wrestling / Columns

Center of the WWE Universe: WEEK #2

April 11, 2015 | Posted by Len Archibald

Welcome to THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.

Every week I will give power rankings to those in the WWE Universe (it makes sense) based on their impact, visibility, performance and reaction. Instead of ranking them 1-10, though – I will rank based on the placement of the different planets in our solar system. Basically, for those who need a quick refresher in astronomy or am unaware of who Neil DeGrasse Tyson is, here is what the ranking would be:

1 – The Sun
2 – Mercury
3 – Venus
4 – Earth
5 – Mars
6 – Jupiter
7 – Saturn
8 – Uranus
9 – Neptune
10 – Pluto*

*Disclaimer: I am aware that Pluto is considered as more of a “dwarf planet” than one of the official planets in the solar system, but I like having a Top 10.

There will also be a weekly ranking for Comet(s) on the Horizon, Falling Stars and The Black Hole – performers who are making strides to rise up the ranks, slipping quickly off the face of the earth, or who is sucking all the air from the room.

So here we go!


Last Ranking: 3 – Venus
Movement: +2

The Viper moved up two places to the top spot this week with a couple of victories that officially landed him the #1 contender’s shot for Seth Rollin’s WWE World Heavyweight Title. Orton first won a match against Kane via disqualification when the Director of Operations laid Orton out with a steel chair. Randy then had to go into battle and best Roman Reigns and Ryback (that’s a lot of R’s) in a Triple Threat match to name the #1 contender. Orton will now face Seth Rollins for the title at Extreme Rules and has consistently built up momentum with meaningful wins since his return. As one half of WWE’s main program, The Apex Predator is clearly enjoying taking in all the cheers of the live WWE Universe and looks to be a legitimate thorn in Rollins’ side for some time to come.


Last Ranking: 1 – The Sun
Movement: -1

The Architect slides down one spot to land on Mercury only because Orton’s accomplishment to become #1 contender barely edges out Rollins’ accomplishments for the week. Seth found himself catching the ire of Director of Operations, Kane and was placed in an impromptu match against the newly debuting Neville on RAW. Suffice to say, the two put together arguably the singles match of the week, with Rollins bouncing around like a pinball for Neville’s offense and giving the impression of a hard-earned victory. The WWE Champion making other competitors look good in defeat? Say it isn’t so, WWE! To top it off, Rollins made sure to have the final laugh at the end of RAW, sneaking up and planting #1 contender, Randy Orton with a Curb Stomp. I am already enjoying Rollins’ run as WWE Champion, with his smarminess capable of rubbing faces and heels the wrong way (“…And KANE! Kane…was THERE!”) coupled with his in ring prowess. An inverted title run where Rollins takes on all comers a la Bret Hart in 1994 – but as a heel constantly under protest – could make for some exciting television and could generate magic. Who could Rollins’ 1-2-3 Kid-like opponent be for a near five-star affair on RAW? Only time will tell.


Last Ranking: 4 – Earth
Movement: +1

John Cena found himself moving up a planet as he continues to entertain and follow through on his United States Open Title Challenge on Monday Night RAW. This week, the leader of the CeNation took on Stardust in a highly competitive battle that proved once again that 99% of the time, it is unwise to bet against him in title matches. Cena’s transition to the mid-card looks effortless as his name value and seemingly genuine desire to raise the stock of the WWE U.S. Title has brought that portion of WWE programming close to must see television for WWE fans, as we await the next challenger to Cena’s U.S. Title throne – and await the one who will eventually defeat him. I am still crossing my fingers for Samoa Joe to enter the fray and be the John Cena to Cena’s Kurt Angle in a callback to Cena’s debut in Chicago. I kind of blew my mind, there. What else blows my mind? Whatever that springboard neckbreaker/stunner thing Cena has now added to his arsenal. WHATAMANEUVER~!


Last Ranking: 6 – Jupiter
Movement: +2

The Roman Empire moves up two spots and takes over Earth (WWE would be ecstatic with that statement) with a very eventful week. First, Roman Reigns took down The Big Show on RAW before being inserted in the main event Triple Threat match that pitted himself, Randy Orton and Ryback. Even though Reigns did not end the night victoriously, he did settle in nicely on SmackDown! as Roman trounced Wade Barrett and scored the pin on him during a great six man tag main event for his teammates, Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler. Having Reigns show up twice in one week to score victories shows WWE fans that the company is still behind him – and even if his WrestleMania momentum has slowed a little, The Roman Empire is continuing to rise and there seems to be no stopping the inevitable.


Last Ranking: 5 – Mars
Movement: Even

The G.O.A.T. stays even compared to last week as even though his presence on RAW was non-existent, it is becoming very clear as weeks pass that SmackDown! is becoming the Daniel Bryan Show. Bryan opened SmackDown! to continue what may end up being the new great WWE rivalry between him and Sheamus. After the advertised rematch between he and Sheamus was changed to a six-man, D-Bry did what he did best – kick heads off and bump like a Wildman. Bryan sat on the winning side of the aisle as his team won the main event, giving the assist by taking Big Show out. While Bryan is not the overall main event star some fans clamor for, he is clearly the lead player on WWE’s secondary programming and is excelling in the role as Intercontinental Champion and #1 star on SmackDown! I’ll take it.


Last Ranking: 7 – Saturn
Movement: +1

Speaking of The Celtic Warrior, his Mohawk and new badass theme – Sheamus moves up one spot this week in the wake of obliterating Mark Henry on RAW and continuing his feud with Daniel Bryan. Arguably, the Sheamus/Bryan confrontation is WWE’s #2 program and both parties are playing their roles of the plucky underdog babyface and bully heel to a tee. Sheamus came out on RAW and continued to berate the WWE Universe for cheering for their “little fella go-getters” and not real men like him. Sheamus suggested there are not many people who he could pick on his own size because his size itself is unique…Until The World’s Strongest Man entered the fray. Sheamus is settling nicely into his new role as a bully with a chip on his shoulder and after taking Henry out on Monday, went straight to work on SmackDown! and continued his antagonistic ways. Even though he was on the losing end of his six man team, Sheamus did not take the pin – and if somehow WWE is able to work in Sheamus’ jealousy over his WrestleMania 28 victory over Daniel Bryan leading to his own downfall, we could have a truly compelling bit of wrasslin’ TV on our hands.


Last Ranking: Unranked
Movement: +4

The Man That Gravity Forgot had a BIG week in a BIG way as he went from being virtually unranked to hopping up four spots and landing on Saturn (fitting.) After his impressive debut last week, Neville was the surprise opponent for Seth Rollins on Monday Night RAW and took Seth Rollins to the limit before falling victim to a curb stomp. Neville’s impressive showing with the WWE Champion for my money was the singles match of the week. Neville did not slow down at all, arriving on SmackDown! to a great reaction and dominating poor Curtis Axel and ran wild over AxleMania. Even with his small demeanor in the land of giants, the former NXT Champion is already proving his worth as a high-octane superstar with crowd pleasing offense and an amazing finisher to bring them to their feet. If WWE continues their momentum with him, Neville could be someone on the rise very quickly – follow up is key.


Last Ranking: Comet on the Horizon
Movement: +3

Yes, I’ll make the obvious jokes to get them out of the way. THE BIG GUY LANDS ON URANUS. FEED ME MORE URANUS. Satisfied? In all seriousness, Ryback jumped from being a simple comet on the rise up three spots after a week that showed just how much Ryback can contribute to the WWE roster. After dispatching of Luke Harper relatively easily, Ryback took part in the Main Event Triple Threat match with Roman Reigns and Randy Orton and held his own – even getting involved in a few hot nearfalls. Since the initial lead up to WrestleMania, Ryback has been gaining confidence and looking more comfortable peforming in the ring and that is translating into positive fan reaction. I feel a WWE Title Shot is in the future of The Big Guy. FEED ME MORE!


Last Ranking: Unranked
Movement: +2

It has been a while since The Miz has been embroiled in a relevant feud, but here we are. The Miz moves up to Neptune based on the brewing rivalry with his former Stunt Double, Damian Mizdow. The Miz gets the duke this week for being able to antagonize his former assistant on MizTV after a confrontation with Summer Rae over who the star of The Marine 4: Moving Target is. Even though he lost this brief battle with Mizdow, I am giving The Awesome One credit where credit is due: he is OWNING this “Hollywood” version of his persona enough that nearly anything he touches brings instant, legitimate heat and because of that allows the following…


Last Ranking: Comet on the Horizon
Movement: +1

…Damien Mizdow, the hero – is only as good as his villain, and while The Miz has been pretty – sigh – awesome in his role, all credit to Damien Mizdow for taking a character that should be for all intents and purposes, a full-fledged comedy character and giving him depth. Mizdow first started off as someone who simply mimicked other superstars and personas in pop culture just to stay afloat; the progression to using that form of imitation to parlay into a stunt double for a cocky Hollywood “star” is beyond genius and is actually surprising it has never been thought of before. The point is that somehow Damien Mizdow has taken this role and has knocked it out of the park and has become arguably the third hottest babyface in WWE because of it. One can only hope this is more “YES! YES! YES!” heat that can be sustained and not “WOO WOO WOO!” heat that can easily be sabotaged. I have faith that the Performer Formerly Known as Your Intellectual Savior can rise above even the most ridiculous gimmicks. NOW is the time for The Rhodes Scholars to reconvene as both Sandow and Cody Rhodes have proven they can pretty much run with anything.

Speaking of Stardust, the seeker of the Cosmic Key had a career moment as he stepped up to the plate and was the latest competitor to face (and lose) to John Cena for Cena’s U.S. Title Open Challenge. Even though Stardust took the pin, he looked like he belonged and showed the WWE Universe that he is more than just a hiss underneath a Mephisto costume. Those “CODY!” chants are getting slightly louder every week. Dolph Ziggler continues to showcase why he may be the best pure talent WWE refuses to really follow up on, as he once again showed up on the winning end of a six-man tag on SmackDown! as his team of Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan defeated Big Show, Sheamus and Bad News Barrett. Ziggler is constantly performing at a high caliber clip, is constantly over, and has constantly delivered since his return from his latest injury…years ago. GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

The Eater of Worlds is back. Bray Wyatt made his return to WWE programming since losing to The Undertaker at WrestleMania and instantly began playing his mind games with the Smoke Monster from Lost. Even though some may believe Wyatt has lost his aura as someone who loses when it matters, in my mind, Wyatt is more about the hunt and the games than the actual catch. It is this element of someone who does not care – or is not phased by wins or losses that is compelling. He is in fact, slowly starting to morph into the anti-Cena, where Wyatt can shrug off a big loss and not have it matter. For a babyface it is infuriating, but for a heel – for some reason, it makes him that much more dangerous – especially when one considers the psychology that whatever big loss was handed to them in the past will eventually become the catalyst down the road for their eventual supernova. Whoever Bray Wyatt is sending messages to (and that includes Erick Rowan, whom he defeated on SmackDown!) better watch out. Naomi and Natalya each received wins, one against the actual Divas champion, the other against Alicia Fox en route towards the Diva Battle Royal that will crown the new #1 contender for the Divas’ Title (even though – it should be Naomi.) Natalya gets extra points for embracing her inner dominatrix and doing all she can to keep Cesaro and Tyson Kidd as Tag Team Champions.

All I can say is…Where the hell was Dean Ambrose? I know “officially” where he was, but still: Seth Rollins is WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns is a WrestleMania Main Eventer and Dean Ambrose is now…the first loser to John Cena’s U.S. Open Challenge. We need more anarchy in our lives. Maybe he should look to rekindle a long-standing feud with Luke Harper who almost KILLED the Lunatic Fringe at WrestleMania. Poor Harper can’t buy a win, or much television time nowadays – and to think at the end of 2014, he was engaged in a MOTYC against Dolph Ziggler for the IC Title. Maybe Bray Wyatt is talking about him?

Does anyone remember Bad news Barrett is in fact the official challenger for Daniel Bryan’s Intercontinental Title? Watching WWE programming, one would assume Sheamus is – and rightfully so as while the Celtic Warrior has done everything in his power to be an awesome villain, Barrett has been…just there, taking pins and looking overall like an afterthought. And that hurts me to say because I love me some Bad News Barrett.

Oh, man. New Day. As much as I am appreciating the effort (and if you actually pay attention – they are making an effort), whatever New Day is doing nowadays is just – I don’t even have the words for it. It looks like the seeds have been planted for a heel turn for the trio of Big E, Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods – a heel turn that may be too little, too late. Their “we clap or we snap” could catch on – for horrendously racially motivated reasons, but it sure is not catching on as fast as “NEW…DAYSUCKS.” Even then, those chants are more halfhearted from the WWE Universe, just kind of going through the motions. The main tragedy in all of this is that all three men are supremely more talented than what they are given. What they are given, though – is a black hole of absolute, Dyson-inspired suck and it is not doing ANYONE any favors. Please, someone – anyone – do SOMETHING to make these guys interesting before irreparable damage is made to New Day’s careers.

Who will walk on the sun in seven days! Who will be on the rise? Who will fall out of the sky? Find out in one week!

Len Archibald is the former Executive Director of the Northwest Ohio Independent Film Festival, and is a current movie reviewer for WLIO in Lima, Ohio.

Agree or disagree with me? Let me know on Twitter!
Follow @THELenArchibald

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