Movies/TV’s 3R’s 02.26.13: Oscars, Seth MacFarlane, Iron Man 3, Megan Fox, More
Welcome to Week 190 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.
Welcome everyone. First of all, sorry for the late entry this week. The Oscars kept me from doing anything productive over the weekend. Not to mention other responsibilities, the typical 9 to 5, blah, blah, blah. I’m here and that’s all that matters.
I’m doing something a little different this week, since it was a special weekend and all. In addition to the regular newspeak I post every week, you’ll get bits and pieces of what I thought about the Oscars (headlines will be in red). They’re not too long of a read and are usually accompanied with images and GIFs. You might even confuse the blurbs for a standard Buzzfeed post.
This will be the worst thing you’ll read this week.
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Without any further ado, here is…
Images via Superhero Hype.
That and flying dragons. FLYING DRAGONS!
Anyway yeah, Jennifer seems cool.
Other favorite quotes from me last Sunday:
“So…about those cocaine trees… – Lindsay Lohan”
“We just found out that Kristen Stewart’s crutches are better actors than Kristen Stewart. They sure do know how to hold up a pile of meh.”
“Pssh, Argo won? Thanks Obama!”
“Oh sweet heavens, Jamie Foxx’s daughter you guys!!!”
2) This is Christoph Waltz skateboarding.
The point: Snitch is not like The Rundown.
Melissa McCarthy’s Identity Thief reclaimed the top spot at the domestic box office in its third weekend, narrowly besting Dwayne Johnson’s new action-thriller Snitch with $14.1 million and pushing the Universal comedy’s total to $93.7 million.
Snitch, produced and financed by Exclusive Media and Participant, opened to $13 million during an overall soft weekend for moviegoing. Sunday’s Oscar ceremony was only part of the reason as revenue tumbled more than 22 percent from the same weekend last year, when Act of Valor opened to north of $24 million. – THR
To its credit, Snitch is beating out Identity Theif in Rotten Tomato’s rating 55% to 24%. Unfortunately that’s all it’s ever going to be – a credit, and a useless one at that. Even so, earning $13 million on opening weekend – and on Oscar weekend no less – is not what I would call a failure. Disappointment? Yes. Failure? No. Johnson has three more releases coming out in the next three months: G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Fast and Furious 6, and Pain & Gain, a main feature presentation anywhere in the country. So it’s not like Snitch’s box office numbers are going to stay in the radar for long.
Lindsay Lohan should start calling “Scary Movie 5″ the role of her career, because it brought her face-to-face with Charlie Sheen. (Author’s note: Yeah, thanks Scary Movie 5.) Though she reportedly refused to kiss him for the flick, the two ended up becoming friends and he even gave her the money to pay off her 2009 tax bill.
Now Sheen has come to Lohan’s aid yet again. It is being reported that Lohan will appear in an upcoming episode of FX’s “Anger Management” opposite Sheen. She will reportedly play herself, and will develop “a romantic relationship with Sheen’s character after becoming his therapy patient.” – Zap2It
To think, this is only the second worst reunion on today’s agenda.
This is your fantasy now.
Anyway, you must be wondering why an item that includes Megan Fox in a skimpy yellow jumpsuit is in the wrong section? Well she beat out Anna Kendrick for the role. Jane Levy and Elizabeth Olsen as well, but mainly Anna Kendrick. Made me have a sad face.
Look for Michael Bay to hire Shia LaBeouf for the role of Shredder any minute now.
Many people are not down with the way MacFarlane hosted the Oscars. His awful jokes were awful, some were a bit forced, he is a lazy hack who went into the offensive humor bin one too many times, his stand-up about racism and domestic abuse and musical numbers about boobs (extremely relevant: Jennifer Lawrence loved the boob song because Jennifer Lawrence loves boobs) have no relevance in today’s cultivated modern society. No sir!
This is just me talking (me, the one with the problem) but I thought he did a not-so terrible job, which is about one of the better things you can say to someone in the industry mostly involved in voice work and hokey dance numbers. He wasn’t good enough to escape 3R’s dreaded section yet not terrible enough to join James Franco and Anne Hathaway in the pantheon of worst award hosts. We’re going to look back to his hosting duties in five years and say, “Yeah that happened all right.” Basically he did the best he could with the material he was given (and he wasn’t given a lot). Basically he was Ricky Gervais with a grin syndrome. Basically he wasn’t the worst host ever. Offensively predictable, but not terrible. So there you go MacFarlane – a little positivity (along with a 20% increase among viewers under 35) coming your way.
You want a proper tribute? Watch Skyfall 23 straight times. Alternative: play the Facility level on Goldeneye on 00 Agent and attain the Invincibility code.
You want short hair done right, stare at Charlize Theron. I would Charlize her Theron stupid sex pun mode activated.
This is the first perfectest sentence: it only won because the Academy though they were voting for Lena Dunham.
After Disney’s Paperman won the Academy Award for best animated short Sunday, producer Kristina Reed began throwing paper airplanes, about three or four — with kisses on them, like the ones seen in the film — from her seat in the mezzanine.
The paper planes were nowhere near the stage, instead shooting straight down from the balcony. It went largely unnoticed by the crowd, but security didn’t think the act was very sweet, kicking her out of the Dolby Theatre auditorium.
It would turn out to be temporary. After a short protest, security brought her back to her seat about five to 10 minutes later. – THR
If you haven’t seen the short (posted below), the film tells a story of paper airplanes coming to life so they could bring a hopeless office drone together with a nicely-dressed lady looking for a life outside of commuted trains travels. Then the airplanes died? So this was a nicely done stunt on Reed’s part. If it was done for publicity stunt purposes, hey it worked. You can’t ask for anything more than that.
Now back to what’s really important – how the #*(@ did Wreck-It Ralph lose?
And well, read for yourself:
You know what? Sounds about right. Fun contest: post your own bootleg description stories below!
Right about now, you’re probably saying, “Porfirio, I’ve seen every animal video you could possibly post. You can’t show me anything new.” Well, you got some attitude, Mister.
Besides, you’re wrong! Here is a pig adorably rescuing a baby goat.
Not to let the cat out of the bag, but the whole thing was staged for a new Comedy Central documentary-style series. I don’t care. Adorable contrived scene is still adorable.
Last week: in what amounted to a second straight record breaking week in the vote tally, CM Punk decapitating Big Show’s giant head (56.08%) scores the victory over Macho Man’s first person perspective elbow drop (37.84%) and Austin Aries’ infinite mindscrew (6.08%). At least Punk was able to win something this week. *honk*
This week: OSCAR GIF SPLOOSH.
I admit the Oscar GIF output isn’t as strong as the ones during the Golden Globes. You still have a magnificent bounty to choose from. Don’t let the complete lack of Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs sway your pick either. She is a national treasure and must remain clothed at all times. I support in her quest to take over Hollywood without even a little tease peep. TREAT HER AS SHE WANTS TO BE TREATED.
Tommy Lee’s smile makes me smile. The same applies to the Hushpuppy pose and Sandra Bullock fighting over an envelope as if it was Ronda Rousey. Still, there is just something about that MacFarlane-JGL-Radcliffe dance. So elegant. So hypnotic…
Last word: One last note about the Oscars: it did get one thing right: Tina and Amy for Oscar hosts 2014. Tina and Amy for everything.