Movies & TV / Columns

A Bloody Good Time 10.04.12: Horror Knockout Tournament – Round 1, Part 1

October 4, 2012 | Posted by Joseph Lee


Opening Logo courtesy of Benjamin J. Colón (Soul Exodus)

Welcome to A Bloody Good Time.

Last week I looked at the ten worst horror movie monsters/villains of all time.

Now you may have noticed a brand new comments section here on 411mania. This means that you have to register an account via Disqus or use one of the social media outlets to comment. It’s going to cut out comments from that creepy “Mortal Sin” guy who loves anal sex, so I think we all benefit. This also means that I will no longer have a feedback section on ABGT, because I can just reply directly in the comments and start up conversations with you guys! Should be more fun to have lively debates than wait a week to see my response to whatever you said.

Now it’s finally time for the Knockout Tournament!

Rules:

Some of you (hopefully all of you) may read Shawn S. Lealos’ Alternate Takes, in which he goes over all things comic book related. He’s had knockout tournaments for comic heroes and villains, and it seems to have went over very well. Lealos’ Knockout deal was such a good idea that with his permission, I decided to steal it. Okay, I guess the technical term is “borrow”, but you get the idea. Starting now, We will begin a 32-character tournament for horror movie villains, monsters, what have you.

How does this affect you? You can choose who wins? My opnion means very little, as I just ranked the monsters in my own order to determine bracketing. You will decide who your favorite is. You can vote who advances based on any criteria you like, although I’d recommend just going with whoever you like best. But hey, if you want to vote based on who you think would win in a fight, go for it! It’s totally up to you.

This tournament will run six weeks! This week and next will will consist of Round 1, and then we’ll have round 2, the quarterfinals, semifinals, and then the finals. For the final round, I’m going to do something special and give full-write ups to the characters, involving their history in the genre, memorable moments, and who they’ve defeated in the tournament. The winner will ultimately be announced on November 15.

Here’s the bracket for you. The text is a little smaller than I’d like but you should be able to tell who’s who.

Let’s get moving on Round 1!

Dracula (#1 Seed):

First Appearance: Dracula’s Death (1921), a Hungarian film now considered lost.
Number of Appearances: Over 150. He’s public domain so he can show up anywhere.
Quote: “Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”

VS

Hannibal Lecter (#32):

First Appearance: Manhunter (1986)
Number of Appearances: 5 (six if you include the upcoming TV series)
Quote: “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

Well these two certainly have a lot in common. One likes to drink people’s blood and the other likes to eat them. It’s too bad that the dinner will end in violence when Hannibal offers Dracula that chianti and he reveals that he doesn’t drink…wine. Both of these guys also match up well because they’re suave and intelligent in addition to being heartless monsters. They don’t need to rely on violence to get the job done, but they’ll gladly use it if it comes to that. Both have a way to get in their victim’s head. Dracula through the art of seduction; Hannibal through mind games.

But they do have their differences. For starters, Dracula isn’t human. That could prove to be a challenge in a fight. But Hannibal is an older man and wiser than most of the people on this list (he is a doctor, after all). He could probably figure out Drac’s weaknesses early one and make it a more even fight. Another difference is longevity. Being immortal, Dracula has been doing this a lot longer than Hannibal has, and Hannibal spent his later years imprisoned. Also, this really has nothing to do with the match-up, but Anthony Hopkins played both Hannibal and Dracula’s nemesis Van Helsing. So that’s kind of a cool little fact.

So who do you think will win? Can Dracula sink his teeth into the good doctor’s neck? Or will Hannibal the Cannibal find out what a vampire tastes like with a side of fava beans?


The Deadites (#16):

First Appearance: The Evil Dead (1981)
Number of Appearances: Three. Four if you count the upcoming remake.
Quote: “You will die! Like the others before you, one by one, we will take you.”

VS

The Wolfman (#17):

First Appearance: The Wolf Man (1941)
Number of Appearances: Six
Quote: “I killed Bela. I killed Richardson. If I stay here any longer, you can’t tell who’ll be next.”

For the record, we’re going with Universal’s version of The Wolf Man here, Larry Talbot. If we included every werewolf ever it’d be hard to differentiate. At first glance, the forces of the Kandarian demons look to have poor Larry outnumbered. They can possess any one of his friends or allies (or anyone in particular) and swarm him. But Larry has a trick up his sleeve in that when it’s a full moon he’s almost unstoppable. You think a Deadite is going to know how to work a gun to fire a silver bullet? The only way to kill one of them is through bodily dismemberment, and the Wolf Man’s strength, claws and teeth are good instruments to dish out punishment.

Both also share the weakness of being stronger at night, but the Wolf Man is only strong with a full moon out. If the savage beast can’t destroy an army of the dead before he turns back into Larry, he may not get a second chance. On the other hand, with the Deadites resting at day, Larry may be cunning enough to find a way to send them back to the dimension they came from, even if he has to sacrifice himself to do it.

Can The Wolfman prove you don’t need a boomstick to take out the Evil Dead? Or will the Deadites swallow his soul?


Norman Bates (#8):

First Appearance: Psycho (1960)
Number of Appearances: Six, including the remake and failed Bates Motel pilot. Seven if you include the new Bates Motel.
Quote: “It’s not like my mother is a maniac or a raving thing. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?”

VS

Leslie Vernon (#25):

First Appearance: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Number of Appearances: One
Quote: “It is going to get wet in here tonight. Lace your boots up kiddies.”

Leslie Vernon is a cult favorite even with only one solitary film under his belt. People loved Behind the Mask, including myself. But his story could end before it really gets going as he takes on a horror icon in Norman Bates. Norman’s been around a lot longer than Leslie, and he’s killed a lot more people. But Norman’s also been locked up numerous times and generally doesn’t want to be a murderer, but he’s forced to by his psychosis (and “mother”). Leslie wants to kill people, and he wants to be the greatest horror villain of them all.

The fun thing about this is that if you go by Leslie’s world, this could actually happen. That film asserts that all slashers actually happened and there’s a competition among serial killers to be the best. However in Leslie’s world Norman would probably be an old man like Eugene. So let’s just assume they’re both in their prime. Norman definitely has more experience in killing, but Leslie has youth on his side either way. Both are human so there’s no real strength difference between them. But Leslie could have a slight advantage, and that’s mind games. If he can force “Mother” to go away or trick Norman into thinking he’s “Mother”, he may get the advantage.

Can Leslie have the biggest upset in horror history, or will Norman throw another body into the lake behind the Bates Motel?


Pinhead (#9):

First Appearance: Hellraiser (1987)
Number of Appearances: Nine.
Quote: “Your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell!”

VS

Otis Driftwood (#24):

First Appearance: House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Number of Appearances: Two
Quote: “I am the Devil. And I am here to do the Devil’s work.”

Out of all the members of the Firefly family, you guys picked Otis. It’s easy to understand why, he’s clearly the most psychotic and vicious out of the bunch, and that’s saying something. That insanity will likely be his greatest weapon as he takes on the leader of the Cenobites, Pinhead. Both of them have some backup allies, so we’re going to pretend that it’s just one on one here. Otherwise I’d have the Firefly Family up against the Cenobites.

At first glance, Otis is at a serious disadvantage. He’s only human, and he’s fighting a guy that doesn’t have to physically fight. Pinhead can control chains to rip Otis apart before he can even blink. But what Otis lacks in power he makes up for in sleaze and cunning. He probably could figure out the Lament Configuration in time to send Pinhead back to Hell. That’s pretty much his only shot, because there’s no way this thing ends well for him in a fist fight.

What do you think? Does Pinhead tear Otis’ soul apart? Or can the devil’s reject send Pinhead back to Hell in order to move to the next round?


Jason Voorhees (#4):

First Appearance: Friday the 13th (1980)
Number of Appearances: 12.
Quote: “Ki Ki Ki. Ma Ma Ma.”

VS

Jack Torrence (#29):

First Appearance: The Shining (1980)
Number of Appearances: Two
Quote: “I said I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to bash your brains in. I’m gonna bash them right the fuck in!”

Both of these guys appeared at the same time in the movie timeline and while one has way more appearances than the other, both are very popular in the genre. But who is the most popular? That’s up to you to decide. Jason, even before he became undead, was a very strong psycho who will make a formidable challenge for Jack. But depending on the location, Jack could hold his own. If this took place in the Overlook Hotel, he’d likely have the spirits helping him in an effort to “correct” Mr. Voorhees.

But if we’re anywhere else, especially Crystal Lake, that advantage is gone and Jack will have to rely on his weapons and intelligence to survive. It’s not impossible to take out Jason. Several people have been lucky enough over the years to stop him, even if its been established that no one can really kill him. But stopping him is all Jack should need to do to advance. Using an ax (or a mallet, depending on which version you like best), will help him against Jason, but what if Jason gets the weapon away?

Will Jason add Jack to the hundreds of people he’s already killed? Or can Mr. Torrence bash Jason’s brains right the fuck in?


Pennywise the Dancing Clown (#13):

First Appearance: IT (1990)
Number of Appearances: 1
Quote: “Ohh yes… They Float Georgie… They Float… and when your down here, with me… YOU FLOAT TOO!”

VS

Leatherface (#20):

First Appearance: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Number of Appearances: Seven, including the upcoming sequel.
Quote: Nothing. This guy’s never talked.

This fight seems almost impossible considering Leatherface would likely never even come to Derry, Maine. But let’s say he does. Pennywise is just a facade of a larger evil that literally cannot be comprehended by man. If you look into its true form you go insane and lose yourself in the “dead lights”. Unfortunately for Pennywise, Leatherface is already crazy so he may be able to withstand the hold of the dead lights a little longer than a rational person could. But that’s where the advantages for our favorite Texan cannibal end.

Leatherface packs a chainsaw and a meat hammer, but weapons only work on Pennywise if you lock him to a form and believe in the weapons to work. Maybe Leatherface with his simple mind will believe that Pennywise is just a normal human clown and go to town. Even then, could he really kill him? Not unless he invoked the Ritual of Chud. On top of that, Leatherface more or less has a child’s mind, which could make him more susceptible to Pennywise’s use of fear. While this is Pennywise’s fight to lose, he was defeated by children so anything’s possible.

Can Leatherface overcome the overwhelming odds and introduce the clown to his favorite family member? Or will Pennywise cheat on his diet of kids and take a bite out of Texas?


Michael Myers (#5):

First Appearance: Halloween (1978)
Number of Appearances: Ten.
Quote: He doesn’t speak.

VS

Sadako (or Samara Morgan in the US version) (#28):

First Appearance: Ring (1998)
Number of Appearances: Five
Quote: “Seven days.”

An unlikely match-up in that Michael Myers doesn’t watch TV. It doesn’t seem like these two would ever have the occasion to meet up and duel to the death, but this tournament has brought them together. Sadako has the advantage in that while Michael is super strong, he’s still only human. Sadako is a ghost and has never really been killed in the Ring movies as far as I know. That puts a damper on Michael’s hack and slash game plan. Plus Sadako has some bizarre powers to kill someone or drive them insane without touching them.

But Michael is very strong, very smart and nearly invincible. If any of the people could withstand Sadako’s attacks it could be The Shape. He keeps getting hurt and he keeps coming back, no matter what the odds. He’s possibly the strongest human in all of horror. Plus he’s been around for a lot longer so that has to count for something.

What do you think? Does Michael only have seven more days to live? Or will Sadako have a unhappy Halloween?


Chucky (#12):

First Appearance: Child’s Play (1988)
Number of Appearances: Six, including the upcoming sequel Curse of Chucky.
Quote: “Hi, I’m Chucky. Wanna play?”

VS

John “Jigsaw” Kramer (#21):

First Appearance: Saw (2003)
Number of Appearances: Seven
Quote: “Oh yes. There will be blood.”

The final match-up in this week’s set is not only the oddest, but the most intriguing. At the end of the day it’s a killer doll against a cancer patient. But these two are definitely more than meets the eye and could have a prolonged battle if the circumstances are right. Both are highly intelligent. Jigsaw has to be because he can’t physically fight anyone, and Chucky has to be because of his small stature. The question is, who’s smarter?

If Chucky winds up in one of Jigsaw’s traps, could he successfully escape? Depending on how human he’s become, he could actually fail the trap and keep coming. If Chucky avoids the traps, how could Jigsaw reasonably fight him. While he towers over Chucky, he’s still a weak man due to his cancer and that would sap his strength. But as he’s proven in the past, he has more than enough tricks up his sleeve (literally) that he could definitely hold his own .

Does Jigsaw have the right trap for Chucky? Or will the toy fall victim to Jigsaw’s games?


That’s it for me. Leave some comments here on or my Twitter. Next week, it’s the second week of Round 1! Will you favorite advance? You’d better vote to make sure!


Closing Logo courtesy of Kyle Morton (get your own custom artwork and commissions at his Etsy account)

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Joseph Lee

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