wrestling / Video Reviews

Byers Looks at TNA The Asylum Years – Episode 101

December 9, 2015 | Posted by Ryan Byers

Well, here goes nothing.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Ryan Byers. I have a bit of a history with TNA wrestling. I won’t bore you with the specifics, but, if you know about it, you know about it. Recently, I got word that the company would be revisiting its roots by uploading its old weekly pay per view events on its official YouTube channel. The first show went up this past Thursday.

I’ve decided to take a look at the card, in part because of morbid curiosity and in part because of requests that I review more content in the vein of my reviews of Total Divas. This is very much experimental now. I may do more, I may not. It all depends on the demand and the amount of fun that I have.

I should also note that, when it comes to most of these shows, I’m seeing them for the first time. I’ve seen individual matches here and there, but, when it comes to the weekly TNA pay per views, there are fewer than five that I’ve seen in total. So, I’m largely going into this cold.

With all of that said, let’s head to the Von Braun Civic Center in Huntsville, Alabama, where 3,000 fans gathered on June 19, 2002 to watch the very first broadcast of what was then known as NWA-TNA.

Trivia note: The first words heard on a TNA broadcast are Jeremy Borash yelling, “Total Nonstop Action!” in a manner that makes it obvious that the first half of his sentence was cut off. Nothing like a production gaffe to kickstart your promotion.

The first person to head down the ramp on a TNA show? Don West. He introduces “the most influential man in wrestling” Ed Ferrara, who is cosplaying as John Travolta’s character from Battlefield Earth. He asks us if we’re ready for a little TNA, “and not Total Nonstop Action,” just in case you were still naïve enough to think that the name was not derived from the phrase “tits and ass.”

Mike Tenay is running down the show, but his speech is cut off in mid-stream to go to Jeremy Borash, who is introducing some NWA legends. Harley Race, Dory Funk, Jr., Jackie Fargo, Bob Armstrong, Corsica Joe, Sara Lee, Bill Behrends, and Ricky Steamboat are all out. If you can’t pick out which one of those names doesn’t belong on that list, let me give you a hint. It rhymes with “Phil Pherends.”

Steamboat gets the mic, and he has the NWA World Heavyweight Championship belt with him. He does a good job of putting over the importance of the title and explains that there will be 20 wrestlers fighting in a “Gauntlet for the Gold” match this evening, in which he will be acting as a special guest referee. The winner gets the championship, which had been stripped off of Dan “The Beast” Severn, who couldn’t come to terms with the new promotion.

“Not ‘Cowboy’ by Kid Rock” plays, and Jeff Jarrett is out. He says that the concept of putting the title on the line in a battle royale is, and I’m quoting here, “stupid.” Jackie Fargo tells him to kiss his ass and gives him the number one spot in the Royal Rumble Gauntlet for the Gold. “Generic Rock Anthem #452” interrupts things, and we’re joined by Ken Shamrock. He doesn’t think the main event is stupid. Instead, he thinks it “sucks.” Shamrock threatens Jarrett but is interrupted himself by Big Scott Hall, who enters through the audience. He also believes that putting the title on the line in a battle royale sucks. Why is everybody on the roster burying the main event, and why did the NWA legends chastise Jarrett for it but let the other wrestlers’ comments slide? Double J tells everybody to stick it and leaves.

The announce team throws it backstage to Goldylocks, and, if you want to know how low rent this company was in the early days, the poor girl can’t even get a shirt that fits her properly. She’s with Puppet the Psycho Dwarf, who cuts a promo on the other little people that the promotion is bringing in. In the background, Jeff Jarrett kicks over some music stands. What a badass.

AJ Styles, Low Ki, & Jerry Lynn vs. The Flying Elvises (Sonny Siaki, Jimmy Yang, & Jorge Estrada) in a First Match in TNA History Match

Backstage, the NWA Legends are shown watching and seem disappointed in the gimmick of the Flying Elvises. If that’s the case, then why did they book them for the show?

The Elvi ambush early, but it turns into a triple dropkick/rana spot and some early dives from Ki and Lynn. Styles stays in the ring with Siaki and powerslams him, though Yang responds quickly with a sick looking shining wizard. Lynn checks in and retakes the advantage for the babyfaces, but Jimmy absolutely no sells a tornado DDT. Lynn gets caught in the heel corner, and Siaki tags in. He gets taken down with a headscissors and bulldog for two. Low Ki gets the tag but is neckbreakerered. Jorge Estrada comes in for the first time with a split-legged moonsault for two and a top rope Rude Awakening, followed by a standing shooting star press. Ki manages to take out his legs and connects with a series of huge kicks (duh), and there’s a semi-hot tag to Styles. Yang is also in. AJ connects with his moonsault-into-a-Slop Drop gimmick, but Yang flips out of a German and hits a leg lariat for two. Low Ki runs in and kappo kicks Yang off the apron, only to eat a sit-out powerbomb from Estrada. Lynn saves and connects with the cradle piledriver, but Siaki saves. There’s miscommunication between the good guys, as Low Ki accidentally hits AJ with his corner enzuguiri, leaving Yang an opening to hit his Yang Time corkscrew moonsault for a three count at 6:27.

Match Thoughts: There were some cool spots in this one, but there was no structure and zero selling. At least four of the six guys were capable of much better, but I get that this style is probably what they were asked to do. *1/2

Hollywood vs. Teo in a Little Person Hardcore Match

Before the match, Ferrara loudly asks into his microphone, “Are Don and I going to the ring now?” No, that’s the next segment, but thanks for playing.

Scott Armstrong is your referee. Hollywood ambushes Teo at the bell, and they immediately botch what I think was supposed to be a rana. Teo lands a diving headbutt to the groin, but Hollywood responds with a bodyslam and a clothesline to the stomach. Hollywood then goes to the top rope and hits a frog splash for a close two count. The two wrestlers loose contact with each other on an Irish whip and the match falls apart briefly before Teo hits a side Russian leg sweep and goes to the top rope himself. He comes off with what Mike Tenay calls a swanton but looked to me more like a unique top rope elbow in which he initially overshot his opponent but then came down and hit him with the elbow on the other side. That gets him the three count at 2:49.

Match Thoughts: When more moves are botched than actually connect, you know you’re in trouble. DUD.

NOW it’s time for Ferrara and West to get into the ring, and they plug a lingerie battle royale for next week’s show. They call out several women, including Francine, “Miss Joanie” (who I don’t recognize), WCW’s Daffney (called Shannon), Alexis Laree (Mickie James), a woman whose name sounds something like “Sunda,” the “Baltimore Ravens Cheerleader” Erin, ECW’s Elektra, Taylor Vaughn, and Teresa Tyler (I don’t know who that is either). Because this is a wrestling show and wrestling shows after 1998 are incapable of portraying women as anything other than catty bitches (or Bayley), Francine steals the microphone and says she’s done more in wrestling than anyone else in the ring. Elektra responds and blames her for bankrupting ECW . . . huh? How did that work? That leads us to a cat fight, and Elektra’s shirt, which didn’t cover anything more than her bra, is ripped off to expose her bra. Good thing these guys were on pay per view where they could get away with anything.

Goldylocks is backstage with Mortimer Plumbtree, the poor man’s Johnny Polo. Goldylocks has an odd habit of scrunching up her face at inappropriate times. Mortimer explains that he was a nerd growing up but that he somehow managed to turn his former bullies into a tag team that follows his every command, including what to wear. Yes, you know what’s coming. He forced his men to dress up as giant penises. How do you feel about that, Goldy?

Richard & Rod Johnson w/ Mortimer Plumbtree vs. “Cowboy” James Storm & Psicosis

Storm and Psicosis are announced as being from Mexico City, Mexico. Both of them? Ferrara makes fun of Storm’s “cowboy gimmick,” which Tenay defends as coming naturally to the wrestler. Ed gets in a legitimately good line by asking, “So he walks around town in a duster and no pants?”

Anyway, one of the Johnsons dominates Psicosis early, but he makes his own comeback and tags in Storm, who hits a missile dropkick. The babyfaces clear the ring, at which point “Alicia,” also known as the WWF’s Ryan Shamrock, stands in the aisle and watches the match. The action resumes with Storm skinning the cat to hit a wheelbarrow bulldog on a Johnson, setting up a Psicosis basement dropkick. The Johnsons act like, um, dicks and cheat to retake the advantage, with one of them hitting an exploder. Seconds later, Psi does the Kidman reversal of a powerbomb, setting up a hot tag. Storm connects with a rana to one Johnson and some kicks to another, but the penises cut him off and land stereo head and arm supelxes on their opponents. Storm makes a hint of a comeback, but Plumtree trips him to set up a Diamond Cutter out of a fireman’s carry. That gives you a three count at 4:49.

Match Thoughts: It felt like this match should have been a squash but TNA didn’t want to feed Storm & Psicosis to the Johnsons because they had other plans for them. It wasn’t particularly exciting, and the Johnsons (a.k.a. the Shane Twins, who would go on to be the Gymini in WWE) seemed uncomfortable wrestling in their unusual gear and masks. *

After the match, Alicia accosts referee Slick Johnson, who hands her a wad of cash.

Backstage, Goldylocks meets the Dupps. Bill Behrends tells them that they can’t drink backstage. I’m not sure what that was supposed to set up.

In the ring, Borsash introduces NASCAR drivers Hermie Sadler and Sterling Marlin. None of the women who were out for the earlier segment got graphics listing their names, but these guys do. They also get probably the largest fan response of the evening thusfar. Borash interviews them about their upcoming races, which is a setup for Ron Killings (still known as K-Krush) to come out and tell us he’s tired of hearing about NASCAR drivers. I would make fun of the fact that it only took Krush fifteen seconds to get tired of this, but that’s how long it took me, too. There is some uncomfortable racial stuff in which Krush talks about the athletic accomplishments of “his people,” while Sadler says that nobody can take Krush seriously “looking like he looks.” Things start to get physical, but Brian Lawler – dressed in his full Too Cool gimmick from the WWF – runs in for a save. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring in the guy whose gimmick is parodying black culture to feud with a black man who NASCAR drivers are making racist comments about. Anyway, this sets up a match for next week.

Backstage, Jeff Jarrett has moved past assaulting defenseless music stands and is choking Jackie Fargo.

Christian York & Joey Matthews vs. Stan & Bo Dupp w/ Fluff Dupp

Borash announces York and Matthews as weighing in at a combined “two hundred . . . I mean four hundred and fifty pounds.” On the other side of the ring, the announcers come right out and say that Fluff is both the cousin and the girlfriend of Stan and Bo. Subtlety, thy name is NWA TNA. For the third match in a row, the heels ambush the faces at the bell. The faces come back quickly and hit a double suplex on Stan, though Stan responds with an Uncle Slam on Matthews. Bo tags in and lands a sick big boot and a standing pump splash. Stan comes back in but has a neckbreaker reversed to set up tags on both sides. York runs wild for a bit, culminating in a standing senton on Bo. Things break down into a four-way, and Matthews and Stan go over the top rope off a clothesline spot. Christian looks for a moonsault on the inside, but Fluff crotches him and allows Bo to get the pin with a handful of tights at 3:39.

Match Thoughts: This suffered from the same problem as the first match, in that it felt like they wanted a squash to highlight the Dupps but didn’t want York and Matthews to go down hard. The result was trying to cram too much into too little time. *

We are shown a Toby Keith music video for some reason. I’m a bit surprised that they still have the rights to include this in the show, given everything that gets edited off of WWE’s archived pay per views. Oh, wait a minute, that’s not all. We also get ourselves a live Toby Keith performance of “The Angry American,” his post-9/11 pro-war anthem. I’m not watching this. Jeff Jarrett politely listens to the whole song and then runs in to disrespect Keith. It doesn’t really go anywhere, at least not yet.

A Bunch of Dudes in a Faux Royal Rumble Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship

As we know, Jeff Jarrett is number one, and Buff Bagwell is number two. They do the most professional-looking wrestling up to this point on the show, including Buff hitting an early Blockbuster. However, he gets a head of steam after that and charges Jarrett, leading to his elimination with about thirty seconds left on the timer before the next entrant is to come out. Double J is joined by Lash LeRoux, to whom Tenay says, “Hey, remember him?” Given the number of time similar questions have been asked tonight, that may as well be TNA’s official motto. In about forty-five seconds, Jarrett gives Lash the Stroke and eliminates him. Here comes Norman Smiley. Hey, remember him? Smiley gets low blowed on a Big Wiggle attempt, Stroked, and thrown out of the ring, again with about thirty seconds on the clock. Participant number five is El Gran Apolo from the IWA promotion in Puerto Rico, who TNA tried to “make happen” about as successfully as the slang term “fetch.” Apolo breaks Jarrett’s run of dominance, beating on him for the entire 90 second period before the next entrant comes out.

Said entrant is K-Krush, who saves Jarrett from being eliminated by an Apolo press slam as the announcers speculate about an alliance between the two. Apolo’s sole offensive move at this point in his career appears to be a shoulderblock. Slash, formerly Wolfie D of PG-13, is out with Father James Mitchell. He goes toe-to-toe with Apolo and is, no surprise, shoulderblocked. Jarrett saves Slash from elimination via Apolo press slam, and the announcers point out how that made no sense. Next out is Del Rios, the former Spellbinder/Phantasio, who at this point in his career was doing a Scott Steiner lookalike gimmick. He’s even doing Steiner’s overhead belly-to-belly. He is not, for the record, the brother of WWF star Essa Rios, though I’m surprised TNA didn’t make that the storyline given that they were trying to milk any other WWF connection they could.

Now here’s an interesting one . . . former NWA Wildside Champion “Justice” hits the ring. Justice, who at this point is the most indy looking indy wrestlers who ever indy wrestled, is the man who would go on to be known as the Monster Abyss, first in Puerto Rico and later in TNA. Justice big boots everybody that he can and gives a proto-Black Hole Slam to Del Rios. Konnan is out next to a surprisingly good reaction, and he briefly dominates, even telling Justice to toss his salad and slice his potatoes. Out next is Joel Gertner, who does some of his usual poetry but isn’t wearing his ECW gear, which makes him look like a fan doing a good Joel Gertner impression. He’s managing the Rainbow Express of Lenny and Bruce, which was an attempt to recapture the success of WCW’s Lenny and Lodi gimmick with Alan Funk/Kwee Wee as Bruce. The announcers tell us that Lodi is injured and will be back at some point, which never actually materialized as best as I can recall. Bruce does not dominate, but Gertner’s speech kills time until Rick Steiner comes out. It’s actually Rick Steiner, too, not a long time Memphis underneath guy playing the role of Rick Steiner.

The Dog Faced Gremlin gives us our first elimination in what feels like forever, tossing Slash with a belly-to-belly suplex over the top. He also gets rid of Justice after bodyslamming him. Malice is out next, and he’s the former Wall of WCW (or Gigantes if you’re an All Japan fan), now affiliated with Jim Mitchell. He chokeslams many men and clears out dead weight by getting rid of Bruce, R-Truth, Del Rios, and Konnan in short order. He even eliminates Rick Steiner with a clothesline, which the announcers try to put over as a big deal. All of those eliminations make room for Scott Hall. The entire time that Hall was making his entrance, Apolo was trying to position himself on the top rope, and, when he finally gets there, he jumps, lands on his feet, and punches Malice in the face. Impressive. Scott Hall gives Jarrett the Razor’s Edge but doesn’t try to eliminate him, instead calling Toby Keith out to the ring. Keith executes a vertical suplex on Double J and tosses him out of the ring with Hall. I suspect he was just jealous about the success of “With My Baby Tonight.”

Apolo and Hall double team Malice for a while, after which “Wildcat” Chris Harris joins the match. David Heath, also known as Gangrel and the Vampire Warrior, runs into the match early, well before the 90 second period expires. Nobody even attempts to explain why. I know that vampires can’t use mirrors, but clocks should still be fair game. Devon Storm, also known as WCW’s Crowbar, is up next. He roughs up Chris Harris for a while, seemingly forming an alliance with the Vampire Warrior. Steve Corino, at this point a former NWA World Heavyweight Champion himself, is out now. He face washes Harris, who is the official whipping boy of the match at this point. Here comes Ken Shamrock, who is RIPPED TO SHREDS. Tenay reminds us that Ken has beaten the Rock in the past. Shamrock is immediately laid out by a Malice powerbomb. So much for that guy making an impression. The final wrestler in the match is Brian Christopher, who they were calling Brian Lawler earlier in the show. He gets Harris, Storm, and the Warrior out so quickly that it’s almost cartoonish. Jeremy Borash, who is announcing the eliminations, missed Harris at first and had to call him out after Storm and the Warrior, even though he was the first to go.

Christopher/Lawler also clotheslines Corino out of the ring for another elimination, but Malice chokeslams him to set up an elimination by Shamrock. The final for are Shamrock, Apolo, Malice, and Hall, who are all wearing virtually identical gear. After putting over Apolo early on, Hall turns on him and whips him into an elimination by Malice. Hall looks for a Razor’s Edge on Malice, but he gets backdropped and eliminated from the match at 30:55. The battle royale now becomes a traditional match with Ricky Steamboat as the referee, and it’s . . .

Ken Shamrock vs. Malice w/ James Mitchell for the vacant NWA World Heavyweight Championship

Malice gets an early sidewalk slam for two and does some generic big man stuff before trying a chokeslam that Shamrock reverses into a cross arm breaker. Malice slaps the mat and then slaps on Shamrock’s elbow. Both of those looked like he was tapping out, but I guess that wasn’t the planned finish, so Steamboat doesn’t call it. Eventually, Malice grabs the bottom rope. He tries for a big boot, but Shamrock blocks it and applies the ankle lock. Malice gets the ropes again, but Shamrock pulls him off and cranks on the hold more. Oddly, Steamboat never actually broke the hold, a bad call that Ferrara points out. Malice makes the ropes again, but Shamrock refuses to break. Steamboat literally gives him until a count of seven (and Steamer was counting it, not me) before physically separating the two men. Ken chokes his opponent on the top rope, but Malice catches him with a big boot. Another chokeslam is set up, but Shamrock counters into a belly-to-belly suplex and gets a three count to become the first NWA Champion of the TNA era at 6:22.

Match Thoughts: The battle royale portion of the match wasn’t that great. We’ve all been spoiled at this point by WWE Royal Rumbles, which, even at their worst, are rather good in terms of pacing and making sure that interesting spots are balanced throughout the match. This was just a bunch of stuff jumbled together, though not much of it was actively bad aside from Apolo’s top rope punch. The Shamrock/Malice match was just weird, as 90% of it was Malice – the heel – valiantly struggling for the ropes while in submission holds. But, hey, if you like big guys laying there, it was the match for you. I’ll give both segments * each.

Rather than focusing on Shamrock’s celebration after the match, we close the show with footage of “security” holding back the dynamic tag team of Toby Keith and Jackie Fargo, preventing them from attacking Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett then comes back to the ringside area, once again yelling at the NWA Legends about how stupid it was to put the title on the line in a battle royale. He punches out Bob Armsrong, at which point Keith and Fargo come out again, with Fargo calling Jeff a “14 karat son of a bitch,” whatever that means. Jackie books a Jarrett vs. Scott Hall match for next week, and Hall runs out for a brawl in the aisle way to close the show.

Overall: If I could sum up this show in two words, they would be “low rent.” Aside from Hollywood vs. Teo, none of the wrestling was embarrassingly bad, but the presentation was so much cheaper and so much less professional than anything fans would be used to seeing now or were even used to seeing during the Monday Night War. There were so many production goof-ups that it wasn’t funny. Plus, the show had the stank of Vince Russo-style booking on it, as the wrestlers buried the concept of the main event instead of hyping it up, celebrities took precedence over the world championship, and Ed Ferrara did the “I’m too cool to actually be watching wrestling,” fourth wall breaking style of commentary that was pioneered by Rob Bartlet on the early Monday Night Raws. It was interesting to watch as an historic oddity, but it does not hold up well solely as a professional wrestling show.

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TNA, Ryan Byers