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411’s WWE RAW Report 5.25.15
411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 5.25.15
* Welcome.
Hurray for Bingo! There was ONE winner, but it was my co-host for the podcast. I didn’t want anyone to cry foul, so instead of him getting a prize, I’m giving him a night off next month. Looking forward to the next edition of RAW BINGO!
I’m here with former 411 writer Michael Ornelas, who hasn’t watched an entire RAW since Fastlane save for the Kevin Owens segment last week. Expect some side comments from the man as he whispers quips behind my back.
WWE does a fantastic video montage that translates to:
Murica.
Happy Memorial Day, to the US and A.
And no better way to start this celebratory episode with a moment of silence that will NOT be interrupted by Rusev. The bell tolls.
Cole reminds us that the Elimination Chamber is coming up.
The crowd is scanned as Triple H and Co come out.
Michael Moments: Who made a Brie Mode sign? That can’t be a real person…
Rollins sees the footage of him having to face Ambrose at Elimination Chamber. He’s on the mic, and wants to give some congrats to Dean Ambrose. Why not, right? Last week, he acted like nothing more than a common thug, extorting and intimidating his way into a shot at the title. YOU SOLD OUT. Seth says this isn’t about Seth, it’s about Ambrose, who clearly is a hero and role model to everyone in the Universe. Thing is…
WE WANT AMBROSE chant.
Seth claims the decision was made under duress, and that’s not how they operate. Ambrose vs Rollins isn’t what’s best for business. He didn’t earn it. Ambrose didn’t deserve it, and based off of last week, they could take the title shot away from him right now. It’s the truth. Another truism is that Hunter could fire Dean Ambrose. Triple H even considered it, until Seth asked him not to. Seth says Ambrose isn’t really a threat. He’s not on Seth’s level – never was – and it’s no wonder Seth was picked instead of Dean. Triple H agrees, saying it was an easy decision. Trips calls their arrangement verbal only. He needs something more concrete. He tells Ambrose that if he wants the match that they just advertised, then Dean must first come down to the ring right now and sign a contract.
Ambrose comes out at the top of the stage to stand sideways at The Authority. We get a nice Ambrose chant that makes him shimmy. Ambrose can’t sleep well. Instead of counting sheep, he counts punches to Rollins face, and by the time he gets to about 200 punches, he sleeps like a baby. He feels…happy. Normally, he’d get his jollies kickin Seth’s ass for free, but next time, he wants it to be for the belt, and now it’s going to happen! He hopes the Universe enjoyed last week as much as he did. He says there’s a good chance The Architect gets replaced by someone they call a lunatic, but everyone else will call him the new face of WWE. Ambrose claims he’ll be making some changes. For starters, J&J will go barefoot like a couple of respectable hobbits. Kane can come out in just a collar, like the obedient lap dog that he is. Seth can drunk dial Selena Gomez because he’ll always be our little Justin Beiber.
Seth tells Ambrose to shut his mouth, and here comes the Justin chants. If this leads to a JB appearance, I quit.
I ask Michael where this is going.
Michael Moments: I don’t know..I stopped listening.
Seth calls Ambrose a cockroach because they’re good at surviving, but not at thriving. Ambrose is destined to be a loser his entire life. All he wants is to be the man standing in the ring, to be Seth, but that’s a good thing. If Ambrose has the guts to come sign the contract, he’ll gladly beat dat ass come Sunday. He dares Ambrose to come on down.
Ambrose would rather be a cockroach than the wrong end of The Authority’s human centipede. He reiterates that all he must do is come down and sign the contract. He claims he may be crazy and stupid, but it’s worth a shot. So he drops the mic and the jacket, and heads for the ring. Ambrose circles the ring, and the entire Authority mimics his movements. He’s near the announce booth as Triple H opens the ropes for him.
Birthday boy himself, Roman Reigns, decides it’s time to head out.
Steph is on the mic, now, saying The Shield is seemingly insperable. She tells Ambrose he has until the end of the night to sign the contract. Until then, she wants to see Reigns and Ambrose facing Kane and Seth Rollins. But that Main Event isn’t happening at the end of the night, it happens….NOW!
Oh, that only took 20 fucking minutes…
Match 1: Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins and Kane
Kane sends Ambrose in the corner. Ambrose with chops and rights in the corner. He hits the ropes and a dropkick, then a crossbody, following with right hands. Kane is able to lock the arms but gets backed into the corner and Reigns gets tagged in. Kane gets sent in the corner. Kane with an uppercut. Whip and Reigns hits a kick to the face. He sends Kane away with rights, but Kane kicks away then a suplex attempt. It’s reversed by Reigns. Reigns with tag, Ambrose with an axe handle. Kane works the arm, sends him in the corner, and Seth tags in. Hard rights to Ambrose’s chest then heads into the ring. He goes for a suplex, hits it in the middle of the ring. Pin for 1…NO! Seth squeezes the head, but he’s not Andre. Seth with a knee. Ambrose comes off the rope with a kick and a tag from Reigns. They double team Seth, making fan girls happy, then Reigns with a side headlock takedown. They’re both up, and Reigns hits a shoulder tackle off the ropes. Seth hops up during a run and Reigns hits a Samoan Drop that NO ONE calls. Reigns hops over the ropes and hangs Seth up with a guillotine. Reigns is distracted by J&J, allowing Seth to hit a dropkick threough the ropes. He distracts the refs, so Kane hits Reigns against the barricade and rolls him back in the ring. Pin for 1…2.NO! Seth with a chinlock. Reigns stands out of it, but Seth goes for a neckbreaker. Reigns turns around and hits a hard right to the back of the ehead of Seth!! OUCH!! Tag to Ambrose, who hits the ropes and flies off with some rights. Kicks in the corner. Whip to the corner, and a elbow in the corner. Bulldog out of the corner. Ambrose sends Seth over the ropes and sets up for a suciide dive. He hits it. Kane read to attack, but Reigns is there to stop it! Ambrose and Reigns head into the ring and taunt to fill up their meter.
We are back, and J&J are applauding Seth’s efforts just as he takes Ambrose down hard, and pins for 1…2..NO! Short clothesline from Seth.
WE WANT RYDER chant during the match. haha.
Ambrose with a hard right forearm to Seth, sending both guys down. Cole calls it the “turning point” of the match. ugh. Tag to Kane. Tag to Reigns. Reigns with a clothesline. Whip to Reigns into the corner, but he hits a kick then hops on the 2nd rope and hits a clothesline. Corner to corner clothesline from Reigns. Another. One more. Stomps in the corner. Mercury hops on the apron and Reigns knocks him straight down. Reigns cocks it in the corner. Noble on the apron. Superman Punch! Kane with a boot to Reigns! He sets up for the clotheslione, but Reigns elbows out! Kane with an uppercut, sending Reigns to the ropes. Superman Punch off the ropes. Ambrose tags himself in and hits an elbow drop from the top rope. Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Seth interrupts. Tag to Seth, and he hits a springboard knee to Ambrose! Pin for 1..2..NO! Seth is first to stand. He goes for a superkic , but Ambrose locks the head. Dirty Dee—NO! Seth sends Ambrose to the ropes with a right, but Ambrose floats back, only to be set up for a DDT!
They twist and turn, and end up in a backslide by Ambrose! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Dean Ambrose
Have you guys ever painted by numbers? It’s pretty easy…
Rating: **
Booker and JBL argue about Ambrose being champion come Sunday.JBL is adamantely against it, while Booker toots the horn of Dean. Ambnrose and Reigns celebrate in the ring.
Back after the break and Young is with Ambrose.
Michael Moments: Ha! They have sex off screen.
He says by the end of the night, he will have signed the contract. In come J&J, and they say that they brought the contract to them…Joey doesn’t have it, and Noble says oops, they forgot. Ambrose with a right to Noble’s face, then Ambrose attacks both of them. It gets awkward as Ambrose sends Joey into a camera man. We then have another camera man hustle over towards Dean, checking on the first camera man. Apparently, Ambrose really, really hurt this guy. The camera man was “in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Cole…what the fuck?
They “switch gears” to Cena, then “switch gears” to Kevin Owens, which leads to a nice video package of the bad assery he possesses.
Rusev is here, and he has dropped the blue for green. Rusev heads out wearing green, white, and red, along with the Bulgarian flag. They mention that it’s the dropping of Lana that influenced the change. Maybe he’s representing Mexico in an ironic way…?
Before we get to the Rusev match, a limo pulls up backstage. It blows up.
Just kidding, it’s the entourage of Entourage, without Jeremy “Don’t Say Summerfest” Pivens.
Michael Moments: *from the bathroom after hearing R-Truth’s music* I wonder who’s winning…
Match 2: Rusev vs R-Truth
Rusev attacks quickly, but Truth tries to fight back with rights. Rope work and R Truth spins 456059 times to hit an elbow. Pin for 1. Whip to Rusev is reversed, and Truth hops over a rushed shoulder. Whip to Truth, and he runs back into a superkick.
Rusev stomps the back not once, but twice. The Accolade locked in. Truth taps.
Official Result: Rusev
Truth could possibly win the Elimination Chamber, for sure.
Rating: NR
Rusev on the mic. He yells for Lana. He says, “We need to talk. So could you please come down.” Cole, ever the Woman’s Rights Supporter sounds disgusted as he says, “Why should she?” Rusev continues to ask nicely, including some pleases, before we get another break.
Rusev is still in the ring, says that Lana owes him this after all they’ve been through. He then goes into Bulgarian. She must be in the restroom, because she’s not coming. Oh but here she is….Her lips match her shoes. Rusev opens the ropes for her, but she opts to enter on her own accord, through the next side.
Lana, “You asked me to come. I came. Now I’m waiting”
Baaaaazinga.
Rusev claims that despite her causing the loss at Mania, despite the fact that she misheard him saying I Quit, despite her kissing that dirty American, he knows why she is doing this. She is a woman, and just like all women, they do these things for him to pay attention. He specifically mentions CONNIE.
Lana tells him that everything she has done, she did for Rusev. He knows they care about him and them. He knows she wants to crush America and their spirit just as badly as they do. Rusev says they can still make it happen. USA Chant. Rusev says please, no to the crowd. He says now is not the time for USA. He tells Lana to take his hand, and all will be forgotten. NO chant from the crowd. Rusev says to do this for the motherland. They can crush this country, and make them cower to their knees before Rusev and Lana. He calls what happened last week a very little misunderstanding, then extends his hand. Lana scoots in slowly, then extends her hand. Rusev embraces her hard, and she takes it. They gu it out, and Lana holds Rusev’s hand up in the air. She smiles gladly, then scoots in. Rusev, on the mic. Now all he wants are three little words from her. He smiles, and it looks so weird…He wants three magical words from her “I was wrong.”
Lana’s smile disappears quickly, and she pulls her hand away. She goes to exit the ring, and Rusev just wants her to admit that it was her fault. Everything will be back to normal after that. Lana says she wasn’t wrong; Rusev said “I QUIT.” Rusev yells, says she needs to know her place, woman. He owns her, and she is his. He yells at her to get back in the ring, now. Lana stares him down, then heads back in the ring. She walks up to Rusev, then says No. She calls him a liar and a quitter. She says he is so cowardly, that he can’t take responsibility for his own actions. Rusev does not own Lana, she belongs to no one. She is not Rusev’s, and no longer her victim. Rusev can take his stupid ways. She will not listen to his crude, caveman, moronic, no good, two-timing, good for nothin, scum between her toes, again. Lana heads back up the ramp just as Dolph’s entrance music plays.
Dolph looks all “I stole your girlfriend” as he stares down Lana. They kiss, and Dolph smiles while Rusev looks like a cross between an angry man and a crying baby.
Backstage, Ambrose is contemplating. H and Seth walks in. Ambrose wonders if they’re here to deliver the contract. Triple H says nothing is fun about what’s going to happen to Ambrose. Enter camera man. He’s like super short…the camera man says Ambrose DID hit him, but he could have sworn—
Seth interrupts while two older gentlemen opt to arrest Ambrose. They read the rights. Ambrose claims he’s heard this before. He understands.
Ambrose: “Looks like we are doing this the fun way.”
We’re backstage, and Seth is here to laugh at Ambrose as he’s sent to the back of a..police “Mobile Command Center.” Ok. Seth and J&J celebrate. Oh, Kane is there, too.
Match 3: King Barrett vs Ryback
Lockup into a side headlock. Whip to the ropes and Ryback with a Thesz Press. He slams Wade’s head into the mat then hits a splash to the mat. He waits for Wade to stand then hits a body slam hard. Rybaack in the corner, calling for the Meathook. Wade heads to the outside, so Ryback follows. Mule kick to the mid section, then Wade sends Ryback into the corner of the barricade, stomach first. Wade enters the ring as Ryback struggles on the outside. He hops on the apron, and Wade hits aknee then sends Ryback in the corner. Ryback is set up across the corner, and Wade hits a hard kick to the gut. Pin for 1…NO! Wade drops a knee then hops onto the 2nd rope. Elbow drop to Ryback and a pin for 1…2..NO! Knee to the back of Ryback. Another. One more. Barrett pulls the arms back and drives the knee into Ryback’s back. Ryback tries to stand, and he’s wearing the Hulk Yellow and Red, so he makes it up. Elbow to Wade, then he turns and sends Wade in the corner. Shoulder into the gut then right hands. Whip is reversed. Wade runs into a back elbow. Ryback hops on the 2nd rope, but Wade trips him up, sending Ryback down hard. Barrett with Winds of Change and a pin for 1..2…NO! Wade calls for the Hammer. He drops the elbow pad. Ryback almost stands, but can’t.
Ryback falls back down. Wade slaps his head around a bit. Ryback up. SPINEBUSTER!!! Ryback struggles, but stands. SHELLSHOCK! Pin for 1…2..3!!!
Official Result: Ryback
Cuz, you see…if you’re King, it doesn’t matter if you lose.
Rating: *1/2
Triple H and Steph are in the back. H says Ambrose is getting booked right now, and even if he made it out, it wouldn’t be tonight. Steph says looks like Seth won’t have an opponent come Elimination Chamber. Enter Entourage. They call the place nuts, says Piven would have been here, but he is out preparing for Summerfest. They ask if Ambrose was arrested. Steph says yes, and they hope this doesn’t deter them. They call the film “The Wrestlemania of movies.” They name drop some celebs, getting a bunch of boos. One of them mentions getting their butts kissed by Rousey, and he’s sure Steph can relate…hahaha
They ask if Steph’s arm is ok, by the way. Steph takes offense, says their room is a couple doors away.
Michael Moments: *snores*
No, seriously…he fell asleep.
Stardust is out, and the actor of “Arrow” is here. Cody gets in his face, and they have a bit of a stand off before Cody enters the ring.
Here’s….Neville. He officially has a match at Elimination Chamber with Bo Dallas.
Match 3: Neville vs Stardust
They head to the mat and we get a front-faced headlock, taking it to the ropes. Flips out, and ends up on the apron. Neville does. Not Cody. He goes for a kick to Cody, but Cody twists the leg and locks it up on the 2nd rope. The left leg is still hurting, and Cody knows it. He locks the head and goes for a suplex. Front suplex, to be precise. Cody yells at Arrow then covers for 1…NO! Kick to Neville’s leg. There’s a Cody chant. Half Boston Crab to Neville.
Bo Dallas is here, all smiles. He claps for Neville as Neville turns out of the hold and kicks. Right to the midsection. Another. Cody with a kick. He sets up for a back suplex, but Neville flips out and lands on his feet. He scoots back, as his knee nearly gives out. Right hand, but Cody fires back with an uppercut. Cody sends Neville in the corner and sets him up on the top rope. Cody with a right, but Neville attacks the midsection. Right forearm sends Cody off the turnbuckle. Neville locks the head. Tornado DDT to Stardust! Neville pulls the legs of Cody, setting him up for the bad ass move of the year.
Neville up top. He stands. Dives. RED ARROW! Pin for 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: Neville
Red Arrow.
Rating: *
Bo enters the ring while Neville is on the mat. He tells him that he can pick himself back up, all he has to do is BO-Lieve. Bo then dropkicks the knee the minute Neville stands.
Backstage, Entourage crew are talking about how they can’t just say anything they want. Enter the Divas that don’t matter. Sidebar, and here’s Zack Ryder! Kevin Connolly is talking to Zack Ryder, and he’s got an idea that he wants to talk over with the crew. They ditch the girls and head into a locker room to talk shit over. Emma was there. She’s a heel everywhere else.
Further backstage, Lana and Dolph share a conversation we can’t hear.
Match 4: Sheamus vs Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus misses a clothesline, but Ziggler moves. Ziggler backs Sheamus in the corner, then hits a knee to Dolph. Sheamus sends Dolph into the corner face first then some stomps in the corner. Rope work to Ziggler, and Sheamus drops him then a knee. Sheamus drags Dolph up. Snapmare. Sheamus with a cravat from behind. Dolph is up and turns into the hold. Dolph with a right then a stomp to Sheamus. Sheamus hits a back elbow to the chest. Sheamus drops Dolph then hits a kick. Sheamus sends Dolph to the outside. The ref holds him back. But Sheamus is like nah and heads to the outside. Sheamus gets sent by the head to the announce table then rolls to the inside. In thje corner, Shemaus hits the knee of Dolph. Sheamus tries to suplex Dolph, but Dolph lands on his feet and sends Sheamus to the outside. Both men outside now, and Dolph runs riiiight into a body slam! Sheamus wants to know if we’re entertained. Lana comes out, and the crowd loves it. She watches on at the top of the ramp, and we get a break.
We’re back, and Sheamus hits another hard slam to the mat and pins for 1…2…NO! Lana is still watching. Sheamus hits a knee to the gut. Sheamus drives a knee to the face near the ropes, causing the count from the ref. Right hand from Sheamus is blocked. Dolph hits some rights then a jawbreaker. Back elbow from Dolkph. kick out of the corner from Dolph! Right hand! Another! Another! Sheamus stops it by pushing Dolph to the ropes, but Dolph comes back with an elbow. Right hands. he ca’t get sheamus down! Finally does with a hard right in the face. Dolph hops over on the apron, then hangs up Sheamus. Crossbody from the top rope. Fameasser! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Dolph up. He looks for that DDT, but Sheamus almost hits White Noise, only for Ziggler to slip through, slide under. Corner, and Dolph gets a Superkick! Pin for 1…2..NO!!
Lana is still watching, and here comes Rusev. Lana steps aside and Rusev heads down the ramp. He hops on the apron, and Dolph with a Superkick! He turns…BROGUE!!! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Sheamus
#PREDICTABLE
Rating: **
Michael Moments: I want to get a “EAT SLEEP CONQUER LANA shirt.
Rusev heads into the ring. Lana heads down the ramp. Rusev with a hard knee to Dolph. Lana, apparently cares. Rusev with a right hand. Rusev stares at Lana as he lifts Dolph. Dolph tries to fight back, but Rusev knocks him down. He locks in The Accolade, right in front of Lana. Don’t quote me, but I think Lana is turned on.
Rusev is at the top of the ramp and has the line of the night. “KISS HIM NOW!”
hahaha
Back to the show, and Cena’s Open Challenge from last week is replayed.
Cena says we can be summed up in five words for the last ten years. “Let’s Go Cena. Cena Sucks.” He says there are those who fight with him, and those who fight against him. For those that chant Let’s GO Cena, they believe in what he believes. Hustle. Loyalty. Respect. No matter what they never give up. They have shared the agony of defeat, and the triumph of victory, but most importantly…
WE WANT OWENS
Most importantly, over the past ten years, we have formed a paternity a family, a bond that will never be broken, that allows us to survive no matter how hostile environments may be. So for those that chant WITH him…he’s saying right now that he is eternally grateful for the support.
Then there are the others…
Why? Because over 10 years, they have been clamoring for a man to step in this ring, knock him down, and keep him down. Here’s where the story gets difficult for those chanting Cena Sucks, because name after name have tried…and have failed. He was forcefully introduced to the newest hopeful on RAW; a man named Kevin Owens. Last week, Owens broke the internet and broke Sami Zayn, and this is why those who chant Cena Sucks believe Owens is the one to knock Cena down. They believe Owens is the one who needs to change what we think needs to be changed around here. It’s those that chant Cena Sucks this Sunday may not be chanting that anymore, because at long last, they’ll be able to chant FIGHT OWENS FIGHT. There may no longer be a chanting duel, there will simply be LETS GO CENA/FIGHT OWENS FIGHT. Owens only proved he knows how to start a fight, we’ll have to see if he knows how to finish one.
He says that’s Sunday, though. This is RAW.
So, who answers his call other than…..the entire cast of Entourage. Cena introduces them. He says the challenge is open to anyone, so which of these four are going to step in the ring with him? They say as much as they’d love to do that, they’re here to introduce a superstar who is ready to take you up on Cena’s challenge. A Long Island boy. The pop is loud. The Long Island Iced Z. WOO WOO WOO!!!
Match 5: John Cena vs Zack Ryder
Entourage is sitting ringside. Lockup and a side headlock takedown to Ryder. Cena with a suplex. Cover for 1. NO! Cena with a fishermans. Pin for 1…2..NO! Cena with a right hand to Ryder’s head. Cena sends Ryder in the corner. Whip to the opposite side. Elbow to the Long Island hometown boy. Cena holds Ryder up. Whip to the corner again, but Ryder lifts the knees. Dropkick to Cena! Ryder rusn and hits a elbow in the corner, Cena drops. Broski Boot, but no Cena moves! Cena hits the ropes. Shoulder tackle. Again. Protobomb. We cannot see him….but NO! Johnny Drama is here to interrupt!! He distracts, extends his hand, then rolls out of the ring. Ryder with a rollup!! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Cena sets up with an AA! Ryder with an Unprettier! Whoa. Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Cena backs into the corner. BROSKI BOOT!! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! There was an actual JOHNNY DRAMA CHANT. haha.
Ryder prays to his tanning spot. He holds up the LI. Ryder with the Ruff Ryder! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Cena is floored by the corner. Ryder goes to the top rope.
450 SPLASH FROM RYDER!!!!!! CENA MOVES! AA! Pin for 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: John Cena
…
Rating: **
Cena holds up the hand of Zack Ryder.
Entourage cast enters and they all hold up their hands, including Cena.
Booker calls this a “nice moment.”
From out of nowhere, Kevin Owen enters the ring! POP UP POWERBOMB to Cena!! He stomps on the US Title one more time.
Backstage, Steph calls Owen scary and tells H that he knows how to pick em. Rollins says he knows Owens and he’s great, but not as good as Rollins. Renee Young is here and asks about Elimination Chamber. Steph says that Ambrose still has until the end of the night. Young says didn’t they have Ambrose arrested earlier tonight, though? Rollins says that this is Ambrose’s fault, and if he couldn’t do the time, he shouldn’t have done the crime. So there’s that.
The Bellas are here…yay. They are here to sit commentary for the next match, which is a Tamina match…more yay.
There will be a triple threat come Sunday. Naomi vs Paige vs Nikki
Match 6: Tamina vs Paige
Lockup. Tamina pushes Paige like nothing. hard blow to the back, then Paige hits Tamina with a right hand. Kick to Tamina then Paige brings Tamina over to the 2nd rope and hits a bunch of knees. Tamina is able to send Paige off the apron while Brie tries to stay face by mentioning Bryan. Paige heads back in the ring at 4. Tamina with a headbutt. Tamina squeezes the head from behind. Tamina sends Paige down hard. Another head twist. Paige turns and hits some rights, but Tamina fights back. She gets the upperhand until Paige hits a back elbow. Paige with a kick to the chest. Naomi on the apron. Rollu and a pin from Paige. I miss a few moments, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s mostly Nikki talking.
So apparently, I missed a cheap shot, allowing Tamina to hit the Samoan Drop and pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result:
Rating: *
Ringside, The Bellas stare down Tamina and Naomi hard. Smell the intrigue.
NEW DAY is here. These clappin fools head down the ramp of positivity.
Woods is on the mic. He calls this outrageous. THEY are being made to defend their titles inside the Elimination Chamber against five other tag teams? That’s unfair. Kofi says no one wants to see them lose the titles. No one. Big E says that even these people in this decrepid decayed arena, with a hockey team that has left, and will forever be known as losers…even they can recognize champions. Woods says NEW DAY ROCKS, and they clap. Kane is here….he says this is really a matter of perspective. From Kane’s point of view, New Day has a 1 in 6 chance of winning. In that respect, the EC match is very fair. Unfair would be something along the lines of their match tonight…because they are facing the team of Cesaro and Kidd…AND Los Matadores….AND The Ascension…AND The PrimeTime Players…AND the Lucha Dragons in a 10 on 3 Handicap Match…
Match 7: The New Day vs Buncha Mufuckas
Kalisto and Woods start. Woods has a hold from behind, until Calisto reaches for a tag. He uses the arm to hit an arm drag, but Woods flips up and hits a clothesline, sending the dragon down. Woods talks shit to the corner of tag participants, and they all enter to attack Woods, calling for the DQ.
Official Result: The New Day
Rating: NR
Everyone brawls,. Darren Young and Titus send Woods to the outside, then The Ascension double teams Young then Kofi, slamming Kofi down in the middle of the ring. Titus sends THEM both over the ropes, then big boots Big E, who rolls to the outside as well,. Los Matadores send Titus out then hop over, only for the other one to flip over the tring and land on the group. Hurricanranas to Kidd and Cesaro send them to the outside as well, leaving only the Lucha Dragons in the ring. THEY get on the top ropes and dive to the outside! New Day aren’t part of the group, though. They enter the ring and are announced as the winners.
Immediately after, Kidd and Cesaro enter. Big Swing on Woods. Dropkick to Woods!! Cesaro and Kidd celebrate with Rocker Nattie.
We return to the show, and now we get some exclusive footage of a camera man filming the camera man who was filming the attack of Ambrose and J&J, which shows Seth Rollins pushing the camera man into the attack on Ambrose, thereby allowing the attack and….man, I can’t even type this bullshit with a straight face.
Anyway, The Authority come down to the ring.
Seth says even though the footage shows some bullshit, Ambrose still attacked a camera man and thus, he was arrested. Recklessness can only get you so far, Ambrose. Last week, he ALMOST got an opportunity at his title. This week, he ends up behind bars. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Steph says that their crew works tirelessly every week and they deserve respect. Ambrose? He doesn’t have respect for anyone. He struck a WWE employee. That camera man is a father of newborn triplets. TRIPLETS! #BRIEMODE
Steph says she can’t tolerate such atrocities. Trips says that despite Ambrose’s mental state, they were still willing to give him the opportunity. All he had to do was sign a contract. That was it. But that same unstable, mental state, came back to bite him because he’s not here now. So, they have no choice but to formally announce…
Roman Reigns is here, though. Reigns doesn’t talk, he just attacks. Numbers take over, and J&J attack, along with Seth. Kane stands, waiting for the smaller guys to lift him. Reigns powers out, goes for thew Superman punch to Kane, but Kane hits a chokeslam.
While they setup to attack Reigns again, sirens are heard in the bakground, and we see the same truck Ambrose was tossed in driving back into the arena. The driver? Ambrose. Ambrose is driving…
He “Stole” the paddywagon. He’s wearing a police jacket and hat, and has a billy cub. Cole says he must have been cleared of the charges – which makes no sense.
Ambrose makes hi way down the ring and attacks with the nightstick. Kane locks up for a chokeslam but Ambrose hops off, hits the ropes, and a clothesline. Rollins attacks and tosses Ambrose in the corner. Rollins grabs the night stick, bur Reigns is here to grab it. Ambrose shoves Rollins into Reigns, who hits Seth in the gut with the knight stick then sends him to the outside. J&J attack Dean. Uppercut fro mReigns to Kane. Reigns SPEARS J&J. Kane sends Reigns to the outside. Reigns hits a Superman punch from the outside to Kane! Dirty Deeds from Ambrose to Kane.
In the ring, Reigns has the contract. Ambrose grabs the pen. He signs as Roman smiles. It’s official.
Wow….that Was RAW.
END SHOW
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