411’s WWE RAW Report 1.23.17

Keep Refreshing For The Latest Results

It’s BINGO TIME!!! If you have a card, get ready!

If you don’t, I’ll give you up until the START of RAW to e mail me at [email protected] that you want a card!

Go! GO! GO!!

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RAW Starts with a little recap of Jericho and Owens being best friends evar!!

In real time, Roman Reigns’ music hits, and he makes his way down to the ring. He talks some nonsense that I can’t really recap due to technical difficulties. We come back to the show with Kevin Owens and Jericho coming out.

Owens wants to know if Roman is ok, because he sounds pretty delusional. Oh that’s right, last week something did happen. Owens says that for years, Roman has been powerbombing everyone, Legends, Hall of Famers, from Seth Rollins to Kane to Orton to Bryan to Cena, Lesnar, and even The Undertaker. How many people could say that they single-handedly powerbombed Roman Reigns into the announce table? Onle one, and he is that person.

Jericho tells Reigns he is making a lot of predictions here that just don’t make sense. Even though Reigns thinks it’s funny that Jericho will be hanging in the shark cage, there’s something that’s even more hilarious.

Anyway, Reigns wants a rematch with Jericho. Owens laughs at this, then says that Reigns has it. Owens may not have the overly active imagination, but he’s got a strong feeling that tonight, Reigns is going to be the one locked inside the shark cage – ya dig?

Reigns says he has a feeling, too. He feels he’s going to win the US Title tonight and he has a feeling he’s going to win the big title too.

Jericho is pretty upset, visually, since he is not prepared.

BINGO The video package cut into the opening promo, so it was less than 10 minutes.

Talk changes to Brock and Goldberg.

So apparently the tag team titles are on the line with two referees during the kickoff of RAW.

Match 1: Cesaro (w/ Sheamus) vs Luke Gallows
Lockup to start. Cesaro with the go behind. He eats an elbow, and Gallows hits some rights and lefts in the corner. Gallows with the whip, and Cesaro ducks a clothesline then hits a springboard corkscrew fuck you muthafuckuppercut! Pin for 1… NO! Cesaro deadlifts Gallows and slams him like nothing! Pin for 1…NO! Gallows hits with a right from a knee. Uppercut and a whip, Gallows with a back body drop. Gallows with a right. Whip is reversed to the corner and Cesaro hits a running uppercut. Whip and another uppercut. Anderson hops on the apron to distract. Gallows with a whip to the corner, and BIG BOOT! Pin for 1…2…NO!!!

We’re back, and Gallows is in control. He locks the head and sets up for a suplex, but Cesaro is able to block it. Cesaro not only blocks it but deadlifts into his own suplex! Cesaro with an uppercut. Another one. Cesaro gets a Sharpshooter on Gallows and Anderson is outside. He dropkicks Sheamus in the back! The referee sees and goes to scold Anderson just as Gallows taps!!! The ref doesn’t see it, though.

The ref finally turns and Cesaro is up, only for Gallows to plant him hard and pin for the 1..2…3!!

Winner: Luke Gallows
Cesaro can wrestle anything
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *3/4

Mick Foley is backstage, NOT wearing a turtleneck, and talking to Stephanie on the phone via speaker. She brings up the main event as Sami walks in. He says he needs to talk to Foley for one second. Sami says he wants to know how to go about announcing his entry into the rumble. Just as Foley is about to announce him, Steph is on the phone and says that tonight, Sami will have a match and can be in the Rumble if he wins. His match will be against Seth Rollins.

So we get an interview with Bayley! Graves does the honors. Bayley says the one word she could use to explain this entire experience is WOW. Just thinking back to her time in Cali, she travelled the Bay Area working small venues, and to now be in these huge arenas…wow.

Graves asks why bayley thinks Charlotte is using her fandom as a negative.

Bayley says that this question is for Charlotte because she doesn’t get it. That fandom is what got her here. This is what brought her the best memories. Memories with brother and dad, and now they get to watch her fight for the title.

Graves asks what it means to Bayley to be some sort of role model.

She says she is just her; just Bayley, and when she goes out there, she…she recalls when she wa sin the crowd, and if her favorite pointed to her, she’d go nuts. She wants to give that to someone else. She calls the energy infectious, and we make her feel like she could do anything.

Graves asks if that includes winnin the title this Sunday.

Bayley says she knows she’s not Charlotte Flair. They’ve had matches. Charlotte looks like she was born for this. Bayley says she’s walking in with her tassles and her high fives, and she’s walking out with that title.

Backstage, Foley walks into Seth’s locker room. He brings up Steph’s proclomation that Seth has a match against Sami. He asks why, and Foley says she really wants to amplify the Friend v Friend thing going on. She also wants Sami to qualify for the match. Maybe. Seth doesn’t understand. Foley clarifies that the match is like this: Seth vs Sami, and if Sami wins he not only gets to be in the Rumble, but he also gets Seth Rollins’ spot.

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By the way, I went to the AVNExpo this past weekend in Vegas and for some reason, Rikishi was sitting there signing autographs. As much as I’d love to show you that photo that cost $20, I think you’d much rather appreciate this:

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Match 2: If Seth Rollins Loses, Sami Gets His Spot in Royal Rumble Match
Seth Rollins vs Sami Zayn
Lockup to start. Seth backs Sami against the ropes. They roll to the corner. Sami with the go behind in the center of the ring. Seth breaks the hold, works the arm, and turns it into a roll up for 1. Some work on the arm results in Seth getting the side headlock. Release. Shoulder tackle to Zayn. Seth hits the ropes, goes for another, but Sami blocks, and Seth rolls him up into a pin for 1..2..NO! A stalemate turns into a lockup followed by a go behind from Sami. He works the left arm, twisting it from the side and scraping the head a bit. Seth rolls foraward, spins, and kips up out of the hold, then locks up Sami into a cruc-nooooo, Sami holds onto the head and turns this into a pin! Sick! 1…2..NO! Sami is seemingly over the technical shit and hits a hard clothesline to Seth. Sami hits the ropes, looking for a suicide dive, but Seth is already back in, and hits a right hand to the head! He lifts Sami and takes him to the outside. Seth hits the ropes and goes for a suicide dive of his own. HE HITS IT!! BINGO!

We are back, and Seth is working the arm of Sami. Sami attacks behind and turns into the hold. He gets sent into the corner, and favors the left arm. Seth runs, gets sent over the ropes, and lands on the apron. High kick to the head backs Seth up. Seth with a springboard knee, but Sami shoves him aside, grabs, BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Pin for 1..2….NO!!! Sami is on the top rope. He kicks Seth back. Hops up, flying crossbody, Seth rolls through! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Sami with a Mich DRIver!!! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Sami heads to the outside. On the top rope. Sami is up on his feet! He rushes the corner. Locks the head. Suiplex off the top rope!! Seth locks the head from the front. Seth locks the head of Sami, hits a few knees, then sets up for a suplex. No, Sami lands out of it, rolls up, Seth escapes. SUPERKICK! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Seth grabs the head of Sami, hits a right. Sami with a forearm. Seth hits a right. Sami with a right. Another. Another. He keeps going Seth hits the ropes. High kick to Sami!!! Slingblade! Seth calls for Sami to stand. Sami is slow to stand. Turns. Seth goes for it, but Sami flips out, walks the ropes. DDT!! Sami goes for the Helluva Kick!!! Seth is out of the way! Seth sets up for The Pedigree! Sami flips Seth over the top rope to the outside!! Seth hops up on the top rope. Seth is back in the ring, though! He grabs the rope and uses it to help kick Sami right in the head. Sami is still seated on the top rope. Seth takes his time to stand. Seth is up. He locks the head between his legs. He locks the arms! Oh No!! SAMI BLOCKS IT! He attacks the back. Sami with a sunset flip powerbomb! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Sami is up first. He waits for Seth. He grabs from behind. Sami locks an arm. Seth escapes. ENZIGURI!!! BINGO! Sami with the Exploder!!! Sami calls for the Helluva Kick! Seth rolls out o the ring onto the apron! Sami heads to the apron, too! He still wants the Helluva Kick!! He runs! KICK TO SAMI!!! PEDIGREE ON THE APRON!!!!! HOLY SHIT chant! BINGO!!

Just as Seth looks to cover….

TRIPLE H’s MUSIC HITS!!!

Seth looks. He looks behind him, waits for the entrance, no one appears, Seth forgets it and turns…but gets rolled up!!! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Sami Zayn
Can’t believe I fell for it…
Match Quality: ***1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *****
Total Rating: ****1/4

Seth is pissed. He rushes up the ramp to the back.

Backstage, Seth is looking for Triple H. He finds Foley. Foley says she is not saying it’s Steph, but someone was in touch with production. Seth says he took away a year of his life and walks away pissed off. Foley says he is going to get answers.

We get a video package for the newly debuting Mustafa Ali.

BINGO ALERT: Austin on commentary, six man tag, AND Cruiserweight Match!

Match 3: Jack Gallagher, Mustafa Ali, and TJ Perkins vs Daivari, Tony Nese, and Drew Gulak
Gallagher and Daivari to start. Gallagher and GUlak to start. He gets Gallagher in the corner, kicks, and whips .GFallagher does a headstand in the corner then turns this into a running up of the ropes and a bulldog. Side headlock. Ropework and Gallagher slides under the ropes after a tag to TJP. Perkins with a crossbody. He locks in the Octopus in the middle of the ring the ncovers for a pin. 1..2..NO! Gulak with a hard headbutt to the gut. He stomps then tags in Nese. Nese ducks a corner move but gets a neckbreaker for his troubles. Perkins gets sent over the top rope. He hangs up Nese then hits a kick to the distracting Daivari. Nese trips up Perkins then hits ak kick to the gut. Gutbuster with the knee followed by left hands. Leg scissors gets TJP seated in the middle of the ring.TJP turns into it, ATTACKS THE midsection, but Neese takes the knees out. Springboard moonsault off the corner. But he misses! Tag to Gulak. Tag to Mustaga! Hurricanrana! Spinning kick to the head! Whip to the corner. Gulak runs into the corner, Mustafa moves and hits a kick to the head. He runs into the ring and hits an RKO like manuever! Daivari and Nese break the hold, Perkins and Gallagher in and they knock the heels out.

Ali up top. Reverse 450 off the top rope. Pin for 1…2….3!!!

Winner: Jack, Mustaga, and TJ
Cute little debut
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

The New Day is out, and they begin to talk about the Rumble. it’s short lived, though, because Enzo and Cass head out!!

In the saddest moment of the night, I miss the entirety of what Enzo has to say due to the feed freezing. We come back and Rusev is coming down with Jinder. He wonders why Cass and E have the word BIG in front of their name. He gets it, they’re big. But it’s like putting handsome in front of his name. He doesn’t walk around calling himself “Handsome Rusev.” Everyone knows that Rusev is officially entering the Rumble.

Not to be outdone, Titus O’Neil is out. He says he didn’t come out to cause any trouble, and says most of them are already in the Rumble match. What he did wa—

Big E cuts him off. He says last week, Titus promised to never annoy them again, but here he is. Titus says he isn’t here for that. He’s here f—Woods interrupts. He says at this point, it’s disrespectful. Woods is tired. He tells Titus to….

CASH ME OUSSIDE, HOWBOUDAH?!

Muahahaha.

Kofi tries to explain what this means to Titus.

This large crowd is interrupted by Braun Strowmam, and apparently we are having a multi-man match

Match 5: New Day and Enzo and Cass vs Rusev, Jinder Mahal, Titus O’Neil, and Braun Strowman
We come back after a break and we got Kofi hitting a crossbody off the top rope to Rusev. Kofi grabs the hair from behind, then hits a right. Rusev with a kick. Rusev tags in Jinder who comes in for a pin and gets 1. Tag to Titus, and Titus gets a stomp. Titus with a body slam in the middle of the ring. Cover for 1…2.NO! Big Bear hug from Titus. Kofi escapes with a jawbreaker. He fies for a tag, but Titus holds hi,m. Kofi crawls between the legs, but Titus catches him and drops Kofi down hard. Titus knocks Big E off the apron then runs, and Kofi holds the ropes. Titus tumbles over the top rope. Braun comes by and tosses Titus back in the ring. Tag to Jinder. Tag to Cass. Cass trucks down Jinder. Again. He sends JInder into the corner and hits some right hands. Toss across the ring by Cass and a splash in the corner. Big Boot to Jinder. Tag to Enzo. Badaboom Shakalacka. Pin for 1….NO! Titus breaks the hold. Titus knocks Vass off the apron. Big E with a belly to belly. Rusev is in, gets tossed out, Rusev stands on the apron and lifts a knee just as Big E goes for the spear between the ropes. Big Cass in the ring. Big Boot to Rusev! Kofi in the ring! He hits the ropes and flies over the top rope onto the big guys!

In the ring, Enzo with a rollup to Jinder! 1..2…NO! Enzo with an ENZO-Guri! Jinder backs into a tag from Braun! Enzo is freaked the fuck out. Enzo ain’t no bitch, tho! He’s hyped. He rushes forward, and Braun hits a shouldter tackle, spinning Enzo in the air! He gets Enzo over his shoulder and walks away like nothing. Eno floats off with some elbows, hits the corner, hops on the 2nd rope, and gets caught by Braun.

Running Powerslam and a pin for 1…2…3!!

Winner:
Well…he tried.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

Just as Braun celebrates, THE BIG SHOW’s music hits, and THE BIG GUY is out! The Big Show walks down the ramp to the ring. He hops on the apron and stares down Braun. Big Show finally enters the ring and stands toe to toe with Braun. Show is taller. Braun shows just the slightest bit of fear. Show walks a little closer. Braun looks to turn. He side circles Show, moving towards the ropes. Show watche him the entire time. Braun leaves and says on his time, this will happen.

Match 6: United States Championship Match
Roman Reigns vs Chris Jericho
Reigns starts off hard, sending Jericho to the outside and driving him into the barricade. Before tossing him back in, he bounces Jericho’s head off the apron then sends Jericho’s arm into the barricade. Reigns runs and hits a driveby from outside to Jericho’s arm. Commercial break here,

We come back to Jericho having the upperhand. He attacks from behind with a chin lock. Owens is on commentary now. Reigns turns into the hold and hits a right hand to the gut. Another right to the face. A third. Whip, but it’s reversed, and Jericho hits a dropkick! Pin for 1..2..NO! Jericho does a long distance high five with Kevin Owens. Jericho kicks Reigns in the chest. Jericho with a right hand to the face. Followed by a slap. Reigns no sells it like only a Samoan could. Jericho keeps going with the slaps. Reigns with an uppercut. Whip to the ropes. Reigns ducks. Jericho with a kick to the chest. He heads to the top rope. Reigns rushes forward and attacks. Jericho hits rights from above. Reigns goes away. Jericho flies off the top. Right hand from Reigns! Reigns hits the ropes. CLOTHESLINE!!! Jericho with stomps to Reigns against the ropes. Jericho hits the ropes. SAMOAN DROP FROM REIGNS!! Pin for 1…2…NO!! Reigns is freakin out in the corner. He cocks it. JERICHO WITH A DROPKICK!! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Jericho waits for Reigns to stand up. Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but Reigns catches hiom and drops him in the corner! Jericho with his feet up, but Reigns grabs both legs. POWERBOMB! Pin for 1..2…..NO!!!! Jericho kicks out!

Reigns goes for a spear! Jericho moves! SUPERMAN PUNCH!!! OWENS IS HERE TO ATTACK!!!!

Winner: Roman Reigns via DQ

Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **

Owens calls or the cage to be lowered! It is and he gets REigns inside, but he doesn’t lock the cage!!! Reigns hits JEricho through the cage and escapes!! He locks OWens inside! Reigns calls for the cage to be raised. Jericho holds onto the cage! He’s hanging from the cage! REIGNS WITH A SUPERMAN PUNCH as Owens dangles from up high!

Reigns waits for Jericho to stand. SPEAR!!!

We are back to the show, and Jericho is lowering the cage and unlocking Owens out of it. Owens is pissed. He slams the door. Jericho slams it too.

We got that chick with no name who comes into the ring to inform Owens that the match at Rumble will be No DQ. Owens is pissed, and says this match should be cancelled. Jericho echoes the sentiment.

It’s Charlotte’s turn to have a little interview with Graves. She claims to not have meant to humiliate Bayley. She wanted to inform the universe who we were rooting for. She calls Bayley the heart and soul of NXT, but the moment she looked at Charlotte’s title is the moment she messed up. Charlotte is the Queen of PPV. Bayley is not in the same league as her. This is when things changed.

Corey says that Bayley seemed supremely confident.

Charlotte says every eye will be looking at her. She will hand her title to the ref confidently knowing he will handle it back to her. She will punish Bayley for ever thinking she was in her league. She will stand above her while she cries.

Backstage, Nia Jax is…..WALKING!!!!

Match 7: NIa Jax vs Some Dumb Blonde
Nia squashes blonde.
Nia eats blonde.
Nia shits blonde.

Winner: Nia Jax

Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

Nameless Wonder tries to interview Nia, but Nia shoos her away. She wants to dedicate her victory to the recently deceased career of Sasha Banks. Just once month ago, she was champion. Now? She’s forgotten. ESPN should do a 30 for 30 on the demise of Sasha Banks. The crowd whats her. She says she broke the boss.

Speakin of The Boss, she’s here!!! The lovely little lady that is Sasha comes down on a crutch. Sasha swings the crutch under the bottom rope against Nia’s leg!!! She enters the ring and beats Nia over and over with the crutches! NIa is still standing! Sasha tricks her onto the apron and knocks her down to the floor! Sasha with the double knees to Nia!!!

MMMMMMM, Sasha….

Match 8: Rich Swann vs Noam Dar
Swann works the right arm, then the left arm. Arm drag. Swann bounces out of a hip toss, laughs, rope work and some flips result in a dropkick to Dar. Dar is outside. Swann goes for a dive, but Dar puts Alicia Fox in front of him. Swann heads to the outside and kicks Dar from on the apron. Swann sends Dar back in the ring. Swann looks to Fox, then heads on the apron. Dropkick to Swann. Dar with a pin for 1..2..NO! Back from a break, and Swann is on fire. He hits a double stomp to the back. He rushes the corner, eats a boot, then hops up for a hurricanrana to Dar. Swann in the corner. He waits.

Dar is up. Swann with a spinning kick to the face! Pin for 1….2…..3!!!

Winner: Rich Swann
Sick ass kick
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: *1/2

After the match, Swann calls out Neville. He waits. He screams for Neville to come out. It takes a while, but The King of the Cruiserweights heads out.

Neville rushes the ring and is about to hop in, but stops in between the ropes. He hops down instead, but Swann ain’t havin it. He suicide dives nbetween the ropes. He sends Neville into the ring, but Neville leaves the ring immediately, and Swann is left to scream his heart out.

Backstage, Cedric has an interview that makes it seem like he’ll be gunning for the title soon. Alicia Fox comes up and my mind goes dark. Sorry.

GOLLLLLDBERG!

GOLLLLDBERG!!

GOLLLDDDBBERG!!!

ZOIIIIIDDDDBERG!!!!

Anyway, Goldberg is here. He says “here we go” then takes a breath. Ok, a few breaths.

Goldberg speaks about the 29 other men that will be gunning for what she is gunning for.

Goldberg has blood seeping from his head a little bit. He says he will stop at nothing to obtain the WWE Universal Championship. If it means he’s gotta spear and Jackhammer 29 guys next Sunday, then that’s what he is going to do. So to all 29 of them in the back, YOU ARE NE—–

HEYMAN!!!! He felt compelled to come out here and address Goldberg. He calls him an astute observation. He says they need to rename the Royal Rumble Match. He says no matter what number is drawn, you have any number of dream matches. Goldberg vs Orton. Goldberg vs Strowman. Goldberg against any one of the many surprises they have every year. Goldberg vs The Undertaker. Or…..

You might just see Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar….

Cue Brocks music.

AND HE IS HERE!!!

Heyman: “Behold, Mr. Goldberg, the object – the instrument – of your demise.”

He tells Goldberg that he will be beaten.

Goldberg cuts off Heyman’s Brock Lesnar thing and calls Brock out, asking if he’ll be a man and come down to fight, or just stand there like a dumbass

Brock makes his way down the ramp while Heyman tries to stop him. Brock circles the ring. He steps in the ring. They look to lock horns, but the lights go out.

The gong hits.

The lights go on.

The Undertaker is here!!!! He stares down Brock and Goldberg. He’s in between both men.

Goldberg and Taker look at each other, then turn their attention to Brock. They stare at each other, then Brock as Taker’s music plays.

RAW’s over.

What the fuuuu????