A Bloody Good Time 12.20.12: Upcoming Horrors Of 2013
Opening Logo courtesy of Benjamin J. Colón (Soul Exodus)
Welcome to A Bloody Good Time.
Once again, it’s that time for me to look into my crystal ball and give a preview of what’s to come in the world of horror. 2012 wasn’t a really good year for the genre (more on that next week), but we did get some solid films. I was also proven wrong several times, as I am every year. My gut instinct is absolutely awful. In this case, I was wrong about The Devil Inside (very, very, very wrong), wrong about The Raven and several of the movies I wrote about have been moved to this year. That means I’m not writing about them again (except one, because it’s a big deal).
This is by no means a definitive list, as I’m sure there are plenty I’m missing. If you see a big one, call me on it and I’ll try to mention it next week. I’m going by the Upcoming Horror Movies schedule here.
The Big Releases:
Texas Chainsaw 3D
Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine Neverson, Tania Raymonde, Thom Barry, Paul Rae and Bill Moseley
Directed By: John Lussenhop
Release Date: January 4
When I wrote about this last year, I was excited. When the posters came out, I was more excited. When they dropped the Massacre and released an abysmal trailer, I was less excited. I want this to be good. It’s ignoring everything after the first film, it has Bill Moseley in it and it’s Lionsgate, who I still trust with horror even after all this time. The potential is there.
It’s not hard to screw up a movie about a psycho with a chainsaw and yet outside of the original film (and the remake, which I’ll still defend), none of the other films have been worth anything. The second one was too goofy and almost a parody, the third had studio problems, and the less said about Next Generation and The Beginning the better. It’s easy to dismiss another Chainsaw film due to all the bad history, but I’m hoping for a fun slasher.
This trailer’s a little better:
Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Rob Corddry, John Malkovich, Dave Franco, Analeigh Tipton, Cory Hardrict
Directed By: Jonathan Levine
Release Date: February 1
I also wrote about this last year, as it was one of several films to get pushed back to 2013. All I had to go on at the time was a promotional photo that looked suspiciously like Twilight. Even Teresa Palmer has spent her career looking like Kristen Stewart. But then the new series of posters and trailer were released and revealed that this movie has a sense of humor about it and looks to be a fresh take on the zombie comedy (which is almost as tired as actual zombie movies). Hey, a movie can’t be bad if it directly references Fulci’s Zombie.
This film sees R, a zombie, meet the love of his life and slowly learn to become more human. I don’t know if this movie will be really funny or anything, but it doesn’t look as bad as I feared. At the very least, John Malkovich could ham it up again and provide some entertainment. This is probably best as a DVD rental unless it gets some really good reviews. It’s definitely not Twilight, so it does have that going for it.
The Last Exorcism 2
Starring: Ashley Bell
Directed By: Ed Gass-Donnelly
Release Date: March 1
This one just makes sense given the enormous success and unresolved cliffhanger of the first one. The original Last Exorcism made my top ten horror movies of the year in 2010 at #8, as I really enjoyed. Some were turned off by the ending, I wasn’t. Now we’re going to see how they follow-up on such an insane ending. Of course the plot to this movie sees Nell trying to live a normal life only for the evil to return.
Am I wrong? Did we not see the beginning of the end of the world happening as a big demonic force rose in the first? Am I to assume the cult just let her go after they got their baby and killed the people trying to help her? That seems unlikely. I’m sure they’ll explain it (at least I hope they do), but this is either a poor plot description or they’re going to just retcon the end of the film. Even if you don’t like that ending, I’d appreciate some backbone to stick with it.
Starring: Chloe Moretz, Julianne Moore, Gabriella Wilde, Alex Russell, Ansel Elgort, Ivana Baquero, Gabriella Wilde, Portia Doubleday, Judy Greer
Directed By: Kimberly Peirce
Release Date: March 15
My general opinion about remakes has always been they’re okay if 1) You can grab a lot of talent for the new version to make it worthy of the original, 2) The original was a bad movie with a lot of potential or 3) it’s based on a novel and you want to make the film more like that novel. Judging from the teaser trailer for Carrie and some viral information, it looks like the third one is the case. In the Brian De Palma film, the rampage ended at the prom. In the book, she destroyed an entire town. The 2002 version also had some town destruction, but the 2002 version was pretty bad.
To make a long rant shorter, I think Carrie is going to end up being one of the best horror remakes ever. It has the potential to be a really good movie with its solid director and stellar cast. Chloe Moretz as Carrie White is inspired casting. It’s been a while since we’ve seen a Stephen King movie in theaters. As long as it tries to be a fully developed story like the novel/De Palma film and not just a Hollywoodized version (you know, like The Rage: Carrie 2 was), it has nowhere to go but up.
Starring: Shiloh Fernandez, Jane Levy, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, Elizabeth Blackmore
Directed By: Fede Alvarez
Release Date: April 12
Okay, let’s put it this way. I went from “hell no” to “I’ll keep an open mind” thanks to the trailer. But I’m still against the idea of an Evil Dead remake and I think this could end up failing hard. I still have a lot of problems with a remake of one of my favorite horror movies ever, but that trailer does instill some confidence. It has the violence, it’s not toned down and it does have Raimi involved in some fashion.
As an aside, you have to love the balls of the marketing department to call their film “the most terrifying film you will ever experience”. I realize it’s just a play on the original tagline (“the ultimate experience in grueling terror”), but still, it’s admirable that they’re hyping up the movie that much. They must really have faith in it. I know Bruce Campbell does, he’s been hyping the thing every chance he gets. Right now, this movie could go either way. I’m going to hope for the best and expect the worst.
The Lords of Salem
Starring: Meg Foster, Ernest Thomas, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Torsten Voges, Bruce Dern, Sheri Moon Zombie, Dee Wallace, Billy Drago, Richard Lynch, Lisa Marie, Maria Conchita Alonso, Ken Foree, Barbara Crampton, Bruce Davison, Christopher Knight, Judy Geeson, Michael Berryman, Sid Haig, Patricia Quinn, Brandon Cruz, Clint Howard, Dan Roebuck, Camille Keaton, Udo Kier, Michael Shamus Wiles
Directed By: Rob Zombie
Release Date: April 26
Speaking of movies that could go either way, here’s Rob Zombie’s long in-development Lords of Salem. Zombie has been inconsistent in his career at best. House of 1000 Corpses wasn’t anything special (although it had some good moments), The Devil’s Rejects is one of the best horror films of the 2000s (if not the best), Halloween was a divisive remake (I liked it) and Halloween II…I’m still not sure what that was.
Now comes a somewhat original idea from Zombie in which he’s once again not restricted by the limitations of his mythology (just like Halloween) and he can’t drag the material into his own depraved viewpoint (just like Halloween). When Zombie is allowed to really cut loose, he could really deliver another strong horror film. I’ll have to wait to see a trailer but I have high hopes for Zombie’s next movie. Fingers are crossed.
World War Z
Starring: Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, James Badge Dale, Julia Levy-Boeken, Elyes Gabel, Anthony Mackie, Bryan Cranston, David Morse
Directed By: Marc Forster
Release Date: June 21
This is probably going to be a disaster. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you about all of the various production problems involved with this movie, but there were a lot. This was originally scheduled to come out this Friday (which was the perfect release date for a zombie apocalypse movie…not so much for Jack Reacher and This Is 40) but reshoots to what I’ve read is 60% of the film caused it to push back to the summer.
Let’s be clear here, reshoots don’t always mean “bad movie”. Reshoots could just be because they wanted to get something from a different angle, add in some more scenes or pick up some things they didn’t have time to get before. In this case, yes, reshoots are a bad thing. The entire third act had to be rewritten. They are back filming for seven weeks. Something went wrong during the making of World War Z, and I’m not sure that it can be saved. In addition to all of that, the trailer was unimpressive for something that’s supposed to be epic. Brad Pitt looked like he was sleepwalking.
Starring: Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Max Martini, Rob Kazinsky, Clifton Collins, Jr., Diego Klattenhoff, Ron Perlman
Directed By: Guillermo del Toro
Release Date: July 12
Technically, this is not a horror film. But it has its roots in the old kaiju movies of old (that’s even what the giant monsters are called in the film) and H.P. Lovecraft (the inter-dimensional portal releasing the abominations into our world). Not only that, but when’s the last time you’ve seen a bad movie that Guillermo del Toro directed? His last three films were the Hellboy movies and Pan’s Labyrinth. Now he’s been given a huge budget to do a giant monsters vs robots movie. If your inner child isn’t wetting itself with joy, then I don’t know what to tell you.
The movie is obviously a summer blockbuster movie, and it makes no excuses for that fact. But it does look better than the standard blockbuster simply for the director and actors involved. Charlie Hunnam has proven himself as a solid actor, Idris Elba is always dependable and Ron Perlman’s even in there somewhere. Plus the special effects just look phenomenal. I think it will be more substantial than the Transformers and Battleships of the world.
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Bacon, Stephanie Szostak, Mary-Louise Parker, Marisa Miller, Robert Knepper
Directed By: Robert Schwentke
Release Date: July 19
I’ll be honest, I’ve never read a single page of the comic this movie is based on. Prior to writing this column, all I knew was that it involved some kind of dead person police force. As it turns out, it’s about dead cops joining a dead cop police force and a recently dead cop tries to find the man who killed him. It certainly sounds different, that’s for sure. I can’t say much else because I don’t know much else about this specific plot.
Okay I can say this: the cast looks awesome. Ryan Reynolds can be very solid in dramatic roles (although this looks to be partially a comedy as well), Jeff Bridges is Jeff Bridges and we have Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon can do no wrong. I really want a trailer of this movie to arrive so that I can have a better handle on what to expect, but right now it seems like it at least has a good start.
Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Socratis Otto, Yvonne Strahovski, Miranda Otto
Directed By: Stuart Beattie
Release Date: September 13
This is another comic series I’ve never read, but I can tell right away I’m going to enjoy this. It’s about the Frankenstein monster battling the forces of evil. It’s an original story from Kevin Grevioux, who you may remember from Underworld. The plot, what little description there is, seems like he put the Frankenstein monster in the middle of a battle between the vampires and lycans. I’m not saying that happens here, but it does say the monster fights “two immortal clans”.
You can’t go wrong with a good monster mash. It’s why I like the Godzilla movies, it’s why I’m excited for Pacific Rim and it’s why I’m interested in this. There’s also the possibility this has some more gravity than your typical monster vs monster movie, because Aaron Eckhart is a solid actor and could bring something to the role. If they wanted it to be simply a dumb monster, they wouldn’t have picked a good actor for the job.
Overall, the big films have me hopeful if nothing else. But Hollywood not only has more releases than these ten, but the indie scene has some films as well.
Dark Skies: A mother tries to protect her family from aliens, which causes weird things to happen. The trailer looks fairly uninteresting to me, but most trailers these days are all cut from the same cloth, especially horror.
Stoker: From the director of Oldboy, Lady Vengeance and Thirst comes his first American horror film. The trailer looks good, but even if it didn’t I’m more than willing to give this man the benefit of the doubt because of his track record. He’s earned it.
Scary Movie 5: At least it’s not from Seltzer and Friedberg. That doesn’t mean I’ll watch it, but it could be worse.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: I wasn’t interested in this when I wrote about it last year, and after seeing the trailer I’m going to avoid it like the plague. It not looks bad, it looks bad in that special Priest kind of way. Jeremy Renner deserves better, but after The Avengers, Mission: Impossible 4 and The Bourne Legacy, a bad film or a box office bomb is not going to hurt him at all. He’ll be fine.
The Conjuring: From the creator of Insidious comes another ghost movie. Solid cast and a director I’m a fan of. I’ll be checking this one out.
You’re Next: This seems to be one of those “revenge” movies like I Spit on Your Grave and Last House on the Left only without (I’m assuming) the rape. It has been on the shelf since 2011, so that could mean bad things. We’ll see.
Insidious Chapter 2: The only reason this didn’t get a big write-up above was because we don’t know anything about it yet. But after the great Insidious, I’m hoping they can strike gold again. Most of the cast will be back, as will the creative team. Bring it on.
Random: At some point this was called Satanic, but that’s all I know about it. Ashley Greene is known for Twilight and now The Apparition, which was apparently really bad.
Mama: Guillermo del Toro is producing, so that should mean a higher level of quality than most other films. The trailer looks interesting, even if I’m already sick of the word “mama”. It might be forgettable, or it might surprise me like Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.
Paranormal Activity 5: It’s amazing that it only took one bad film to make me over this franchise. You can argue the same about 2 and 3, but I think Paranormal Activity 4 was an obviously blatant cash-in that didn’t even have the benefit of being scary. At this point I don’t think they have any intention of concluding the story. It really has become the new Saw.
The Thompsons: If you’ve seen The Hamiltons and loved it, get ready for the sequel. It’s been a few years between movies so it may also be seen as a stand-alone.
Storage 24: People are trapped in a storage unit with a violent alien. Sounds like it could go either way but rap music in the trailer is not the way for me to think your movie is scary. Not even close.
The ABCs of Death: This could be the sleeper pick for horror film of the year. It’s definitely an incredibly ambitious movie as it’s a 26-part anthology which takes a look at all the various subgenres of horror. This thing looks absolutely insane and I’m going to try my very best to see this in a theater, which I normally don’t do with limited releases. There’s even a claymation sequence!
The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia: To sum up my thoughts on this one, just look at the title. Look at it. This film has nothing to do with Connecticut. This one screams lazy sequel and I doubt I even watch it.
Bad Meat: Mark Pellegrino! Sorry, I got excited. Yes, this one has Lucifer himself as a creepy preacher who runs a sort of halfway house for teens that eventually has the people in charge turning into cannibals.
Lake Placid: The Final Chapter: Because that worked out so well for Jason and Freddy. I look forward to Lake Placid: A New Beginning and Lake Placid: Lake Placid Takes Manhattan.
The Factory: This one just received a release date today, and that’s February 19. It stars John Cusack and Jennifer Carpenter, two actors that can either be really bad or really good, depending on the film. As long as Cusack isn’t starring in another Raven, I’ll attempt to brave this one.
Black Rock: A movie with a violent killer that’s rated-R for “strong violence, pervasive language, sexual references and brief graphic nudity.” That’s all I got as I don’t know much about it.
The Purge: Ethan Hawke returns to horror after a successful run with Sinister. This one has a great plot: an America overrun with crime settles the problem by announcing that for 12 hours, all crime is legal with no help from police or hospitals. One family is harassed by a psychopath during this time. This sounds very interesting.
That’s it for me. Leave some comments here on or my Twitter. Next week, assuming we survive Friday, I’ll give you my personal choices for the best horror films of 2012!
Closing Logo courtesy of Kyle Morton (get your own custom artwork and commissions at his Etsy account)
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