Botched! 7.08.17: Kofi’s Rap Blunder, Thesz Presses, Miz’s Pants, More

Hi, hello and welcome to the column that nobody in wrestling wants to be featured in, Botched! Hope everybody had a good week and is ready to laugh their way into the weekend. We had a ton of wrestling going down this week. New Japan made it to the States. TNA/Impact/GFW made it to 15 years. Let’s get right to the not quite right stuff!

1. Red Shoes Lets Elgin Back In

New Japan Pro Wrestling made its way to America last weekend, and I think I speak for most people around here when I say they should come back more often. More high quality pro wrestling is always a good thing, and Japan should be ok with sharing it every once in awhile. It’s been dang near impossible to find flaws in Kenny Omega matches this year, but there was one annoying one early in his match with Michael Elgin in the IWGP United States Championship Tournament…

Go to 7:00 into the video so you can see the count that Red Shoes, NJPW’s most recognizable official starts administering. Around 7:30 you’ll see him stop the count just before 20 because Michael Elgin needs to get back in the ring so the match will continue. Omega is distraught, as well he should be. That probably kept this match from getting six stars.

2. A Table No-Sells DeAngelo Williams

The entity formerly known as TNA Wrestling, then Impact Wrestling, and is currently known as Global Force Wrestling (I think) held Slammiversary in Orlando on Sunday night. One of the highlights of the evening was the wrestling debut of former Panthers running back DeAngelo Williams as he teamed with Moose against Chris Adonis & Eli Drake. DeAngelo was impressive in his first and perhaps only outing, but there was a little bit of an issue at the end of the match.

Ugh, nothing worse than when the table refuses to break when you need it to for the big pop. They broke it after the match and the fans still seemed happy though, so the moody table didn’t ruin anybody’s evening.

3. Thesz Press

Lou Thesz was not a fan of women’s wrestling at all, to the point that he would refuse to appear on cards with women performing. To be fair, women’s wrestling back in Thesz’s day consisted of Fabulous Moolah and the girls that she and her manager pimped out in exchange for money and bookings, so when you think of it that way you can see why Lou wanted nothing to do with it.

This came to mind while I was watching the Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax on Monday night and saw Banks’s attempt at a Lou Thesz Press at 1:08.

Banks & Bliss haven’t really been on the same page in their matchups against each other so far, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can get it done Sunday night at GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

4. Miz’s Wardrobe Malfunction

The Miz didn’t plan on defending his Intercontinental Championship on Monday night, but Kurt Angle made him take on Heath Slater because…well, why not? Miz’s lack of preparation led to him wrestling in his street clothes, which led to this:

Whoopsies. Expensive Italian suits weren’t made for wrestling matches, which is kind of weird when you think about it because you’d think the Italians would be ready to fight while dressing well at the same time.

5. Kofi Doesn’t Know What Stop Signs Look Like

My boy Jeremy Lambert did a fantastic job of breaking down the SD Live battle rap between the Usos & the New Day, but I gotta chime in with the big ol botch…

3:25 is when Kofi Kingston comes in to drop some knowledge. After delving into how the Usos didn’t look like they’d ever been in a gym, he says they need to make like red hexagons and stop stop. Then he says they don’t know what red hexagons are because they didn’t go to college. One major problem with that line:

Eight sides, yo. Everybody jumped on that one pretty quick and Kofi made light of it on social media because that’s what you gotta do. I didn’t see the New Day episode of Ride Along so I hope that Kofi isn’t the one driving when they’re on the road.

Thanks for reading! If you see (or hear) anything wrong in the world of wrestling, let me know via Twitter or e-mail at [email protected]. Have a good weekend!