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Glee Review – 3.13 ‘Heart’

February 15, 2012 | Posted by Dimitri Dorlis

So this has been a fun week for me, with the (re)debut of Hidden Highlights over in the Wrestling zone. It’s really an honor to be able to bring the most positive column in the IWC back, especially since I have to be so negative once a week with this show.

I’m kidding, by the way. I’m so far beyond negativity that it’s just apathy at this point.

I love Valentine’s Day episodes. I have no idea why, but they tend to be very good. It’s a simple enough concept – with the day fast approaching, people try to get a significant other. It’s so simple that not even Glee could ruin it, and I have a secret feeling that some of the writers may be reading this column, because the one thing I’ve been asking for in here came to a head this episode.

Yes, my long-awaited Sugar/Rory storyline began this week, with the completely welcome addition of Artie to put this story over the top. I love when the minor characters get storylines (such as MIKE CHANG’s daddy issues that occurred during the first half of this season) so having two of the minorest characters involved in the A-plot for the episode (or as close to an A-plot as this episode really got) was the best news for me. Both Artie and Rory sing songs as part of their attempts to woo Sugar, and Rory comes out the victor in the end using a combination of Michael Buble (surprisingly, this is the first time Buble has had a song on the show) and his departure at the end of the year. Of course, it turns out that Rory may have been lying a bit, as he tries to avoid talking to Sugar about leaving for Ireland. So this storyline gave us two positive things: Rory and Sugar are a pair for now, and Rory may, in fact, be staying in Lima next year.

But this episode was about more than my fantasies for this show (next week I elaborate on my perfect world where Puck and Artie have their own show where they solve crime), because it was a THEME WEEK. And since it was Valentine’s Day, the theme was, obviously, love, and the many ways in which it manifests itself. There were a bunch of different storylines intersecting tonight, which I’ll list right here:

1. Sugar/Rory/Artie love triangle.
2. Rachel and Finn’s engagement.
3. Sam and Mercedes’s uneasy romance.
4. Santana fights the God Squad over her relationship with Brittany.
5. Kurt’s secret admirer.
6. There was probably more but who cares.

I’ve already talked about number one, so let’s dive into number two. And this was the complete opposite of number two, as this week’s Rachel and Finn storyline featured the debut of Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell as Rachel’s dads. This was an inspired bit of casting, as Mitchell is known for his Broadway while Goldblum is known for being Jewish and awesome. Anyway, it turns out that now everyone knows about Rachel and Finn’s engagement, and the two families decide to have a dinner together to celebrate. After dinner, Rachel’s parents reveal that they’ve talked to Finn’s parents and decided to let the two spend the night together. Their motives for doing this become clear once Finn and Rachel start fighting, but instead of showing how hard it will be to live together, it drives the two closer together, and they announce a May wedding (which apparently gets moved up even further next episode). This was a great way to introduce Rachel’s parents for the first time while further showing how much Rachel and Finn care for each other.

Over to numbers three and four, which intertwined a bit, but the God Squad has returned (I didn’t know it existed) with new member Joseph, as they try to raise some funds by singing love songs for people on Valentine’s Day. Two of the God Squad’s members, Sam and Mercedes, have been secretly in love with each other since last season’s finale, and since I still don’t care about this storyline, I’ll just mention that Mercedes broke it off with her former boyfriend, but doesn’t want to date Sam yet either. Now that that’s out of the way, Santana finds out that there are some people at McKinley who disapprove of her and Brittany kissing in public, and to those people, I say screw you for two reasons. One, didn’t they just have this whole open-minded thing going on last year? And two, two of the hottest girls at that school are kissing each other regularly and you are complaining about it? Sometimes…..(this has been your weekly installment of Dimitri objectifies women).

Finally, Kurt gets some gifts from a “secret admirer” who he assumes to be Blaine but turns out to be Dave THE HAMMER Karofsky. This was a harmless and logical progression for THE HAMMER’s storyline to go, plus it brought Beaver to the show, and if it turns out that Glee is set in the same universe as Greek and that this is Beaver pre-Kappa Tau, then I will be the happiest person. Kurt does get some closure at the end when Blaine returns from injury.

Stray Observations
- Your song list for the first episode is (with the best song in bold): “Chapel of Love” by the Dixie Cups, “L-O-V-E” by Nat King Cole, “Let Me Love You” by Mario, “Stereo Hearts” by Gym Class Heroes, “Home” by Michael Buble, “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston, “You’re on Top” from the musical Anything Goes, “Cherish”/”Cherish” mashup between the Association and Madonna, and “Love Shack” by the B-52s.
- Your best-dressed award for episode one (or as I like to call it, the “Which Girl Looked the Hottest” award) went to Brittany and Santana, just for all the kissing. Sometimes Glee does good things like have Heather Morris and Naya Rivera kiss each other multiple times.
- Your Real-Life Does Not Apply to the Gleeverse Moment of the Week: Where did that gospel choir even come from? Like, I could handle cheery extras and a band just happening to be right there, but the gospel choir showing up just put that way over the top.
- Sugar/Artie/Rory love triangle? This is officially the best episode ever.
- And there’s Jeff Goldblum making this an even better episode.
- I know people get tired with Goldblum’s shtick, but those people can just get steppin.
- Joooooosephhhhhhhh. “He’s like a teen Jesus.”
- For those of you wondering who Joseph is, he is the other winner of The Glee Project, which netted him a seven-episode arc. Honestly, though, they should keep both him and Rory around past this season.
- “I got the gig cleaning the sorority house swimming pool, and I saw through those chicks like a frickin sex tornado.” “You’re amazing.” I agree, Rory.
- Gorilla grams are great.
- I was super tempted to give L-O-V-E best song from the first words out of MIKE CHANG’s mouth.
- “I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine’s Day, but this is as far as I got without any help.” Followed up by the principal saying “teen lesbians” and that was also wonderful.
- “When’s the baby’s due date?” Once again, thank you Puck.
- Damn, those extras were way too happy in the “Stereo Love” scene. I thought this school was anti-Glee club.
- “Yeah, they say one out of every 10 people are gay, and if that’s true then one of the 12 apostles might have been gay, and my guess is Simon, because that name’s the gayest.”
- I don’t know if the producers initially had the Whitney Houston song in this episode, but I doubt they added it in after Whitney died, considering that happened on Saturday. It’s pretty convenient, but mostly just coincidental.
- The lube gag was wonderful. Also would it have killed the show to have Goldblum be a scientist and spout off some science mumbo-jumbo? Sorry, I watched Independence Day yesterday as prep-work for tonight’s sampling of Goldblum.
- Oh my god Rachel’s nightly routine.
- THE HAMMER RETURNS.
- BEAVER! Fans of the show Greek will recognize the guy who shows up to confront THE HAMMER, but no matter what his name on this show will be, I’ll just keep referring to him as Beaver.
- “I would like to thank my daddy for making tonight possible, and ps he is not in the mafia, and next up, straight from heaven above, give it up to the God Squad.” Thank you Sugar.
- Puck totally brought 2 sorority girls. I love Puck so much.
- Blaine’s return in one word: wonderful.
- NEXT WEEK: REGIONALS REGIONALS REGIONALS REGIONALS. Also Sue is actually pregnant while Finn and Rachel get married. But really REGIONALS REGIONALS REGIONALS.

The 411: Notice how Glee has gotten better with the arrival of Smash? That’s probably no accident, as the show has been able to cruise for the past few years simply because it was the only show in town. Now that another network has a very similar show that is very good, Glee is going to have to step up on a weekly basis, otherwise disenfranchised fans will flock over to NBC in droves, and that is the last thing Ryan Murphy and producers want. As it was, this may have been the best episode of the season so far, so it gets one of the best grades of the season. Never say I don’t reward this show when it is good.
411 Elite Award
Final Score:  9.0   [  Amazing ]  legend

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Dimitri Dorlis

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