411’s WWE RAW Report 12.1.14

411’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report 12.01.14

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RAW!
IS!
[Insert Anonymous GM Tone]

Recap of last week’s happenings. We start this week immediately with the Anonymous General Manager. Here’s Cole, as per the GM, we need a strong leader and who everyone knows and yet no one knows. He cannot leave the fortune and futures to washed up superstars, therefore he wants to make the following announcements—-

NOPE! Here’s Cena! He brings up who is running RAW, and says he loves nothing about it. He compares them to Brock and says they both show up once a year, but Cena wants to live in the now and he’s here tonight. The Authority isn’t. Cena brings up Show joining The Authority, then gives props to those on Team Cena. He has a question though, why did they risk so much? Well, they did becaus—

Cena is cut off by the chime. Cena heads towards the podium. He says he will not hand over RAW over to a computer. Cena closes the laptop and gets his largest face pop ever.

Seth Rollins is here. He wants to give Cena a hand. alls him ultra talented and so good. He’s got bad jokes for days, and he’s really good at waving his hand in front of his face. Rollins brings up the divided crowd. Rollins says Cena is really good at taking credit, especially. Credit that he isn’t due. Seth says Cena didn’t win anything at Survivor Series, and if he remembers correctly, Seth eliminated Cena. Seth would have been the sole survivor if it wasn’t for one man…Sting.

Cena says it was exciting to see Sting, but Team Cena had one man left…Dolph Ziggler!! Seth says that’s not why he is out here. He’s out here because after a week, we should all be asking if WWE is better without The AUthority…YES! Seth brings up the the randomness of Bryan. Says maybe even JBL ould be a GM. What about Batista? Every week will be a guessing game. What’s best is what’s best for business…Cena has no choice but to bring back The Authority. Cena says that’s quite bossy. He’s in no place to be barking orders. Cena says his trump card is gone. The Authority is not coming back. Before, when Trips and Steph were here, Seth could do and say what he wanted to do, but now he is just a normal dude who has to earn everything he’s got. Cena wants Rollins to ask him nicely to bring The Authority back. Rollins says please. Cena doesn’t believe it, and asks Rollins to get down on a knee.

The Anonymous GM has something to say…no, wait, Cena ignores it and asks Rollins for another please. Cena says to ignore the computer. Cole is here. GM tells Cena and Rollins that they will have a Tables match at the TLC PPV. Furthermore, Cena will be tested. If Cena loses, he will no longer be the #1 Contender for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Cena is bout to head to the computer, but Rollins attacks from behind! Cena is able to toss him to the outside. Cena sends J&J out, but here’s Kane! He chokeslams Cena. Rollins heads back in to yell at Cena then run outside and grabs a table. He slides it in the ring.

The music of Ryback hits, and he trucks down to give Kane a Spinebuster!! He makes short work of J&J then presses Rollins up, and down! Body slam to Rollins! Kane is up with a chair and attacks the back of Ryback a few times.

The music of Rowan hits, and he heads down awkwardly, giving a Big Boot to Kane in the process. He hops up on the apron and sends Jamie to the outside. Seth attacks, but Rowan grabs him and sends him in the corner. Headbutts to Seth! BIG SHOW is here and he splashes Rowan then sends him to the outside! Big Show follows and gives a hard kick to Rowan. Show goes for the steps. Steel steps straight to Rowan!

Dolph Ziggler runs down the ramp and goes for the DT to Show, but Show catches him only for Dolph to send Show into the corner. Dolph grabs a ladder from under the ring and sends it into the ring only to bring it out? Harper is here to squash Dolph then picks up the ladder and drops it back onto Dolph.

In the ring, Seth is setting up a table while J&J hold Cena back. Cena fights out, sets up Seth, but Harper hits him with a right! KO Punch from Show to Cena! Triple Powerbomb to Cena into the table, and that took 20 minutes….

-Commercial Break-

We return to the show, and refs and security are bringing Cena, Ryback, and Dolph to the back as they sell everything that happened before. Apparently, the RAW GM made a match of Show vs Rowan and Harper, Kane, and Rollins vs Ryback, Ziggler, and Cena.

Match 1: Tag Team Turmoil
Goldust and Stardust vs The New Day vs Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs The Usos vs Adam Rose and The Bunny
The Dusty Ones and The New Day to start. Their entrance needs work, but they seem excited. Looks like Kofi is starting with Cody. Kofi with the kicks, whips Cody but Cody reverses and hits an elbow. He runs to the corner and hits a monkey flip, but Kofi lands on his feet. Dropkick to Cody! Cody backs into the corner for a tagf. Goldust is in and Kofi sends him in the corner and tags in Big E. Big E with a hard splash and a cover for 1…2..NO! Big E gets clipped by Goldy as he tags in Cody. Cody rakes the back then hits a knee, drops, and hits a kick to the head. Kofi gets tagged in. Big E lifts Kofi, and they hit a double team. Pin for 1…..2..3!!! The finish is called The Midnight Hour, and that’s all for Goldust and Stardust..

Next team : Tyson Kidd and Cesaro

Back and Cesaro and Kofi are at it! Cesaro with a suplex then a tag to Tyson. Tyson in with a knee to Kofi and he chokes him up on the ropes. Tyson with a snapmare into a choke. Kofi turns the shoulder to prevent the pin. Tyson is up. Kofi elbows out but Tyson hits a body slam. Tyson feels like a boss, but Kofi hits a hurricanrana from the floor. Kofi rolls into a tag. In comes Big E who hits a shoulder, another, gets kicked, then hits a Belly to Belly. Big E wipes his brow, then hits a splash in the middle of the ring. Big E is all smiles. Tyson turns. Big Ending attempts is thwarted. Cesaro is in to block, but Big E sends him on the apron. Tyson Kidd is in and he’s on the apron too! Double clothesline!! Kofi is tagged in! Kofi hits the ropes, and Big E launches him into Tyson and Cesaro!! Kofi in th ring. Hard right to Kidd from the top rope! Goldust and Stardust are back out and attack Big E! Kofi is distracted! Tyson with a rollup! Pin for 1…2…3!!!

Next team: The Usos

Jimmy in with Cesaro, but he tosses Jimmy across the ring with a belly to belly .Cesaro misses a splash. Jimmy gets Cesaro cornered. Butt splash to Cesaro. Jimmy with a cover for 1…2.NO! Jimmy tags in Jey. Jey drops a right to the arm of Cesaro! Cesaro with a right hand to Jimmy! Tag to Tyson Kidd! Kidd with the kicks! Cesaro hits a cheap shot. Kidd whips Cesaro into the ropes. Tyson bicycle kicks up Usos then gets knocked off the apron, but Cesaro got a tag first! Jey is bout to dive, but Tyson pulls Natalya in the way, stopping Jey! Cesaro in. Uppercut! Pin for 1…2..NO! I miss a bulk of this, but by the time I come back, The Usos have eliminated Tyson and Cesaro.

The Bunny and Rose are next. The Bunny gets a blind tag, and Rose is upset. We get a small scene of Naomi watching in the back, so now we know that they’re an item. More Total Divas interweaving. In the ring, the Bunny hits a sunset flip off the top rope for a pin. 1…2..NO! Rose gets a blind tag, telling the Bunny to leave, but the Buynny gets ballsy, grabs Rose by the arm.

Rose turns into a Superkick. Usos with a tag and a splash! Pin for 1…2…3!!
Official Result: The Usos
I always feel that if you’re going to do a match like this, make it worth watching and this one didn’t feel that way
RATING: **

Backstage, Naomi is celebrating. The Miz and Sandow walk up to congratulate her. He is looking forward to seeing her in action. Apparently, she is AJ’s partner later. Miz also saw Naomi’s music video and called her twerking impressive. Talent shouldn’t be wasted, says Miz. He knows a producer that would be interested in working with him and she should call him. He hands her a card. Sandow hands her an invisible card shortly thereafter, being more funny than he has any right to be.

Backstage, a limosuine appears, and….Vince McMahon is here!

-Commercial Break-

Backstage, Rowan is fiddling with a Rubix Cube. He is asked if he regrets targeting The Big Show. He doesn’t. We learn that Rowan has an IQ of 143, a guitar expert, a wine maker…so with all that, why target The Big Show? Rowan: “He’s a Bully.” Rowan hands over the Rubiks cube fully solved.

Big Show heads out, and he says we’re damned right – he is a bully. Why? Because he can be. He has to be a bully. He yells to the crowd that we sold out on him. He doesn’t care about earning our respect, he just cares about hurting people now.

Match 2: The Big Show vs Eric Rowan
Bell rings and Rowan attacks quickly, sending Show out of the ring in frustration. Rowan follows, and scurries over to the outside back in and runs into a clothesline. Show knocks Rowan down. He ends up choking Rowan up against the ropes then pulls him up to hit a short clothesline. Show with a cobra clutch type manuever on the mat. Rowan is able to stand and elbow his way out. He hits a hard clothesline to Show. Rowan with a splash in the corner. He hits a hard clothesline again, this time sending Show over the top rope. JBL tries hard to get “Big Red” over and Cole repeats it, so looks like we’ll be using that for a while. On the outside, Show gets the upperhand by shoving Rowan into the steps shoulder first.

Show grabs the steps and drops them on Rowan’s head, causing a DQ.
Official Result: Erick Rowan via DQ
A sufficient way to get some heat on the program…
RATING:*

A replay shows the stairs bounced after falling and REALLY hit Rowan’s head. ha. That sucks.

Backstage, Vinnie Mac is walking before Renee Young hits him up. He is happy, says Vince. He can’t whistle, but he wants to. He is a part of a podcast tonight. She asks if he is here to bring back The Authority, but Vince says nope that’s Cena’s gig. Vince says that tonight’s podcast is going to be FUN!

AJ!!!! We get a recap of last week where AJ went in on The Bellas which leads to AJ Lee and a tag partner (up to us) vs The Bella Twins. Our choices are

a) Natalya
b) Naomi
c) Alicia Fox
d) Tony Acero

The proposed match is to be Swagger vs Fandango. Fandango makes his entrance, but Swagger’s music hits and neither he nor Zeb are shown. The music stops and starts again then we get a scene in the back of Zeb on the floor, grabbing his leg. Swagger is nearby screaming for a doctor.

Match 3: Fandango vs Jack Swagger
Rosa announces Fandango as the winner via forfeit.

Official Result: Fandango via forfeit

RATING: NR

We return to the show with Lana and Rusev in the middle of the ring. She brings up the punishment that Rusev suffered on Friday, and how he prevailed. He calls him a super power and says he is the best. Rusev on the mic, says for those who challenge him, they will be crushed. For those who do not listen – like Zeb Colter, have been broken. This, obviously implying that Rusev attacked Zeb. While they do the pledge of allegiance, let’s check somethin out:

Swagger flies down the ramp and attacks Rusev. He gets him in a front faced the attacks the bck. Rusev fights back and gets the upperhand for a bit. Loud USA chant. Swagger tackles Rusev to the outside and sends him into the barricade! He sends him once again near the ramp back and forth. Refs come down to attack but Swagger breaks out and attacks Rusev again! Refs hold Swagger back long enough for Rusev to run.

Match 4: Damien Sandow vs Fernando
Sandow is going at it with one of the Matadors. Miz is on commentary. Whip to the ropes and an arm drag is stopped. Backslide from Sandow for 1…2.NO! Cover from Fernando. Pin for 1…2.NO! Ferny works the arm of Sandow as Miz claims that he is filled with gold. Sandow gets kicked in the gut and sent into the corner. Fernando misses a clothesline so Sandow hits one. Sandow with a backbreaker, neckbreaker move. Sandow is up, goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Fernando stops it and hits a rollup, no he doesn’t!
Sandow turns it into a Figure Four and Fernando taps out!!!
Official Result: Damien Sandow via Tapout

RATING: 1/2*

After the match, we get a Jimmy Uso attack!!! He tells Miz to stay away from his wife and we go to…

we’re cut off by a short Wyatt promo! He just says he is here.

Match 5: Bray Wyatt vs R-Truth
Wyatt is all smiles. Right hands from Truth to start, but Wyatt cuts them short and knocks Truth down. Headbutt to Truth. Chop to Truth in the corner. Headbutt again. Whip to Truth in the corner. Wyatt misses a splash but is quick to hit a splash mid ring and send Truth to the mat. Wyatt screams for Dean Ambrose, asking “Where are you, Dean?” Wyatt lifts Dean and checks the gut then sends him in the corner. Whip to the opposite corner so hard Truth bounces off. Wyatt chokes down Truth with a cravat. Truth fights out with a few rights to the gut. Wyatt tries to break him down with the hold byt cinching it. Wyatt attempts an elbow but Truth moves out of the way. Wyatt is up to attack, but Truth fights back with a right, another, one more. Wyatt hits the ropes and Truth with a spinning kick to Wyatt! Splash in the corner! Truth with a spinning elbow!!! Truth is up, hits the ropes, goes for the scissors kick, but Wyatt with a chokeslam like move! Wyatt sends Truth to the apron. He then drops Truth, drilling the back with a forearm as he goes down. Wyatt rolls back in the ring then heads to the corner.

Exorcist walk! Sister Abigail to Truth! Pin for 1…2….3!!
Official Result: Bray Wyatt
A lot of obvious finishes tonight, it seems
RATING: *1/2

Wyatt heads to the outside and grabs a bunch of chairs, sending them into the ring. He grabs a ladder and that follows as the crowd screams for a table.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back in time for Story time. Wyatt wants to tell us a story about a man named Jacob who had dreams of a great ladder. This was a very special ladder, he says. The angels adorned this ladder because it led straight to heaven. This was a ladder to Jacob’s maker, and it told him to lead his people to safety and he promised he would never leave his side. Wyatt calls it glorious. He says that in Wyatt’s dreams, however, he ascends the ladder to praise no one. He looks down on the world to laugh at all the vile creatures that He has created. All these insects – insects just like Dean Ambrose. In his dreams, he sees Tables, Ladders, and Chairs, Repeat xs 3.

Dean Ambrose is here!! Wyatt is happy, happy, happy. Ambrose grabs the legs of Wyatt and pulls him to the outside. Ambrose on the atack! Wyatt sends him into the barricade, but Ambrose fights back. They head towards the announce table. Wyatt is up top but Ambrose won’t stop the beatdown. Wyatt is finally laid out on his stomach on the announce table. Ambrose grabs another ladder from under the ring. Wyatt is KOd on the table. Amborse climbs up but Wyatt is up! He heads off the table!! Ambrose notices, runs on the announce table, and leaps onto Wyatt. Ambrose grabs Wyatt and sends him face first into the ringpost. The ref holds Ambrose back as Wyatt heads back up the ramp.

In the ring, Ambrose is lookin all crazy-eyed. The rocking chair is in the middle of the ring, along with all the other crap. Dean grabs it and slams the rocking chair into the mat, breking it into pieces. Ambrose grabs a chair and breaks it up even more. Wyatt actually looks concerned…

-Commercial Break-

AJ is here! She’s just as curious as to who her partner is as everyone else. TheBellas are in the ring waiting for the match. Aj’s partner is…Naomi with 48%.

Match 6: Nikki Bella & Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee & Naomi
The CM Punk chants start and stop rather quickly. Nikki and Naomi start. Nikki with a suplex and a pin for 1. Nikki with the headlock, and a whip to the ropes. Nikki with a dropkick to the…knee? Ok, sure. Nikki stomps Naomi then pushes her against the ropes. Nikki chokes up Naomi with a boot then tags in her sister. Brie calls for Brie Mode earlier then hits a hard knee to Naomi on the mat, then pins for 1…2..NO! Brie with a whip into the corner then a hard uppercut. Tag to Nikki. Clothelsine is called loudle and Nikki hits it. Cover for 1…2..NO! Nikki with a knee to the back as the CM Punk chants start up again. Nikki pulls back on the chin. AJ LEE chant tries to start. Naomi is able to get ouf of the hold with a booty bump. She tries to hit the ropes, but Nikki pulls the hair back and slams Nikki down. Nikki pulls Naomi up and goes fo ra back suplex. Naomi lands on her feet and tags in AJ. Thesz Press!! Hard rights! AJ with a clothesline in the corner, followed by a neckbreaker!! AJ stops Brie from getting in the ring then hits a tornado DDT to Nikki! Pin for 1…2..NO! Brie is in to break it up! Naomi in the ring! She goes for a dropkick, but Nikki pushes Brie and Nikki eats the kick! Naomi sent to the outside! AJ sends Brie to the outside!

AJ with the Shining Wizard! AJ isn’t done, though! She locks in the Black Widow!! Nikki taps!!!
Official Result: AJ Lee and Naomi
Oh gosh…<3
RATING: *****

The Bellas head to the back all kinds of angry. AJ in the middle of the ring with Naomi, celebrates.

Ol St. Mick is here to sell some shit with his cute daughter. 25% off all orders, guys, just use the code CYBER! On an unrelated note, here you guys go!

Hey guys, remember Paul Heyman? Well he’s at WWE Headquarters where someone is playing Galaga in the background. Heyman wants to address Cena’s comments regarding Brock only coming around once a year. Heyman found this funny considering this is the Christmas season where families gather and all the kids get the toys they want. It’s a festive athmosphere. Why not do Christmas 365 nights a year? Oh, that’s right because it’s special..it’s unique. It defeats the purpose. Once a year. Can’t Miss. Must See. Like his client. If Cena gets by Rollins at the TLC PPV, a war-weary John Cena will face a fresh Brock Lesnar, which means that the beating he will receive will pale by comparison to Summerslam. Heyman is also intrigued by the possibility of Cena NOT winning. Would it be Rollins, who curb stomped Brock? FYI, Heyman rescinds Rollins’ apology. How about The Undertaker? Oh, that’s right, you can’t find him. Losing does Sting…speaking of which?! Why not Sting? Well if he ever stepped into the ring with Brock, it would be a retirement match. How about the entire roster? Line them all up, and watch Brock beat them all. There is a power in the WWE. There is an Authority. He who has the gold has the power, and vice versa. Ladies and gents, his name is Paul Heyman, and he is the advocate for that power.

Match 7: John Cena, Ryback & Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins, Kane & Luke Harper
Harper and Cena to start. Cena attacks Harper in the corner then hits a hard clothesline and a pin for 1…2.NO! Cena with a back elbow in the center of the ring. Cena grabs Seth, pulls him in the ring, then locks in the STF for some reason. Harper tries to break it up and ends up pulling the head back of Cena. Harper with a right .Cena fights back with a belly to belly. Pin for 1…2…NO! Tag to Ziggler. Ziggler in with a dropkick that includes Cena. Pin for 1…2..NO! Ziggler with a headbutt. Rights to the gut. Neckbreaker is reversed and Harper hits a throat thrust. Tag to Kane. Kane with an uppercut. Kane lifts Ziggler and whips, bends over, and is met with a kick to the face. Ryback wants a tag. He’s in there thanks to Ziggler! Kane is ready. Kick from Ryback! Right hands to Kane! Kane hits a knee. Kane with a right hand to the kidney. Another. Light CM Punk chant. Kane sends Ryback to the ropes, but Ryback comes back with a Thesz Press! He sends Kane’s head into the mat, hits the ropes, calls Kane stupid, then hits a press. Kane is up and backs Ryback into the corner. Tag to harper. Harper with throat checks. Ryback’s whip is reversed, but Ryback fires out of the corner with a clothsline! Pin for 1..NOPE! Ryback with a front-faced headlock. Harper backs up and is able to get tagged by Seth. Seth attacks in the corner with rights. Tag to Harper. Harper with a kick. Ryback with shoulders to Harper. Another. One more. Ryback with a chop to Harper. Harper reverses and hits a few of his own, then locks the head of Ryback. He’s setting up for a suplex. Ryback locks the legs. Harper tries again. Ryback reverses, can’t quite get Harper up! Ryback, on the 2nd try, lifts Harper in the sky and we…go to a black screen?

Da hellz?

We’re back, and Kane is in the ring with ziggler. Kane attacks Ziggler in the corner then whips, and misses a clothesline, allowing Ziggler to lock in a sleeper hold. Kane is fading. He backs into the corner, though, to break the hold, and does so! Ziggler hits the knee! Kane is in the corner! Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Kane hops off then hits an elbow. He flies off the corner, but Kane hits a hard right and pins for .1…2…NO! Tag to Harper. He’s in and locks in a Gator Roll. Harper turns that into a cravat from behind. Dolph turns inot it but Harper hits the chops to the throat! Hew hits the ropes, Dolph tries to go to a DDT, but hits a right hand instead and a pin for 1….2..NO! Tag to Kane. Harper steps on the back of Dolph while Kane enters. Kane grabs the arm. He hits Dolph with a hard short’s clothesline. Pin for 1…2..NO! Ziggler hits the ropes, then runs right into Kane’s knee. Tag to Rollins. Rollins whips Ziggler into the clothesline hard. Seth with another whip, sending Dolph hard into the corner. Seth stomps the hand of Ziggler. Rollins sits on Dolph’s back and pulls back on the hair. Snapmare to Dolph and another lock from behind. Dolph is able to get out of the hold. Rollins ruins for a splash, but Dolph moves! Tag to Cena! Cena is in! FIVE MOVES OF DOOM!!! Cena sets up for the AA, but Harper is in. AA to Harper! Kane runs in and Cena tries to suplex him. He can’t! hah! Ryback enters and helps him out! J&J hop up on the apron and KO Cena! Pin from Seth for 1…2…NO!!!

Tag team, back again. Kane is covering Cena after a side slam for 1…2..NO! Kane with a choke hold from behind. Cena breaks the hold cuz he’s super strong, then hits a dropkick. Harper with a tag. He stops Cena from making one then just swing and drops Cena like nothing. That was pretty cool. Cover for 1…2…NO! Harper locks Cena in the corner and palm thrusts his chest. Whip to Cena, Cena reverses and Harper hits the corner hard. Cena up. Harper up. SUPERKICK to Cena! Pin for 1….2…NO! Tag to Rollins. Rollins gets on the top rope and drops a fist to Cena’s forehead. Right hand to Cena. Kick to Cena. Cena shuts Rollins up with a right hand. Both men down. Cena runs for a tag but gets clothesline down by Rollins. Rollins with some stomps and a knee to the face. Rollins slows the pace, aka kills time, by locking in a chin lock. Cena does the same spot he did with Kane a minute ago, and breaks the hold of Seth. Rollins attacks the back of the neck then goes for a spot in the corner, but Cena moves and Seth eats turnbuckle. Cena crawls towards his corner. The crowd wants Ryback. Cena runs and tags in Ziggler. Harper in. Clothesline to Harper. ANother. One to Kane! Splash in the corner. Neckbreaker! Ziggler with an elbow drop to Harper! He goes for the DDT, gets shoved, dodges a shoulder, and is able to hit the Fameasser! Pin for 1…2..NO!! Rollins in to break the hold. Ryback in to attack Rollins. Kane in to attack Ryback! Cena takes hims time getting up top! SPlash to everyone in the ring!!! Cena goes for the AA to Kane, butHe’s send to the outside. Ryback attacks Kane! Rollins sends Ryback to the corner! Ziggler plants Rollins! Harper with the spinning side slam to Ziggler! Pin for 1…2..NO!!!
Harper sets up for a powerbomb but Ziggler rolls that into a pin! 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, & Ryback

RATING: ***1/2

Harper attacks immediately after, but Cena is in to attack. All six men are in! Rybakc and Kane are fighting! Ziggler and Rollins are going at it! Harper and Cena are trading rights!!! Harper has Cena choked up in the corner. The crowd boos well before Big Show makes it all the way down the ramp. He clears the ring then goes straight for Ryback. Kane and Show trade right hands to Ryback. Rowan is here with Steel Steps! He hits Harper! Kane is next!!! Rowan marches around the ring. Ziggler tosses Rollins right into the steps!! Big Show is still attracking Ryback in the ring. Show notices, goozles Harper and Ryback! Yeah right! Dolph in with a SUperkick!!! Ryback hits the Meathook!! Cena is here! AA to Big Show (but he couldn’t suplex Kane). Rowan grabs the steps as the faces lift up The Big Show. Rowan runs with the steps. Ziggler, Cena, and Ryback all send Big Show into the steps and John Cena’s music plays.

End Show….