The Game: Inside Line (PS3, Xbox 360,Wii)
Mass Effect Trilogy (Xbox 360 & PC)
Harvest Moon 3D: A New Beginning (Nintendo 3DS Only)
Midway Arcade Origins (Xbox 360 & PS3)