mma / Columns

Open Letters to CM Punk, UFC, Fans, and More

September 12, 2016 | Posted by Jeremy Lambert

Dear CM Punk,

Good job, good effort.

Dear Dana White,

CM Punk says he wants to keep fighting. Please don’t allow this to happen. I know that you don’t really care about the fighters and you’ll use them until they aren’t making you money anymore, but please draw the line here. Once was enough. You got your buyrate bump. I’ve always said that your company is more entertainment than sport, but what happened on Saturday was pretty embarrassing. Sure, Mickey Gall was probably a bad opponent choice and you could find some guy who is 1-1 and have him fight Punk on a Fight Pass prelim, but is it really worth it? If he wants to keep fighting, let some regional promotion in Chicago make the extra dough. And see if he’s truly passionate about the sport when he’s making $500 like every other fighter who is just starting out.

Dear People Handing Out Participatory Trophies,

Knock it off. I get it. You want to seem cool and you’re proud of a pro wrestler for fighting in the UFC and living a dream that he just came up with a few years ago. You think it took a lot of balls to do it and you admire him for having those balls. Again, I get it. But you look dumb and you’re not doing him any favors. You’re admiring a guy for WWE work, because without it, he wouldn’t be in the UFC. Yes, it takes balls to fight in the UFC, but let’s not forget that he wouldn’t be in the UFC if his fake name wasn’t CM Punk. Mickey Gall did the same thing Punk did on Saturday. He stepped in the cage and fought. If the UFC paid me six figures to fight, I would’ve laid my balls on the table as well. Punk’s dream was to main event Wrestlemania, not fight in the UFC. That only became his dream when he realized that his first dream wasn’t going to happen. He chased a passion of his and he didn’t do so well. It happens. But let’s not act like he wasn’t given preferential treatment or that he broke barriers or that he accomplished something special. He literally had no offense in the fight. They could’ve given that fight to the drunk guy in the cheap seats who yells “these guys suck. I could kick their ass.” and gotten the same result. I guess we would’ve admired him for completing his dream as well.

Dear Mickey Gall,

Getting Dana White to allow you to use “Hey Mickey” as your walk out song and your promo on Sage Northcutt were your biggest victories on the night. You seem like you truly get it. All of it. You wasted no time in beating a guy you’re clearly better than and you called another well-known fighter who the UFC is trying hard to push. You took this moment and ran with it. Props to you, you’re the man.

Dear People Saying That Pro Wrestling Is Fake and MMA Is Real,

No shit. Punk didn’t lose because he was coming from a fake sport. He lost because he’s not a great athlete, he’s 37-years-old, he’s been training for less than two years, and his body is broken down thanks to all the bumps and bruises it’s gone through in that “fake” sport. Brock Lesnar proved that coming from a fake sport doesn’t matter when you’re an athlete the caliber of Brock Lesnar. Punk is not the first pro wrestler to transition to MMA and he probably won’t be the last. He just failed on a higher level than anyone else because he was afforded the opportunity to fail at that level. His failure doesn’t make pro wrestling look bad. Pro wrestling does that pretty well on their own. And, by the way, Tito Ortiz was a pretty good MMA fighter and he sucked at pro wrestling.

Dear People Who Laughed At It All,

Don’t feel bad. The whole thing was a joke and you had every right to laugh. Alright, maybe it’s not good to laugh at someone’s failure, but it’s certainly ok to laugh at how spectacularly he failed, especially given his personality and hypocrisy. The whole thing was a joke to begin with. The announcement, the delays, the build-up, and then the fight. It’s ok to laugh at it all because it was all so absurd that, how could you not laugh? You can respect Punk for trying and still laugh at him for failing the way he did. Trust me. You can.

Dear Joe Rogan,

Generally, I think you’re pretty bad at your job. However, you were great at UFC 203 and the lead up to the fight. You realized how stupid the whole thing was and let it be known. I don’t know what got into you, but more of this and less of how you’ve always been.

Dear WWE,

Please don’t mention this on television. I know you love getting in digs at people who have wronged you, but there’s no reason to kick this man while he’s down. Behind the scenes, you can laugh and claim this as a victory, but let it go once the cameras are on. I would’ve settled for Vince or Triple H tweeting a smiley face, but it’s too late for that. Punk may have burned every bridge on his way out, but he did some great things for the company. He took his beating and made no excuses. Let the situation be. Be the bigger person. Please.

Dear WWE Universe,

Please stop chanting “CM Punk” at shows. Not only will you continue to sound stupid, but you’ll be egging them on to say something. If you chant “CM Punk” at Stephanie and she says, “he quit here and he quit in MMA” then you only have yourself to blame. So don’t chant for him. If you’re going to chant for a guy who has moved on, at least chant for someone successful. Like, Batista. He won his MMA fight.

Dear Duke Roufus,

I almost don’t know what to say to you. On one hand, you should feel ashamed for letting this guy step into the cage when he wasn’t ready. On the other hand, you’ve never really been one to care about the safety of your fighters. I just want to know, was it worth it?

Dear Ohio Athletic Commission,

Care to try again?

Follow me on twitter @jeremylambert88

article topics :

Dana White, Joe Rogan, UFC, Jeremy Lambert