games / Columns

The 8 Ball 08.07.12: The Top 24 Hardest Video Game Boss Battles (#8-1)

August 7, 2012 | Posted by David McGregor

Hello and welcome to the 8 Ball for the Games Section, I am David McGregor and you don’t give a crap.

Finally we have gotten to the final 8 of the hardest boss battles of all time. I am slightly sad that it is all over, mainly because next week I am back to mindless rushing about trying to think of a topic to write about. I should also point out that a lot of people are mentioning games that I have never heard of to be honest, so I have tried to include a fair mixture of games I personally had a hard time with and bosses that the majority of you feel should be listed. Think next week I will do an easier topic.

Here are the links to
#24 – 17
#16 – 8

Without any further delay let’s begin the final part of the Top 24 hardest boss battles of all time!

8th – Tabuu – Super Smash Bros: Brawl

This one was a tough son of a bitch. Some parts of the Brawl storyline are annoyingly difficult at times, but nothing too extreme. So when the final boss, Tabuu, shows his face you aren’t exactly expecting the fight of your life. Oh how Nintendo love tormenting children, and those who suck at gaming, as this was way more challenging than it had any right being. You get the opportunity of choosing a group to go in one by one and try to beat Tabuu, yet time and time again everyone of my favourite characters would be dismantled and beaten with ease.

I was always great with Bowser and DK when playing Smash Bros, as they are big things with great attacks that seemed to make life easier when fighting a difficult enemy. Yet Tabuu would destroy DK and Bowser time and time again, to the point of severe frustration. I must have played this one countless times before I finally managed to be lucky enough to beat this prick, and I think luck is really the only reason I am not still trying to beat the big blue bitch! I think this is the most recent of the bosses on this part of the list but to me it definitely deserves its place up there with the worst of all time.

7th – Alma – Ninja Gaiden

This spot changed so many times it is unbelievable, so much so that difficult gaming bosses that should have been in the Top 24 are now off because I switched this one umpteen times. But at the very end I decided on one that I feel deserved the spot on the final instalment of this list. Alma from the Ninja Gaiden series is just crazy tough, she looks ridiculous but for some reason that only means that boss battles are just that bit tougher. What I really found difficult was the way in which she would fly around and it would be increasingly more difficult to get a proper shot into her (that sounded horrible). I have never been that great with a boss battle that has you scanning the screen to find out where the hell they went, and this was like that nightmare but on acid.

She may have had boob plates to rival Madonna and a headdress that would give Elton John a showing up, but Alma was one of the roughest she bitches on a video game.

6th – Final Fantasy VII or X Boss Battles

I have no knowledge of the series, which isn’t the only series I have a limited knowledge of, and I felt that it would be pointless for me to sit here and say one is better than the other when I honestly don’t have that much of a clue. But what I have learned is that the majority of the traumatising boss battles occur in one or two games, funnily enough those are two of the best games of the series that are VII and X. From Carry Armour to Sephiroth and Seymour to Yunalesca these two games have plagued final fantasy fans with outrageously difficult boss battles.

May I just say that I didn’t just see this as a cop out as I did quite a lot of research into what ones fans thought were difficult and played through many of the boss battles that were in the series. I saw how infuriating some of these were, but at the end of the day I couldn’t come out and say that one or the other were harder. Sure there were battles that I thought were extremely difficult and ones which were slighter easier but for someone who is a complete novice at the series it seems quite ridiculous for me to put one on top. And if I left it off then that’s also pretty idiotic as I know there are battles that deserve to be on the list, and the comment section would go batshit. So this is my compromise, everyone put up with a random Internet game last week so I highly doubt this will cause any more of an issue.

5th – Culex – Mario RPG

A lot of gaming bosses are there to challenge you before you can progress on the story, or end the story, yet Culex is the exact opposite of that. Culex is hidden in a part of the game that you never need to enter; it is just sitting there waiting for you to challenge it. And if you do it comes out all guns blazing! This is one of those battles that you just wonder why you even bothered, why did you enter into the room and even challenge this impossible being! It is especially annoying when you know you entered into this one voluntarily; no one forced you into this one. This was a completely self induced pain, and that makes it so much worse!

Bowser may have been here in an honorary role but Culex more than makes up for this one. Not just the hardest challenge Mario has ever had to face but one of the hardest any game has had to deal with.

4th – Sephiroth – Kingdom Hearts

This is personal experience eclipsing general opinion here. While my final fantasy knowledge is terrible at best I have always liked the Kingdom Hearts series, I’m a sucker for Disney, and this was by far the most agonising boss battle that I ever went through. I would cheat like a bastard at this game, some say it would diminish the enjoyment of the game but for me it only made life a whole lot easier. But even with me cheating like a Mexican wrestler I would still end up dead at the hands of Sephiroth. There was just no beating him, at least that’s what I thought, as every single time I would die trying to beat this son of a motherless goat!

I don’t think I have ever been more frustrated than during the battles with Sephiroth, it just got to the point that there seemed like no point in it and that he was just impossible to beat. Definitely one of the all time hardest boss battles I have ever had the misfortune of having a nervous breakdown to.

3rd – SNK Boss

This is a total and utter cop out, I fully admit it. But to be honest I have zero knowledge of the SNK games and I am not going to even try and make a guess as to what is the hardest boss of them all. But from others I have corresponded with this is definitely a worthy spot. Some of these game bosses are legendary in the gaming communities, they supposedly blow away anything that Tekken, Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter try and throw at us. For that reason alone they deserves a spot on the final 8.

When I watched some of them and played through a few of the boss battles friends had recommended I realised just how difficult some of these games were. But at the same time I didn’t get enough knowledge of the series to sit here and declare that one was somehow better than the other, not even in my highly biased opinion at times.

2nd – Mike Tyson – Punch Out

Part of me wanted to keep Tyson off the list just to mess with the commenters, but there was no way that Mike Tyson couldn’t be included in a list of hardest boss battles! If you ask anyone which gaming character tortured their childhood with their invincibility I can guarantee that Mike Tyson would be the first name mentioned. Mike Tyson’s Punch Out was one of the first big games with that undefeatable end boss that would leave you frustrated and irritated for hours on end.
This is the got to answer for this kind of topic, and for good reason as it left an imprint on a lot of people’s childhood. This was a time when game developers wanted to make games as difficult as they possibly could, probably creating serial killers in the process but hey that won’t be an issue for a couple of decades. Mike Tyson is the iconic boss battle for the gaming world.

1st – Spiritual Larsa – Mushihimesama

Seriously, what the fuck? I try my best to keep the foul language to a minimum in here, but seriously this is just severely fucked up. Why would you even create a boss so ridiculously hard? What is the purpose of making the end of your game so hard to achieve? I don’t have the answer or even a possible one, as it is just completely ridiculous to me why a company would make a game so difficult to complete for its fan base.

There is just so much that you need to dodge and the boss has such a great health bar that it is a wonder that anyone has ever even finished this one! I didn’t play this randomly I saw this on YouTube and thought I would give it a go, I suck at gaming but I a new level of suck was invented for how bad I am at this game (insert fellatio joke here). For me there is no worse a gaming boss battle can get, or good it can get for those into torture.

YouTube Video of the Week!

What do you want the 8 Ball to be about next week?

I am considering doing a list like this maybe Top 40 on the top gaming heroes, anyone interested? Please tell me below.


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David McGregor
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