Movies/TV’s 3R’s 11.13.12: Skyfall, Elmo, Mortal Kombat, World War Z, More
Welcome to Week 176 of The 3 R’s for the Movie/TV world.
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Without any further ado, here is…
/tee hee sex puns
After doing tremendous business overseas in the past two weeks, Skyfall definitely did not disappoint in its domestic debut this weekend. The 23rd James Bond movie scored an outstanding $88.4 million, which is a new opening weekend record for the 50-year-old franchise. This helped push the Top 12 to $163 million, which is up 29 percent over the same period last year.
Skyfall’s opening crushed Quantum of Solace’s $67.5 million, which was the previous Bond record. It was also double Casino Royale’s $40.8 million debut, which was star Daniel Craig’s first outing as the infamous spy. The debut ranks fourth on the year behind The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises and The Hunger Games, and it ranks seventh all-time in November behind two Twilight movies and four Harry Potter flicks. Including $2.2 million from Thursday’s IMAX/premium-large-format showings, the movie has already earned $90.6 million total. – Box Office Mojo
Another relevant number: $428.8 million overseas. By my count, that’s a cray-ton amount of money. And uhm, yeah. That’s about it. Skyfall and franchise-breaking numbers. Rad.
Nine episodes and presumably many many many YouTube views later, the plan to make the “around $40-50 million” reboot appears to be a go. Yay.
*Listens to original Mortal Kombat theme song afterward*
The original Mortal Kombat movie was faithfully awesome, and if the reboot comes close to that, then I may need to find a couple more side jobs to earn money and give said future money to Warner Bros for a premiere ticket. Anyone willing to pay for a TV buddy, you know, to watch TV and eat all your food?
Just as things couldn’t be looking any grander for this promising Lego feature, directors slash writers Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (21 Jump Street, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) have brought four more actors aboard: Liam Neeson, Will Ferrell, Nick Offerman, and Alison Brie. With the addition of the star power mentioned in the first paragraph, this is like the guest list to the greatest par-tay ever.
The latter character, President Business — who is said to be making steps toward gluing the universe together — will be voiced by Ferrell; by his side is Neeson‘s character, a henchman. Meanwhile, Lord / Miller‘s 21 Jump Street star, Offerman, will appear in the guise of a pirate seeking revenge on the antagonist (Offerman), while Brie is attached to play a hero “with a powerful secret.” Thanks to her character, Lisa, Will Arnett‘s Batman swings in at one point. – The Film Stage
Here Warner Bros. This is all the money I have with me right now. *takes out $12.45* You hold on to that and make sure your Lego movie is an entertaining hit or else I’ll make sure you’re next project is a project from hell! (Project from hell will consist of everyone at Warner Bros. waking up and accidentally stepping on Legos while barefoot. Every single morning.)
Rich Moore said in the interview that he has already started thinking about a sequel that would update the stories of the characters. He would also include online gaming characters and more current characters in the sequel. There is no word on if Disney has greenlit a second movie.
Moore said: “Should we be so lucky to do a sequel, I think it’d be great to explore online gaming, home games. We have some ideas of how we could — it was fun to begin it in an arcade. And I think that that really tapped into the nostalgia that that has attached to it. But if we were to do a sequel I think we need to bring it up to date. We’re working on ideas, should we do one, that would bring it more into modern gaming, not just arcade cabinets.” – 411mania
Now Mr. Moore *ahem* I believe I have several ideas, nay, the answers to launch a successful sequel about online gaming that you’re looking for. The following memes is what the community would like to see illustrated in Wreck-It Ralph 2:
A rep for Daniel Logan tells TMZ … the 25-year-old actor was driving in Orange County last week when he spotted a completely wrecked SUV sitting on the side of the road … we’re talking real bad … like half-the-car-ripped-off bad.
We’re told the Logan pulled over to help — since no emergency vehicles were on scene yet — and found an elderly couple trapped inside with their grandchild.
Daniel’s rep says the actor started to clear the wreckage to get to the trio — and about the time Daniel broke through, the paramedics arrived.
We’re told the paramedics took over from there, and pulled the family to safety before taking them to the hospital.
Good Samaritan, he is. – TMZ
Nice job Boba Fett. Way to bounty that car crash.
Kevin Clash, the Sesame Street puppeteer who voices Elmo, has taken a leave of absence from the show amid allegations he had a sexual relationship with a teenage boy.
The accusations were made in June by a 23-year-old man who claimed to have had a sexual relationship with Clash when he was 16. In a statement issued Monday, Sesame Workshop said an investigation into the matter “found the allegation of underage conduct to be unsubstantiated” and that Clash was granted a leave of absence as he’s “taking actions to protect his reputation.”
… … …
Clash further denied his accuser’s allegations in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter, saying: “I am a gay man. I have never been ashamed of this or tried to hide it, but felt it was a personal and private matter. I had a relationship with the accuser. It was between two consenting adults and I am deeply saddened that he is trying to characterize it as something other than what it was. I am taking a break from Sesame Workshop to deal with this false and defamatory allegation.” – THR
Some people have already mentioned the age of consent in most states is 16 years old, but can you honestly read the headline “Famous 45-year-old man had sex with teenage boy” and not ask for a super storm of controversy? Ugh.
As you may or may not know, Kevin Clash was the star of Being Elmo, a documentary critics rightfully raved for its superb portrayal on the talented puppeteer. But I imagine this is the sort of allegation, regardless of the outcome, that is going to neglect most of the cheerful depiction and follow Clash for the rest of his career. Public opinion is not known to turn a blind eye on horrible scandals, and this will be no different. The backlash will be felt by everyone involved in this horrible story, while the rest will probably be seriously bummed out. As for Elmo, this is the worst thing to have happened to him since the time someone stole his identity and got kicked out of Central Park Zoo for shouting out terrible Jew-hating things.
We don’t know all the details about what happened, so hopefully the legal system can straighten everything out soon. Until then, here’s a GIF of Elmo gyrating on a porta potty.
As I mentioned in the headline, World War Z is akin to the awful movie 2012, but with terrible looking CGI zombies and Brad Pitt. Mind you, Brad Pitt doesn’t look too terribly out of place in an apocalyptic zombie environment. He might even be, dare I say, good? But in order to see passing resemblances to the book you’ll need to squint your eyes really hard and perform some sort of voodoo magic. This is not the faithful adaptation I wanted! Maybe if it was called Brad Pitt and His Bland Family Who Go On Romantic Zombie Vacations Together instead of calling it by the only resemblance it has to the book, then I wouldn’t feel the need to go nerd rage on everyone. Did I mention the CGI zombies look awful?
That was bad-tempered me talking. The rational me would figure it’ll be difficult to create a faithful World War Z, what with the geographic effects and political macroclimate the book largely points out. Done right, it’d make of an interesting movie, but perhaps not as audience-pleasing as the trailer below exhibits. Plus the story would probably need more than one movie to accomplish the complete saga of the book, and I’m not sure most people would bite on it. The political message would just wear down a large percentage of the world into boredom.
So, Brad Pitt and CGI zombies piling on each other it is.
Or they could make the movie, but with Pee-Wee’s voice dubbed over all the characters. That’ll put butts in seats.
The 14-year-old Modern Family star has been removed from her mother’s care and her adult sister is looking to become her permanent guardian, according to court documents obtained Wednesday by E! News.
Ariel’s mother, Chrisoula Workman, is being accused of physically and emotionally abusing her daughter.
Per her guardianship petition, Ariel’s sister, Shanelle Gray, alleges that Workman has slapped, hit and pushed Ariel, as well as abused her in the form of “vile name calling, personal insults about [her and her weight], attempts to ‘sexualize’ minor, deprivation of food, etc. for an extended period of time.”
Gray’s petition concludes that it’s imperative she be appointed Ariel’s personal guardian and head of her estimated $500,000 estate, both for the teen’s physical safety and because Workman is currently receiving the checks from her daughter’s TV work and is in charge of her Coogan account (money that by California law is set aside for child actors for when they reach adulthood). – E!
Of course Chrisoula Workman has denied any truth to the story, citing Ariel’s grandfather – the fact he only sees his grandchildren once every two years makes his statement almost useless – and letters from her stylists. Letters from her stylists! She also accused Ariel’s sister Shanelle of wanting to take Ariel’s money. Mom is bat crazy, people, and I don’t think the story of her being a nightmare on the set of The Chaperone or lying about Ariel having sex with an 18-year-old boy is going to help with her image.
This story sucks. Hopefully Ariel is now in a much better situation and can continue living out the life she wants to live. Maybe Chrisoula can hook up with Lindsay Lohan’s dad and go away to a deserted island together. They deserve that much at least.
Now before you out of your way to say “NO NOT AGAIN F*CK THIS NOISE” I want to say this: it’s not as terrible as you think. OK, that’s a lie (over 73,000 dislikes on YouTube and climbing), but you should watch it anyway. Just this one time. Because if a Rebecca Black-esque song about Thanksgiving doesn’t excite you for the holidays, then perhaps nothing will, even if, according to the music video, Thanksgiving 2012 lands on November 28 instead of November 22. Rational conclusion: the world lives to see 2013, but our civilization will be invaded with black guys dressed as turkeys. Strong chance they’ll come to your house uninvited and eat all of your ribs.
And glad to see that Ark Music Factory still has the lyrical Midas touch – “December was Chistmas. January was New Year’s. April was Easter. And the 4th of July, but now it’s Thanksgiving!” and “With the turkey AY! Mashed potatoes AY!” You can’t be hateful guys. Be grateful!
Charlie Sheen threatened to shoot a man to death with a Super 90 semi-automatic shotgun … this according to a police report filed with the LAPD … TMZ has learned.
Law enforcement sources tell us … a man who claims to be a former associate of Charlie’s filed the report on October 18 … claiming he’s deathly afraid that Charlie will murder him based on a text message the actor allegedly sent to a mutual friend.
The man told police he had a bad falling out with Charlie recently … and learned that Sheen vented about him in a text to a woman that read, “I’ll blow his head off with my Super 90.” – TMZ
Pfff. Lies I tells ya. All nonsense. That’s not the Charlie I know. That’s not the Charlie people grew up with in Major League or Hot Shots!. Our Charlie is known to go around the neighbor, collecting cans to save up for the bike he’s been wanting so he could travel down to the soup kitchen, and feed the homeless, with plenty of time remaining to stop by old man Weddle’s house and give him his daily medication. But not too late or else he’ll miss his high school tutoring program in the morning.
So I’m sure you have the wrong boy. His drug dealer can vouch for him, he’s a clean slate.
Jamie Foxx’s sidewalk is a death trap in the making — at least according to a woman who says she took a nasty spill on Jamie’s pavement … and it’s all the actor’s fault.
A woman named Catherine Jones filed the lawsuit against Jamie in L.A. County Superior Court — claiming she attended a party at his house last year … and fell head over heels on the sidewalk, seriously injuring herself.
Catherine says the sidewalk was negligently maintained by Foxx … and that’s the reason she busted her ass. – TMZ
This whole story is asinine. But still a few notches below Wanda the Massage Therapist. Can I show you the video now? I was watching it while writing the blurb and several times I lost my train…
… of thought because of it. Wait, what happened?
Jenny McCarthy once had sex with a tree
After going on an ecstasy spree
She rubbed on the shrub, with a hump and a nub
Still better than dating Jim Carey
(I’m just kidding Jim. Call me for lunch sometime!)
The 40-year-old [former Playboy] model — who has previously dated Jim Carrey — once took too much of the party drug ecstasy, and found herself pressed up against a tree trying to have intercourse with it after becoming unsteady on her feet.
She said: “I found myself holding a tree to brace myself. The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping!” – AZ Central
On a serious note, Jenny McCarthy SEXED A TREE! I don’t think that’s how going green works.
Adult movies have been outlawed in California. Walter White’s brother-in-law Hank is a vice cop. He invites Walt who teaches filmmaking to go on a porn bust. After breaking in on a hot anal scene with Chanel Preston, Walt recognizes former student Jessie (Brandi Aniston), who is now a porn star. He conspires with her to trap the governor into rescinding the anti-porn law by secretly filming him, Jessie and Lexi Belle in a hot 3-way. They succeed and porn is legal again, but now that Walt has had a taste of adult filmmaking, will he be able to stop? – YouTube
Aw dude, that’s like the entire plot right there. The rest is probably all sex scenes and unnecessary shots of schlong. The whole movie is ruined.
I had two GAAVOFW candidates rarin’ to go. Then the following sequence happened:
*Watches YouTube video titled Banthapug*
*Immediately clicks Share button*
*Copies and pastes embed code into column*
Caution: Banthapugs do not make great pets, may return in larger numbers.
Last week’s results: The Power Loader equipped with cute baby (63.16%) outclasses the Ninja Turtle kid who went cowabunga on dad’s Technodromes (36.84%). Frankly I second to what most of the nature wants. Everybody wants to party with that infant.
This week’s contest involves cats. Ah, cats. You feed them, pet them, and give them financial relief when the bill for their diamond encrusted Bluetooth headset purchase comes in (cats are by nature poor with money). Yet they claw at the screen door and get into fights with the neighbor cat like he’s some sort of glamour GLOREE KITTY. They may think tearing a small hole in the side of my hand is a gesture of love but we’ll see what they think when I show them my token of appreciation via homemade catapult (made with string and plastic sporks because Home Depot is expensive).
Now about those cat GIFs…
Look, I have no idea what is going on in the first GIF but wowzers am I ever intrigued. The second one is self-explanation – Just a drunk domestic ball of fluff livin’ out its dreams of being an anthropomorphic rock star. Is that such a crime? – but the first is absorbed with possibilities. I’m going to go with “Larry Csonka: The Early Years” and then change my identity to Ricky Jalapeno so the 411 Headmaster Iron Fist Ruler with a Vengeance wouldn’t be able to locate me online after today.
Last word: WWE ‘13 is serious fun. Blew through the Attitude Era portion of the game and unlocked all the secrets available in the mode. Loved every minute of it. I wanted to obtain all the remaining unlockables in Universe Mode the quickest way possible, so I did want any other rational gamer would do: created a wrestler who wore a gorilla suit, named him Jason, gave him the pre-set Italian superstar theme music and Goldberg’s preset moveset (so I guess his full name is Jason Goldberg the Italian Gorilla), have him win three Money in the Bank matches in a row, two Royale Rumbles in a row, and finally, win the WWE title vs. The Rock at Wrestlemania for two consecutive years. He was a spur of the moment creation, yet the man in the gorilla costume would go on to win multiple titles and achieve other outstanding credentials in a fantasy simulation most real life wrestlers would dorkspree for.
He’s the best.