A Bloody Good Time 02.16.12: Top 30 Most Annoying Horror Characters, Part 2 (#20-11)
Opening Logo courtesy of Benjamin J. Colón (Soul Exodus)
Welcome to A Bloody Good Time.
Last week I began the look at the most annoying characters in horror. Let’s see what you said.
Guest#8310 replied: You had me till you started bashing Cabin Fever. I could take or leave that character, but the film itself was pretty decent.
I used to like that movie, but in my opinion it just doesn’t hold up at all.
Charles said: I never minded Ozzie in the 1st Leprechaun movie (he has one of the best quotes in the whole movie). It was the kid from Mr. Nanny that I was hoping would get his ear bitten off and hopefully die.
Really, I probably should have just had them both at once. I just happened to find Ozzie slightly more annoying.
Scott B complained: The Grudge parts 1 and 2 made me wonder why these films are supposed to be scary. Why should I be afraid of pasty-faced emo kids whining? That happens every day on the internet, why is it scary in a movie? Kick ‘em in the head, tell ‘em to get a job.
As someone pointed out to me later on the in the comments, Toshio isn’t supposed to be scary, he’s supposed to be “disturbing”. The fact is he fails at both.
Bob said: The original Shining should have a few characters on this list. Who wouldn’t snap with a family like that?
Ehh, Wendy’s not too bad until Jack starts threatening to bash her brains in. At that point, she’s understandably hysterical. It’s the same reason I won’t include Barbara from Night of the Living Dead, against my impulse to do so.
Guest#5715 added: I get the argument that Twilight isn’t horror in the traditional sense but I seriously think all the other characters deserve an honorable mention as they’re all pretty annoying.
I agree, but Bella is the worst, by far. I actually think Robert Pattinson could go on to shake off the stink of Twilight with a few well-chosen roles. Dude looks like he might actually have something resembling talent. Yup, that’s me…faint praise with a hint of being insulting.
Mr. Me suggested: For any “worst character” list, the answer is always Jar Jar Binks.
Yousa no Jar Jar isa bombad character, but heesa not in da horror genre! (Jar Jar-speak causes a lot of spelling errors.)
Let’s get on with this week’s ten annoying characters. Last week we had guys like the pancakes kid from Cabin Fever, Toshio from The Grudge and Nancy in the Nightmare remake. This week…they get worse.
#20: Hud in Cloverfield
The found footage genre shows up three times in this part alone. One of the flaws present in any of these is the use of the camera through the most extreme of circumstances. Some films get around it by using “security footage”, others place a camera in a remote area of the room. Cloverfield does none of these things. Instead we are stuck with one guy holding a camera and making snide comments through the entire film, because he claims “we should document this”.
It’s amazing to me how many films TJ Miller has actually been in since the release of Cloverfield, not only because he’s the absolute worst thing about it, but because he’s not funny in anything he’s been in. Granted, he’s been in Yogi Bear and Gulliver’s Travels, but I stand by that assessment. Having Hud in Cloverfield is like having some guy behind you in the theater do his own MST3K riff that no one wanted and no one likes. And who wants to be that guy?
#19 Angela in Sleepaway Camp 2 and Sleepaway Camp 3
I’m not really a fan of the original Sleepaway Camp, but it’s Halloween compared to all of the sequels that followed it. Angela in the original was forgettable until the ending twist. Angela in these two sequels is thrust front and center, made nauseatingly cheery and kills people with a smile. Maybe they were going to a Stepford Wives vibe with her. It doesn’t work. It’s bad enough that the people she’s killing are also very irritating, but the fact that Pamela Springsteen is not only more annoying than the rest of the cast, but gets to kill everyone else and go on to be in two movies boggles my mind.
I’m still not sure why I finished the second film, let alone spent money to see a third. I think it’s some sort of weird completest obsession in me where I have to see every film in a franchise just because there’s more of them. For example, I own every Halloween movie, including Resurrection. I should seek help.
#18: Mike, Josh and Heather in The Blair Witch Project
I saw some requests for just including Heather, and she deserves it, but the other two guys with her on this trip aren’t much better. I think you guys just remember her more because of the moment when she’s snotty and crying and we’re supposed to feel scared or worried and instead we’re wondering how much time is left in the movie. Now this isn’t me bashing the movie again, because it does have some good points. It’s just that the three leads don’t bring any good moments to the film.
Yes, there is Heather. She cries, she whines, she does nothing of note. But Mike is also pretty annoying on his own, in addition to being really, really stupid. Sometimes, I get that you have to do things in order to advance the plot. I’ve seen more than one movie in my lifetime. It makes sense that these guys have to lose the map and something should cause dissension. But who sat in the scripting session and said, “Mike should throw the map away like a little girl throwing a tantrum because he’s upset with the other two”? I know this is a movie about a witch in the woods and reality isn’t exactly here right now, but how stupid do you have to be to throw away a map (a possible key to salvation) in the middle of the woods? Heather’s a brain surgeon compared to this guy.
#17: Malachai in Children of the Corn
I can’t stand Children of the Corn. I hate the story, I hate the sequels, I hate everything about it. But, thankfully, none of the children ever got quite as bad as the kids in the original. Oh sure, this franchise has the most awful child actors of any I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen the Prehysteria! films), but at least they’re not from the first film. They’re not John Franklin as Issac, and they’re certainly not Courtney Gains as Malachai.
I’m willing to give Gains a little bit of credit. It was his first role, and the script wrote him some really bad dialogue. Sometimes it’s because of the actor that the character is bad, but in this case it’s the script that makes him annoying. There’s a reason you laugh when South Park spoofs this movie. The movie opens itself up for that kind of treatment when you have Malachai walking around shouting, “OUTLANDER! WE HAVE YOUR WOMAN!”
#16: Joshua in Troll 2
Okay, I love Troll 2. I think I’ve made that clear whenever I talk about it. But it is a bad movie, and Joshua is a very annoying character. The movie’s full of them, but most of them are side characters and not as present as Joshua is. I don’t like it when he talks, I don’t like it when he screams, and I don’t like it when he sings “Row Row Your Boat”, which is apparently his mother’s favorite song. Yes, he gets the line of the movie, but if I had to point to one reason why this movie is so awful, it would be Joshua.
Once again, it’s not really Michael Stephenson’s fault, but he doesn’t help. I’ve seen better acting from kids in a Goosebumps episode than anything this kid pulls off in this movie. There are people who have only been in Troll 2 who do a better job. George Hardy is a dentist, and he’s more believable as the dad who has to not only deal with his brat kids, but goblins who want to make him a vegetable so they can eat him. Once again, I blame other aspects, because the script is notoriously wooden and was written by a guy who speaks English as a second language.
#15: Micah in Paranormal Activity
I’m not going to suddenly declare Paranormal Activity to be a bad movie. It’s still one of my favorite horror films in recent memory and I still think it has quite a few scary moments. But we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about Micah, and how big of an ass this guy is. The reason Micah is annoying isn’t really because of how Micah Sloat portrays him (although it’s close), but because the character himself is an idiot.
Once again, we’re back to “this needs to happen in order to have a movie”, but that’s where it’s the fault of the writers. Surely you can have a way to make the demon be more aggressive than have this moron antagonize it. It’s not as if he’s skeptical of Katie and calls out the demon as a joke. No, he’s seen evidence of what it can do and he’s still trying to provoke it because he wants to get it on film. Does it matter that it’s upsetting his girlfriend? Does it matter that it could kill him? Nope. At least Hud never put anyone else in danger by his filming in Cloverfield.
#14: Minilla in the Godzilla series
I’ve made it clear whenever I bring up the Godzilla films that I hate his kid. I hate the fact the film series goes to a more children-friendly direction at this point anyway, because there’s nothing wrong with a kid watching any of the Godzilla films. You don’t have to dumb down the material to appeal to children. I was a kid once. I liked smarter shows and tended to want to avoid “baby stuff”. That’s what Godzilla becomes in Son of Godzilla and Godzilla’s Revenge: baby stuff.
When they made Godzilla have a kid again, it has a natural course of growth that makes it basically into another version of Big G. It’s not some mongoloid-looking midget that blows smoke rings and makes Godzilla wonder why he ever became a father. This is a character so annoying that not even Godzilla has the patience for him. He’d rather go back to Tokyo and be pelted with bullets than deal with this thing.
#13: Ronnie White in Rob Zombie’s Halloween
There’s a lot of people who hate Rob Zombie’s adaptation of Halloween. I am not one of them, and I say that as someone who has said the original is my favorite horror film ever. But I’m not blind. I can see why people don’t like Zombie’s version. Some say there’s too much back-story, some say it’s too violent, and there are some who hate the white trash facet of Michael Myers’ life. That’s one thing I’m going to agree with you on. I’m okay with his mother, his bratty sister and even young Michael himself isn’t too bad. But then William Forsythe shows up as Ronnie White and ruins everything.
I like Forsythe most of the time. I thought he was great in The Devil’s Rejects. But not only does Ronnie White detract from this movie for the limited amount of time he’s on screen, but I just don’t see the point of even having him there. The idea is that Michael just snaps and kills his family. Even with Ronnie there he has no real provocation for doing so. So why include a character that does nothing but say f**k every third word or so and be there just to antagonize everyone else? Rob, you said you wanted to make Michael scary again. You’re not doing that if you present us with someone we want to get killed off.
#12: Salazar in the Day of the Dead remake
Nick Cannon in the Day of the Dead remake. Where do I even begin? Look, Nick Cannon can’t act. It’s a good thing that he’s got his own awesome life going on and is married to Mariah Carey because he simply cannot act. “Okay”, you say, “but he was in this movie to provide comic relief”. I counter that with the fact that he’s not funny. He spends the movie delivering excruciating one-liners that are just terrible and being annoying in every conceivable way.
He makes a He-man reference, he makes “oh is it because I’m black” jokes (which haven’t been funny since the 80s, if they ever were) and he’s generally bringing the movie down every chance he gets. Ooh, he calls a zombie “Thriller”! That’s a reference to Michael Jackson! He’s so witty! No, no he’s not. He makes my head hurt and is just one of the reasons I do not like this movie.
#11: Ronald Tyler in Child’s Play 3
I’ve written about Tyler before, but for those who missed that, let me fill you in. Never in the entire Child’s Play series did I want Chucky to succeed than this film. It’s not just because hearing Brad Dourif speak through a little boy’s mouth would be funny, but because Chucky’s personality would be far less grating than listen to this brat for one more second.
He’s constantly wanting to play games with Chucky, and he’s too stupid to realize that this “Good Guy” is anything but. Even Andy got the point quicker than Tyler, and Chucky was at least trying to be nice to him. The Chucky in this movie has clearly lost his patience with that and just wants to get the spell over and done with. The kid just won’t shut up for five minutes and let him do it. That’s right. Chucky would be a “bro” if this kid didn’t spend his time calling him Charles and whining instead of shutting up so he could rattle off an incantation. I don’t blame Chucky for killing random people, he’s got to get rid of all that irritation somehow.
That’s it for me. Which character do you think is the most annoying? Let me know here on or my Twitter. Next week we hit the top ten for some of the most loathed characters in horror history.
Closing Logo courtesy of Kyle Morton (get your own custom artwork and commissions at his Etsy account)
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