Booking WWE Monday Night Raw 10.10.16

From Oakland, California, this will be Monday Night Raw.

* As the show commences, Seth Rollins marches to the ring. He declares that physicians have cleared him for competition, which means the time is at hand to face Kevin Owens for the WWE Universal Championship. And that match, he says, will take place without interference from Owens’s friend Chris Jericho, and without interference from Owens’s “daddy,” Triple H–because that match will take place inside Hell in a Cell at the aptly named Hell in a Cell event. However, Stephanie McMahon makes her way to the ring, echoing the statement Owens made last week: Rollins has done nothing to earn a rematch for the championship. The audience soon receives the gift of Jericho, as Chris Jericho appears with vengeance on his mind following Rollins’s attack upon him last week. Rollins wonders aloud whether Jericho’s anger should be focused on him for his attack, or on Owens for abandoning his good friend. Jericho appears torn at Rollins’s question before deciding that Rollins has displayed stupidity of idiotic proportions. However, Stephanie also senses the dissention between the members of Jeri-KO, prompting her to announce tonight’s main event for the Number One Contendership to Owens’s championship between Seth Rollins and Chris Jericho.

–Advertisement for mediocre food prepared hastily.–

* A much anticipated showdown between Sin Cara and Bo Dallas is interrupted by Braun Strowman. The Monster Among Men descends mightily upon the two competitors, leaving them as lifeless as inanimate objects, before he turns his wrath to actual inanimate objects. The ring steps, the timekeeper’s table, the ring apron are all destroyed before General Manager Mick Foley appears on the stage, imploring Strowman to stop. He was made aware of Strowman’s demand for competition, and he has prepared a match accordingly. Unfortunately, he was never able to inform Strowman of this fact, as Strowman is not exactly the sort to own a cellular device. But, Foley says, rest assured that by the end of the night, Strowman will have competition–in the form of the winner of a battle royal. That match was scheduled for later, but Foley sees fit to start it now. As Strowman watches, several of his prospective challengers make their way toward the ring.

–Advertisement for a film starring Ben Affleck as an overzealous tax preparer.–

* Cesaro wins the battle royal and the right to face Braun Strowman later in the evening. Among other competitors are Enzo Amore, Big Cass, Curtis Axel, Darren Young, Primo, Epico, Goldust, R-Truth, Jinder Mahal, Sami Zayn, Titus O’Neil, and the runner-up, Sheamus.

–Advertisement for a soft drink promising roughly the same effects as opium. Ah, but there is no substitute for the real thing, let me assure you.–

* During an interview conducted earlier with Michael Cole, Roman Reigns admits he will have the advantage over Rusev in their Hell in a Cell match, by virtue of having competed in such a match last year.

* Noam Dar wins his debut match against fellow cruiserweight Lince Dorado.

* Backstage, Rusev and Lana meet with Foley to discuss the injustice of forcing the Super Athlete to compete in a Hell in a Cell match. Rusev is concerned that he will end up looking like Cell veteran Foley. (Foley notes that Rusev is already quite close to that fate.) Rusev’s best course of action, Foley says, is to cease his complaining and begin his preparation, starting with his match tonight, which is next…

–Advertisement for WWE 2K17, featuring Macklemore’s hit song, “Downtown.”–

* Neville defeats Rusev by disqualification after Rusev takes Foley’s advice to heart and violently pummels his opponent. Neville receives no mercy until he is unconscious, at which point Rusev takes a microphone and delivers a message to Roman Reigns: “What has happened to this man is your fault. All the destruction I will carry out is your fault.” The announcers remind the audience that there are no disqualifications and no limits to the destruction that can be meted out inside Hell in a Cell.

–Advertisement for southern-based fast food chicken.–

* The New Day arrive in the ring with handwritten signs proclaiming “Don’t Die, Cesaro!” They look forward to their future Tag Team Championship defense against Cesaro and Sheamus, and would rather not face a bloody spot on the mat, left there by Braun Strowman. In preparation for his match, they encourage him to stretch, hydrate, and most importantly, eat his Booty-O’s. While Cesaro does not respond, Sheamus is out to warn the New Day that it is he who should concern them. In fact, he hopes Cesaro is gravely injured tonight, as it would eliminate the greatest obstacle in the way of Sheamus defeating the New Day for the Tag Team Championship. He then mounts an attack on the New Day, laying waste to them single-handedly, and holding up their championship belts.

–Advertisement discouraging youth from rapping. Or smoking. One of the two.–

* Backstage, Sami Zayn takes issue with Titus O’Neil for O’Neil’s self-elimination during the earlier battle royal. O’Neil says he realized during the course of the match that he was surrounded by men of little credibility, and besting them would do nothing for his brand. Zayn declares O’Neil a coward, but O’Neil counters that he is, in fact, smart.

* In the ring, Dana Brooke (sans Charlotte) insists she wants retribution for Bayley’s attack upon her last week. Bayley answers the challenge to a match, which will begin next…

–Advertisement for the WWE Network, soon to feature video content from rival wrestling promotion TNA, finally prompting the price of the service to skyrocket well beyond $9.99.–

* Bayley defeats Dana Brooke by disqualification after it becomes apparent Bayley will maintain the upper-hand, and so Brooke brings the ring bell into the ring. After successfully striking Bayley with it, she proceeds to wail upon the young hugger mercilessly. This prompts Sasha Banks to race into the ring to protect Bayley–but Banks herself is intercepted by Charlotte, who has been lying in wait under the ring the entire time. She and Brooke make the earlier assault on Bayley appear as mere horseplay, and Banks is left in a heap. Charlotte proclaims that this was all a set-up, as she knew Banks would try to protect Bayley. Charlotte will make Banks’s life hell until she gets her championship rematch.

–Advertisement for your local Halloween costume shop, where your daughter will find the costume that will allow her to dress up like a 25-year old, loose woman dressing up like Pocahontas.–

* Enzo Amore & Big Cass enter the ring and announce their displeasure at the Shining Stars’ earlier cheating efforts to eliminate Cass from the battle royal. The Stars answer these charges, saying they’ve never had to cheat to defeat Enzo & Cass before, and they wouldn’t need to start tonight. Enzo & Cass challenge them to prove that tonight in a tag team match…or are the Puerto Ricans S-O-F-T-soft?

–Advertisement for a film encouraging youth to assault their school principals. Just don’t smoke cigarettes when doing it.–

* Enzo & Big Cass defeat the Shining Stars. However, the ultimate triumph goes to Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows, who ambush Enzo & Big Cass after the match.

* Backstage, Kevin Owens approaches Chris Jericho, who is preparing for his main event match. Owens would like to confirm that he and Jericho are still friends, but Jericho does not answer. Owens assures Jericho that he would have given Jericho a championship match eventually, but it’s really up to Foley and Stephanie. Jericho does not respond. Finally, Owens asks whether he is on Jericho’s List. Jericho walks away without a word.

–Advertisement for a virtual reality device. Full disclosure: I did not predict the emerge of virtual reality until January of 2017. I thought Pokemon-Go would have amused you longer than it did.–

* Braun Strowman defeats Cesaro after a hard-fought contest. After the match, Strowman decides that Cesaro was not competition enough, and seeks to prove his point by turning the Swiss Superman into a rag doll. Referees and backstage officials cannot stop the abuse–but Sheamus can, and does, delivering a Brogue Kick to Strowman and dragging Cesaro out of further danger. The announcers wonder how Sheamus feels about Cesaro after all.

–Advertisement for a new car. No, wait, it will just be an advertisement for tires to go on your new car.–

* Sasha Banks was taken to a local medical facility following her attack at the hands of Charlotte, but has sent a tweet declaring that Charlotte will get her rematch…inside Hell in a Cell.

* In a cruiserweight affair, Drew Gulak and Tony Nese defeat Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann. During the post-match raising of the winners’ arms, Brian Kendrick attacks all four men. He declares that any cruiserweight match that does not feature him is a waste of time. TJ Perkins arrives, angry at Kendrick’s callous attack, and says that if Kendrick wants another chance at his championship, it is his.

–Advertisement for “Total Bellas,” where John Cena’s heel turn is taking place.–

* Backstage, Mick Foley finds Brian Kendrick and tells him he has no choice but to fine him for his actions in the ring. Kendrick knows well from experience that he will never know the warm embrace of the administration, and his only chance at staying in Raw’s employ is winning Perkins’s championship.

* Seth Rollins defeats Chris Jericho to win the Number One Contendership to Kevin Owens’s Universal Championship. Following the match, Owens attacks Rollins. After much urging on his part, he is joined by Chris Jericho, and the two men stand tall over Rollins.

* It all leads to the following matches at the Hell in a Cell event on 30 October:

– Seth Rollins versus Kevin Owens for the Universal Championship inside Hell in a Cell, with Chris Jericho as the special referee
– Sasha Banks versus Charlotte for the Raw Women’s Championship inside Hell in a Cell
– TJ Perkins versus Brian Kendrick for the Cruiserweight Championship
– The New Day versus Cesaro & Sheamus for the Raw Tag Team Championships
– Roman Reigns versus Rusev for the United States Championship inside Hell in a Cell
– Enzo & Big Cass versus Anderson & Gallows
– Luke Harper versus Braun Strowman

And with that, I am certain you will join me again next week. In the meantime, congratulations to Carolina Panthers fans.