411’s WWE RAW Report 02.15.10

Fifteen year old hometown girl named Alison opens the show with a beautiful rendition of The Star Spangled Banner to open the show. DAMN nice touch for President’s Day.

And from that to Nickelback’s lame entrance theme song. Anyone else miss the “Leader of Men” days?

Michael Tool and Jerry Lawler are your commentators for tonight. RAW is in Des Moines, Iowa.

Bret “The Hitman” Hart addresses the WWE Universe tonight.

Batista is coming to RAW to respond to Cena’s threats from last week.

WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
We get a recap of Sheamus costing Orton his match with Cody Rhodes and hitting his bicycle kick before Rhodes made the save. “I hear voices!” Orton takes his time getting in the ring, but it’s okay because his theme song is boss. Bell rings and they circle. Lock-up and Sheamus puts him Orton in the corner and channels Owen Hart before Orton hits a European Uppercut to a crowd pop and he slithers away. Sheamus gets his hands on him and beats him down before decking him with a forearm. Corner whip but Orton hits a back elbow and throws punches. Huge “RKO!” chants. Sheamus gets back on the offensive and gets two off a knee drop. Falling powerslam by the champ, but Orton ducks the Bicycle Kick. Orton goes for the RKO but Sheamus throws him off and bails outside.

Back from commercial and Orton has the advantage and we get the Garvin Stomp. Viper. DiBiase and Rhodes come out which distracts Orton. Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker and drives his knees into Orton’s back. Sheamus hits several forearms to the back as Legacy looks on. Sheamus telegraphs a back body drop and eats a kick, and Orton throws several punches and a European Uppercut. Dropkick and several stomps to the gut follow. 3.0 Backbreaker connects and Orton stars stalking for the RKO. Sheamus falls on his back to avoid the RKO and Orton just kicks him. Sheamus goes outside and tries to send Orton into the post with a battering ram, but Orton throws him into it instead. Legacy goes after Sheamus and we have a disqualification. Orton’s not happy.
My Rating: **1/2 McNew’s Rating: ***3/4

RKO TO RHODES! Sheamus with a boot to DiBiase, RKO TO SHEAMUS! Crowd loves this as Orton stands tall.

Bret Hart is in the building WALKING!

Did you know that RAW was more popular than two basketball games last night?

Cole and Lawler start talking about Bret coming in and we get a recap of last week where Batista beat Cena down and Cena voiced his complaints. Vince McMahon came with tons of security and admitted to sending Batista down. Cena talks about how he does this because he loves it and loves the moments. Bret wanted to face Vince at ‘Mania, and Vince said yes, Bret came down and beat him down, and Vince backed out of the match and said that Bret deserved to be screwed. Awesome package that shows the parallels between Survivor Series and last week’s fit.

Bret Hart’s music plays and the man is out! Very good pop for the Pink & Black Attack as he walks to the ring. Bret has the mic and he’s ready to talk. Vince is not here tonight and Bret says he would have been waiting for him at the airport, outside his car, at the hotel, in the building. Because he came here tonight to finish things with Vince once and for all. Huge “Bret” chant. Bret says he came back to the WWE with good intentions; to make peace with McMahon. But it wasn’t to be. When he tries to put things in perspective, Vince lied to him, kicked him in the gut, spit at him, lied some more, had Batista rough him up. All he hears is that he deserves to be screwed. Bret says Vince deserves to have the Holy Hell out of him. Vince is the worst liar, below the bottom of the barrel. He had his heart said on beating Vince at ‘Mania, but that won’t happen now. Victory last a lifetime, but excellence lasts forever. Now that Bret knows how things stand, he thanks the superstars and the fans for welcoming him back. He especially thanks John Cena, his friend, because in essence, he got to live a few last moments that he’ll never forget. He thanks the fans again. But he’s going to take the opportunity to say goodbye.

Lawler and Cole put him over for leaving since he can’t solve his issue with Vince.

Bret is in the back and runs into Kofi, who is sorry to see him go. It’s been an honor. He runs into Swagger and Alicia Fox and say good luck. Primo is here (say Hi to your dad). Evan Bourne and Gail Kim show up as well. Honestly, not the worst way to earn a paycheck.

CENA is in the back with Bret now and Cena says “That’s it?” Cena says that they can be ready by ‘Mania. He thanks him for coming out here and Bret tells him to call him later. Bret is at his car and a car just ran into Bret Hart, sandwiching his legs in the car door. Cena calls for paramedics but Bret is mostly silent. Cena starts yelling at the blonde chick and chases after her. Gail’s getting a ton of face time here. Doc’s taking care of Bret and they get him onto a stretcher. They wheel him out into an ambulance.

Hmm…wonder who could be behind that? I guess that settles the issue of whether Bret will wrestle at ‘Mania or not.

The Elimination Chamber ad is really dumb. Just thought I’d reiterate that.

We get a recap of Hart getting injured from a car backing up into by some blonde chick. Ambulance is on it’s way to the infamous “local medical facility” and we’ll get updates as they happen.

WOW. The Miz and Big Show mix is even WORSE than the original Jericho-Show mix. AWFUL. We get a recap of Miz and Show beating DX for the titles last week, and Triple H was NOT happy about that.

The Miz & Big Show vs. MVP & Mark Henry
Yeah, called this happening as soon as Miz and Show won the titles. MVP goes right after Miz and stomps a mudhole into him. He whips Miz to the corner but runs into a boot. Miz gets flapjacked and runs into Henry and MVP punts him to the floor. Commercial already.

Miz has a front facelock as we come back. Miz prevents a tag but gets back body dropped and Henry is in. Clotheslines for Miz and hits a boot, but gets caught with the World’s Strongest Slam, but Show breaks up the cover with a legdrop. Miz makes the tag but Henry throws punches and whips Show to the corner before hitting an avalanche. Henry goes to slam him but Show blocks and hits a DDT. Show clumsily goes for the Vader Bomb and Mizark moves. MVP tags in and ducks a punch before hitting a forearm and several punches, and hits the face breaker and the Player’s Boot! He tries it again but runs into a superkick. Miz goes for the cover but MVP turns it into a crucifix for two. WAY too short. I wouldn’t mind seeing a rematch at ‘Mania though.
My Rating: * McNew’s Rating: 1/2*

Jerry Springer is up next, promising to reveal the most intimate relationships of the WWE stars.

Tomorrow, the last ECW Show EVER happens.

Did you know that Triple H has won 4 Elimination Chamber Matches? Did you know that Raw’s Main Event Scene is REALLY STALE?

Jerry Springer is out with bodyguards and my Springer cherry is popped. Time for me to see what all the hubbub is about. Springer thanks us very much and says we are nice. Welcome to a special edition of the show called “The WWE’s Most Intimate Relationships Revealed”. He promises that we will have different opinions of the people we cheer and boo. SURE. Out first is the woman so beautiful her parents named her twice…KELLY KELLY! She’s looking fine today. Springer says that he hasn’t seen her wrestle in a while. Apparently…Kelly’s pregnant. Oh dear. Who’s the daddy? Kelly’s not sure. Of course. Kelly says she’s been in a lot of relationships. Jerry wants to know where you sign up. So does everyone. Kelly thinks the father is…..

SANTINO MARELLA! He calls Jerry “Morry Porvich”. Santino says that he is Papa. They were at the hotel and they had drinks, but Kelly needed someone to finish the job. OMG, COLE says that this was their little secret, but Jerry Lawler says it was her. Springer says Kelly’s too old for him and that he usually picks up his girls at recess. Santino talks about Grandmaster Sexay! THIS IS AWESOME!

The Bella Twins are out. Nikki says that Brie is a man, CAT FIGHT! Santino is loudly yelling out “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!” Jerry asks if there are trying to make him feel at home. He knows Brie’s a man, but he wants to know who slept with Kelly. CHRIS MASTERS IS OUT! Kelly couldn’t help herself and Jerry wants him to put a bra on. Eve is out since she’s Chris’ girlfriend. Eve fights with Kelly and asks why he cheated on him with her. Masters says she wasn’t getting the job done. Santino: SNAPPY! SNAPPY! Eve says she’s been cheated on Masters with someone who’s much more man than he is…

THE GREAT KHALI! This is the greatest thing ever. Santino wants to know who the father is. Springer miraculously has the results of the paternity test. Santino wants to know how this happened since this whole mess happened three days ago. “I’m Jerry Springer!” OH MY GOD! The Father is HORNSWOGGLE! Springer says that this is even crazier than his show. Leprechauns, giants, guys with big pecs, and twin transvestites.

Jerry Lawler says that the whole thing was a ruse and Khali probably doesn’t know what’s been going on. Runjan says Khali feels like the audience and says that it was a waste of time. Lawler says that Springer has a relationship they are going to reveal. Springer likes his girls YOUNG…as in MAE YOUNG! Mae Young comes out and kisses him as everyone, including Khali calls out Jerry.

THAT WAS AWESOME!

Advertisement for John Morrison: Rock Star. Probably worth a rental.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ted DiBiase
Cue the recap from the beginning of the show where Sheamus took out DiBiase with a kick. Both guys circle and lock-up and go into the ropes, DiBiase gets a knee lift and pummels Kofi, but Kofi gets a double leg takedown and several punches. Kofi ducks a clothesline and hits a backdrop suplex. DiBiase misses a dropkick but Kofi hits one of his own. DiBiase hangs in the ropes and seems to be selling a concussion. Kofi hits a European uppercut and kicks to the ribs and legs, fast dodge sequence and Kofi trips him up and goes outside. Flying chop by Kofi, more chops and clotheslines, BOOM! BOOM! LEGDROP! Kofi gets the crowd behind him but DiBiase crumbles. DiBiase avoids Kofi’s splash, Million Dollar Dream, Dream Streat! DiBiase wins.
My Rating: * McNew’s Rating: Five Jerry Springers (don’t know what the exchange rate is)

Ted DiBiase was the first inductee into the Hall of Fame 2010. And now the second inductee is ANTONIO INOKI! HELL YEAH! The cover his in-ring career, founding New Japan Pro Wrestling, the fight with Mohammad Ali, and the peace festival that was the biggest drawing card in history (technically). If Baba goes in next year I will never complain about WWE again. EVER.

Cypriss Hill’s “Rise Up” is the theme song for the Elimination Chamber. They hype the dog show that they interrupted. Michael says this could be the worst nigh of Bret’s life. HA. Montreal, Owen, Stroke, Davey, Stu…yeah, this is the worst night ever. Big recap and we have received video from a security camera that reveals nothing.

Pretty cool video package for the Elimination Chamber is shown, sans all the hyperbolic nicknames. They explain all the specifics about the cage and the rules. Nice touch shows Edge’s victory last year to keep him in your mind. There’s also a surprising amount of blood in this video. They hype the Chambers matches for the PPV.

Jerry Springer is here again and talks about the outrageous side of the WWE, but then hypes up the PPV himself, rather blandly. Springer says to take care of yourself and each other. Mae is back and Springer says not to judge him.

Cena is WALKING…

Slam of the week is the Denim Animal saying almost nothing on Smackdown!

Cena is out to a very feminine pop. We get another video recap of Batista attacking Bret Hart and Cena coming to his rescue, and then Batista attacking Cena and powerbombing him on the steps. A Gong (Not the Undertaker’s) ends the video package and Cena is not happy out. Cena says he doesn’t know Bret’s condition but wishes him well and knows they are all pulling for him. Cena says Batista attacked him with no provocation to his knowledge. Cena says he doesn’t look for fights but he reacts when he’s provoked. Batista said he would come back and Cena planned on being here to be a welcoming committee. If Batista is there, he needs to come out and says he doesn’t make threats. Cena gets frustrated but Batista is on the Titantron. Cena says he shopped at a polo store and then showed up on the titantron. Yippee! Cena turns his back and says that will make it easy for Batista to attack him.

Batista says that Cena doesn’t want him in the same building, much less in the ring. If they meet in the ring again, and he has a funny feeling they will be, Cena’s gonna wish they weren’t. Cena says that those are the words of a tough guy, but Batista’s just acting tough because he doesn’t want any of him. Batista’s smiling, Cena is no dentist, but he’ll take care of the smile. Batista says he keeps yapping his mouth when he’s not there. Next week, Batista will be at RAW in the flesh, and we’ll see if he’s talking then. Batista will give him the answers. Batista’s pulling for Cena to win the Chamber. Cena says if Batista wants some, come get some, and Batista calls that cute and leaves.

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!

Next week’s guest hosts are Jewel and some Rodeo guy.

Triple H vs. John Cena
Lock-up and a headlock by Triple, and Cena awkwardly holds on to it when Triple H tries to break it. HHH throws him off but Cena gets a shoulder block and goes back to the headlock. The Game shoves him off and takes another shoulder block but hits a knee to the gut. Hunter drives his shoulder into Cena’s midsection and whips him cross-corner. Stiff right hands now and Cena reverses a corner whip and hits the fisherman’s suplex for two. Cena whips the Game cross corner but HHH tosses him when he tries a bulldog. He delivers a kneedrop but Cena blocks a second and goes for the STF-U but Triple H tosses him out. Cena sends him to the corner for the Harley Race bump, Cena jumps after him but Helmsley moves out of the way and John goes into the rail. Triple H tries a Pedigree but Cena backdrops him on the floor as we cut to commercial.

We come back and Hunter has Cena in a sleeper hold. Cena is fading and goes to the mat. Cena fights out with elbows and punches, connects with two flying shoulder tackles, PROTO-BOMB! Five-Knuckle Shuffle connects. Cena goes for the F-U but HHH falls off and connects with a clothesline for two. Hunter sets Cena up top and goes for a superplex, but Cena fights him off, but the Game knocks him down before he can fly. Cena fights off a superplex and we have a test of strength up top. Cena headbutts him back down and hits the flying Rocker Dropper for two. Triple H counters the STF-U with a half boston crab! MOVESET! Cena reverses to a schoolboy and applies the STF-U, but Triple H gets the ropes. Cena stalks Helmsley and goes for the F-U but Hunter grabs the ropes, so Cena lets him go, Irish Whip reversal and the Game hits the high knee. Cena telegraphs a back body drop and hits the facebreaker and connects with the spinebuster. Triple H wants the Pedigree but Sheamus breaks it up with the Pump Kick!
My Rating: *** McNew’s Rating: BLINDED BY THE LIGHT! N/R

Sheamus and Cena fight and Sheamus hits the Pump Kick on Cena, and he grabs Triple H, CRUCIFIX BOMB! I suppose that sets up their match at Mania. Loud “You Suck” chants as Sheamus stands tall.