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411’s Instant Analysis 07.02.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

July 2, 2012 | Posted by Sat

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Chad Nevett and I have no idea what’s on tap for tonight besides heavy rumors about the involvement of Diamond Dallas Page as a returning legend. Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess. I always enjoy Raw a little more when I know less about it. The less I know, the less expectations I have. The less expectations I have, the more a segment has a chance to surprise me and win me over. Expectations can be a real killer. So, let’s see if my ignorance about tonight’s episode makes it better or worse.

SEGMENT ONE: Hype and Catchphrases

Ah, the ever-popular ‘parade of participants’ opening segment. I’m not a fan of these type of segments. I find them contrived and obvious as a structure. This one worked around that a little by trying to be obvious about it a little in promoting both tonight’s tag match featuring John Cena and CM Punk teaming against Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan, and the WWE Championship Money in the Bank match. Where most of the entertainment came was the use of Bryan’s “Yes!” chant and how it segued into Jericho dusting off some old catchphrases to show that, if you don’t like people stealing your catchphrase, then, maybe, you should come up with more than one. That’s all you can really hope for in segments like this: brief moments of entertainment within a forced, awkward format.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Cody Rhodes & David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Christian & Santino Marella
Match Result: Santino Marella pinned David Otunga
Match Length: A little over eight minutes

A fun match that mostly skimmed the surface, which is all you can expect out of a eight-man tag match that last eight minutes. Not a lot of room to really do much, but the finish at least continued the story of AW pulling O’Neil and Young out of the match early (though I think it’s the wrong way to build up #1 contenders for the tag belts) and Cody Rhodes blaming David Otunga for losing the MitB qualifier tag match on Smackdown. Actually, as a story for Otunga goes, everyone hating him, faces and heels included, is a pretty good one — and a logical place to go in the absence of John Laurinaitis.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Alberto Del Rio ~~vs.~~ Destroys Sin Cara

Meant as Teddy Long’s surprise for Del Rio, Sin Cara turned out to not be much of a threat as Del Rio attacked him mid-entrance and just beat the holy hell out of him. A decent way to make Del Rio seem imposing and more of a heel, especially for the near-the-Mexican-border audience. Given Del Rio’s lack of success against Sheamus, he needs to be built up somewhat to be a believable threat at Money in the Bank and this is a good first step.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Paul Heyman Delivers Brock Lesnar’s Promise of an Answer to Triple H’s SummerSlam Challenge

Well, this certainly filled a few minutes. Paul Heyman, live via satellite to announce that Brock Lesnar will give Triple H an answer… in three weeks at the 1000th episode of Raw. Heyman’s explanation of why Triple H wants to fight Lesnar (so Lesnar can end his career, making it easier to be an executive and ‘go out fighting’) was interesting and I would have loved to see Heyman say that to Trips’s face. That was too good an insight to waste on this little hype teaser. Then again, I like the dynamic of Triple H and Heyman in the ring. Beyond that one small intriguing moment, there wasn’t much here.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero vs. Sheamus & AJ
Match Result: AJ pinned Vickie Guerrero
Match Length: A little under three and a half minutes

Surprisingly short for the spot in the show that this match got. I expected (see!) this to last a lot longer with a bit more tagging. Instead, it was just Sheamus and Ziggler fighting until Sheamus looked dominant and Ziggler tried to escape via tag, leading to a Brogue Kick and AJ picking up a quick win over Vickie. The finish was surprising, if only because it seemed like the match wouldn’t end so soon. I liked Sheamus carrying AJ to the corner at the beginning and the post-match AJ/Punk moment backstage. Otherwise, this was disappointing.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Heath Slater vs. Doink the Clown
Match Result: Heath Slater pinned Doink the Clown
Match Length: One minute, 20 seconds

…Heath Slater won? He beat a former WWE star? In a match? That was genuinely surprising. It seemed like Slater was going to be the weekly punching bag of the old and semi-retired, but, no, he picked up a win against the most famous clown in wrestling. The match was, well, thankfully short. Of course, Slater couldn’t stand on top and ate a Diamond Cutter much to everyone’s joy. With Randy Orton suspended, I think we need DDP to come out every week and give a Diamond Cutter to someone at random.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: No Disqualification Match – Kane vs. the Big Show
Match Result: The Big Show pinned Kane
Match Length: Three minutes, 45 seconds

You know what I love about contemporary WWE? The way that main event threats — guys built up as someone who is difficult to defeat, someone who is a constant threat — are put in matches that have them defeated in a remarkably short period of time. Here, we have two guys built up as monsters that can crush anyone in a no disqualification match and it lasts less than four minutes. What a waste.

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Tyson Kidd vs. Tensai
Match Result: Tyson Kidd pinned Tensai
Match Length: 18 seconds

And the surprising out of nowhere push of Tyson Kidd continues. It may not have been an impressive win, but it was a win. I mean, out of Kidd and Tensai, I know who I would rather see get a push…

Backstage, the weird mash-up/repetition of Bryan and Jericho’s catchphrases was entertaining. If they ever become an official tag team, screw mixing their entrance themes, they should use this with a little Auto-Tune.

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: CM Punk & John Cena vs. Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan
Match Result: AJ put CM Punk and Daniel Bryan through a table
Match Length: Around 18 minutes…?

I rather enjoyed this match. Jericho seems like he’s shifting back into an earlier heel persona — the flexing one-foot pin was a fun callback — and he and Bryan worked over Cena pretty well for a chunk of this match. Cena played the face whipping boy for longer than he usually does and that also played into Punk wanting to lead the team, giving him the opportunity to be the ‘savior’ and basically have a few minutes of one-on-one action with Bryan. Lots of smart character-based action and some good wrestling. I’m not sold on the finish entirely. A lot of people like the use of AJ in this story and I can definitely understand that, but her involvement almost always guarantees a cheap finish, which I don’t think is needed when you’ve got Punk and Bryan in the ring. I would rather see her continue to develop her character outside of this story on her own, but, hey, there’s still some time before it becomes too repetitive and boring, right? Overall, a strong main event and great way to close out the show.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: CM Punk & John Cena vs. Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan

Trash Segment of the Night: The Kane/Big Show No Disqualification Match

Final Analysis: I guess going in with few expectations didn’t help matters tonight. A thoroughly underwhelming episode of Raw for me. Very little stood out as great, most of it hovering at that ‘got the job done’ level where they accomplished what they set out to, but in a way that didn’t particularly wow me. It was fairly forgettable and a downgrade from last week (which was an average, middle-of-the-road show). The only thing that brought it up a little was the main event.

Verdict: 5.8

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect