A Bloody Good Time 02.23.12: The 30 Most Annoying Horror Characters – #10-1
Opening Logo courtesy of Benjamin J. Colón (Soul Exodus)
Welcome to A Bloody Good Time.
Let’s look at the feedback before we get to the ten most annoying characters in horror history.
Drew agreed: As a die hard Godzilla fan, I applaud whole heartedly at you including Minilla. I will say Son of Godzilla does work as a kids film and I let it slide, but Godzilla’s Revenge actually ranks 4th on my personal list of worst godzilla films of all time, and him talking with that dumbass voice about life lessons helped put it there.
It’s actually my second, behind the American remake. If we’re counting just Toho, then it’s definitely my least favorite.
xugreatone said: TJ Miller is a really funny stand-up actually, and his work in the tv show – Carpoolers as Marmaduke was hilarious and the best part of that show.
I will have to check out all of this stuff you mentioned. You can see why I wouldn’t think so, considering the only ways I’ve been exposed to him were through bad or mediocre films.
Guest#3825 replied: You could make a list of worst horror characters ever and put nothing but “found footage” people on there and you’d be right. I’d put the assholes from Blair Witch first though as that movie was trash, the actors even worse than the combined trash of the movie, and it somehow succeeded and we’re stuck with this shitty genre of “found footage” films.
Eh, there have been some good found footage movies, but for the most part I agree.
ncshvdavid added: Reggie the Reckless HAS to be up there.
Oh he’s here. Obviously he’s here. I hate that red onesie-wearing brat.
Dan Baltrusis said: Love, love, love reading your columns. To say that Joshua is the worst thing in Troll 2 says something. I actually think he was the only okay thing in that movie. The sister couldn’t act if her life depended on it. A terrible movie I’ve seen like 4 times. How sad! OUTLANDER! Only memorable line from Chidren on the Corn.
Outlander has now become a running gag with me and Larry Csonka after I brought it up last week. ABGT, the column that brings the 411 staff together. (Side note: how does “Csonka” not drive my spell check nuts?)
That’s all out of the way, so now it’s time to get to the worst of the worst.
#10: Glen/Glenda in Seed of Chucky
We have one Child’s Play related entry to close last week and another to start this week. Let’s be honest. That series has only produced three likable characters: Chucky, Andy and Tiffany, depending on how you feel about Jennifer Tilly. When I saw the ending to Bride of Chucky (something of an underrated movie these days, I think), the possibilities seemed endless. Somehow Chucky and Tiffany were just human enough to conceive. The baby came out and it had demon eyes and sharp teeth.
But then you see Glen (or Glenda, get it, it’s an Ed Wood reference) in this movie and you just wish that final scene had been a tease and nothing more, like Jason’s dead mother rising from the lake at the end of Part 3. I like Seed of Chucky where a lot of people hate it, mostly because I think it’s really funny. Especially when Tiffany is attempting a 12-step program to stop killing and calls a victim’s family to apologize. If you can’t appreciate that kind of dark humor then I have nothing to say to you. But Glen, Glen just almost ruins the whole thing. He’s called “Shitface” for some reason, he thinks he’s Japanese and he has that stupid eye tic. Chucky hates him until the very end of the movie when he finally does something cool and goes nuts with an axe. I hated him even past that.
#9 Aidan in The Ring
I think my hatred of Aidan can be summed up with one annoying character trait. He won’t call his mother by “mommy” or “mom”. He calls her Rachel. It’s not like she’s his step-mom or anything, he’s just an annoying little brat. That’s not the only reason I don’t like Aidan, but it puts an exclamation point on everything that’s wrong with him. He’s one of those “too smart for this movie” kid characters that were popular in the mid-00s. You know, back when Dakota Fanning was getting a lot of work. That was all she would play. If I considered War of the Worlds horror, her portrayal of Rachel would definitely be on this list.
Aidan knows more than he should, and comes across as the writers attempt to have a creepy kid for no real reason. He’s definitely the weakest part of an otherwise strong remake. For example, how does Aidan know that Rachel “wasn’t supposed to help her”? Did he and Samara sit down and have a nice friendly conversation? All he did was watch the tape, same as everyone else. Just because he’s a sunken-eyed child with no emotions doesn’t mean he should be privy to information that the lead characters are not. If that were the case, he could have just came up to his mom and said, “Yo, Rachel, we need to make a copy.” He’s somehow even worse in The Ring Two, when Samara is possessing him. In other news, The Ring is ten years old this year. Doesn’t that make you feel old?
#8: Evil Ed in Fright Night
This one is going to get me some hate. “Evil” Ed is an incredibly divisive character. You have some that love him and there are those who hate him. I used to not really mind him, but have grown to hate him over the years. You’re not entirely sure why Charley is friends with this guy when they don’t ever get along and he always seems to pester him. Maybe Charley thinks when Ed said he was “so cool, Brewster” he was being complimentary. He wasn’t, Charley, he was being a dick.
But then Jerry Dandridge proves how evil he is by not just killing Ed and instead turning him into the most annoying vampire the world had ever seen at that point. If there’s one thing the remake gets right, it’s that McLovin is just as annoying and awful in that movie as Ed is here. But as I said in my review, they should have left that character out. I’m sorry, but there is no way I can watch future gay porn star Stephen Geoffreys say “dinner’s in the OVEN” in that shrill voice of his and not want to stab myself in the ear.
#7: Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
It hurts to put Leatherface on this list. He’s not much of a character, he just swings around a chainsaw and likes to wear human skin. But he’s a lot better when he’s got a dumb grin as he chases Marilyn Burns than whatever he is in this movie. I know there are people who hate the remake (for some reason), but there is no way you can actually say that the remake did a poorer job with Leatherface than this movie did. There is just no way. If you show up in the comments and say that, you are a dirty liar.
Leatherface has dressed like a woman before. In the original, he has a “Grandmother” mask and a “Pretty Woman” mask. It’s not that part that bothers me. It’s not even the fact that he’s a sniveling, whining thing because he’s been bossed around before. It’s just how he works. What bothers me is the need to crank those already irritating traits up to ten and make him the worst part of a movie. This is a movie with the Illuminati (I think), aliens (possibly) and Matthew McConaughey’s overacting. Somehow the destruction of the Leatherface character is the worst part about it. If you’ve never seen the movie, that photo above should really tell you everything you need to know.
If you need more help, check out this “fan” video on Youtube from TheSpringwoodSlasher. (Bonus points for his opening title card being the roaring shark from Jaws 4)
#6: Kia in Freddy vs Jason
At this point in the list, I feel like I shouldn’t even have to explain these picks. If you’re a horror fan, you know what I’m talking about. I will say this about Kia, she gets a glorious death that almost makes up for the hell she puts audiences through. I don’t have an opinion about Kelly Rowland one way or another as a musician, but thank God this movie was her one and only major film role. She cannot act at all. She brings down what should have been (and usually is) a fun slasher movie with her very presence. Seriously, the second she shows up the movie’s quality drops just a little.
You know this character is bad when you want Jason to take her out in the worst way, and when he does you’re still not satisfied because he took too long. I understand why it happened, but the fact that she gets to live to the end and Katherine Isabelle is killed off a lot earlier always made me mad. That may just be the crush I had on her after Ginger Snaps talking, but it doesn’t change the fact that Kia is not just an awful character, but the worst part of this movie. Why does the chick from Destiny’s Child get to verbally abuse Freddy Krueger? Sure, the look on his face that says “this bitch must be crazy” is almost worth it, but it’s something that should not have happened.
#5: Jack Frost in Jack Frost
I have the unfortunate honor that so many sane people can say they don’t. I’ve not only watched Jack Frost (twice: I watched it again years later to see if it was as bad as I remember, and it is), but I’ve seen Jack Frost 2. Here’s a movie concept that actually had a chance of working. Let’s make a dark Christmas-themed horror film about the most ridiculous killer we can think of. Frosty the Snowman! Obviously the movie was intended to be a comedy, so I’m not going to hate on it too much for not taking itself seriously.
I will hate on it for not being funny. Jack Frost spends the entire film using puns of cold, chill, freeze, ice, snow, etc. It’s like someone saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in Batman & Robin and thought it was genius. It’s okay after the first time, it’s irritating after two more times, and then it becomes so annoying that I think watching the film on mute would at least make it watchable. Jack Frost not only got one movie, but managed to get two of them. The fact that he was in an already bad movie is the only thing that keeps him from going higher.
#4: Freddie Harris in Halloween: Resurrection
Presenting the worst thing to have ever been done to the Halloween franchise: Busta Rhymes. Before I get into Busta, let me go back one film and talk about Halloween H20. That movie had another rapper by the name of LL Cool J. I wasn’t on the Internet at that time, but I can imagine there were fans who complained. But as it turns out, he was okay in the movie. He has a limited role, he doesn’t get irritating and when he confronts Michael Myers, Michael messes him up.
When Busta Rhymes appeared on Smackdown that one time and told The Rock he was going to kick Michael Myers’ ass, I thought he was just being funny and getting the fans hyped for his role in the movie. I didn’t realize he was spoiling the ending for me, and I wish I had. If there’s one thing that should never happen, it’s the “comedic” foil getting to use martial arts on Michael friggin’ Myers, and succeeding. That should have been shut down as quickly as Jason knocks Julius’ head off in Jason Takes Manhattan (say what you want about the awful Jason movies, but they’ve never made him the butt of a joke). Of course he also says that line about Trick or Treat, but he’s already crane kicked Michael of a window at the point. I don’t really care about anything else that happens in your movie anymore.
#3: Jesse in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
There are some people who like Freddy’s Revenge. I’ll admit that I enjoy parts of it. The special effects are good, Freddy’s poolside slaughter is great and the gay undertones provide some nice unintended comedy (also, the bird exploding). But Jesse has to be the worst part of the film, right? It kind of makes me sad because I watched Mark Patton in the Never Sleep Again documentary. He seemed like a nice guy who probably thought he was going to make it by starring in a horror film. I don’t even think it’s entirely his fault that Jesse fails as a character.
But there is something to be said for the hero of your movie screaming like a little girl the second he sees Freddy. In his defense, it was a severely burned man ripping off his scalp to reveal brain standing in front of him (the first time), but kick him in the balls and run, man. Dream or no dream, at least it’s better than peeing your pants in fear. It’s not the only thing he does that bothers me. The dancing scene is pretty awful, and the things they make him do just make the character more and more irritating. How sad is it that Kelly Rowland is less afraid of Freddy than you? Kia does more to stand up to Freddy Krueger than you, you coward.
#2: Reggie the Reckless in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning
I said as much in the edition of ABGT where I ranked the Friday movies, but Reggie the Reckless is the reason this is the worst film in the series. How some of you defended this movie I’ll never know. I’ve said all I need to say about this character, so I’m going to let past Joseph Lee do the talking from when I ranked the dumbest Friday the 13th moments (he got #1 there, for the record):
For me to pick one specific moment of Reggie’s worthlessness would be like trying to pick between children. It’s that difficult. He’s pretty bad throughout the entire film. His stupid red jumpsuit, his girlish scream, the fact that he actually gets to have an offensive maneuver against Roy, and even operates heavy machinery to do so. He also has a brother who loves enchiladas and is just as dumb. Reggie the Reckless is everything that Tommy Jarvis (the Feldman version) is not: he’s annoying, he’s irritating and he serves no purpose other than to make the movie he’s in worse. The worst part about it is, Roy doesn’t even get to kill him! Maybe the critics would have hated it if a kid died in a Jason movie, but the critics hate these movies anyway. I would have cheered.
Yeah. It’s like that.
#1: Franklin Hardesty in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
One of the best slashers of all time also contains the most annoying horror movie character of all time. You know another thing the remake does right? It doesn’t have a Franklin. Don’t get me wrong, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is a great movie. It’s one of the best horror films of all time. But it does this in spite of Franklin, and because it knows to keep him in the movie just as long as a character like that needs to be.
But then comes the problem of Franklin needing to be a character at all. Why is there an annoying fat guy in this movie? Why does he blow raspberries and seem overly concerned with how cattle are killed? It’s almost as if the movie is daring you to hate the guy in the wheelchair. Well, I do, movie. I may be going to Hell, but I’ll see you there because God doesn’t like people who create the character of Franklin. I think I read that in the Bible. Seriously, I can’t be the only one who was actively cheering for Leatherface to cut up the handicapped dude with a chainsaw, can I? When Jason did it, I felt bad for the guy. When Leatherface does it, it’s a great moment. Also a great moment: seeing Franklin’s skeleton and wheelchair in the sequel.
That’s it for me. Which character do you think is the most annoying? Let me know here on or my Twitter. Next week I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ll think of something. If you have your own ideas, let me know. I would prefer something more positive but if you want to see me hate some more I can certainly oblige.
Closing Logo courtesy of Kyle Morton (get your own custom artwork and commissions at his Etsy account)
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