411’s WCW Thunder Report 3.07.01

411’s WCW Thunder Report 3.7.01

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Scott Hudson
Your 411 report host is…me!

Widro, that hard-working guy, is taking some time off to get his drunk on and party with his harem, so I’m here instead.

Show starts with highlights from Nitro and “Exclusive” video from after Nitro went off the air. Cat saves DDP from Steiner’s assault with a chairshot, then they RUN AWAY?!?! You…you COWARDS!!!

Opening Video Montage

Match 1 – Shannon Moore & Evan Karagious vs. Jason B. (formery EZ Money) & Scotty O.
This match is part of the CW Tag Title Tournament. Karagious hits a Neck Breaker on Jason. Jason catches Karagious coming off the top with a Dropkick. Moore tags in. Scotty tags in. Scotty misses an Asai Moonsault. Karagious tags in. Karagious hits a Powerslam, then tags in Moore. Jason with a blind tag, Jason flies outside onto Karagious. Moore hits a Twisting Body Attack on Jason. Moore hits the Fameasser on Scotty. Jason hits a cool move for 2, but Karagious breaks it up. Karagious hits the 450 Splash for 2. Moore hits a Top Rope Fameasser with Evan holding Scotty for the win.
Winners – Moore & Karagious

Moore & Karagious will advance to face Kidman & Mysterio Jr.

Commercials

Steiner is out for his nightly address. He’s looking for The Cat. Steiner may be the only person who is as ripped as his action figure. Steiner says DDP fears him, and his path of destruction will continue at Greed. He’s using BIG words tonight like “solidify”. Steiner wants the Cat tonight. Cat is out dum, dum, dum, OOOOOOOOWWWWW!!! I’m The Greatest! Cat calls Steiner “Big Poppa Dump” yet again. You know, I bet Steiner’s turds are even ripped. Cat accepts Steiner’s challenge. Steiner can’t say phenomenon…see I told you, don’t use big words. DDP comes out, he says he’s still standing. Rick Steiner tries to attack DDP, but Hugh Morris cuts him off. DDP & Morris fight Rick to the ring, then they leave as Poppa Pump comes towards them. Since when do we have cowardly faces?

More Commercials
Match 2 – Screamin’ Norman Smiley vs. Shawn Staziak
Staziak s l o w l y comes to the ring, signing his 8x10s along the way for some kid who promptly puts it up for sale on Ebay for $10.00. Shawn offers the pics to Norman, but Norman swats them away and hits a Sunset Flip for 2. Norman goes for the Conquest, but Shawn escapes. Norman misses a Dropkick. Shawn hits a Backbreaker for 2. Tony tells us Shawn wants to be called The Mecca Of Manhood?!?…oh lord. Shawn beats Norman around the ring. Norman gets a Rollup for 2, but Shawn catches Norman with an elbow. Norman catches Shawn coming off the top with a boot to the face. Norman hits the 2 variations of The Atomic Drop. Shawn calls for time out, but gets the Big Wiggle. Shawn reverses an irish whip into a Clothesline. Shawn hits his Neckbreaker, but doesn’t cover. Shawn hits a Chokeslam for the win.
Winner – The Mecca Of Manhood (see I catch on quickly Tony)

Oh great…now he’s got the mic. PEE BREAK!!! Blah, blah, blah. Shawn cuts the 80s Rick Rude promo and leaves. Whew…glad that’s over.

Later tonight The Rick vs. Hugh Morris

More Commercials

We come back to see Kanyon confronting Smooth in the parking lot with an Armbar, but Smooth reverses it. Kanyon begs off and Smooth gets back in the limo. Smooth is just about to do something but HEY!!!…the car is about to tip over from his weight… no wait Kanyon has a forklift and turns the car upside down.

More Commercials

The EMTs are attending to Smooth in the parking lot when we come back. Smooth says his neck is hurt. We get a replay of the tipping because WE JUST SAW IT!

Match 3 – Elix Skipper “Up In Here” vs. Shugga’ Shane Helms
Shane has a new entrance with dancing women and a rap song. Elix takes Shane down with a Drop Toe Hold and celebrates. Shane hits a Thesz press with . Shane hits a Neckbreaker, Elix rolls out of the ring. Elix trys to catch. They brawl outside. Shane tosses Elix out into the crowd, then back over the baricade. Back inside the ring, Shane hits a Gutwrench Suplex and a Backbreaker. Shane hits a fist off the top rope for 2. Elix drops Shane on the ropes, Shane rolls out. Elix slingshots out of the ring onto Shane. Shane fights back with punches and a Guillotine Leg Drop. Elix reverses a Suplex into a Underhook Suplex. Elix hits a Twisting Guillotine Leg Drop for 2. Elix hits a Short Arm Clothesline. Elix hits a Missile Dropkick for 2. Shane reverses a Double Underhook Suplex into a Northern Lights Suplex for 2. Elix hits a German Suplex for 2. Shane hits the Sugar Smack for 2. Shane hits a Frog Splash for 2. Shane hits the Nightmare On Helms Street and the Vertebreaker for the win.
Winner – Shane Helms

Kid Romeo comes in and attacks Shane, but Kidman & Rey make the save. Shane’s new music plays. Sing it now…”Vertebreaka”

Next Rick Steiner vs. Hugh Morris…yeah I know.

More Commercials

Match 4 – Rick Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus
This is a non-title match. We see highlights of Steiner hurting people. What’s the name of that Scorpion’s song that sounds like Hugh’s music? Steiner takes his time getting in the ring. Tenay tells us that if Flair & Jarrett lose, then Flair has to kiss Dusty’s ass…oh how the mighty have fallen. Rick shields himself with the ref then attacks Morrus. Steiner drops an elbow…cover him, it DID put Nash away as part of the most predictable heel turn this year. S T A L L I N G galore. Morrus fights back, but Steiner catches him with a punch. Steiner stomps away on Morrus. Steiner works on Morrus’ leg for a while. THIS SUCKS ASS!!! Steiner “toys” with Morrus and taunts the fans. Steiner hits a DDT!!! WOO HOO…A MOVE!!!! Morrus comes back with punches and a Clothesline for 2. Steiner catches Morrus attempting a Splash with a Clothesline. Morrus hits Steiner with a Clothesline and goes up top. Team Canada comes out. Storm distracts the ref as Awesome holds Morrus for Steiner. Steiner hits the DVD (no…not the Steiner Driver) for the win. At least it’s over.
Winner – Rick Steiner

Team Canada attacks Morrus after the match, but Konnan makes the save.

More Commercials

Lex Luger comes out. Oh no…now he wants to talk to. He’s REALLY trying to concentrate on his lines. He’s pissed because he lost to Palumbo and he wants to spank him?!?! Palumbo runs out and we have…

Match 5 – Lex Luger vs. Chuck Palumbo
Palumbo is a house of fire. Palumbo hits a Dropkick. Lex comes back with a Jawbreaker. Lex goes to work on Palumbo’s back. Luger hits a Clothesline, and throws Palumbo outside. Luger tosses Palumbo into the barricade. Palumbo gets Small Package for 2 back inside. Luger hits the Flying Forearm and them a Powerslam, but he dosen’t cover. Luger calls for the Rack. Luger goes for the Torture Rack, but Palumbo rolls him up for the win.
Winner – Chuck Palumbo

More Commercials

Luger is breaking stuff when we come back.

Konnan is looking for Team Canada He’s gonna blow up like illegal…fireworks?!?!

We get the current Greed card complete with highlights and nice graphics.

Next Scott Steiner vs. The Cat

More Commercials

Lance Storm is out when we come back YES!! He wants to be serious for a second…he kills me. SHUT UP YOU MORONS!! “Oh Canada, Our home and native land” Yes, I am singing and no, I’m not Canadian.

Match 6 – Lance Storm vs. Konnan
Konnan storms in and catches…uh…Storm with a Reverse DDT for 2. They brawl outside, then rolls back in. Storm begins to dismantle Konnan. Storm works on Konnan’s back with knees. Storm slams Konnan and goes up to the top, but Konnan catches him with a boot. Konnan hits a Rolling Clothesline. Konnan gets the Tequilla Sunrise, but Storm gets free. Konnan goes for a Facebuster, but Storm reverses it into the Maple Leaf. Konnan taps.
Winner – Lance Storm

Awesome is out and Team Canada starts to beat down Konnan. Hugh Morrus makes the save.

More Commercials

Morrus is still in the ring when we return. Morrus and Konnan want Team Canada at Greed and they’re gonna get ’em. I’m gonna go ahead and give my pick…TEAM CANADA WINS!!!!

Booker t talks about his comeback, he’ll go through Rick Steiner to get to Scott Steiner.
By the way…Don’t hate the playa’…hate the game. Why SHOULD we hate Triple H?

More Commercials

Match 7 – Scott Steiner vs. The Cat
Steiner attacks Cat as he comes into the ring. Steiner goes to drop Cat on the turnbuckle, but Cat slides over his back and kick him. Cat punches Steiner in the corner, but Steiner hits an Inverted Atomic Drop. LET BEATING BEGIN! Steiner takes Cat outside and throws him into various barricades. Back in the ring, Cat tries to fight back, but Steiner hits with him with a knee. Cat comes back with some kicks. Steiner catches Cat with a Belly To Belly. Cat hits an Enziguri. Now Rick Steiner is out, followed by Booker T. Back in the ring Steiner hooks on the Steiner Recliner. The Cat taps out.
Winner –

After the match, Big Poppa Pump refuses to break the hold. DDP is out, but gets caught with a low blow. The Magnificent…er…Five is all out. Big Poppa Pump gets DDP in the Steiner Recliner as we fade to black.

And we’re out.