Awesome: The Return of Kong

Last week, Impact Wrestling returned to television with new episodes after a 4 week hiatus that was filled in with “Best of” episodes that didn’t exactly set the world on fire. Any world where Dixie going through a table is the #1 moment in TNA history- and NOT the time they signed that Kurt Angle fella- is a world I don’t really want to be a part of. Luckily, 2015 kicked off, and Destination America brought us new Impact content.

First things first – I really enjoyed the show. Part of it was probably- absolutely- due to simply missing wrestling that didn’t have “WWE” in front of it, as Lucha Underground took the same December break that TNA did. That left me with Raw, and SmackDown if I was feeling froggy, with an occasional peep at NXT when I could make it happen. If you’ve followed Raw the last couple months (jokesters chime in: or forever! Hahahaha!), you know that it hasn’t been the best show in the world. And so, last Wednesday was a fantastic return.

And while there were many things to enjoy about the return of Impact- a fine tag title match, a fine World title match, and Kurt Angle returning to the ring- there was one thing, above all, that made the night, to quote Andrew WK, a fun night.

It’s a simple topic this week, with a simple theme: Awesome Kong rules, I love Awesome Kong. From the second I first saw her in TNA all those years ago, looking to maim Gail Kim and take the belt, I was all in with Kong.

This goes deeper than simply a “Yay Kong!” reaction, though. It’s realizing just how vital she can be to the women’s wrestling scene, wherever she may be. In TNA, she represents the pinnacle, the absolute toughest out you can possibly draw if you’re a Knockout. She’s not there to be pretty, to be catty, or to even talk, really. She’s just there to powerbomb the crap out of you and bust those implants.

She allows the entire roster to have someone to rally against, whether she herself is considered a face or a heel. No matter what, she’s the top of the mountain. She’s the end goal. It doesn’t matter if it’s a spunky Gail Kim or some bitchy Beautiful People- she’s the one that the rest want to test themselves against.

On top of that, she comes with an instant legitimacy that you just can’t create with hype videos or hyperbolic announcers. She earns respect simply by being what she is – a wrecking machine. Even better is that any company that has her seems to understand this immediately. Even during her ill-fated WWE run as Kharma, Kong was positioned as the “anti-Diva,” the one that was going to wreck all the rest of the pretty dolls. Rare is the talent who isn’t fucked up by switching companies as the new bosses try to show where the old bosses were “wrong” with the talent. Kong may have received a name change in WWE, but the rest of her presentation was exactly what we had seen for years in TNA, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In a world where Goldberg put on a gold wig and tried some comedy in WWE, it’s always nice to see them leave well enough alone. And with Kong, “well enough” is actually “perfection.”

Kong doesn’t just allow women’s wrestling to be seen in a serious light – she forces it to be seen this way. She doesn’t wrestle in slow motion, with start-stop kicks that make you roll your eyes. She doesn’t try fancy moves that she can’t actually execute, and she doesn’t come out dressed like she was heading to the beach but happened upon a wrestling card and decided to give it a chance. There’s nothing sexual about her (not that she’s an unattractive woman, just that there’s no sexuality in her presentation), and that forces you (us) to watch her simply as a wrestler. Which, from where I sit, isn’t even close to a bad thing.

One of my biggest pet peeves is, when discussing any female wrestler, the inevitable “yeah she’s hot” or “she’s hella ugly” comment that pops up. Hell, I remember months back in the old Smart Marks format discussing the Divas and Knockouts, and the “she’s hot” comments were in full effect. We get it. Straight guys. Women. Attraction. But when we’re actually discussing the wrestling abilities, what fucking place do comments like that have? When I was talking about how atrocious Brittany was, the furthest thing from my mind was how pretty she could be. In fact, this is something I put strictly as the fault of WWE- if you’re not hot, you’re not on TV (more or less). They’ve slowly made it so that shitty models are allowed to be wrestling champions, while their good female wrestlers are used as glorified enhancement talent. And don’t forget Piggy James, The Mole, or Good Ol’ Fartin’ Nattie.

With Kong, that entire above paragraph is moot. No one discusses Kong and talks about her looks, unless they’ve legitimately exercised every other angle to cover. Hell, I remember in Kong’s debut with TNA (the gauntlet match), upon her elimination, two of her assets popped out of her top. Outside of rewinding and watching that moment a few times after it happened, all my friends and I could really discuss about her was how bad she was going to wreck everyone else on the roster. It is definitely rare that a female wrestler could have a malfunction like that without everyone turning into a super perv. And yes, for a moment, I was perving, but it was more in the “I can’t believe that happened!” vein than the “OMG BEWBZ!” one.

Getting back to the present, Kong’s return allows TNA to refocus their Knockouts Division. We ended 2014 with Taryn Terrell winning the belt from Havok after a mini-feud based on respect with Gail Kim. Meanwhile, the Beautiful People were around, doing stuff. And Madison Rayne was involved in some bizarre deal with Brittany that eventually fluttered out.

Havok especially had started to flounder, coming in strong as the “new Kong” if you will, but losing her title so quickly to Terrell did no favors at all. While she is an impressive figure, she still needed someone to play her game so we could see just how good she is. Havok doesn’t strike you the way Kong does, and for her to earn the same feared respect of Kong, she will need to beat Kong. Two supremely strong female wrestlers, going head to head? This can’t be reality!

And once the feud with Havok is over, the possibilities are numerous. The two could form some super team and destroy ALL the Knockouts, or Kong can go on to feud with Terrell, or Kim again, or her old friends the Beautiful People. I personally cannot wait to see Kong eviscerate Terrell for that championship.

What I really liked about all of this is the sad story came to an end. As we remember, Kong’s WWE run came to an end with an announced pregnancy, one she lost. As a man, I can’t even pretend to have any idea what that pain must have been like. To see that she’s picked herself up, stayed strong, and is ready to return to the world she loves is so inspiring.

You have to give credit where it’s due – TNA hyped up a big game for their debut on Destination Impact, and many of us scoffed at what they were saying. And hey, that’s what happens when every other week features a “huge announcement that will change the face of TNA wrestling forever!” WCW burned us the same way when every week was “the biggest moment in the history of our sport.” Eventually, overuse of hyperbole is going to burn you, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Maybe TNA considered that. Maybe they knew that many of us would tune in to simply mock whatever “big happening” they had planned, content in our knowing that it’d be a huge bust. Maybe they knew just how stoked some of us would be to see Kong back. Maybe. It’s highly doubtful- I’m most likely giving them entirely too much credit- but it’s possible. A company as social-media aware as they must know what’s being said about them by many fans. Why not use that patronizing attitude against us?

Yeah, probably not.

In the end, though, the hype paid off. The best female wrestler available is back in TNA. And while the other guys will give you Bellas and Naomi and Cameron and Alicia Fox bumbling around the ring, you can count on seeing one bad bitch powerbombing all the rest in an Impact Wrestling ring.

In TNA’s world of constant nonsense, bringing back someone who is 100% no-nonsense was the most welcome of moves.

Welcome back, Kong. We missed you.

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