411’s WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017 Report

Welcome to 411’s WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017 Report. (I still can’t believe that’s a thing I actually just had to type.) We are LIVE in beautiful Dallas, Texas.

The Kickoff Show panel is Renee Young, Peter Rosenberg, and David Otunga. Charly Caruso is in the Social Media Lounge, and later in the show Paul Heyman will be her guest to discuss the Universal Championship Match. We start off with a video package for Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman. Rosenberg picks Reigns, but Otunga picks Strowman. Next up is a breakdown of Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt. Rosenberg and Otunga both pick Wyatt. We move on to a discussion of Cesaro & Sheamus vs. The Hardy Boyz. Rosenberg picks the Hardy Boyz, but Otunga picks Cesaro & Sheamus.

Dana Brooke joins the Kickoff Show panel to give her insight on Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks. Brooke and Otunga pick Banks, but Rosenberg picks Bliss. We follow that with a breakdown of the Miz vs. Dean Ambrose. Rosenberg and Otunga both pick the Miz. Next up is a video package for Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass. Rosenberg and Otunga both pick Cass. We head back to the Social Media Lounge where Paul Heyman has joined Charly Caruso. Heyman refuses to sit so that he can be prepared to run in case Samoa Joe attacks him during the interview. Heyman says that Joe will have to pay the tax for his actions tonight, but he also admits that Joe is Lesnar’s most dangerous opponent to date. This will not be a quick trip to Suplex City, and Samoa Joe will take a piece of Brock Lesnar.

Kickoff Show Match for the Cruiserweight Championship
Neville (Champion) vs. Akira Tozawa w/ Titus O’Neil

Neville and Tozawa lock up to start, and Neville muscles Tozawa to the ropes. The referee calls for the break, and they lock up again in the middle of the ring. Neville transitions to a standing side head lock and a shoulder tackle, but Tozawa fights back with a deep arm drag takedown. Neville goes for a sunset flip, but Tozawa rolls through into a kick to the chest followed by a standing senton. Neville gets dumped to the outside and Tozawa goes for a suicide dive, but Neville hops up onto the ring apron can catches Tozawa with a kick to the head over the top rope. Neville stomps on Tozawa before whipping him to the outside. Neville follows Tozawa to the outside and whips him into the barricade as we head to a commercial. We return from the break with Neville firmly in control of Tozawa in the middle of the ring. Neville hits the ropes and connects with a low drop kick to Tozawa’s chest. Neville again stomps on Tozawa’s head and shoulders, but Tozawa fights back to his feet and goes to work with rapid fire chops to Neville’s chest. Tozawa suplexes Neville and heads up top, but Neville rolls out of range. Neville rolls to the outside, but Tozawa takes him out with a suicide dive. Tozawa connects with a second suicide dive and rolls Neville back into the ring for a two count. Neville whips Tozawa onto the ring apron, but Tozawa slingshots back into the ring and catches Neville in the octopus stretch. Neville makes it to the ropes and retaliates with a stiff shot to the jaw. Neville ties up Tozawa in the ropes and lands a volley of chest kicks for a two count of his own. Neville connects with a running forearm shot and heads up top, but Tozawa rolls out of the way. Tozawa catches Neville with a hurricanrana and a Shining Wizard. Tozawa heads up top and connects with a diving senton, but Neville rolls out of the ring. Neville heads back into the ring and crotches Tozawa on the top rope. Tozawa climbs back to his feet, but Neville hits a spinning kick to the “lower abdominal region” and gets the three count.

Match Result: Neville defeats Tozawa with a spinning kick.
Match Length: 11:34
Slimmer’s Rating: **½

The Kickoff Show finishes up with a video package for Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt

Rollins catches Wyatt in an arm wringer to start and follows up with a snapmare takedown. Wyatt gets back to his feet and muscles Rollins to the corner, but Rollins fights back with another snapmare takedown. Wyatt heads to the outside to catch a breather and counters a suicide dive from Rollins with a stiff punch between the ropes. Wyatt climbs back into the ring and lands another punch to the face. Wyatt charges Rollins in the corner, but Rollins dumps Wyatt face-first into the turnbuckle. Wyatt goes for a DDT on the ring apron but instead drop Rollins face-first onto the ring steps. Wyatt whips Rollins into the barricade and then rolls him back into the ring. Wyatt locks in a seated rear chin lock, but Rollins fights back to his feet. Wyatt chops Rollins in the corner and takes him up top. Wyatt goes for a superplex, but Rollins tries to counter into a sunset flip, but Wyatt regains control a hits the superplex for a two count. Wyatt maneuvers Rollins onto the apron and hits a DDT on the apron for a two count. Wyatt goes back to the rear chin lock and tries to follow up with a running senton, but Rollins rolls out of the way. Rollins goes for the Falcon Arrow, but Wyatt blocks, so Rollins drop kicks Wyatt to the outside. Rollins connects with a suicide dive to the outside, waits for Wyatt to head back into the ring, and levels him with a springboard punch for a two count. Rollins connects with a forearm shot in the corner followed by a Sling Blade and a Blockbuster for another two count. Wyatt goes for Sister Abigail, but Rollins blocks, so Wyatt levels him with a clothesline. Wyatt again goes for Sister Abigail, but Rollins counters into the Falcon Arrow for yet another two count. Rollins heads up top, but Wyatt crotches him on the top turnbuckle. Wyatt hits a uranage and gets a two count of his own. Wyatt slaps Rollins across the face and rolls to the outside, but Rollins grabs him between the ropes. Wyatt blinds Rollins with a thumb to the eyes while the referee has his back turned and then follows up with Sister Abigail for the three count.

Match Result: Bray Wyatt defeats Seth Rollins with Sister Abigail.
Match Length: 12:03
Slimmer’s Rating: ***¼

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Enzo take the fight right to Cass, but Cass easily drops him with a shoulder tackle. Cass traps Enzo in the corner and beats him down to the mat. Cass rag dolls Enzo and shoves him down to the mat. Cass slaps Enzo across the face and follows up with a fallaway slam. Cass splashes Enzo in the corner, but Enzo crumbles to the mat before Cass can do it again. Cass lands a stiff shot to the ribs and pounds on Enzo’s back. Cass chokes Enzo against the bottom turnbuckle and tosses him over the top rope to the outside. Enzo just barely beats the referee’s ten count back into the ring and uses the ropes to drag himself back to his feet. Cass levels Enzo with a big boot, and that’s enough for the three count.

Match Result: Big Cass defeats Enzo Amore with a big boot.
Match Length: 5:28
Slimmer’s Rating: **

30-Minute Iron Man Match for the Raw Tag Team Championship
Cesaro & Sheamus (Champions) vs. The Hardy Boyz

Matt and Cesaro start the match, but Cesaro quickly rolls out of the ring, and it looks like Sheamus is actually starting the match. Sheamus levels Matt with a Brogue Kick and gets the first three count of the match. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 1 – 0. Jeff and Cesaro get the tags, and Cesaro carries Jeff to the corner to make the tag to Sheamus. Jeff fights out of the corner and makes the tag back to Matt. Matt traps Sheamus against the ropes before clotheslining him to the outside. Matt follows Sheamus to the outside and pounds his head on the ring apron. Matt rolls Sheamus back into the ring and goes for the Twist of Fate, but Sheamus blocks. Jeff gets the tag, and Jeff and Matt level Sheamus with stereo back elbow shots. Jeff goes to work on the arm, but Sheamus uses his power advantage to whip Jeff to the outside. Cesaro attacks Jeff on the outside, so Matt charges over to make the save. Sheamus rolls Jeff back into the ring and makes the tag to Cesaro. Cesaro heads up top and levels Jeff with a double ax handle for a two count. Cesaro hits a gut wrench suplex and makes the tag to Sheamus. Sheamus locks in a wrist lock and puts all of his weight on Jeff. Sheamus drags Jeff to the corner and makes the tag to Cesaro as Booker T and JBL argue about the address of the Dallas Sportatorium (damn did I love World Class). Cesaro kicks Matt off the apron to prevent Jeff from making a tag before making the tag back to Sheamus. Sheamus and Cesaro hit a White Noise / Diving Elbow Drop combo for another three count. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 2 – 0. Sheamus charges at Jeff in the corner, but Jeff evades, and Sheamus posts himself in the corner. Sheamus makes the tag back to Cesaro as Jeff FINALLY makes the hot tag to Matt. Matt bounces Cesaro off all three turnbuckles and follows up with a running bulldog for a two count. Matt hits a diving elbow to the back of the neck and gets another two count. Jeff gets the tag and hit Poetry in Motion. Matt follows up with the Side Effect, and Jeff hits the Twist of Fate for the three count. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 2 – 1. Sheamus gets the tag, and Jeff works him over in the corner. Matt gets the tag, and the Hardys hit a double team suplex for a two count. Sheamus and Cesaro head to the outside to catch a breather, but Jeff launches off Matt and dives over the top rope to take out both opponents. Matt rolls Sheamus back into the ring, but Cesaro whips Matt into the ring post. Matt can’t beat the referee’s ten count back into the ring, and that gives Cesaro and Sheamus another pinfall. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 3 – 1. Matt finally heads back into the ring as Sheamus makes the tag to Cesaro. Cesaro stomps a mud hole in Matt in the corner and makes the quick tag back to Sheamus. Sheamus locks in a seated rear chin lock and drives his knee into Matt’s back. Sheamus hits the Beats of the Bodhrán and shoves Matt off the apron. Cesaro gets the tag and works over Matt on the outside. Cesaro rolls Matt back into the ring and tags Sheamus. Cesaro and Sheamus hit a double team suplex, and Sheamus locks in a modified chin lock. Matt fight back with the Side Effect but only gets a two count. Cesaro gets the tag and kicks Jeff off the apron before locking in the Sharpshooter on Matt. Jeff charges into the ring to break up the hold and make the save. Jeff heads back to the apron and calls for the tag, but Sheamus pulls Jeff off the apron. Cesaro delivers a volley of European uppercuts in the corner and whips Matt to the opposite corner, but that allows Matt to FINALLY make the hot tag to Jeff. Matt backslides Cesaro, and Jeff follows up with his split-legged pin for the three count. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 3 – 2. Matt and Sheamus get the tags and Sheamus goes for a rolling senton, but Matt counters into a tornado DDT for a two count. Matt looks for the Twist of Fate, but Cesaro distracts Matt. Sheamus takes Matt up top and goes for a belly-to-back superplex, but Matt knocks Sheamus back down to the mat. Matt connects with a moonsault, but Cesaro just manages to break up the pin before the three count. Sheamus heads up top, but Matt follows him up and hits a super Twist of Fate for the three count. The match is tied 3 – 3 with three minutes remaining. Matt makes the tag to Jeff, and Jeff heads up top. Jeff looks for the Swanton Bomb, but Cesaro pulls Sheamus out of the ring, so Jeff hits a diving splash to both opponents on the outside. Jeff rolls Sheamus back into the ring, and MATT AND JEFF HIT STEREO TOP ROPE SPLASHES ONTO SHEAMUS FROM OPPOSITE CORNERS. That’s just crazy impressive. Jeff covers Sheamus, but Cesaro makes the save. Matt gets the tag and levels Sheamus with a clothesline, but he doesn’t notice that Cesaro made the blind tag. Jeff gets the tag and hits the Swanton Bomb on Sheamus, but Cesaro charges into the ring and rolls up Jeff for the three count. Cesaro & Sheamus lead 4 – 3. Matt got busted open at some point and is bleeding heavily from above his eye. Jeff chases Cesaro around the ring and then back into the ring. Jeff hits the Twist of Fate and covers Cesaro, but time expires before the referee can make the three count.

Match Result: Cesaro & Sheamus defeat the Hardy Boyz by a score of 4 – 3.
Match Length: 30:00
Slimmer’s Rating: ****¼

Raw Women’s Championship Match
Alexa Bliss (Champion) vs. Sasha Banks

Banks gets a quick rear waist lock to start and muscles Bliss to the corner. The referee calls for the break, and Banks and Bliss lock up again in the middle of the ring. Bliss levels Banks with a shoulder block, but Banks dumps Bliss to the outside. Bliss climbs back into the ring, but Banks catches her with a rope-assisted arm drag takedown. Banks hits a vicious arm wringer and slams Bliss to the mat. Bliss gets to her feet in the corner, and her elbow is seriously bending the wrong way. Banks and the referee look very concerned, but Bliss suddenly pops her elbow back into position and levels Banks. I don’t know if Bliss is double jointed or if that was just a great optical illusion, but either way, it was very effective. Bliss drops Banks back-first onto the apron and then rolls her back into the ring for a two count. Bliss hits double knees to the back and then hits a standing moonsault into double knees to the back. Bliss locks in a modified bow-and-arrow on the mat, but Banks breaks free and rolls up Bliss for a two count. Bliss goes to work with the ground and pound but only gets a two count. Banks suplexes Bliss into the corner, and both women are down on the mat. Banks and Bliss slug it out in the middle of the ring, and Banks levels Bliss with a drop kick. Banks hits a belly-to-back suplex and follows up with a running knee to the face for another two count. Bliss heads to the corner, waits for Banks to head toward her, and hits the Glitter Blizzard for a two count. Bliss heads up top and hits the Twisted Bliss, but Banks rolls her right into the Bank Statement. Bliss makes it to the rope and rolls out of the ring. Banks follows Bliss to the outside and whips Bliss into the barricade. Banks rolls Bliss back into the ring, but Bliss rolls back to the outside and intentionally takes the count-out to retain her title. Bliss gloats as she heads back up the ramp, but Banks charges after her. Bliss slams Banks’ head into the announce table on the stage and then pulls Banks up onto the announce table. Bliss goes for a DDT through the announce table, but Banks shoves her off the announce table and then hits diving double knees from the announce table to the arena floor. Referees check on Bliss as Banks stands tall back to top of the announce table.

Match Result: Sasha Banks defeats Alexa Bliss via count-out.
Match Length: 12:06
Slimmer’s Rating: ***¼

Intercontinental Championship Match
The Miz (Champion) w/ Maryse, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose heads to the outside to start and goes after Axel. Ambrose heads back into the ring, levels Miz, and then heads back to the outside to whip Dallas into the ring post. Ambrose returns to the ring once again, but Miz finally takes control and locks in a rear chin lock. Miz hits a low DDT but only gets a two count. Miz chokes Ambrose across the second rope and then kicks Ambrose in the face. Miz kicks the chest and goes for a low big boot, but Ambrose rolls up Miz for a two count. Miz fights back with his patented corner clothesline and goes for a top rope double ax-handle shot, but Ambrose catches Miz with a boot the gut in mid-air. Ambrose levels Miz with a running forearm shot and follows up with a forearm shot in the corner. Ambrose takes Miz up top and hits a super butterfly suplex for a two count. Miz ties up Ambrose in the tree of woe and hits a pair of running drop kicks to Ambrose’ knee. Miz goes to the well one more time, but Ambrose explodes out of the corner and levels Miz with a clothesline. Miz regains control and locks in the Figure Four Leg Lock, but Ambrose makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Ambrose tries to get to his feet, but his injured knee keeps buckling. Miz lands of volley of It Kicks, but Ambrose ducks the final kick. Ambrose heads up top and connects with a diving elbow shot for a two count. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Ambrose breaks free, but Axel and Dallas pull him out of the ring. Ambrose heads up top and dives onto Miz, Axel, and Dallas. Ambrose heads back up top as Miz rolls into the ring. Ambrose dives at Miz and then hits Dirty Deeds, but Miz gets his foot on the ropes. Maryse pulls Miz to the outside, but Ambrose levels him with a suicide dive. Ambrose rolls Miz back into the ring, but Dallas attacks Ambrose from behind while Maryse distracts the referee. Miz hits Ambrose with the Skull Crushing Finale, and that’s enough for the three count.

Match Result: The Miz defeats Dean Ambrose with the Skull Crushing Finale.
Match Length: 11:16
Slimmer’s Rating: **¾

Ambulance Match
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Strowman charges at Reigns, but Reigns side steps him and connects with a punch. Strowman whips Reigns to the corner and crushes him with a running splash. Strowman hammers Reigns down to the mat and kicks him out of the ring. Strowman heads to the outside and tries to whip Reigns into the ring post, but Reigns reverses and instead whips Strowman into the corner. Strowman gets back to his feet and slams Reigns back-first into the ring post before whipping him into the ring steps. Strowman dismantles the steps and slams them into Reigns’ face. Strowman tries to sandwich Reigns between the steps and the post, but Reigns slides out of the way. The action returns to the ring, and Strowman once again slams Reigns to the mat. Strowman charges at Reigns in the corner, but Reigns gets a boot up in Strowman’s face. Strowman drags Reigns out of the ring and carries his limp body to the ramp. Reigns escapes Strowman’s grasp and retreats back into the ring. Strowman follows Reigns into the ring but eats a Samoan Drop. Strowman charges Reigns in the corner, but Reigns slides out of the way, and Strowman posts himself in the corner. Reigns hits a Drive By to Strowman’s previously injured elbow and then delivers a volley of chair shots to the elbow. Strowman gets to his feet and no sells several chair shots before whipping Reigns into the barricade. Strowman drags Reigns up the ramp and whips him into the display screen. Strowman tries to powerbomb Reigns onto the announce table, but Reigns floats over and lands on his feet. Strowman whips Reigns off the stage and into the side of the ambulance. Strowman opens the ambulance door and tries to put Reigns inside, but Reigns slams Strowman’s face into the door. Strowman again tries to muscle Reigns inside the ambulance, but Reigns grabs both sides of the door to block. Reigns lands a Superman Punch that drives Strowman halfway into the ambulance. Strowman grabs a back board from inside the ambulance and slams it into Reigns’ back. Strowman launches Reigns back onto the stage and charges toward him, but Reigns slides out of the way, and Strowman slams into the screen. Strowman tries to power slam Reigns on the stage, but Reigns floats over and shoves Strowman straight through the screen wall. Reigns drags Strowman toward the ambulance, but Strowman once again shoves Reigns off the stage. Reigns drives a stage light into Strowman’s face and goes for the spear, but Strowman side steps Reigns, and Reigns’ momentum sends him straight into the ambulance. Strowman slams the ambulance doors closed and wins the match, but Reigns explodes back out of the ambulance with a spear to Strowman. Reigns shoves Strowman into the back of the ambulance and closes the door. Reigns pulls the driver out of the ambulance and drives it out of the arena. REIGNS PUTS THE AMBULANCE IN REVERSE AND DRIVE IT FULL SPEED INTO A TRUCK, COMPLETELY COMPACTING THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE!!! Somehow it falls to Jamie Noble to grab a crowbar and try to free Strowman from the wreckage, but he doesn’t have much luck.

Match Result: Braun Strowman defeats Roman Reigns.
Match Length: 16:31
Slimmer’s Rating: **½

Impromptu Match
Heath Slater vs. Curt Hawkins

Okay, I guess we’re having an impromptu match. Hawkins beats Slater down to the mat and makes the cover, but Slater kicks out at two. Hawkins locks in a rear chin lock as fire engines arrive to try to free Strowman in the back. We’re watching the firemen bring out the jaws of life as we hear the bell ring and Slater is announced as the winner.

Match Result: Heath Slater defeats Curt Hawkins.
Match Length: 1:45
Slimmer’s Rating: WTF

The firemen finally cut the ambulance open, and Strowman crawls out of it. He’s covered in blood but fights off the EMTs. Strowman stumbles around but finally staggers away, telling the fireman and EMTs to leave him alone. Jamie Noble made this whole travesty moderately watchable.

Universal Championship Match
Brock Lesnar (Champion) w/ Paul Heyman vs. Samoa Joe

Joe attacks Lesnar from behind before the bell rings. Joe knocks Lesnar out of the ring and beats him around ringside. JOE SLAMS LESNAR THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. Heyman checks on Lesnar as Joe returns to the ring and stands tall. Lesnar slowly climbs back into the ring and says he’s ready to go, so the referee officially starts the match. Joe muscles Lesnar into the corner and pounds on him. Lesnar reverses and traps Joe in the corner. Lesnar goes to work with knee and shoulder shots in the corner, but Joe fights out and locks in the Coquina Clutch. Lesnar drives Joe into the turnbuckle to break the hold, and WELCOME TO SUPLEX CITY! GERMAN #1! GERMAN #2! GERMAN #3#! Joe grabs the top rope to block another suplex and then low blows Lesnar with a mule kick when the referee can’t see it happen. Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch for a second time, but Lesnar fights out and slams Joe to the mat to break the hold. Lesnar charges at Joe in the corner, but Joe evades, and Lesnar posts himself in the corner. Lesnar quickly recovers… GERMAN #4! GERMAN #5! GERMAN #6! Joe again locks in the Coquina Clutch and drags Lesnar down to his knees, but Lesnar counters into the F-5 and gets the three count.

Match Result: Brock Lesnar defeats Samoa Joe with the F-5.
Match Length: 6:31
Slimmer’s Rating: ***