Botched! 7.1.17: Ball Family Hijinks, Heavy Enzo, More

Hi, hello and welcome to the column that nobody in wrestling wants to be featured in, Botched! Hope everybody had a good week and is ready to laugh their way into the weekend. No extra shows this week, but I think I could have filled this entire column with one segment of Raw if I really wanted to. Let’s get right to it…

1. LaVar Ball’s Son Goes Off-Script. If There Was One.

I just had a feeling on Monday afternoon that the Ball family would be a featured part of this week’s column. LaVar Ball is a loose cannon that can go off the rails at any time, and his kids don’t have a whole lot of experience on microphones in front of thousands of people. LaMelo, who is fifteen years old, was bound to say something silly. He’s a kid. He’s not an actor. So who was surprised when he dropped a couple of N-bombs on television? Not I.

WARNING: The following video contains usage of a racial slur that people as white as I am would never be caught dead using. Or, more accurately, would be caught dead if we did use it. Viewer discretion is advised.

I’m inclined to cut LaMelo some slack. As I said above, the kid is fifteen and isn’t experienced doing this kind of thing. Give him a basketball and he’d probably do all right. Giving him a live microphone is like giving the town drunk an assault rifle. Something bad is bound to happen, it’s just a matter of when and how bad it ends up being. Vince McMahon & Kevin Dunn reportedly lost their minds backstage, and I don’t really blame them. But I will always remember the one time Vince thought it was a good idea to ask Booker T what was up, and shake my head at his hypocrisy.

2. The Bottom Rope No-Sells LaVar Ball’s Entrance

Oh, I almost forgot this bit of foolishness from everybody’s favorite basketball dad. He tried to enter the ring with a running start, and, well…

Listen, I know that the WWE Superstars apparently hate LaVar after their experience with him on Monday and we just might see Chris Benoit on Raw before we see LaVar again. But for the sake of this column I’d really like it if he kept appearing on wrestling shows. I’d never need to watch anything else. Just give me awesome Ball family segments on some wrestling show every week and I can keep doing this for the next twenty years.

Somebody call Jeff Jarrett, I’m sure Impact Wrestling would have a place for any and all Balls. I mean, they had a couple of Johnsons back in the day.

3. Enzo Is Heavier Than Cass Thought

Big Cass has had enough of his old friend Enzo Amore. Judging from Twitter & comment sections over the past few months, he isn’t the only one to grow tired of the Certified G & Bona Fide Stud. He set up a series of attacks on Enzo and made the turn official last week on Raw. This week, he decided to play some mind games with Enzo and act like they were getting back together…but nah, that didn’t happen.

There might be one thing that Cass didn’t take into account when turning against his best friend though…check out 4:10 in the video here:

It looks like Enzo might be a bit heavier than Cass thought. The seven-footer might have thought tossing around his little buddy would be easier than tossing out the garbage, but he’s breathing pretty heavy and didn’t hold Enzo very long there. Either he needs to toss in a few more dumbbell curls at the gym or Enzo needs to toss a few salads into the diet.

Yeah, I probably should have come up with a better phrase for that, but it’s done now.

4. Not So SuperFly Splash

Tamina likes to bust out the SuperFly Splash as a tribute to her father. She used to do it a lot more often but we don’t see it too much these days…mostly because she doesn’t win a whole lot of matches. She might want to get back to practicing it, as the one she used in SmackDown Live’s Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Re-Match 2:30 into the video didn’t go so well.

For somebody that looks right at home on the top rope, it looks like she spends a lot of time on the road these days.

5. Who Did That Spear?

There was another botch with Tamina, but it’s not her fault this time. This one goes to Tom Phillips at 7:36 in the previous video:

”Oh, and what a spear by Nat-uh by Naom-by Tamina rather!”

In fairness to Tom, a lot of people in WWE have used the spear over the past twenty years, so I have problems keeping track sometimes too.

Thanks for reading! If you see (or hear) anything wrong in the world of wrestling, let me know via Twitter or e-mail at [email protected]. Have a good weekend!