411’s WWE Raw Report 7.03.06
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Match #1 Mickie James © defeated Trish Stratus
Match #2 Umaga defeated Kamala
Match #3 Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch defeated Val Venis and Viscera
Match #4 Randy Orton defeated Kane
Match #5 RVD © vs. John Cena went to a No Contest when Edge return and attacked both men.
We see clips of last week’s Raw, in particular the DX parody of the McMahon’s.
DX is here and they approach the building. They are stopped by Coach and a ton of security. The crowd chants for DX and they ask if they can move. Coach says he can’t because it is a nice night, but it is a short one for them. WWE.com would have told them that they are banned. They say they don’t know how to use computers. Coach says they won’t be on Raw this evening. HBK asks what they ever did to Vince? HHH smiles as Coach asks them to leave. They say no problem and leave. HHH is smiling way too much; he obviously has a plan!
JR and King welcome us to Raw and discuss DX being banned and some of the matches later tonight.
Edge and Lita make their way to the ring.
Edge on the mic: “Mark it down people, the Rated R Superstar will OWN this summer. Tomorrow night I go to ECW…and when I get there I will defeat RVD for my 2nd WWE Championship. And then it is on to SNME where I will defend the title against Cena and RVD. Let me put it this way, RVD is like the Phillies; yeah, he is bland, overrated and has no heart! John Cena, Cena is like the Eagles; he is good, really good, but not good enough to be champion. Me, I am like Terrell Owens; I just want out of here. Make no mistake, this is my summer, even my lady Lita, Lita will beat Torrie Wilson’s ass and show here what a cover girl should be like. Tonight I am involved in a triple threat tag match, and I will announce my partner right now.”
John Cena’s music hits and he is out to the ring. Edge says he is rude. Cena and Edge brawl! Cena clears the ring and RVD’s music hits now! RVD is out with his title belts and a mic. HIGH TIMES~!
RVD: “So, I have this match last week with Cena…and since then, everywhere I go is this talk about how close Cena came to making me tap. That is what they are saying. I guess we’ll never know. What I do know is that I am a fighting champion. **CENA SUCKS CHANTS** Cena, forget about the tag match…you want another shot one on one for the WWE title? I say let’s do it tonight!”
Edge: “What the hell is this? So if Cena wins, my title match will be void! That is not fair to me! I refuse to get screwed.”
RVD: “That’s right, you’ll get in my business anyway. Let’s do SNME TONIGHT!”
Edge: “Fine, I want to win my title in front of these Philly assholes! Mark my words, the WWE champion will be rated R!”
RVD: “Correction, the next champion will be rated R…V…D!”
Outside we see a limo pull up and Vince arrives. Coach is here and welcomes him. Vince tells him to be quiet! He says to tell him DX in not here. Coach says they were here, but he told them they were barred and ran away! Vince says it sounds good to him. Vince says it is a holiday weekend…and then we see a car with a ton of chicks pull up.
Back from commercial with a promo about Batista’s return this Friday.
Lita vs. Torrie Wilson
Lita tells Torrie to hit her…she misses and Lita with rights. Suplex to Torrie and a cover for 1. Wristlock by Lita, Russian leg sweep and float over for 2. She tosses Torrie down and chokes her on the ropes. Knee to the back by Lita. Knee to the head by Lita. Forearms by Lita now and then rights take Torrie down. Lita mocks her and Torrie slaps her. Lita is pissed and Torrie gets a hair pull and clothesline. Dropkick to Lita. Irish whip and a corner splash by Torrie. She goes for the tossed salad…but Lita tosses her into the ref. DDT by Lita and that is all.
Winner: Lita @ 2:35 via pin
Coach and Vince are backstage. Vince wants to make sure DX is not here. Vince says catering isn’t here and his toilet is stopped up. Coach says it is a holiday weekend and Vince says he NEVER takes a day off. Vince tells him to find out what is going on and tells him to leave.
Back from commercial with the Highlanders video stuff playing. They debut tonight.
10-Man Tag Team Match: The Spirit Squad (Kenny, Mikey, Johnny, Nicky and Mitch) vs. Hacksaw, Val Venis, Viscera, Eugene and Snitsky
Mikey and Val to begin. He beats down Val and takes him to his corner and they beat on him. Snap mare by Mikey, boot to the head and a forearm smash follows. Suplex by Val and a tag to Eugene. Rights to Mikey, off the ropes and Johnny blind tagged in and got the kick to Eugene. He covers for 2. To the corner and a tag to Kenny. They all beat down Eugene, and then rights by Kenny. Back elbow by Kenny for 2. Tag to Mitch and a clothesline to Eugene for 2. Tag to Mikey and they double-team Eugene. Cover for 2 on Eugene. Johnny tags in and delivers rights to Eugene. Nicky back in and head butts by Eugene. Tag to Kenny and they mention Gorilla Monsoon, who would roll over in his grave right about now. Snitsky in and he starts to clean house. CRAZY GENE~! Off the ropes and a side slam on Kenny gets 2 as the ring starts to fill. They dump Val, Viscera dropkicked to the floor and Hacksaw is in. They beat him down and toss him. Snitsky gets double suplexed and Kenny and Mikey up top…SENTON/LEG DROP COMBO finishes it.
Winner: The Spirit Squad @ 5:22 via pin
Outside DX is having a July 4th BBQ! They say they are sorry they can’t be there, but they are banned. They decided to drink beer and have a July 4th Bash! They have mini-dogs, Vince size and the DX size foot longs. Some dude asks for 2, and HHH says he has an idea. HHH says he sees Mr. Fuji and HHH has 2-girls take their tops off for the guy. The screen goes black for a second and HBK is back, saying there was no Mr. Fuji! HBK says SS can stay inside, of they can come out there and get the shit kicked out of them. HHH says if they aren’t down with that, they got 2 words for ya…SUCK IT!
Back from commercial and JR says the triple threat for the title is official.
Matt Striker and Rob Conway vs. The Highlanders (Roby and Rory)
Roby and Rory slap each other and Rory and Matt start things out. Head butt by Rory. Corner punches by Rory, kilt over the head and another punch. Tag to Roby, 2nd rope elbow to Matt. Double boots to Conway and a double head butt. Rory gets a weird move to Conway and a head butt by Roby for 2. Rights by Conway and a back suplex to Roby. Matt says he won’t tag in because he is smart and leaves. Rory starts to destroy Conway, Matt tries to sneak in but is ran off. Double Shock treatment, called the snot drop I think and the Highlanders win.
Winner: The Highlanders @ 2:24 via pin
Backstage Candace Michelle is with HHH. She wants to know what is in the truck HBK went into. He says it is the TV truck and keeps sneezing and such. She says OK, but wants to know if it is nice in there. They start to convulse and get all sexually aroused…HHH squirts mustard and Candace is excited as well. Some chick come sup from under the table licking her lips and then another! Her and Candace kiss and HHH needs a moment. I need to go to this party. Fellatio~! Amazing that you could see HHH’s fly up the whole time. Plus, adultery~!
Back from commercial and HBK is in the production truck. HHH, Candace and the 2-chicks go to the truck and HHH and Candace check out their asses. They are amazed by the production truck. HHH says they have cameras everywhere. HHH meets a production guy and intros him to the girls and he leaves his post. They play with buttons and the screen goes black.
King and JR are here now and they say things could get bad or good, depending.
We see Vince and Coach. Vince needs to use a bathroom and is insulted that he has to use a public bathroom. Coach has to stand guard. We se DX and they go to camera 10 and see Vince taking a piss. OH MY GOD GTV IS BACK~! We get the sound effects and Vince talking to his penis. He calls it Andre the Giant. Coach rushes in and Vince pisses on him. Coach tells him DX took over the truck and tells Vince that he is on TV right now. DAMN IT Vince says! They rush out, and VINCE DIDN’T WASH HIS HANDS!
Back from commercial and Vince is in the ring.
Vince: “Last week was humiliating. I stood on the stage with Shane and the SS…and before we could beat down DX…and then…then…from above we were showered with excrement! So tonight I barred DX from the building, but they have stepped over the line. They have invaded my production truck. I have had enough. **The mic starts to cut out on him** He gets another and FEEDBACK! I will ask DX…damn it I know it is you! As I was saying, I will take care of DX. No one will embarrass me. **His voice changes to a chipmunk voice now.** Hello? Hello? That is not me talking! Damn it you people think this is funny? Lower my mic and lower it now. **Deep voice now** There for…I am not Barry White. I sound like Darth Vader. Normalize my mic! **Normal now** I feel better right about now. **Fart noise** THAT WAS NOT ME! THAT WAS DX! They have no respect for me, my family or the business! What DX is, are children.” **Roster sounds now**
They do the tele-strator and it says “I LOVE COCKS!”
Vince: “I find no humor in that! **YOU LOVE COCK CHANTS** I am asking for dignity now.”
HHH: “If you think we can’t embarrass you any further, watch this.”
They air a video of last week’s shit storm.
Vince: “Coach where are you, where is security?”
We see Coach rounding up security, he says he will get them out and they can toss them. He knocks on the door and they open it, sending Coach flying. HBK says, “Hello, anyone?”
Vince: “That is really funny, oh yeah! Let me tell you this DX…it won’t be funny any longer. At SNME…July 15th…yeah, damn right. It gets better, because on that night, it will be DX vs. The Spirit Squad…in an elimination match. So what’s your reaction DX?” **Laugh track plays** “Fine, but I will be laughing after SNME…after the SS eliminates you…then I will have something to cheer about.” **Cricket noises** “Would you at least have the respect to play my music?” **His music plays…and it turns into STAND BACK~!** They play it on the screen again and Vince is pissed!
Back from commercial and Johnny Nitro and Melina make their way to the ring. DX shows repeated replays of Melina’s cleavage and ass, God Bless DX.
WWE IC Title Match: Johnny Nitro © w/Melina vs. Carlito
Lock up and to the corner they go. Nitro says he got poked in the eye, and they attacks Carlito. Off the ropes and a blown reversal and then a RANA by Carlito. Reverse DDT type deal by Nitro into a break dance leg drop on Carlito for 2. Necktie by Nitro on Carlito…Carlito tries to get to his feet and escapes. Irish whip and an elbow by Nitro. Nitro poses…but Carlito with a sick clothesline to Nitro. Boot by Carlito…high knee lift and clothesline. Off the ropes…and a springboard elbow by Carlito. Melina on the apron…Carlito grabs her, Nitro almost hits her and the LUNG BLOWER! 1…2…and Melina is in and stops the count.
Trish is out and attacks Melina! Carlito watches them fight and gets wood most likely. Trish beats on Melina some more and tosses her to the floor. Nitro checks on her and Carlito likes what he saw. I figure a mixed tag at SNME. DX shows replays of Trish running and the chick fight.
Winner: Carlito @ 3:00 via DQ
We see RVD backstage getting ready and Paul is here. Paul respects him so much and no champion has done what he has done. But…enough of this “their ring, their rules” Rob. Forget about that the odds are against us, this scares the hell out of me. RVD understands but he believes in himself and ECW. He has this.
Back from commercial with a deal introducing the Diva Search Finalists. They will be here live next week.
We see Coach all hurting and Vince is here and doesn’t give a damn. Vince says to go and get his limo because he is leaving. He will not be embarrassed further!
Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada make their way to the ring. AAE introduces himself, and as he does, we get an ad for DX merchandize and mock AAE. AAE is pissed, and HBK mocks AAE some more.
Umaga vs. Scott Right
Umaga starts the destruction of Right. Slam, powerbomb into the corner, running head butt, running ass ram, AAE gives the sign…ASIATIC SPIKE and 1…2…3.
Winner: Ugama @ 1:10 via pin
AAE on the mic again, and DX plays wacky sounds as he tries to talk. Belching sounds to be exact. AAE and Umaga get pissed.
We see Vince leaving. He gets in the limo and all of the sudden fireworks go off from inside the limo. Green smoke pours out of the limo, and Vince appears all covered in black and green soot. Amazingly enough, his suit is perfectly clean. DX is there with sparklers and flags and say that he should have let them in.
Back from commercial with this week in WWE History, which was the birth of the n W o.
Randall K. Orton makes his way to the ring.
Orton: “What a video package that was! It didn’t do as much for me as last week’s Brooke Hogan music video. 18-year old that is…and um…there is just no getting around it, that girl is hot. Now, it is my understanding on Hogan Knows Best, Hulk will pick a date for her. If things work out my way, you may just see why I am a legend. If you daddy has a problem with that, he’ll find out why I am a legend killer.”
Backstage with Edge. “Well despite the fact that I am unprepared, I will give Philly something they haven’t had in 23-years…a champion.”
Back from commercial as Edge comes down to the ring.
Lillian does the super special ring announcing. There is no DQ’s or count outs by the way, pins or submissions only.
WWE Title Match: RVD © vs. John Cena vs. Edge w/Lita
They stare down and then Cena attacks Edge. RVD joins him and then they argue over who will beat him down! Kicks by RVD to Edge, then forearms and kicks. Cena with an Irish whip and RVD with a running kick to Edge. Cena watches on, and then gets the cradle suplex to Edge. Anything you can do I can do better! They toss Edge to the floor and Lita checks on him as they stare down and we head to a commercial @ 1:55.
Back from commercial @ 4:40 as RVD drops Cena with a kick. Edge is on the floor still, and Cena is set on the top rope. RVD up, but Edge runs in, knocks Cena off and covers RVD for 2. RVD for a roll up for 2. Kicks to Edge, cartwheel into the moonsault for 2. Off the ropes and Cena trips up Edge and tosses him to the steps. RVD flies with a plancha onto Cena! In the ring and RVD covers for 2. Cena tries an FU, RVD escapes and Edge levels him with a clothesline. Cena had Edge…suplex as RVD comes off the top and about kills Edge. Double slam on RVD, and then Edge and Cena clothesline each other. All three men are down now as the ref counts. They get to their knees and battle with punches. To their feet and RVD with kicks and knocks both men down. Irish whip to Edge, reversal and RVD is tossed to the floor. Cena with a clothesline to Edge. Shoulder block and another! PROTO BOMB! 5-knuckle shuffle time…off the ropes…and connects. He calls for the FU…grabs Edge…he grabs the ropes and Cena tosses him to the floor. Lita in with a chair…Cena has her…FU on Lita! RVD in…VAN DAMNINATOR! RVD goes up top…MISSES THE ***** FROG SPALSH! Edge tries to get to his feet, FU by Cena! Edge is in and LAYS out Cena with the title! He covers RVD…1…2…3 and just like that RVD’s title run is up in smoke!
Winner: and NEW WWE CHAMPION EDGE @ 11:25 via pin
Edge celebrates with the title and then ignores Lita!
Edge finally checks on Lita and they leave and celebrate.
We get replays of how Edge won the title and then see a pissed off Cena and RVD who looks like he is about to cry.