wrestling / TV Reports
Byers’ WWE Monday Night Raw Review 10.13.14
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Introduction
As a reminder, this will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard. Remember, this is a review; and I am here to review the show. As always, I encourage discussion and even disagreement, just do so in a respectful manner. Larry will be doing the review for Raw and most PPVs and iPPVs going forward, and I will be doing it occasionally when Larry has better things to do with his time, like playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with his daughters.
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WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW 10.13.14
OFFICIAL RESULTS
* Three-Way Match: Dean Ambrose & John Cena def. The Uso Twins and Gold & Star Dust
* AJ Lee & Layla El def. Paige & Alicia Fox
* Randy Orton def. Dolph Ziggler
* Seth Rollins def. Jack Swagger
* Alexander Rusev def. The Big Show via disqualification
* Mike the Miz def. Sheamus via count out of the ring
* Brie Bella, Nattie Neidhart, & Trinity def. Nikki Bella, Summer Rae, & Ariane
* Contract on a Pole Match: Dean Ambrose def. John Cena
One Person After Another . . . I think These Promose Are Inspired by The Human Centipede: It’s Monday Night Raw, so you can’t start with anything other than the traditional overly-long promo segment where people keep interrupting each other. This week, it’s Dean Ambrose followed by John Cena followed by Triple H and Stephanie. The short version of what felt like it went on for seven years is that Ambrose and Cena are going to wrestle each other tonight in a “contract on a pole” match with the winner getting Seth Rollins at Hell in a Cell, and the two men are also going to be partners in a three-way tag team match starting right now.
John Cena & Dean Ambrose vs. The Uso Twins vs. Gold & Star Dust in a three-way: I unfortunately had some difficulties with my cable cutting in and out early in the show, so I have a hard time fairly evaluating this match. At least I think that my cable was cutting in and out . . . it could have been that they were just teasing a Wyatt Family run-in that never happened. As far as the match is concerned, Tony Acero thought it was pretty boring until the finish. Tony looks like such a nice, trustworthy young man, so I will adopt my opinion as his own. John Cena hit a rare dive, so that has to be worth something.
AJ Lee & Layla El vs. Alicia Fox & Paige: Yippee, this is the match that the cable decides to come back for. The gimmick is that AJ doesn’t have or want friends, even though I’m pretty sure she is supposed to be the babyface in the feud. Sounds like her character is based on her husband. AJ and Paige take turns skipping, then chase each other around the ring. Alicia gets about three seconds of heat and Layla jumps off the apron to avoid taking the hot tag. It doesn’t matter. Lee makes her own comeback and pins Fox with a shining wizard. She also lays Layla out pretty violently after the fall. Can the fanboys stop pretending that this is a good feud because AJ is involved and finally admit that this is just the same dreck that we always get from the women’s division?
This Segment Gave Me a Semi . . . Semi-Main Event for HIAC, That Is: Trips, Steph, and Randall K. Orton are backstage. Randy wants “the other guy” out of Cena and Ambrose. His motivation for requesting this is pretty poorly explained. He may as well just have said, “Hey, I’m a big enough star that you’re not going to let me go without a PPV payday. Come up with something boring for me that can kill twenty minutes.” Anyway, his wish is granted and he wrestles the loser of tonight’s main event at Vengeance in a Fence. (See, when I do a G-rated alternative to “Hell in a Cell,” I at least put some effort into making it sound cool.)
Erick Rowan has been set free and that mystery woman is still pregnant. I hope they copy the best wrestling pregnancy angle of all time and have her give birth to Akebono.
Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler: These two work well together, but it’s very difficult to get into their matches because they’ve wrestled so many times and it’s never been anything other than a foregone conclusion victory for Orton. JBL on commentary mentions that Dave Finlay and Dave Taylor are backstage. Puting footage of that on the App will be the only way to get me to download the insidious thing. The story of the match early on was that Orton would start to get some momentum going but Ziggler would always be able to break it with a dropkick before things went too far. Then, heading into a commercial, Seth Rollins appears to stare ominously at Orton. This motivates Randy to slam Ziggler on the announce table, but of course that occurs while the commercials are still on. Everybody lays around for a while, then they spent what feels like half an hour fighting over a superplex before Orton finally connects with it. The silent crowd is murdering this match. Somehow Ziggler is the one who winds up on offense after that big move, which is ass backwards. They do finally wake up the crowd a bit when Orton grabs Ziggler’s leg off a superkick attempt and spins him into a powerslam. The draping DDT hits, but Ziggy avoids and lays his man out with a superkick. About fifteen people try a “This is awesome!” chant. Did these people start watching wrestling yesterday? Both guys lay on the mat for a good solid minute and Orton throws Dolph up into the air off of a Rocker Dropper attempt and gives him an RKO for the three count on the way down. That was impressive. The announcers are selling this like it was a phenomenal match, but I’m just not seeing it. One or two good spots and an awesome finish over the course of fifteen minutes does not mean you have a classic on your hands.
After the match, they tease tension between Orton and Rollins but Seth lays out Ziggler with a curb stomp instead. LOLZIGGLER. This guy is so unjustifiably loved by so many people that his being treated like a joke is always one of my favorite parts of Raw.
Seth Rollins vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Colter: Given Zeb’s past characterization, I want to hear him cut a promo on Seth Rollins’ hairstyle. Trust me, it would be entertaining, I’ve heard my grandfather do the same thing a million times to men who dye their hair. Unfortunately, it is not to be. The wrestling early is sold yet unspectacular, mostly focusing on Rollins taking a powder to avoid fighting the larger man. There is actually a brief “We the people,” chant, I guess because wrestling fans in Atlanta don’t recognize those Iowa Yankees as Americans. Hey, look, it’s Randy Orton in a callback to the last match! He distracts Swagger, giving Rollins an opening to lay out the Real American with a tope suicida. I’m using the Spanish name to piss off Zeb. Seth is solidly in control with nondescript offense when we come back from a break, but, after a while, Swagger creates an opening with a FAT wheelbarrow suplex. Swags also connects with Vader Bomb and a big bodyslam before clipping the knee and putting on the ankle lock. Rollins rolls through and kicks his man in the face, but Jack counters a curb stomp into another ankle lock. Swagger tries for a face eraser, but Rollins blocks it and turns it into a victory roll, grabbing the tights for the three count.
I liked this a fair deal better than the Ziggler/Orton match. Even though they weren’t particularly believable, Swagger’s nearfalls on Rollins were more impressive than anything that Ziggler did against Orton. I also appreciate the fact that, even though Seth Rollins can do a lot of flashy offense, he understands his role as a heel and has toned it down since turning, choosing to get heat by winning with an unspectacular rollup and underhanded tactics as opposed to something that would pop the crowd.
Orton lays out Swagger with an RKO post-match, and the two Authority members stare each other down.
Renee “Wild And” Young interviews Dean Ambrose. He emphasizes that he is not a nice guy and sings that both John Cena and Seth Rollins are on the “Highway to Hell.” Sorry, Dean, but the Undertaker and Steve Austin did it better sixteen years ago.
Some remarkably bland interview guy who looks like he was built in a lab out of the most generic parts of Josh Matthews, Todd Grisham, and Kevin Kelly interviews the Big Show. Show is wrestling Rusev tonight, and his comment is that the sensitivity training that he was forced to undergo will not be in effect. He also accuses the big Rooskie of having a glass jaw. Hmm, I always saw Rusev as more of a Soda Popinski.
The Big Show vs. Alexander Rusev w/ Lana: Lana cuts a promo before the match burying Christopher Columbus’ treatment of the Native Americans in the most PG manner possible. (You know, glossing over all of the rape and murder and focusing on taking their land. She the whole thing sound like an unfair eviction as opposed to genocide.) She then turns the promo around and insults all “non-Indians,” so I guess she’s trying to get the indigenous peoples of North America to unite behind Rusev. Honestly, I would be amused by Tatanka making a comeback to team with this guy. The Atlanta audience responds by doing the tomahawk chop. Nothing like make a racist gesture to prove your superiority.
The match finally starts, and Rusev runs into Big Show’s boot right at the bell. I’ve been giving the crowd crap up to this point, but they are coming unhinged for this one. Show dominates early, whipping Rusev HARD into the barricade and killing him both inside and outside the ring. He panders to the crowd with the tomahawk chop before landing an open-handed drop, but Rusev fires back out of NOWHERE with an insanely impressive dropkick for a man of his size. Seriously, that was more athletically impressive than anything Rollins, Ziggler, Swagger, or Orton did their respective matches. After a break, Rusev keeps things going his way with a version of the cobra clutch, but Show does the typical babyface power-out. Show goes up to the second rope . . . ELBOW DROP MISSES! Rusev eventually gets the camel clutch cinched in, but Mark Henry appears and causes him to release the hold. Rusev nails Henry and goes back to the hold, watch which point the World’s Strongest Man runs in for the lame DQ.
After having a brief conversation, Show and Henry corner Rusev and the Giant gives him a KO punch.
Honestly, that was my favorite match on the show up until the lame finish. The two big guys worked hard, did some unique spots that you don’t see every week, and had great heat. I understand why they did the finish that they did in order to keep the feud going, but with the audience reacting like they did this felt in some ways like the show to do a finish on, particularly if you were going to lay Rusev out anyway.
Todd Chrisley is at ringside waving to everybody. I was going to make a joke about how he looks like he’s made out of wax, but if that’s all the more involvement that he’s going to have with the show, I’m not going to complain. He’s interviewed by the same generic dude from earlier, and he would sound exactly like Col. Robert Parker if he would yell everything he said.
Sheamus vs. Mike the Miz w/ Damien Sandow: They do the same running around the ring gimmick that Paige and AJ Lee did earlier. Not a good sign when you start your match by stealing spots from the divas. Sheamus dominates and throws Mike into Sandow. You know, Sandow’s performances are pretty darn amusing, but I’m not sure how he qualifies as a stunt double. Stunt doubles don’t follow movie stars around doing the exact same thing that the stars are doing in the same scene. With the exception of Damien’s antics, these two are having every match that they’ve ever had against each other. They do a count out finish, but, as far as screw count out finishes go, it’s actually pretty creative. Sheamus knocks Miz over the top rope and Miz and Sandow both try to hide underneath the ring.
Backstage, the babyface cast of Total Divas meet up with Nene Leaks. The heel cast of Total Divas confronts them, and Nene looks like Andre the Giant compared to Ariane. The two factions chatter at each other like agitated squirrels for a few seconds, and then Ariane walks off in the middle of the confrontation. I don’t like where this is going.
Nattie Neidhart, Brie Bella, & Trinity w/ Rosa Mendes & Nene Leaks vs. Nikki Bella, Ariane, & Summer Rae: Stealing a joke from George Burns, I’m going to dub this match “Nattie wrestles while Nene leaks.” I’m pretty sure that Nene is wearing the Miz’s tunic. This is every WWE women’s six man that that you’ve seen at any point in the last couple of years. The match culminates with the Bellas going at it and Brie hitting an x-factor out of nowhere for the clean win. Nene was a complete non-factor, and, as with Todd Chrisley earlier, I’m not going to complain about that.
The booking of this match was just odd. It was a nothing happening, throwaway six woman in the death slot of a completely random episode of Monday Night Raw, which everybody thought was going to be a showcase for a reality show “star.” Then, out of nowhere, they take what is supposedly their huge feud for the women’s division and have the Bellas do their first physical interaction of substance with the babyface going over cleanly in the end. It almost felt like they were giving up on the Bella vs. Bella angle. I suppose I shouldn’t complain about that, either.
Bray Wyatt gets a new video package, focusing on himself as an individual as opposed to the other members of the Wyatt Family. There’s more pregnancy imagery incorporated into the video, and there’s also quite a bit of backwards and/or sped up muttering at the end of it. Somebody slow that down and play it backwards, and I bet you’ll hear Triple H telling you to drink more Oval-tine.
John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose in a Contract on a Pole Match: Somewhere, Vince Russo is watching this and furiously masturbating. The entire Authority surrounds the ring to start the match. There’s not much time left in the show, so Ambrose and Cena go straight into a big brawl that sees a suplex on the entrance ramp within the first minute. Dean runs to get the contract from there, but Cena cuts him off and gives him an electric chair drop. Ambrose responds with the Clothesline from Hep., only to find himself in the STF quickly thereafter. Ambrose bites his way out and connects with a tope. Not long after that, we have shenanigans, as Kane/Orton/Rollins run in and beat down our faces. Ambrose and Cena start making a tandem comeback, but Dean slips away and grabs the contract as Cena FUs Kane. Ambrose doing the “You Can’t See Me” gesture immediately before securing the win may have been the highlight of the night.
The match wasn’t much to speak of, but at least they managed to incorporate a couple of hard-hitting spots into the limited amount of time that they had. As far as the result is concerned, I’m hesitant to support anything that inflicts another Cena vs. Orton match upon us, but at least we’re getting Rollins vs. Ambrose, which is probably closest thing that you have a “money match” in the company these days without bringing in a part-timer.
Ryan Byers was born on the Taurus/Gemini cusp and enjoys rolling, rolling, rolling with the Biker-taker, eating, eating, eating some more, and saving money for his eventual liposuction. He is a soulless ginger (but not the one Larry Csonka is married to), has three children located in five states; and can marry people if they’re located on international waters. He has been a wrestling fan since 1992 and has been writing for 411 since June 14th, 2004; but he doesn’t like to think about that because it makes him question what he’s actually accomplishing in his life.
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