music / Columns

Music’s 3Rs 2.17.13: Long Road To Ridiculous

February 18, 2013 | Posted by Sean Comer


Vandelay Industries and present this week’s Music’s 3 Rs with limited suckitude, brought to you by the Southern & Longmore Starbucks in scenic Mesa, AZ, as well as the following.

The Sundays, “Wild Horses”

Jeff Buckley, “Everybody Here Wants You”

Ben Harper, “Beloved One”

Sting, “Fields of Gold”

Coldplay, “Til Kingdom Come”

(To She Whom It May Concern … Told you I had one last small “gift” to give. Buon San Valentino.)

Remember, fellow Babies: I didn’t break the news. It was that way when I got here.

“Maybe I’m wrong, but just maybe, maybe you’re Right…”

Iamamiwhoami remixes The Irrepressibles
Let’s go ahead and get this over with: her name is “I Am Am I Who Am I”. Claro?

Now, for a fun little fact: when this news crossed my Facebook news feed earlier this week, my heart skipped about five or six beats. I at first believed I’d just read something far, far too amazing to be true. I nearly soiled myself with glee thinking that my beloved unsigned, rough-rocking Adelaide, Australia club veterans The Irresponsibles had been given the Scandinavian electronic enigma’s revamping treatment.

In actuality, Iamamiwhoami’s engineering of “New World,” the lead single from U.K. “electro-chamber orchestra” The Irrepressibles‘ sophomore album Nude, takes The Irrepressibles’ expressed latter-day-Radiohead traits of other explorative, melodic U.K. acts’ shared AOR genome and infuses it with the pulsating bass of her own brighter-sounding layered compositions. Instrumental low-end earmarks of Iamamiwhoami tracks such as “Play” and “Rascal” dress tender and devout lover’s-plea lyrics by The Irrepressibles and produce an experience that’s surprisingly touching, for such a bass-heavy pulse.

For what it’s worth, there’s just no recommending highly enough that every last one of you explore Iamamiwhoami‘s YouTube channel. It would just feel forced describing her music by placing it on some contrived Ven diagram with, say, Bjork or Cibo Matto. I know this because that was my initial attempt when I heard her. She has a way with layering textures more than dabbling in melodies that results in a dark, murky listening experience made positively ethereal by her siren’s-call vocals. If you watch her video collection, I implore you: watch from the oldest released to the latest. She also crafts mesmerizing, imaginative visual narratives that keep you compelled and hanging on her every moment.

You might have no idea what exactly you’re watching, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself enchanted by watching it all unfold before your eyes.

Taylor Swift pretty much does my job for me
You know something? I rescind my previous stances.

We need more Taylor Swift.

Remember last week, when I said that Chris Brown had transcended mockery to the point that no satire could possibly be more bat-shit insane than his daily efforts to proclaim to the world, “You haven’t yet seen crazy and/or stupid?”

Well, I hereby assign unto Swift a similar principle.

She is the bitchy celebrity singer-songwriter parody that, somehow, nobody ever actually wrote. In fact, more than anything else, she’s starting to resemble every “mean”-girl rival her lyrics have ever concocted. She is truth that is lamer than fiction. She embodies oblivious sociopathic tendencies that should be not locked away, but observed in rapt fascination within her natural environment.

But most of all, she’s just a gangly doofus whose propensity for performing Mexican hat-dances on the male hearts within nearest convenient reach for her to yank them out leaves me with no remorse whatsoever about mocking GIFs like these of her dippy impromptu Grammy dance party.

Plus, it made me smile with my heart that Gotye spanked her and won Record of the Year.

And somewhere, Elaine Benes was just saying, “I can’t top that.”

Screw it, I just love the woman next to her whose many f***s given are clearly falling from the sky.

OK, seriously, what in every fresh Hell?! Did she seriously kick Harry Styles to the curb so she could bump uglies with a CBS cameraman? Who kept demanding these cutaways?
We can only suppose that somewhere, Harry Styles’ crippling bunny fear snapped his psyche like a twig underfoot at this very moment and left him a cowering mess with peed pants. That’ll learn ‘im. I guess.

David Bowie releases upcoming album’s second single later this month
With his new album The Next Day releasing less than a month from now on March 12, David Bowie has set his next single’s unveiling date.

Bowie informed his Facebook following this week that “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)” will debut for purchase nine days from now, on Feb. 26. The Androgynous Alien marked his 66th birthday on Jan. 8 by releasing “Where Are We Now?”, his first new single in over a decade, and announcing the new 14-song (plus three bonus tracks) album. “Where Are We Now?” found Bowie in an uncommonly contemplative form, perhaps foreshadowing that this may be a somewhat of a personal testament from an artist who has declared that he’s given his last interview and shall tour no more forever.

Within hours on Jan. 8, the new single topped the U.K. iTunes charts, and for the first time in 20 years, Bowie had a top-10 U.K. singles chart entry with a #6 debut.

Bowie has staked his career and built an entire legacy upon adept reinvention without coming across as desperately seeking and clinging to relevance. If we’re indeed bearing witness to The Thin White Duke at his most introspective and looking upon his life in retrospect for better or worse, then his admirers are living in interesting times.

“I don’t wanna fight, Jack, but you ain’t ever right, you know you wRong…”

Travis Barker won’t join Blink 182’s Australian tour
When one has been a part of something violent, some things never resemble their old forms even once the “healing” has begun, or even once it’s run its course.

So it is with Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker. Four years after he survived a tragic 2008 plane crash that killed four people, Barker announced via his Facebook account that he would not join bassist Mark Hoppus and guitarist Tom Delonge when the pop-punk veterans soon tour Australia.

Barker explained that he remains traumatized following the incident in which his place caught fire as it left South Carolina, TMZ reported. “I still haven’t gotten over the horrific events that took place the last time I flew when my plane crashed and 4 people were killed, two being my best friends.”

Barker’s friend Adam “D.J. AM” Goldstein survived the crash. Perhaps nearly as sadly, despite a brush with death, he later died following a drug overdose.

Barker has given his friends and bandmates his blessing to replace him for the tour as they see fit.

“I gave the band my blessing to take another drummer if they still wanted to do the tour without me. I hope to come to Australia again some day perhaps by ship if need be. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a boat that worked with the schedule this time around. Once again I’m sorry to all the fans.”

It isn’t really Barker’s decision that makes this uncomfortably wRong. That would be Hoppus and Delonge.
It’s not like Barker’s situation should be even remotely news to them. Instead of having Barker remain behind and miss playing the music he’s loved making with them, why not reset the dates? It’s difficult enough that Barker suffered massive, severe burns over large swaths of his body. It might be worse possibly having to deal with the possible “survivor’s remorse” that he walked away while four others – as stated, two of them, good friends – are no longer with him.

Hoppus and Delonge don’t merely owe Travis Barker the Drummer better.

They owe Travis Barker, their friend, their apologies.
(Lil Wayne equated this with lady parts. Please, digest that carefully.)
Stevie Wonder lays into Lil Wayne over vulgar Emmett Till reference
Rightfully so, one of music’s most introspective, touching and insightful lyricists has let one of its most overrated ones have it over a misplaced, monumentally-poor-taste reference to infamous racial violence.

Though he maintained that he’s a friend to and fan of Lil Wayne, Stevie Wonder took the Young Money rapper to task over an inexcusably vulgar reference to the tragic racially motivated murder of Emmett Till as a sexual metaphor in a guest verse on Future’s recent track “Karate Chop”.

Till, a black Chicago teenager, was bound and tortured by white assailants in 1955 Mississippi after he allegedly whistled at a white woman. Via, the lyric reads, “Pop a lot of pain pills/‘Bout to put rims on my skateboard wheels/Yeah, beat that pussy up like Emmett Till…”

I’ll react to that in a second.

“You can’t equate that to Emmett Till. You just cannot do that… I think you got to have someone around you that – even if they are the same age or older – is wiser to say, ‘Yo, that’s not happening. Don’t do that’,” Wonder reacted during an interview when asked about the lyric, The Huffington Post reported. Till’s family demanded an apology. Epic Records, on behalf of Future, promised them that the official version wouldn’t include the offending lyric. “Sometimes people have to put themselves in the place of people who they are talking about. Imagine if that happened to your mother, brother, daughter or your son. How would you feel? Have some discernment before we say certain things. That goes for me or any other (song)writer.”

Wayne, you ignorant little piece of trash.

It’s one thing when Kanye West rapped on “Through The Wire” about his girlfriend at the time of his near-fatal car accident being “scared as hell that her guy looked like Emmett Till.” That was making it clear just how severely the accident disfigured him. It was painting a picture from his own heart of a night that would live with him forever.

This dumbshit just equated a violent, deplorable, excruciating death with getting laid.

You know something? There are members of the black community that, to this day, regard Bill Cosby as an “Uncle Tom” and “sellout” because he champions young blacks having self-respect, valuing education, and preserving a deep reverence for the struggles their forbearers endured simply to attain the most basic civil rights.

Conversely, this oblivious affront to dignity is considered a hero of sorts because he did time on drug and weapon-possession charges.

At some points, Babies, I just ask myself, is this even a planet on which I wish to live anymore?
Black Keys drummer takes the low road
The part of me that wants to crowd Chris Brown, Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber bound-and-gagged onto the same nuclear-weapon test site finds this amusing.

The part of me with a certain social conscience about the douchebaggery that has occupied the Internet just finds this to be unfortunately poor form.

Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney felt the need to make a point by antagonizing Grammy-snubbed Bieber’s frantic Twitter legions during last weekend’s ceremony, and instead invited their (unimaginative, less-than-eloquent) wrath. Claiming Bieber didn’t deserve any nominations, Carney explained, “Grammys are for like music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy.” Though he makes a valid point, Bieber regardless tweeted that Carney “[should] be slapped slapped around haha.”

Carney responded by swapping out his previous Twitter avatar for a Bieber picture, changing his name to Justin Bieber, and adding the profile description “Official twitter for the actual verified Justin Bieber DOS virtual buddy.”

Then came the Beliebers…

“I used to like you, but why are you being such a d**k?”

“do you even know how stupid and immature u look doing this. arent u like fifty?”

“do you know how f**king dumb your acting and how stupid you look lmao”

“Can we please have Patrick back?”

In turn, Carney shot right back.

“As justin i am powerful.”

“Haha lol i can’t swag this”

“U never liked justin. don’t be cruel.”

To be clear, Bieber has well and truly earned his reputation lately as being a bit of a cockgoblin himself.

Still…you’re antagonizing Justin Bieber. You’re the drummer making up one-half of one of the more respected, relevant, critically acclaimed rock duos today.

Is there a point? Any at all?

Carney’s behavior isn’t exactly a revelation here. He’s a dick, he seems to know he’s a dick, and that forecasts Carney going forward being a bigger dick. At least when Noel Gallagher puts up his dukes, he’s making at least a half-assed attempt at blunt artistic commentary.


It’s Justin Bieber.

What was the end objective here?

“Now, how could I possibly be inconspicuous when my flow is f***in’ Ridiculous?”

 photo RIDICULOUS_zps450711f3.jpg

Surprisingly? I’ve got nothin’. Nothing really jumped out at me as necessarily “ridiculous” this week. No, I’m not writing about Ke$ha claiming she drank her own piss. This is supposed to be about people who make music.

Therefore, in the interest of driving a point home to Beyonce…


Nope. I’m never getting tired of that photo.

The sun’s comin’ up…I’m ridin’ with Lady Luck
It was a wild, wild week in a wild, wild world. Still, I can’t help but feel like this biscuit o’ bizarre needs some gravy. Here it is, fellow Babies everywhere – the moment you realize what a wonderful world this can be. Your one, only, weekly MOMENT OF GWAR…

Keep your stick on the ice. I’m Sean. You’re not. Never dull your colors for someone else’s canvas.

Oh, one more thing…

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Sean Comer
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