mma / Columns
CM Punk vs. Mickey Gall: Clobber or Be Clobbered
CM Punk.
Ha ha. Made you click.
All right, let’s get down to business. Gotta help Papa Larry pay for his new roadster. He actually let me see it. It’s pretty nice. It’s also very fuel efficient, as it runs on one of the few infinite natural resources that exist on this planet: Cain Velasquez hospital bills.
Last Saturday night, UFC presented us with another Payperview caliber night of fights, or at least it was Payperview caliber until it lost the only fight that made it anywhere close to being considered Payperview caliber in the first place. I don’t even know why I called it Payperview caliber when it clearly was no longer Payperview caliber. I apologize for that.
The card last Saturday wasn’t always the most exciting, with Ovince Saint Preux not doing a lot against Rafael Cavalcante and Roy Nelson doing even less against Jared Rosholt (I guess being boring is contagious), but we got a flying knee KO on the prelims. That’s something, right?
We also got to see the emergence of what could be a new contender in the welterweight division, as Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson landed punches and kicks at will against former champion Johny Hendricks, ending the fight in three-and-a-half minutes. It was one of those kinds of performances where it’s hard to tell if Thompson is really that good or if Johny was just that unprepared for the fight (or had other issues he was dealing with) but, one thing is definitely for sure: Tyron Woodley is screwed as far as getting the next title shot is concerned.
Sorry, T-Wood, but it’s hard to impress when you’re doing nothing but sitting at home and taking roles in critically acclaimed music biopics. That’s just a fact of life.
So anyway, let’s talk about the real star of Saturday’s Fight Night: CM Punk.
Yes, I am talking about Mr. Phil Brooks, the former pro wrestler and diet Pepsi enthusiast who decided he was no longer about that life (the wrestling, not the Diet Pepsi) and decided to devote himself to becoming an MMA fighter, despite the fact he has no martial arts experience whatsoever, aside from rolling with Rener Gracie whenever viewership is down on his Youtube videos, and is entering the sport at an age when the majority of fighters are leaving it.
That’s not to say that Punk can’t do well in MMA, but the odds are definitely stacked against him, not unlike the odds that were continually stacked against one of Punk’s top rivals in his former life, John Cena.
Sorry. Couldn’t resist. It’s all that hustle, loyalty, and respect. I feel it in my bones. And in my wallet. Damn children not liking the wrestlers I tell them to like…
If UFC wants Punk to do well, and they clearly do, as they wouldn’t have signed a 0-0 fighter with no experience, but with a loyal fanbase that will tune in to watch him fight, if they didn’t, they need to be smart about who they give him as a first opponent. I mean, this first fight will be the indicator of whether this experiment was a good idea and if there will be any future money to be made in “CM Punk: MMA Fighter,” so UFC wants to give Punk the best possible chance to succeed, which gives them the best possible chance to create a new draw for the company.
As far as who Punk faces in his first fight, it can’t be anyone with a lot of experience, as, not only would that make getting the fight sanctioned difficult, it would make selling the fight to any fan who doesn’t want the UFC to become a three ring circus even more difficult.
At the same time, though, they don’t want to just throw him in with some no name fighter either. Of course, name value shouldn’t matter when it comes to safe and logical fightmaking, but a kid with some value is better than a kid with no value.
That’s why this “Dana White: Looking for a Fight” web show exists. As amusing as it is to watch Nick The Tooth and Matt Serra mess with each other while making cheesesteaks or paddling around Arctic glaciers, and it is, the show is about scouting local fight promotions to find a kid with little experience but good fighting potential to match up with Punk, and to use the show as a vehicle to hype the kid up so the fight isn’t just CM Punk vs. Who Cares?
So, are you excited for CM Punk vs. Who Cares? I mean, Mickey Gall, you guys?
Mickey Gall is the winner of this contest to fight “The Best in the World” in Punk. In reality, he’s just a 24 year old from New Jersey who fought his pro MMA debut on a card in Philadelphia that just happened to be the one that Dana White went to watch while filming his show. Gall was made aware ahead of time that Dana was going to be there and, knowing that Dana was there looking for an opponent for Punk and, knowing that Punk will likely be fighting in the same weight class as himself, he decided that, if he won his fight, he’d call Punk out.
It was a move that anyone in his position would have done (or should have done). He just happened to be the one to do it, resulting in impressing Dana to the point of getting his next fight booked for last Saturday’s Fight Night with the promise that, if he won his fight, he would get to face Punk in the former WWE Champion’s MMA debut.
That’s a lot of opportunity and pressure to be placed on a kid who’s just getting started in the sport. If you’re all still outraged about Sage Northcutt and how much money he’s making versus other guys on the roster with similar experience, just imagine how much Mickey is going to make for a high profile fight against Punk (not to mention how much Punk is likely going to get). And it’s only going to be his third fight ever.
I’m guessing Mickey is asking a lot of people to pinch him right now to make sure he isn’t dreaming.
Of course, he still had to hold up his end of the bargain and perform on Saturday, and he did. Facing Mike Jackson, an MMA photographer and journalist with a martial arts background, who was also the first fighter to make his pro debut in the UFC in 2016 (and obviously not the last…), Gall lit Jackson up with punches before taking Jackson’s back and securing a rear naked choke, with relative ease, getting the tap in 45 seconds.
It wasn’t much of a fight but it was the fight that Mickey needed to have. It was a dominant performance that showed some of his skills, without revealing too much, while giving people something positive to talk about in regards to Gall and not just the fact that this kid still has no business being in the UFC other than to compete for a payday he doesn’t deserve and hasn’t earned yet, but gets because the fight had to go to somebody.
Well, at least one of the two competitors has something to put on a highlight reel.
So now the fight is set. It will be Punk vs. Gall, taking place at either UFC 199 in June or UFC 200 in July. Obviously, it makes more sense to put the fight on the 200 card to help bolster the monster buyrate the company hopes to generate with the event, but Punk, with all the agitation he’s expressed in recent interviews, clearly wants to get his first fight over with, so UFC may book him sooner, or later, or whenever he wants to fight.
It really doesn’t matter when the fight happens, though. We’re still going to have a ton of questions heading into this fight, especially since we know very little about Gall’s fighting abilities and we know absolutely nothing about Punk’s. Maybe Gall will completely overwhelm Punk, as Punk realizes inside the cage that he really isn’t cut out for this. Maybe Punk will destroy Gall and demonstrate all the potential that coaches Duke Roufus and Ben Askren see in him.
Maybe both guys will do nothing during the fight and just stand around, falling victim to the dreaded “Octagon Jitters,” recognizing that the spotlight shining on them is bigger than either wanted when they signed on for this but not big enough to be worth the vitriol they’ll receive from fans decrying the UFC for ruining the integrity of the sport by booking this fight in the first place.
However this fight goes down, one thing will still be true above all else: Tyron Woodley is still screwed. Sorry, T-Wood. At least you can be happy when Straight Outta Compton wins the Academy Award for Best…
…what? It didn’t get nominated? For anything? No acting nominations? No directing? Only for writing? What the hell?
This world can really make no sense sometimes.
Evan Zivin has been writing for 411 MMA since May of 2013. Evan loves the sport, and likes to takes a lighthearted look at the world of MMA in his writing…usually.