411’s NWA TNA Report 01.22.03

– Hey there everyone, how’s it going? Before I get started I’d like to toss in my two cents on WWE releasing Justin Credible and Raven. It was a really smart move to dump both of them because it was obvious they had no clue what to do with either one of them. Sometimes you have to cut your losses. Raven is such a great performer on every possible level that he’ll improve any promotion by adding himself to their roster. Raven could be the key to turning some of these up and coming promotions around and establishing an alternative to Vince McMahon’s WWE. I just hope Raven ends up anywhere besides XPW. I hate XPW with my entire being. Justin Credible can go to XPW though. They deserve each other. Now onto the show, hopefully a show that’ll have Raven very soon.

– We start off by paying homage to late Original Sheik.

– Jeremy Borash welcomes Australian wrestling fans to their first edition of TNA.

– Live from the TNA Asylum

– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West (looking like he just mugged Goldust)

– Six-Man X Division Tag: Shark Boy, David Young, and Jimmy Yang vs The SATs
Total chaos starts it off with everyone in the ring. A total flurry array of planchas by the SATs knock Shark Boy, David Young, and Jimmy Yang all over the place. This is a highspot party if I’ve ever seen one. Shark Boy and Jose Maximo finally square off as order is restored. I got a new stopwatch this week (I keep losing my other one) but I can’t figure the damn thing out and watch the match at the same time. The Amazing Red tags in and gets pummeled by Shark Boy, David Young, and Jimmy Yang. Red gets the lukewarm tag to Joel Maximo who gets pummeled on the outside by Yang. Don West points out that there’s no heels and babyfaces in this match because the X division is about the spirit of competition. It’s nice to see an announcer put over six awesome workers solely on their talent. Joel and Jose Maximo take control and beat on Shark Boy. Joel Maximo misses a weak senton and Shark Boy tags out to David Young and Joel tags Jose. Young hits a moonsault on Jose. Tag out again and it’s Jimmy Yang against Red. Red counters twisting Death Valley Driver attempt with a submission hold. Yang goes for the Yang Time but he gets crotched by Jose Maximo. Red hits the Code Red on Yang for the pinfall at something like 11 minutes. **3/4 Damn, that was a nice match there. I really want to see Jimmy Yang vs The Amazing Red now.

– Konnan comes out again and wails on everyone with a kendo stick. Apparently, Konnan is NOT an employee of TNA. Security escorts him out of the building. I think Tenay needs to sit him down for an interview.

– Vince Russo and S.E.X. make their way to the ring. Russo has total control over who the champions will face tonight due to last week’s eight man tag. America’s Most Wanted will defend the title against Elix Skipper and Low Ki. Sonny Siaki will defend the X title in a three-way dance against one of the ring boys and Athena. Well you Athena marks will probably really like that. “That’s what killed the cruiserweight title in WCW!” says Tenay. Damn, that’s kinda true. Jeff Jarrett will defend the World title against Christopher Daniels, B.G. James, and Heavy D in a four corners gauntlet match. Eliminations by pinfall, submission, and over the top rope tossings. Mike Sanders grabs the mic. Sanders introduces the newest member of S.E.X., Ashley Hudson. I’m going to get so many e-mails for this but WHO THE HELL IS ASHLEY HUDSON?!?! Okay, go ahead. Tell me.

– Ashley Hudson vs Jorge Estrada
Hudson apparently wrestled in WCW. Okay, ummm… I need a little more than that. Was he a jobber in World War 3 or something? Tenay gives me Ashley Hudson’s life story so don’t bother e-mailing me after all. Thanks to Tenay, I know more about this dude than I’ll ever need to know. Hey at least, he’s not a clueless putz like Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Mike Tenay is the best announcer in the business. This match here is sort of boring but Tenay makes it interesting. Hudson chokes out Estrada with the middle rope. Estrada gets dumped to the outside and tossed into some ring steps. Back into the ring and Hudson hits a nice little slingshot legdrop. Estrada gingerly reverses a Davey Boy Smith suplex into a pin. Hudson rolls through with a cross body block from Estrada for the weak finish at 5:04. * Match was kinda blah, but it’s all good. Mike Sanders asks Estrada to join S.E.X. afterwards but Estrada was all like, “No way, dude.”

– Recap from last week’s A.J. Styles/Larry Zbyszko confrontation leading up to tonight’s match.

– A.J. Styles vs Larry Zbyszko
I hope Styles kills Zbyszko. Some mat wrestling to start it out. Larry gets a leg scissors on Styles. Styles gets control by superkicking Larry right out of the ring. BOOYAH! Larry tries to go to the top rope but the ref stops it. They get back in the ring and Styles does a double leg takedown and puts his feet on the ropes for the ultra cheap win at 5:49. 3/4* Match sucked and really didn’t serve much of a point to be honest. Crowd was behind Styles all the way though. So I guess if they wanted to turn Styles into a babyface again, they’re well on their way.

– Goldylocks is backstage with The Truth and Jerry Lynn. Jerry Lynn doesn’t want Russo to sink TNA. Mike Sanders and David Flair are going to get their ass kicked tonight.

– Jerry Lynn & The Truth vs Mike Sanders & David Flair
Flair comes down to ringside with that burlap sack again. Big brawl starts it off right away. Match settles down and Sanders and Flair team up on Lynn. Flair chops are no-sold by Lynn and David takes a beating. David Flair looks absolutely horrid in there. He has a physic that’s on par with my own. That’s not a good thing. Flair and Sanders continue to assault Lynn in their corner. Flair works Lynn’s leg. Hot tag to Truth and we get some madness. Lynn back in and he gets hit with Flair’s sack at 7:45 for the win. ** Perfectly decent formula tag team match right there. But really that was mostly held together by Jerry Lynn.

– Roddy Piper rants and raves in a pre-taped segment. He name checks Owen Hart, Junkyard Dog, and Kerry Von Erich. Dude, you forgot the Original Sheik. Well maybe this was taped before he died but whatever, Piper needs to shut up. I’m not writing about this crap. Roddy Piper can burn in hell.

– NWA Tag Team Title Match: America’s Most Wanted vs Elix Skipper & Low Ki
This match has potential to seriously kick ass. Low Ki and James Storm start us off with some mat wrestling. Storm BRUTALIZES Low Ki with a lariot. AMW cleans house. Back in the ring and AMW uses Low Ki as a battering ram on Elix Skipper. Lou Thesz press on Skipper by Chris Harris. This match has so much awesomeness that I can’t do it justice with words. I’m going to basically say that after nearly 16 awesome minutes, Low Ki finishes Chris Harris after some interference from Christopher Daniels giving Low Ki and Elix Skipper the NWA tag team titles at 15:51. **** Really, really great match with a meh ending that loses this a half star but the awesome nonetheless. I had so much fun watching this thing I didn’t even bother taking decent notes.

– Three-Way Dance for the X Title: Sonny Siaki (w/ Desire) vs Athena vs Chris Vaughn
Man, after that last match this is going to be quite the contrast. I will be so shocked if this anything but a total suckfest. Vaughn and Athena team up on Siaki and we get some near falls right off. Desire pulls Athena out of the ring and Siaki hits that awesome pumphandle OwenDriver 97 (which he has now dubbed Siakilypse Now) on Vaughn for the easy win at 1:30. DUD But Kid Kash and Trinity come out and chase off Siaki and Desire.

– Goldylocks walks in on the S.E.X. party and gets drenched in champagne. Mike Sanders is wearing a Konnan shirt. Whoa, what a rebel wearing a shirt for a guy who’s so totally not a TNA employee.

– Dusty Rhodes comes out for some interview time. Dusty Rhodes calls out his ex-Superpowers tag team partner, Nikita Koloff. Koloff comes out and Rhodes asks why Koloff would whore himself to Vince Russo. They discuss their history together and talk about Magnum T.A. Rhodes invites Koloff into the ring and offers to forget all about the whole debacle from last week and stand tall as the Superpowers once again. Rhodes brings in a copy of PWI with The Superpowers on the cover to remind Nikita of the tradition they stood once stood for. Vince Russo comes out and interrupts this killer segment. Russo reminds us that S.E.X. isn’t the nWo and that they’re the future of the business. Koloff has a choice to either join S.E.X. or the tradition of the NWA. Koloff chooses to sucker punch Dusty. Koloff leave on his own. Officials tend to Rhodes. Really cool segment there. This whole storyline is starting to kick some major ass.

– NWA World Title Match: Jeff Jarrett vs B.G. James vs Heavy D vs Christopher Daniels
If James and Heavy D both suffer from simoultaneous heart attacks at the beginning of the match, then this match could most certainly rule all. Jarrett tosses Daniels right over the top to start it but Daniels thankfully skins the cat to avoid elimination. Three-on-one beating ensues. Jarrett rolls out of the ring and cleans house with a steel chair. James grabs a chair but his referee/brother grabs it out of his hands. Beating on the outside from all three members of S.E.X. bloodies Jarrett. Jarrett is overwhelmed by the heels and taken out to the crowd for his slaughter. Daniels tries to put Jarrett through a table but Jarrett rolls out of the way. The heels keep the beating coming though as they bring it back to the ring. James pisses his bro, Scott Armstrong, off and catches an ass-whooping as Scott tosses down his referee shirt. Jarrett takes advantage and tosses Heavy D and B.G. James out. It’s down to Daniels and Jarrett. Dusty Rhodes runs down to the S.E.X. lockerroom and beats them down as The SATs guard the rampway and root for Jarrett. Daniels can’t put Jarrett away. Jarrett reverses a double axehandle attempt from Daniels with the Stroke for the pinfall at 10:10. **1/2 I swear that match didn’t suck. Jeff Jarrett is the man!

– Jeremy Borash interviews Jarrett as he stands triumphantly with the NWA title. Jarrett’s celebration is interrupted BY RAVEN!!! BOOYAH!!!!! Raven steals the NWA title belt and escapes into the crowd as Tenay shits a brick. I’m not gonna lie, I did too.

– Well, the sports entertainment vs tradition storyline is progressing more and more every week. I actually want to see the payoff for this thing, which is something I haven’t thought about while watching the WWE in a long, long time. I genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen and I love it. TNA is definitely worth the cash, kids. Stop buying those damn WWE PPVs and get with it. This is where it’s at. I mean, THEY HAVE RAVEN FOR CHRISSAKES. DO YOU NEED ANOTHER REASON TO BUY THIS SHOW?!?!