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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 2.11.13: Yet Another Three Movie Mini-Review Edition

February 11, 2013 | Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #245: Yet Another Three Movie Mini-Review Edition

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that thinks reality shows hosted by celebrities are, by and large, just awful, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number two hundred and forty-five, I’m going to provide a sort of sequel to what I did back in issue #236 and do three mini-reviews as opposed to one long movie review. I think it worked out pretty well last time. The movies getting the now patented (ha) The Gratuitous B-Movie Column mini movie-review treatment are Gangster Squad (2013), Movie 43 (2013), and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013). Beware there may be spoilers throughout, and there are no B-Movie rundowns at the end of each review. I didn’t take notes. Enjoy.

Gangster Squad (2013)

When Gangster Squad‘s initial release was changed so the producers could film a new sequence because of the Colorado movie theatre massacre, there was an assumption that the movie, directed by Ruben Fleischer, had then missed out on its chances for major awards consideration. A stellar cast (Ryan Gosling, Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Robert “T-1000″ Patrick, and Nick Nolte, among others) and a “based on a true story” plot were allegedly going to make the movie a contender. After watching the movie during its “too late for awards” January release weekend, I’d like to know why anyone thought this movie deserved Oscar consideration in the first place. Was it all about the cast? Was the conventional wisdom that, because Penn was playing a psycho gangster bad guy, that he would at least get a Best Supporting Actor nomination?

Now, I’m not saying that Gangster Squad is a bad movie. In fact, out of all of the new movies I’ve seen so far in 2013, Gangster Squad is one of the best. It’s too long and a tad uneven at times, but it’s got so much good stuff in it that the “bad” stuff is nothing more than a small annoyance. Brolin is excellent as the honorable badass Sgt. O’Mara, one of the few cops in Los Angeles that isn’t on Penn’s Mickey Cohen’s payroll. Even when he’s outgunned and outmanned O’Mara will still find a way to fuck you up (look at what he does to that guy in the elevator. Holy crap I didn’t expect to see a guy get his hand cut off). Patrick is hilarious as the old gunfighter Officer Kennard, and his sidekick Ramirez (Michael Pena) is a great second banana. Anthony Mackie is good as the badass black cop Harris, and Giovanni Ribisi is superb as the nerdy Dad Keeler. The only sort of weak link in the chain here is Gosling’s Jerry Wooters.

The basic problem with Wooters is the way he suddenly starts to lose his nerve closer the team gets to Cohen. Yes, the violence is escalating and all that, but don’t we watch him go into a slow motion revenge trance right after the shoeshine kid gets shot up on the street? Don’t we watch him shoot a guy in the face at point blank range with a shotgun in public? Don’t we watch him enter Cohen’s nightclub to assassinate him in a full on rage? Why would he start to lose his nerve? Does it have something to do with his relationship with Cohen’s main squeeze played by Emma Stone? I mean, wouldn’t Wooters want to kill even more bad guys to get to Cohen even quicker so he could have Stone’s Grace Farraday all to himself?

I’d also like to know how Nick Nolte’s Chief Parker was able to keep a lid on the Gangster Squad’s activities, especially since every raid the Squad engaged in left witnesses behind. The Squad is full of cops, and odds are that most of Cohen’s people have been arrested before. Wouldn’t at least one of them have been collared by one of the Squad? And I’m also kind of iffy on how Chief Parker managed to live as long as he did. Good God, Nolte’s voice sounds like a damaged car engine. How the hell did he not die from emphysema?

Penn does a great job as Cohen. Yes, Penn isn’t doing anything ground breaking with the character, but he’s enormous fun to watch. He’s a rotten, evil piece of shit gangster that only cares about power, money, and power. He’s going to wipe out any Chicago influence in Los Angeles, he’s going to become the new king of the underworld, and he’s going to do whatever it takes to get what he wants. Burn down a brothel because of an issue with the police? No problem. Kill a major Chicago gangster and his wife without thinking about the potential blow back ramifications? No problem. Tell a scary looking henchman to drill a guy in the head with a, well, drill? No fucking problem. And use a machine gun in the lobby of a hotel to kill some cops so he can then fly out of town and not get arrested? Fuck yeah, he’ll do that.

I love how Penn is just insane the whole time. I’m surprised, though, we don’t get to see him beat the hell out of an underling just for kicks. Cohen is an ex-boxer with a reputation for being a killer with his fists. Why not have a scene where he just beats the crap out of someone for no reason? I also loved how Cohen ate his last meal in the swanky hotel, lobster and steak, on a coffee table. He doesn’t eat it at a proper dinner table or in a nifty dining hall surrounded by ass kissers (think of the night club scene where Cohen is surrounded by various politicians and police officials. Where the hell are they now?). He has to eat his dinner at a coffee table. Makes you wonder how he handled eating the shitty food at Alcatraz.

I wasn’t expecting this movie to be as action packed and gory as it is. In the first scene we see a man, chained between two cars, get pulled apart behind the Hollywoodland sign. We see blood, we see guts, we see goddamn entrails. How often do you see that kind of stuff in a 1940’s gangster flick? And the gunfights are just ridiculously exciting, even the slow motion one at the end. How could anyone hear anything after engaging in these kinds of gunfights? How?

Gangster Squad didn’t light up the box office like it should have. It did sort of okay, but I don’t think anyone is going to call it a hit. The movie will no doubt gain an audience when it hits DVD and TV. It’s just too good to be ignored.

See Gangster Squad as soon as you can. See it, see it, see it.

And be on the lookout for Derek Mears. He’s on screen for like five seconds. I’m shocked he didn’t do any stunts for the movie.

Rating: 8.5/10.0

Movie 43 (2013)

I missed the first few minutes of Movie 43 as I was late getting to the theatre, but I don’t think I missed much. I managed to see the initial set up for the first sketch, the one where Hugh Jackman has testicles on his neck and his date Kate Winslet can’t believe what she’s seeing. The sketch is funny in a warped way, like just about every sketch segment in the movie. However, like just about every sketch segment in the movie, it goes on way too long.

Take, for instance, the “Homeschooled” sketch where Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts abuse their homeschooled son so he doesn’t miss out on the normal experiences of high school. That sketch shouldn’t be any longer than two minutes tops. It should be tight and nasty. Instead, it just drags on and on. The high school basketball scene, one of the movie’s best scenes, goes on way too long, too. There’s just too much “Terrence Howard swearing.”

The “I-Babe” sketch, featuring the MP3 player shaped like a naked woman, doesn’t engage the viewer as much as it should. It has a great dumb plot (Richard Gere, playing a clueless CEO, can’t figure out why so many young men are trying to have sex with the machine and mangling their penises) but it doesn’t go far enough. Why isn’t there a scene where Gere’s CEO tries to have sex with the machine so he can figure out the problem for himself? That would seem to be the way to go there with that idea.

“Truth or Dare” is probably the best sketch in the movie. It’s really the only one that moves at the proper pace and features an actual pay off. Halle Berry is clearly having fun being naughty (she makes guacamole with her tit for God’s sake), and Stephen Merchant is game for anything (he gets a tattoo of a penis on the side of his face). The way they escalate their “truth or dare” game works (they get plastic surgery, with Merchant turning himself into an “Asian guy” and Berry getting gigantic breast implants). “The Proposition,” the one where Anna Farris asks her boyfriend Chris Pratt to take a poop on her works right up until the end, when Pratt, literally full of shit, gets hit by a car and explodes. The shit explosion should have been bigger, and the sketch probably should have ended right there. And the grocery store sketch, where Kieran Culkin and Emma Stone argue, is funny only as a conversation. Nothing else in the sketch works.

The “Superhero Speed Dating” sketch, while funny, suffers from the same basic problem as the high school basketball sketch. There’s just too much swearing getting in the way of the ridiculous nonsense that’s going on. This sequence needed some serious cutting.

The worst sketch is a toss up between the “Middleschool Date” sketch and the “Happy Birthday” sketch. The “Date” sketch has an interesting idea (young girl on a date gets her period and is embarrassed) but is so poorly handled that it’s a chore to sit through. Why would the boys in the room, especially the older brother, completely freak out? It’s not like the kids in question are sheltered religious fanatics or something. And “Happy Birthday” is an abomination. Why is killing leprechauns funny? Wouldn’t it have been funnier if the leprechauns, after being chopped up, placed in plastic baggies, and thrown out in the trash, somehow reformed themselves and killed/maimed further Scott and Knoxville? Of course it would have been. As for the big payoff, who gives a fuck? A fairy is going to suck off Scott and Knoxville because they have a pot of gold. Please excuse while I don’t laugh.

And then there’s the “wrap around” sketch featuring weird beard screenwriter Dennis Quaid pitching movie ideas to studio executive Greg Kinnear. Only about a quarter of this sketch works. If it had been one segment out of many it might have worked, but the movie has to keep going back to it again and again. There just isn’t enough there to warrant an actual “wrap around” story.

Why does the movie even need a wrap around story? Why can’t it just be a series of weird sketches that happen? Hopefully, on the eventual DVD release, mastermind Peter Farrelly explains what the hell he was thinking putting this movie together. I’d also like to know why the final sketch, Beezel, featuring a cartoon cat that’s in love with its human owner, feels like it goes on for three hours (I’m sure director James Gunn would be game for explaining what went wrong).

Movie 43 isn’t as bad as its been made out to be (these major critics calling Movie 43 “the worst movie ever made” clearly haven’t seen anything by Battlespace “director” Neil Johnson), but it’s not as funny as it should be. It’s just too long, too unformed for it to really work. It needs to be tighter and faster. Sketch movies should just fly by. Movie 43 far too often just limps along.

See Movie 43 when it eventually comes out on DVD. I wouldn’t bother seeing it in a theatre. It’ll probably play better on a smaller screen anyway.

Rating: 5.5/10.0

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

I wasn’t expecting much from Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. Its release was delayed several times (never a good sign) and its running time was 87 minutes. While most movies have no business being any longer than 90 minutes, with the release date issues I thought I was going into one of those “mess” movies, sort of like Invasion with Nicole Kidman (story issues, interference from the studio, bad direction, whatever). Thankfully, Witch Hunters isn’t a “mess” movie. In fact, it’s a nifty, incredibly entertaining fantasy action horror flick with 3D that’s actually thrilling and interesting. Did the MGM bankruptcy debacle keep the world from seeing this thing sooner?

The movie starts off with the origin of the eventual witch hunters, Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton), confronting a witch in a house made of sweets and cooking the bitch alive in an oven. Instead of going on and on with this sequence, writer-director Tommy Wirkola gets in and out very quickly and gets on with the grown up witch killing stuff. Hansel and Gretel, traveling the known world killing bad witches for money, are supreme badasses, decked out in weird beard futuristic (for the time) weaponry, When we first see them enter a town to help out (they need to find the town’s kidnapped children and kill a witch), the sheriff, played by the great Peter Stormare, is pissed. Stormare’s Berringer doesn’t want outsiders mucking up his town or undermining his authority. Berringer doesn’t give a flying hoot who these people are.

As Hansel and Gretel try to figure out who stole the town’s children, the villain of the movie, Muriel (a terrifying Famke Janssen), shows up and freaks the audience out (it’s the blue eyes, man. I can still see them in my head and they’re freaking me the hell out). She’s in the area for a much larger reason, a reason that you should discover when you see the movie (and you should definitely see Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters). The big twist at the end of the movie, while not as big a twist as the movie would have you believe, doesn’t feel like a cheat. It actually works and doesn’t feel like some arbitrary bullshit. How often does that happen now?

The various action scenes are top notch stuff. Some of them could have been a little less hectic camera wise, but in an overall sense the shaky camera stuff actually enhances the movie experience. When Hansel and Gretel fight a witch it isn’t easy (it’s usually an insane brawl), and when you can’t see what the heck is going on you get to experience what the hunters are experiencing at the same time. I’m usually annoyed by that kind of thing, but it doesn’t bother me here. The movie’s gore quotient is also a nice surprise. I didn’t expect to see so much blood. The flying sequences are all great stuff, too. I loved how the witches would use what amounts to a tree branch to fly around.

The only thing I didn’t care for was the cussing. It felt false. Would these people really say “fuck” so often? Would these people really say “shit?” I have a hard time believing that. You’d think they’d all have their own slang. I’m also a little perturbed by the whole “Hansel has diabetes” thing. It’s an interesting little quirk, sure, and you just know that it’s going to play some kind of part in the end of the movie, but why does the movie forget about it until the very end? Doesn’t Hansel say that he has to take an insulin shot every few hours or he’ll die? Well, we don’t see him take a shot for like three days and nothing happens to him. Are we supposed to assume that he’s taking the shots off screen during those three days, or did the movie just forget about that stuff until the very end?

The Ogre, brilliantly played by Derek Mears (there he is again!) and voiced by Robin Atkin Downes, ends up stealing the show towards the middle of the movie when he decides to help. I don’t think I’ve cheered so much as when I saw the Ogre step on that one guy’s head and crush it. And it looks like the movie doesn’t use much CGI in the Ogre’s costume. A man-in-a-suit? Holy hooey! Awesome.

Renner and Arterton are an excellent team. They come off as a real brother and sister team, something that’s rare in this kind of movie. And, as I said earlier, Janssen is terrifying as Muriel. The facial make up, the transformations, those blue eyes(!) all get under your skin. Thomas Mann is fun as Ben, the local that wants to be a witch hunter. And Stormare, once again, shows everyone how to play an asshole.

Now, am I the only person who thought that the “damsel in distress” stuff that the movie ends with is out of place, especially considering that Gretel is the real brains behind the witch hunting operation? Why not change things up a bit and have Gretel rescue Hansel?

I don’t think I can stress how cool and worthwhile this movie is. It’s a blast from start to finish, the kind of movie you wish all fantasy movies were (fun). I’m game for a sequel if Paramount and MGM want to make one. I’d love to see them fight somewhere else, in a different locale (like ancient China or somewhere like that). Just cut back on the cussing and pour on the gore. The blood makes sense. The “fucks” don’t.

See Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, in 3D, as soon as you can. It’s worth your 87 minutes. See it, see it, see it.

Rating: 9.0/10.0

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!

Please check out The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which can be seen here. There’s not much there at the moment, but, as time goes by, expect to see daily questions and musings and other B-movie hooey. And it would be cool if you “liked” it, too.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 1

The Man with the Iron Fists: I missed this somewhat A-list B-movie when it was in theatres, which I’m still sort of pissed about. The movie didn’t get great reviews, but I thought it looked cool, and that’s all the justification you need sometimes to see a movie. Why the heck is Russell Crowe in this, though? How did that happen?

Silent Hill: Revelation: I didn’t particularly care for the first Silent Hill movie, but I did sort of want to see this one in theatres, just to see if it really was as messed up as it looked. The 3D trailers were amazing. Worth a rental, just to see if it’s worth seeing again.

A Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman: As a Python nerd, this looks and sounds hilarious. Graham Chapman is, was, and always will be great. I can’t wait to see this.

Mimesis: Night of the Living Dead: So, are the people in this movie “living” in Night of the Living Dead, or are they playing a game that’s based on NOTLD? I don’t know, I’m confused (I probably should have paid attention to the trailer a little more). Sid Haig is in it, so right there it’s worth a look. Anyone see this?

Rise of the Zombies: I believe this aired on the Sci Fi Channel last fall. Danny Trejo is obviously in it, but so are the Levar Burton and Mariel Hemingway, so that’s cool. I love these kinds of movies. I need to see more of them. I really do.

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TV Quick Hits

The Following thoughts: I’ve only seen the first two episodes of this new Fox show that’s “going to change television” (I don’t remember where I read that. It may have been in TV Guide) and, for the most part, I think it’s pretty good. It’s nothing special. I’m sure that Hotch, Rossi and the guys and gals of the BAU could figure this shit out in one episode, maybe two if it’s a sweeps month, but then they’re the absolute best when it comes to hunting down serial killers. Kevin Bacon is generally good as retired FBI agent Ryan Hardy, although I think the whole “he’s a drunk” thing is a tad too cliché (why can’t he have shell shock and instead of drinking himself into a coma he eats cheese curls or chocolate or something?). The “team” that’s hunting cult leader Joe Carroll (James Purefoy) isn’t all that impressive, at least at the moment (I do like Annie Parisse, who just apparently died on Person of Interest). And I’d like to know why Hardy was brought in to consult in the first place if his instincts are going to be second guessed at every turn. I know that’s done to enhance the drama, but wouldn’t it be cool if, on one of these shows where an “expert” is brought in for whatever reason, the expert is actually listened to?

Now, Purefoy is pretty good as the serial killer/cult leader Carroll. He’s charismatic enough to make you believe that random people would follow him for some wacky reason, although I don’t think I’m buying the Edgar Allan Poe shit. If Carroll is a literature professor and a novelist, wouldn’t it make more sense for him to invent his own bullshit instead of “stealing” from Poe? Wouldn’t that be creepier? I’ll admit that the guy in the Poe mask setting that random dude on fire at the end of episode 2 was messed up, but if it was a mask of a character that Carroll created it could have been even more messed up. Because, really, what the hell was that?

I’m intrigued enough to keep watching, so that’s what I’ll do. I hope Fox keeps airing the show on multiple nights and, when “necessary,” on FX. There’s just too much to record on Monday nights at the moment.

I do hope the show, at some point, tries to “demystify” the whole “he’s a serial killer and so dang cool” thing that tends to crop up on these kinds of shows. I mean, look at Carroll. For all his “romantic” bullshit, what is he really? He’s a murderer. He stabs women to death. He gets a thrill out of it, whether he wants to admit to it or not. Why would anyone, mentally unstable or not, want to follow him?

Legit thoughts: This new FX comedy, airing on Thursday nights and starring Australian stand up comic Jim Jefferies, is the best new show of 2013. It’s a show about a stand up comic (Jeffries), his best friend Steve (the brilliant Dan Bakkedahl), and Steve’s handicapped brother Billy (DJ Qualls), living together. They go to brothels, break people out of rest homes, attempt to masturbate on the internet (the third episode, where Jim helps Billy set up an internet video chat account and, eventually jerk off for a woman, is goddamn awesome), and attempt to fly on a plane without issue (ha). And that’s just the first four episodes. Who the heck knows where the show is going to go next?

Louis C.K.’s show, Louie, is still the best comedy on FX. However, if Legit keeps going the way it’s going, Louie may have to slide back into the number two spot. Legit really is that good. If you haven’t watched this show yet, good God find the time to do so. It’s worth checking out. And be prepared to laugh and laugh hard.

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Theme of the Week

Enjoy.

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Halle Berry

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Do you read Fangoria?

Fangoria, the granddaddy of all horror movie magazines, is still knocking out ten great issues a year. Interviews, on-set movie reports, retrospectives, and more are part of each jam packed issue. You can pick up the latest issue of Fango at your local bookstore, comic book establishment, FYE (I’ve seen it in there a few times), or you can go to Fangoria‘s official website for subscription info.

Read Fangoria! Yeah!

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Things to Watch Out For This Week: Part 2

Jedi Junkies: It’s a documentary about incredibly devoted Star Wars super fans. I’m a Star Wars nerd, but I don’t think I’m as fanatical as the people shown in the trailer. I mean, I don’t have lightsaber fights with anyone… anymore.

Doomsday County: Holy hooey is this one messed up trailer. But then what do you expect from the fine folks at Troma, where being “messed up” is the norm? Definitely worth a rental at least.

Croczilla: This PG-13 monster movie is also known as Million Dollar Crocodile for some reason. It’s also a Chinese monster movie, something the world doesn’t see every day. I think it looks like fun. I’m shocked, though, that Roger Corman and the Sci Fi Channel didn’t already do this movie.

Purge: I can’t find a trailer for this 2010 Australian movie that is apparently being released by the fine folks at Troma, so how the movie “looks” is a mystery at this point. It’s worth checking out, though, because, well, Troma is releasing it, and even when Troma releases a bad movie it’s at least interesting enough to watch once. I like the DVD cover.

Black’s Game: I’m guessing this is some sort of Icelandic crime movie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of those. Has anyone out there seen this? Does the DVD cover above do justice to the actual movie? Is it really as action packed as the cover suggests?

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week

This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to the “Left,” for not making a big deal out of President Obama’s recent announcement that he has the authority to kill American citizens overseas without trial or evidence. Oh, sure, most of the shows on MSNBC have asked questions about the President’s policy, but there isn’t non-stop coverage of the potential “end of the Constitution” like you’d expect to see from a political movement that’s allegedly against this kind of thing. But then that’s probably asking too much from the political movement that, in the guise of the Democratic Party, still can’t abandon its principles fast enough to show everyone that it really, really, really cares about America.

Isn’t this the kind of shit that George W. Bush was, rightly, attacked on when he was in office?

Disgraceful.

Up next is CNN, for having noted ultra right wing liar Dick Morris on its low rated Piers Morgan interview show. I hope that this isn’t new CNN CEO Jeff Zucker’s strategy going forward. Fox News got rid of Morris because even they couldn’t deal with his bullshit anymore (plus, it was a bit of face saving for Fox, since Morris was so spectacularly wrong about the election. Someone had to go, and Dick was the one that had to go). Why would CNN viewers want to watch him?

Jesus Christ.

And finally there’s the 2012 The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Year Donald Trump, for suing Bill Maher for $5 million. Yeah, I know that Maher “issued a challenge” to Trump to prove that his father wasn’t an orangutan or something, but it was clearly meant as a joke. The lawsuit, in a just world, would be thrown out of court immediately, but since Trump has mega lawyers to press his case, don’t be surprised if this frivolous lawsuit actually goes somewhere. Money talks, after all.

Why isn’t Trump being laughed off TV for this stunt?

What the hell is wrong with the world?

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NASCAR and Indycar thoughts

You would think, with Daytona qualifying this weekend, that there would be more NASCAR news as teams finalize their deals with drivers, last minute sponsors, etc. But there’s very little going on now. There’s been discussion about the new “Gen 6″ Sprint Cup car and how fast it is (several teams recently tested at Darlington and the consensus is Darlington will have a new track record this year). But that’s about it. This Saturday will be the first actual race of 2013 with the Sprint Unlimited (the old Bud Shootout). It’ll be interesting to see what the new car can actually do in traffic, etc.

Nelson Piquet, Jr., according to various sources (I saw it on Speed), will be running for the Nationwide Series title in 2013, competing for Turner Scott Motorsports. Piquet already has a Nationwide win on his resume (he won at Road America last year) and has shown that he can win on an oval (he won in the Trucks Series at both Michigan and Las Vegas). Turner is a good team, so 2013 could be a good year for Piquet. Could he be in Sprint Cup in 2014?

The Sprint Unlimited will be on Fox this Saturday night. Am I the only one excited about the return of racing?

Over in Indycar, it sounds like Roger Penske will be giving his former NASCAR driver AJ Allmendinger a shot at the 2013 Indy 500. Speed, yahoo, and several other websites claim that Penske wants to run a third car for the 500, and with Ryan Briscoe now completely out of the picture, Allmendinger is going to get the shot. He has to “pass” a test at the Sebring road course, but that’s likely nothing more than a formality. Allmendinger hasn’t been in an open wheel Indy-style car in about eight years (he won five races for Forsythe in Champ Car back in 2005) but he should be able to get up to speed rather quickly (he’s a good driver, and good race car drivers know how to adapt). If the test works out and Indy goes well, there’s a chance that Allmendinger will get a chance to race a few more times in 2013 (like at Belle Isle and, probably, Houston, but that’s just my guess). I’d imagine that if a relatively good NASCAR deal came along Allmendinger would take a serious look at it and probably take it (NASCAR is still where the big money is in America), but, for right now, this Penske offer is the best to happen to Allmendinger in quite some time.

It was also announced last week that Rahal Letterman Lanigan will have James Jakes in its second car, and that Andretti Autosport is teaming with Keith Wiggins’ HVM Racing outfit to give E.J. Viso a seat for 2013. Jakes has shown himself to be a capable driver, so driving for Rahal could be a good thing (look at what RLL was able to give Takuma Sato last year). The Andretti thing with HVM and Viso sounds like a “well, he does have a big ass sponsor” type deal. I’m surprised that Viso didn’t work something out with his old team KV Racing Technology. Since KV lost Barichello to the Brazilian Stock Car Series, KV is set to be a one car operation in 2013. That can’t be good for testing data and all that. It’ll be interesting to see if Wiggins runs this newish team, or if Andretti runs it. Is Andretti about to stretch himself “thin” again?

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Well, I think that’ll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

If there’s anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I’m always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

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Bryan Kristopowitz

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