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411’s Impact Wrestling Report 03.09.17

March 9, 2017 | Posted by Aaron Scott

Welcome everyone to your Impact Report right here on the 411. Tonight we see the first show in the new era of Anthem as Impact Wrestling begins anew.

Lashley will defend the World Heavyweight Championship. We will see the return of Karen Jarrett to power.

We will see Alberto El Patron, Dutch Mantell, Bruce Pritchard, Reno Scum, KC Quinn, Rachel Ellering and more, as well as the continuation of Eddie Edwards vs Davey Richards, Cody Rhodes vs Moose and more. Hello, my name is Aaron, on this the beginning of a difference in Imapct forever. Join the TNAlisters in the commentary and we will witness the beginning together. Match times are not exact, your card is subject to change, Impact begins in moments.

We start with an entrance video featuring all the stars of TNA from yesteryear, see above.

Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards are brawling in the Impact Zone. This feud must continue. Starting with a brawl, it ain’t a talky segment at least.

JB interrupts Josh Matthews and Pope. We have controversy as announcers fight > Wolves brawling, I guess.

Cody Rhodes calls out Moose for later on tonight. Apparently he knows Moose isn’t here. That non-mustached CAD.

DCC vs Reno Scum

Reno Scum head into the ring, and Kingston begins as Luster comes in to attack and double team. Bram is in, Adam and Luster send the man sliding outside. Double team as DCC attack Luster the Legend.

Pope yells at Josh and JB to stop fighting. T-Bone on Kingston and damn. That is it at 2:23. Squasheroo. New Era.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Reno Scum at :26, Squasheroo

DCC argue.

“SUPERKICK” chants.

Mkenzie Mitchell is here to tell everyone that Maria Kanellis will be here to talk about what happened at the Wedding heard round the world. Sienna comes out and tells her Maria had a nervous breakdown. She mocks Mckenzie, and calls out Allie.

Sienna says she hasn’t gotten rid of her.

Braxton Sutter vs Marshe Rockett vs Caleb Konley vs DJZ

Z and Konley trade rolls and pins, Z over the top into Marshe and Sutter!

Rockett throws people around and a powerbomb into the buckle by Braxton. Allie is still happy at ringside, Rockett almost gets taken over an inside cradle.

Rockett off the second three dropkicks from his foes!

Allie starts a clap, the fans are cheering!

Jawbreaker from Z to Sutter, Konley with a kick to the head from Caleb, rolling palmstrike to DJZ and Suicide Dive from Caleb!!

Chop and Suplex on Sutter!

KICK from Caleb to Marshe, ZDT from DJZ!

Marshe kicks Zima!

Rockett sends the man outside, and Allie to the top rope!!

ALLIE PLANCHA OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! TAKES OUT ROCKETT!

SWINGING FISHERMAN’S NECKBREAKER FROM SUTTER!!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Braxton Sutter at 4:23, Allieterference

Laurel Van Ness walks out in her wedding dress and bottle. She is distraught, still.

Coming up, Broken Hardys vs Smokin Joe the Kangaroo!!

Bruce Pritchard LOOOVES Impact

Bruce Pritchard is on his way out, and Josh is actually shooting when he says Bruce was here for the worst part of TNA ever.

Bruce comes out and maligns the fact that old management didn’t let the cream rise to the top. He is here to tell us that TNA is Dead.

New Owners, new management, a brand new name. Impact Wrestling. You get new players. New coaches. They look for people who have achieved greatness in the past. He has won greatness in the past. He was there when Hulkamania well he rambled for awhile.

He calls out Lashley who comes in and says that he was chosen by our President and he is the best man in the business. He says he is the Walking Armageddon. He is-

Alberto El Patron. He comes out with Mexican Salsa music. Lashley has his arms folded as they try to say he is Legendary.

Pritchard kisses his ass as the fans in Orlando chant “Si!”

EC3 says no you gotta EARN your shot!

Lashley says he beat you so many times and now you get to the back of the line.

Alberto gets the fans to chant “SI” and the fans cheer! Bruce, well he makes the match for the World Title I guess? Tonight. EC3 is left standing there looking stupid. Wow. New Era!

Backstage Angelina punches Eddie Edwards. Apparently, she hits harder than Davey.

CODY is out here.

He calls out MOOSE!

He has the GFW Next Gen Championship and throws it in the ring.

Dirty Dutch makes Impact Great Again

Dutch comes out and says it’s no secret TNA has been taken over by another company called Impact Wrestling. The ink was barely dry when they called him and Bruce. He says he was here eight years ago when Impact was great. A picture is worth a thousand words. He remembered when AJ Styles was right here.

Samoa Joe.

Bobby Roode. And he name drops a bunch of veterans.

NEW ERA.

Well someone left and they never thought that would happen. The fans left.

(WELL NO WE DIDN’T WE WERE HERE WHEN YOU AND THE REST LEFT)

He makes everyone say his WWE catchphrase to make Impact Great Again.

New Era.

We show the fight with the Kangaroo for the second round.

Brother Nero vs Kangaroo

Joe beats Nero’s ass then he kicks Matt and grapples with Matt, and he throws him around, He ties up with Nero and they lock as Jeff gets kicked a few times.

Smokin Joe kicks Nero away and chases the man until he bribes him with food. Joe kicked their ass. The Seven Deities told them they must go on their Expedition of Gold and they teleport, and all of a sudden they disappear and DECAY are standing there, they have the titles?

What?

From the 411 chatters, they said Decay managed to intercept the teleportation and stole the tag titles? The Hardys are deleted? I mean, k.

Lashley vs AEP

World Title Match

Ding Ding Ding. Apparently, Spud is the ring announcer.

New Referee shirts too. New Era.

Lockup and both to the ropes, Lashley and Alberto brawl in the corner, Patron for the cover no.

Hammering to the back of Alberto and Lashley for the head slam into the corner. Fist to the head and Patron sent into the corner, he falls down. Choke on the bottom rope.

They fight into the apron and the commentary table.

Lashley into the ring as Patron climbs up, off the top and clothesline of some sort. Patron with a reverse chinlock administered and Lashley has the ropes.

Lashley with suplexes and Patron counters the Spear with a Dropkick. Both men down.

Ethan Carter III walks out on stage.

Commercial break time.

We come back with El Perro on his knees as Lashley runs and misses the lunge in the corner, Alberto is house en fuego. Backcracker from Patron.

Isn’t that like a Tequila or something?

Cross Armbreaker into a schoolboy no Lashley didn’t get it.

Lashley hits the Official!

Cross armbreaker on Lashley he’s in trouble! The submission locked in, and Lashley eventually pulls him up and single arm powerbomb! NO second referee did not register a count.

Lashley sidestepped and Hangman Double Stomp no two count.

Cross Armbreaker yet again no up and Dominator no, once again no Lashley up SPINEBUSTER on Patron.

Kickout.

DDT from El Patron.

Alberto stomps in the corner, HE superkicked the Referee!

Lashley for the no Armbreaker no SPINEBUSTER on Patron.

Lashley goes for the title belt.

Patron superkicks Lashley! He has the title belt! CLOCKS Lashley across the head!

Patron just beat Lashley for the World Title.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Alberto El Patron at 17:26, Belt Shot

Patron celebrates with the title belt and he has just pinned Lashley. The Referees argue as Alberto El Patron stands on the commentator’s table. EC3 is giving applause as everyone is arguing at ringside.

Tune in next week for more Impact, New Era. Look for Larry’s Review and sound off in the commentary on the Official Impact Report. Night.

In Memoriam:

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