Movies & TV / Columns

Movies/TV’s 3R’s 06.12.12: Justice League, Green Lantern, World War Z, Manny Pacquiao, More

June 12, 2012 | Posted by Porfirio Diaz

Welcome to Week 154 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.

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Without any further ado, here is…

  • Double feature: TV spots for The Amazing Spider-Man and Dark Knight Rises: TV spots on behalf of both movies occupied the top two out of three headlines on the 411 front page for most of the day. It’s what the people want to see the most. So let me do my bosses the pleasure of embedding both videos into one fantastic column. Then I’ll be the one who sits high upon the throne (or at least the footstep of the throne) hours before I’m bumped off for bikini shots of Kris Humphries’ new romantic tan queen because it’s what the people want to see the most. The possibility that I’ll cry in the corner while eating 50 Jell-O cups may or may not occur.

  • Wreck-It Ralph trailer combines the things you love about animated kids movies, mostly video game related: Disney released a trailer of their latest 3D animated effort Wreck-It Ralph last week. The story introduces John C. Reilly’s character as a video game villain with the heart of gold. In an effort to prove he’s not that bad of a guy, he travels from arcade game to arcade game hoping to find his niche as a versatile and loveable protagonist.

    If the synopsis still doesn’t excite you (seriously, John C. Reilly!), then watch the trailer and stop at 1:10. Why yes that is Bowser and M. Bison and Zangief and Kano and Dr. Robotnik and a host of other baddies I see. I would definitely take my kid to go watch this on November 2nd. All I have to do is go out and find a kid in the mall who isn’t a tattletale and is good at keeping alibis straight.

  • The Green Lantern is given a good old fashion reboot: How disappointing was Green Lantern? Well it won runner-up for “Most Disappointing” in the 411 Movie & TV awards of 2011. But worry no more because Warner Bros have been considering scrapping the Green Lantern 2 sequel in favor of something that does not give you vomit breath. The plan is to star-wipe clean everything out in preparation of their long-awaited Justice League dream.

    This means they might kick Ryan Reynolds to the curb, if not already.

    We’ve already heard that Warner Bros. has considered scrapping the already-written “Green Lantern 2″ sequel and starting over from scratch, and it appears they’re serious about a total overhaul. In a Variety piece about this very subject—WB’s next phase and plan to exploit the DC Comics properties they own—the trade says the studio is still “figuring out whether to bring back Ryan Reynolds as the Green Lantern in a sequel to last year’s actioner or relaunch the character in a completely new way.” For Reynolds, who had a disastrous 2011 in his attempt to be a leading man, this is pretty grim news.

    While this news is probably not an outright shock, it’s certainly the first time it’s been reported that WB has considered dropping the star and completely wiping the slate clean. As noted, Warner Bros. recently hired Micheal Goldenberg (ironically one of the writers on “Green Lantern”) to write a new “Wonder Woman” script and revealed that “Gangster Squad” scribe Will Beall had been working on a “Justice League” script for over a year now. The gears are certainly turning a little bit faster than they have been now that the uber-successful Marvel tentpole “The Avengers” has surely been a sore spot over on the competitive WB lot. – The Playlist

    Poor Ryan. He tries and tries but could never quite become the box office super actor many wanted him to be. But the good news is that Warner Bros is starting over from scratch, which means hope for a good version of Green Lantern could be on the horizon. Of course only if Warner Bros can get it together. Ha! That’s a pretty big “if” right there, me.

  • The NBA Playoffs have been awesomely redunkulous:Has your professional basketball intake been satisfied? After weeks of amazing individual performances and “NBA Greatest Games”-worthy broadcasts, the road comes to a hilt as the Zombie Sonics Oklahoma City Thunder will take on the team who plays in a state with zombies Miami Heat starting Tuesday night at 9PM ET. But before we hear what is sure to be endless hours of LeBrontalk, let’s get back to talking about this past week’s playoff games. The Spurs-Thunder series was about as smooth of a basketball series you’ll ever see while the Celtics-Heat series was impregnated with drama. Rajon Rondo? I believe he exited the Eastern Conference Finals with 95 triple doubles. He was the shooting star that carried the 3 Wise Men deep into the playoffs but ultimately fell short of a miracle. At least their last victory gave birth to one new meme for the Internet to throw itself over. See what happens when you stay positive.

    As the Spurs and Celtics determine which old man will stay and which old man will go, LeBron and his ridiculous nerdy-looking eyewear will match up with arguably the league’s best player Kevin Durant. While I have no rooting interest, this does mean either LeBron James or Clay Bennett will stand victorious with a ring on his hand. I don’t know if I’m ready for either one to happen.

    Verdict: Thunder in 6, because Clay Bennett is David Stern’s best buddy and we all know what happens when you get on Stern’s good side. *wink wink*

  • Samuel Jackson joins Robocop remake: Brace yourselves. This is the best Samuel-L-Jackson-casting-news you will hear all week. All month even, but June is still young.

    Samuel L. Jackson is joining the cast of Robocop, MGM and Sony’s remake of the classic 1987 sci-fi action movie.

    Jackson will play Pat Novak, a charismatic media mogul and a powerful force in the Robocop world.

    Strike Entertainment’s Marc Abraham and Eric Newman are producing the movie, which is eyeing a September shoot in Toronto and has a tentative release date of summer 2013.

    Jackson, who is onscreen as Nick Fury in The Avengers, is shooting Quentin Tarantino’s revenge drama Django Unchained. – The Hollywood Reporter

    The script calls for him to say “bad mother*#*@#$,” “Prime Directive,” and some combination of the two about 83 times. You will throw down $12 to see it.

  • Let’s find out how Warner Bros will screw up the Justice League movie this time: Five years ago, Warner and DC Entertainment collaborated to make a Justice League movie. It didn’t happen. The project died due to the Writer’s Strike of 2007 and WB derpiness. Fast forward to 2012: Marvel completed Phase 1 of their cinematic master plan with the conclusion of The Avengers, which has grossed over $1.7 billion so far. Warner saw all the profit Marvel earned and said “me too.” Hollywood is such a copycat league.

    This week, the studio revealed it tapped “Gangster Squad” scribe Will Beall to revive “Justice League,” which WB unplugged in 2008, and hired Michael Goldenberg (one of the many writers of “Green Lantern”) to pen “Wonder Woman.”

    Those projects now join in development films based on the Flash, Aquaman, Green Arrow, Lobo, the Suicide Squad and Shazam. DC and WB are also facing a decision on how to reboot Batman once “The Dark Knight Rises” completes Christopher Nolan’s take on the caped crusader, featuring Christian Bale in the cowl. – Variety

    The world is ready for a Justice League movie. Am I ready for the multitude of rumors that will happen almost every *&@% day? Maaaaaybe. But first and foremost, WB needs to get their act together. Start with a script. Make sure it doesn’t accidently get eaten by an ostrich or some other BS excuse they might prepare to throw at us. Plan ahead. Talk to people who know a little more about this stuff. I don’t know how hiring someone who’s written three movies that are not out yet is seen as progress (to be fair, the Gangster Squad trailer does look pretty good) but baby steps. A bunch of screenwriters from that awful Green Lantern green-and-yellow barf movie are also planning to be penned in a number of projects. Because when I think of achievements in screenwriting, I think of Green Lantern. Yes, do give them more work!

    I’m sorry but this is going to suck. I will happily eat those words should it reach negative levels of suckitude but this is Warner Bros we’re talking about. They’re already far behind the curve and might be spurred to rush the film out in order to quick-cash the market. Without a proper build-up, it’ll be no better than Mystery Men and Mystery Men was fantastically decent. Of course if WB does everything right, Justice League won’t probably be out for another four or five years. IF. *sad nerd face*

    But I guess we should be happy that Warner Bros. is finally determined to get off their duff and produce the darn movie. Only the movie gods and Doc Brown know just how good it would be but the time for fanboy bashing and giving out dismissive wanks will come. That is if Warner Bros even allows it to happen.

  • Manny Pacquiao was screwed, according to pretty much everyone: “Pacquiao? More like Pacqui-OMGTHEDECISIONWASFIXEDFIREISTHEANSWER. OK, that wasn’t very good at all.” – My tweet to fellow 411mania sidekick Jeremy Wilson

    The tweet was sent a couple of hours after the conclusion of the Manny Pacquiao-Timothy Bradley fight on Saturday night. As you could tell from the tone, the tweet reeks of snarkiness and irritation. Despite hours after Michael Buffer announced Bradley as the winner in a split decision and handed Pacquiao his first defeat in seven years, I was still in that “heat-of-the-moment” period where confusion and shock washed the Twitter world in a blaze. It shouldn’t have been that way. Bradley did enough to withstand the power of Pacman’s power punches for the full 12 rounds but not nearly enough to secure a victory over the then-WBO Welterweight Champion. The un-mild version: Bradley got trounced. Two of the three ringside judges obviously believed differently.

    I’m only known as a casual boxing spectator and I say it was a complete farce. There are people with a much higher intellect for the sport and they say it was a compete farce. Even the HBO announcers on hand were dumbfounded. Ditto people within the boxing industry. A sport that was already hinted with corruption and shadiness on several occasions – think back to Holyfield-Lewis I or even Pacquiao-Marquez this past November for a fresher example – has now been chastised with a permanent marker with a color that reads “incompetence.” Never have their shortcomings reached nuclear levels than the ones displayed on Saturday night and when nearly everyone from Joe Q. Commonguy to promoter Bob Arum fumed in disgust over the decision, then could be that boxing has a wee bit problem.

    I can’t be sure if the fight was truly fixed – this is from someone who loves to play conspiracy theorist for all the controversial moments in sporting events, e.g. Kings-Lakers Game 6 (still haunts over Sacramento like a dark cloud to this day), Spygate, and the 2012 NBA Draft Lottery, before the rational side of me flusters the other into submission – but the outrage of many has established the theory as fact, and who am I to argue. The only evidence available is what was shown live on HBO and the sequential highlights that immediately followed. Bradley lost the fight but then he won the fight. Millions bellowed in unison and for the moment I was right there with them. This disaster unfortunately extends to Bradley – a nice and talented boxer who, thanks to immediate public reception, now has to live with the misfortunate of being labeled as an undeserved champion through no fault of his own. See past Bradley and you have fans, both common and hardcore, with all the ammunition they need to decry boxing as the corrupted corrupters they really are.

    Courtesy to popular belief, boxing will not die but it will continue to suffer major backlash unless changes are made. As of now, this whole thing is one frustrating fireball that may never be put out. Whatever small steps towards relevancy the so-called sport has taken have been thoroughly erased, potentially taking along the one dream matchup that will forever stay as such – as just a dream.


    What I just said, in JPEG form; via Hilarious Humor From Outer Space
  • World War Z continues to be doomed, hires new writer to save itself from Hollywood: This is not a good time for be Paramount right now. First they pushed back the G.I. Joe movie to add more Channing Tatum scenes – “Moar Channing Tatum or we RAGE,” says test audience – and now we hear they’ve ordered seven weeks of reshoots, months after the movie finished shooting. The result pushes the film from its December release date to January 2013. Not good. On the bright side, Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof has been hired to rewrite the script. Does he have enough duct tape in the arsenal to fix this mess of a movie?

    The big-budget movie starring Brad Pitt, who also is one of the producers, has been troubled. Its release has been pushed from December 2012 to June, 21 2013, and is awaiting significant reshoots. Lindelof, the Lost co-creator and co-author of Ridley Scott and Fox’s Prometheus, is said to be focusing on World War Z’s third act. The production hopes to begin reshoots in September or October.

    World War Z, based on the 2006 novel by Max Brooks, is intended to be a zombie picture with sociological and political overtones. It also stars Mireille Enos (The Killing), James Badge Dale and Anthony Mackie.

    Marc Forster is directing the movie, which shot last year in various European locales. – The Hollywood Reporter

    I love that line about how the film is “intended to be a zombie picture with sociological and political overtones.” As if it’ll be anything but. “Sure it’s supposed to be a visualization at the societal ramifications of a world where the undead roam in numbers but psyche, it’s Troy with zombies.”

    This is the problem with World War Z: the movie is far beyond following the footsteps of the book – a post-war narrative about the aftermath of a zombie outbreak – and instead going with the idea that Brad Pitt should run around the whole in zombie cliché chaos. And as the article states, Lindelof is only going to be working on the third act of the movie, which means the first and second act is still happening. Lame.

  • New Girl is the “first Post-Post-9/11 show”… wait what?: As far as I know, New Girl is a quirky comedy starring everyone’s favorite polarizing figure Zooey Deschanel, who some may say is hotter than her sister Emily Deschanel, but let’s leave that up to a 411mania future installment of “Who’d You Rather.” So, New Girl. The show akin to a basket of SweeTarts mixed with puppies wrapped in flannel pajamas has attracted a lot of viewers over the past year. That by all accounts is not the wRong part. Could it have been when show producer Brett Baer said the reason why the unicorn wish-bejeweled program has gained traction among viewers is because he thinks New Girl is the “first post-post-9/11 show”?

    Probably.

    When we tested the show, after we put the pilot together, it was strange how people were responding. We were all surprised by how connected people felt to it during the focus group testing. I was thinking long and hard about it, and I said to Dave, “What we’ve done here is created maybe the first post-post-9/11 show.” The comedy in the past 10 years prior to our show had an edge to it. It was satirical. There was a cynicism about the comedy. What our show came along at the right time for— this weird alchemy that happened—is that we were willing for the first time to go, It’s OK to feel again. I might be completely boneheaded and wrong, but it’s the first show that actually tries to emotionally connect on that level. – My Digital Publication

    Condensed version: “Post-Post-9/11 First!” – Brett Baer

    Isn’t that cute? But you’re wrong Brett! First of all, you probably shouldn’t proclaim your show to be FIRST of anything. People frown upon that sort of thing. Second, the term “post-post-9/11″ has already been applied to other shows such as Modern Family and Park & Recreation. You’re not THAT special. Third, the term itself is stupid. Not only do I barely understand what it means but it trivializes a tragedy and associates it in a positive sense. Hey guys, did you know formulaic comedies have the power to heal America and stop it from bad people?! Oh man I watched that episode when Jess walked in on Nick naked; it was like I was FEELING AGAIN. This ice cream TASTES LIKE POST-POST-9/11!

    Some people can’t stand New Girls too, Brett. Don’t muck it up so the show’s fans have no choice but to either join them or hate-watch the rest of the series.

  • Tommy Chong diagnosed with prostate cancer: Cancer ranks top in my list of “Things That Can Go Kill Itself,” which includes bullying, the BCS system, and that feeling you get when you stub your toe. Die annoying toe pain! But I mention the cancer part because Tommy Chong, part of the comedy duo “Cheech and Chong,” was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer.

    Tommy Chong revealed he’s been diagnosed with prostate cancer … and we’ll give you one guess how he says he plans on treating it.

    The comedian, during an interview with CNN, said he was diagnosed about a month ago. He said he began having prostate-related problems during a three-year period when he was drug free.

    As for his plans for treatment, Chong said he plans on using cannabis, explaining, “I know it had nothing to do with cannabis. Cannabis is a cure.” – Website

    Cannabis? Oh that’s his cure for everything. Get better Tommy. Here’s to a full and high recovery.

  • Lindsay Lohan’s (70th) Car Crash: A Story: The following is done in TMZ-speak:

    Lindsay Lohan SUFFERED a rather NASTY car accident when it SLAMMED into the back of an 18-wheeler but both Lindsay and her assistant (the passenger) made it out OK. She CLAIMED the large vehicle cut her off and that the accident WASN’T her fault. (Jeremy Wilson: “Ho ho such a rapscallion.” *wipes monocle*) Truck driver was allegedly offered a bride for his silence. He refused and said the accident was HER FAULT (Ben Piper puts back of hand on forehead, faints from sudden twist). Lindsay calls BS!!! Later on she told friends that her brakes on her rented Porsche FAILED TO WORK!!! (Todd Vote is pissed he paid full price for the entire seat when all he needed was THE EDGE) Truck man LAWYERS up. Then we find out Lohan LIED TO COPS (Dun dun dun). Nancy Grace declares state of emergency because another white girl in trouble y’all. I JAB sharp objects into my brain. I somehow see all the words to “Call Me Maybe.” Larry Csonka is actually a robot created by 4chan who creates memes and solves crime in his spare time.

    This is actual video evidence of the car accident on scene.

    There were NO survivors. Fin.

  • Someone from the New York Post thinks someone should call Child Protective Services on Mad Men producer Matthew Weiner because child exploitation: This is New York Post columnist Linda Stasi. She thinks Matthew Weiner is a mad man (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) for using character Sally Draper (Kiernan Shipka) as sexual predator bait or something and believes Child Protective Services must be called to stop him from his apparent prevented ways.

    I guess you could call the article a “must read” if you love theories about Mad Men’s approach to “child exploitation disguised as art” and how scenes where Sally’s menstrual blood is revealed excites local pedophiles.

    When she gets stomach pains she runs to the bathroom, where she pulls up her dress, pulls down her underpants, squats on the toilet and there, in close-up yet, they show her little-girl, white cotton underpants soiled with her first menstrual blood.

    Excuse me? That is a violation of a child’s private moment that no man, let alone an entire nation, should see. (Hello, my name is TV show. I am not real.)

    Was it there to shock? Maybe.

    Did it? Yes.

    But for what purpose?

    I can’t help but wonder whether Weiner ever considers if scenes like that excite child sexual predators. – New York Post

    Because that’s what that one guy wearing the baseball cap driving around in his van marked “Free Candy” is trolling the neighbor for: 12-year-old girls on their menstrual cycle. After he watches Mad Men, of course.

    You have to imagine how sick a weirdo must be to get off on the sight of period blood. But then you also have to imagine how someone could think like this and write a column about it. “Holy cow this scene was just made for all those perverted men out there. I must alert the world with words!” Listen, Sally Draper is a normal child who doesn’t engage in any sexual activity or feels the need to take her clothes off. This is all about a faux scandal at how a child actor’s character is not treated as if the world is full of rainbows and ponies, and how Matt Weiner should be condemned for filming a child really getting her period for the first time even though the actual event didn’t take place because TV is not real.

    You know that right now, some lowlife creep out there is replaying the scene.

    Nonsense. They’re too busy filming new episodes of Toddlers & Tiaras.

  • This is what happens when you turn Star Wars into a telenovela: Galaxia de Pasión is a touching tale about Star Wars, romance in the galaxy, and talks about Han Solo’s loins. It burns with passion he says. Don’t touch – son muy caliente.

    [Spanish laughter]


    WHO WANTS TO SEX HAN SOLO? (But say it in Spanish); via Filmdrunk from Topless Robot from The Mary Sue from Neatorama (phew!)
  • Wait, they’re making a Guinness World Records movie now?: One of my dreams is to one day enter into the book of world records by playing Super Mario RPG on the SNES for 100 straight hours. If Ed Heemskerk could manage to go 56.6 hours straight playing Q*Bert on a single quarter (his record attempt of 100 hours was cut short by a severe thunderstorm), then surely I have the fortitude to surpass such a similar feat. But turning the Guinness Book of World Records into a movie? Well now I don’t know what to think.

    Warner Bros. has plans to adapt The Guinness Book of World Records into a feature film, Deadline reports. “The Office” writer Danny Chun has been brought aboard to turn the non-fiction book into an adventure narrative. – Coming Soon

    Man, people will make movies about anything these days. Either way, this movie needs to have Patton Oswalt or no buys.

  • Fans of the cancelled MTV’s I Just Want My Pants Back are protesting the show to be saved in a weird way: Well this is a new one. According to Deadline, unhappy fans protested the cancellation of MTV’s I Just Want MY Pants Back – a show about the life of a group of twenty-somethings trying to make ends meet in Brooklyn (because TV needs more shows based in Brooklyn) and has become of the best shows the network has had in a long time – by going to Viacom buildings in New York and Los Angeles, taking off their pants, and leaving them there – all 500 pairs of them. How arousing. Sadly no snowballs were found in any of them.

    This brings us to a great moment in Simpsons history:

  • Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week

    I hope you like bulldog puppies that have a clingy relationship to their mom. So like us.


    Looks like both parties are really desperate for a drink

    It would be pretty dumb if that Avengers 10 disc set is housed in a briefcase type holder instead of a cosmic cube shaped case – Posted By: Guest#6217 (Guest)

    The cube would be ideal. On the other hand, I can smack people a lot better with the briefcase.

    Looney Tunes vs. Zombies! I’d pay. – Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

    This was the closest thing I could find in regards to your concept. The game is called Tweety Zombies. It’s OK-ish.

    You will remember that Tatum wasn’t a star when the first G.I. Joe was released. But since then his back-to-back successes in The Vow and 21 Jump Street have made him into a draw.

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! – Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)

    I’m not going to say that Tatum isn’t a star thanks to the movies you mentioned (in movies that he was good in too, especially 21 Jump Street), but I’m still in awe on how an entire plan was scrapped because of one guy and it just so happens to be a movie that I was interested in based on their trailers which have turned into a moot point now. Oh well.

    why would you ever buy that 10 disc Marvel set? is it so you can put your Iron Man 3 blueray next to it on the shelf? – Posted By: OFWGKTA (Guest)

    Yup. All five of them.

    Last word: Is it just me or does the Wii-U look… meh? I need a support group!

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    Porfirio Diaz

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