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411’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report 11.24.14

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RAW!!
IS!!!
STING!!!

We ain’t playin. RAW starts immediately with Sting’s new video in full screen glory. It’s cut off and we get the music for The Game. He’s here with his wife and they are super sad. Steph says they expected this reaction. She says Team Authority would have won if it weren’t for one man. One man who had never before stepped foot in the WWE and changed the entire face of WWE History…Sting. Because of Sting, The Authority is out of power, and because of Vince, the only person who can reinstate them is John Cena. They stand before us not as losers, but as winners and leaders. At the end of the day, they still have corporate responsibilities, and they still have each other. Steph gets teary-eyed and wishes us an enjoyable Thanksgiving. Triple H says we love this. We do. YES Chant. Do we want to see Steph cry?! We are bullies, says Trips. He tells us to cheer. He goads us on to cheer. We have everything we have ever wanted, but he warns us…he knows there is no one here that can handle the power. We live in a universe governed by the laws of finance and commerce. There is no leader that is willing to do what is best for business. Who is going to make those decisions now? John Cena?! Maybe Sting?! Trips wants to address that, by the way. He’s not sure why Sting decided to stick his painted face in their business. Maybe it was an attempt to make his career relevant by standing in the ring with Triple H, but it doesn’t matter because Sting’s first night in a WWE ring is his last night, because while he thinks that The Authority is no longer in power, all he did was ensure the demise of the WWE. Without The Authority, he gives this place maybe 2-3 weeks at best.

BORING chant ensues! haha. Nice. Triple H rambles on for about 42 more minutes before asking the essential question; who is going to take over and what will we do on Monday nights when RAW no longer exists…well, for $9.99, they can just get the Network….

YES! YES! YES!!!!!!

Daniel Bryan is here!!!!!!

THANK SWEET BABY BEARDED JESUS!!!!

Our favorite hobo comes out to YES all around Triple H. He does it right in the face of Authority (see what I did there?)

Bryan is all smiles and damnit, it’s good to see his mug. Steph and Triple H take the humble hustle out of the ring. Triple H stands on the apron, and Bryan does a Yes chant in his face. Triple H and Steph make their way up the ramp, and Bryan HILARIOUSLY runs out of the ring, up the ramp, to the front of Triple H and does some more YESing! hahahahaha.

Michael Cole implies that Cena has control to put someone in charge for RAW, essentially saying that Bryan may be that person.

-Commercial Break-

We are back, and Bryan is still YESin his heart out. Man, it feels good to be in the ring tonight, says Bryan. Having the ability to kick The Authority out felt good, too. But what about Team Authority? He wants us to know that tonight, he’s been put in charge of running RAW and he knows with Triple H convinced that the show will be over in weeks, Bryan has made it so that Team Authority comes out before us and doesn’t mean that they’re bad people. He brings out the members that were. Of all people, Jamie Noble has a microphone. Henry, Harper and Rusev are out along with Rollins, Kane, and the stooges. And of course, there’s Lana. Bryan says he will not be stripping titles or putting them in unfair matches. He’s going to prove his fairness. He’s going to start with Rollins. Rollins is used to competing in handicap matches all the time, so why should tonight be any different. Tonight, Rollins will team with two other WWE Superstars to wrestle John Cena and Dolph Ziggler.

Rollins cuts Bryan off. He has some mic trouble, but they cover well. Rollins wants to know who Rollin’s partner is going to be. Bryan says that he isn’t teaming Rollins up with anyone…the WWE Universe is.

1) Mark Henry and Luke Harper
2) Mark Henry and Kane
3) Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury!!!

The reveal of team three is quite funny. Anyway, Bryan brings up Kane and says he doesn’t need that job that he has anymore. In fact, if he was in charge, he would take the job away. He then realizes he is in charge, and asks the crowd…Bryan says he won’t kick Kane to the curb and doesn’t want him to be jobless. But Kane will no longer be Director of Operations. He will now be Director of Food and Beverage. He will now be Koncessions Kane! Someone bring a tray and a hairnet for Koncessions Kane. Someone brings out a bucket of concessions, and Bryan sends Kane to the back.

Bryan brings up Rusev. Bryan says that he feels Rusev should be a bit more patriotic. He comes out and talks about how great Russia is and how horrible US is….that all changes tonight. Bryan gives him two options. 1) A Company-wide Battle Royal for the US Championship. Option 2) Rusev does the Pledge of Allegiance. Mark Henry is laughing a bit, which fits his history with Rusev. Good on him. Rusev heads to the back.

Bryan calls Harper his “Bearded Brethren.” Bryan wants him to defend his title tonight…against Dean Ambrose.

Lastly, we have Mark Henry. Henry tries to head to the back, but Bryan stops him. Bryan was backstage, and a big guy asked him for a favor, and Bryan said Yes cuz, you know, that’s kind of his thing…well, this big guy wants revenge, and Bryan gave it to him. That man? Ryback. So Ryback and Henry tonight. He said Yes, because…”That’s What I Do!”

Ryback’s muisic hits and he heads down, then sends Henry into the apron, followed by the ringpost. Ryback bashes Henry’s head into the barricade over and over. Refs come out to stop Ryback and split them up. Rusev is pumped as we go to break.

-Commercial Break-

Match 1: Ryback vs Mark Henry
Henry doesn’t look anywhere near ready. Ryback attacks but Henry is able to push him away then hit a splash in the middle of the ring. Henry ;lifts Ryback but Ryback is able to turn it into a spinebuster. Ryback wants the Meathook. The crowd doesn’t mind at all, chanting him on.
Henry is up, turns. BAM! Meathook! Pin for 1…2….3!
Official Result: Ryback
I guess they felt that Ryback needed to be built up again after that elimination last night.
RATING: NR

Backstage, Triple H and Stephanie are STILL HERE!?! They walk towards a limo that has Vinnie Mac waiting. Steph apologizes for letting him down. Vince says he isn’t angry. He’s not an angry man. Ha! He says not to ever use that word again. He is disappointed. They disappointed him. He put the hardest odds in front of them because they would have these odds in the corporate world. They failed him. How do those people make you feel? Don’t ever forget that because some how, some way….they are going to fix this. He then mocks their “sorry.” Vince says he has never been sorry. The only thing he might be sorry for is spending Thanksgiving with them. Sorry….the nerve! Cranky Ol Vince is great. Triple H does the lookback before leaving and I almost feel bad…

They all get in the limo, and it blows up.

-Commercial Break-

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match
Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper
Harper goes under and backs Dean into the corner. Dean reverses and hits some right hands. Harper with a throat thrust. Harper sends Dean into the ropes and pulls at his mouth. Harper bashes Dean’s head into the corner then hits another throat thrust. One more. Harper with the side headlock. He hits the ropes and a shoulder tackle, sending Dean to the mat. Harper hops over and runs into a drop toe hold. AMbrose mounts Harper and hits him across the nose from above. Dean works the left arm. Harper tries to get out by grabbing the mose, and is able to do so. Harper with a whip to the corner. He looks to splash, but hits an elbow. Ambrose with a twisting elbow from the 2nd rope. Harper heads to the outside, and Ambrose hops out of the ring straight into Harper!

Back after a break, and Harper has a cravat onto Ambrose. The crowd is chanting “LET HIM STAY,” and apparently someone is getting kicked out for something. Anyway, Ambrose gets a barrage of hits in the corner then is whipped chest-first into the corner. Harper steps on the face of Ambrose. Harper with a hard uppercut. Harper grabs the face of Dean then turns it into another uppercut. Harper with another uppercut. One more! He sends Ambrose into the ropes, but Ambrose hits a kick then lays in with some rights. Harper grabs an arm and slams Ambrose down. Pin for 1…2..NO! Harper with a short gator roll into a side headlock. Ambrose is up and breaks the hold then hits a right hand to the face. Ambrose hits the ropes, then is sent over the top rope to the outside!!! Harper goes to grab Ambrose, but Ambrose side steps and hops up on the apron. Harper then knocks him down. Harper heads to the outside, grabs the arm of Ambrose, and sends him into the barricade like a bag of old taters! Harper sends Ambrose into the ring, but Ambrose flies out and hits a hard clothesline to Harper!! Ambrose sends Harper in this time. They trade right hands. Ambrose uses the ropes for momentum, sending Harper down .Clothesline in the corner, a bulldog attempt, but Harper sends Ambrose in the corner. Ambrose with a rollup for 1…2..NO! Ambrose is up, knocks Harper down for another pin! 1…2..NO! Harper heads to the apron, hits a headbutt straight to the face, and goes for a suplex to the outside!! Ambrose stops it, though, and hits a headbutt of his own. He grabs Harper’s head and pulls him through the ropes then hits a right and a dropkick! Harper is left hanging oer the 2nd rope! Ambrose on the 2nd rope!! Leg drop to the back of the neck!! Ambrose for a pin! 1…2…NO!!!

Ambrose locks Harper up in the ropes. He hits a chop/punch combo ober and over then hits the ropes, but Harper catches him and slams him down hard! Pin for 1…2..NO! Harper sets up for the powerbomb, but Ambrose lands on his feet. Backslide! 1…2…NO!!! Harper gets out! He hits Ambrose in the corner with aback elbow! Chop to the chest! Ambrose is seated up top. Harper locks up for a suplex. Dean blocks. Blocks again! Headbutt! Harper falls! Dean is still up top!! He flies!!! Elbow drop to a standing Harper!! Pin for 1…2…NO!! Harper up! SUPERKICK! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Harper with an uppercut, sending Ambrose into the ropes. Ambrose flies back with a clothesline!!! Pin for 1…2…NO! Harper rolls out of the ring!! He heads to his belt, and grabs it. Looks like Harper is doner! AMBROSE WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!! Ambrose sends Harper into the ring.
Ambrose looking for Dirty Deeds. Harper drops his weight. Harper sends Dean into the referee, and the ref falls! The ref calls for the DQ. Oh that’s lame as shit…
Official Result: Someone by DQ
That shit was fun!
RATING: ***

Immediately after the match, Harper hits a Big Boot, sending Dean to the outside. Harper is about to go for a suicide dive, but Ambrose hits him in the head! Ambrose grabs a chair from under the ring, then stomps Harper’s hand hard. Ambrose sets up the chair. DIRTY DEEDS ONTO THE CHAIR!!!! WE WANT TABLES chant!! Ambrose smiles! HE’s GETTING A TABLE!!!! Aw man, no he ain’t…he grabs a ladder. THERE IT IS!!! The crowd LOVES IT! haha. And of course, Bray Wyatt comes out to ruin the fun! SISTER ABIGAIL to AMbrose!!! Bray grabs Ambrose and sends Ambrose over the announce table! Wyatt grabs the announcer’s chairs and piles them atop Ambrose! He then grabs a few more and tosses them atop of Ambrose! He sends like 10 chairs atop of Ambrose. Wyatt stands atop the announce table and holds a chair up, then drops it, symbolically placating his upperhand in this feud.

That match was so fun, let’s see it again!

New Day promo from Big E whose white T is very upset at the lengths it’s being stretched. Lillian Garcia is here to welcome Larry the DirecTV guy, and Santino Marella. They come out to Santino’s music, and Larry comes out shirtless with a Rey Myserio mask. He’s wearin cmo shorts and yells for us to Git-r-dun. He says he’s going to go Uncle Elmer on someone here. Santino welcomes Larry. He’s ready to rassle. He’s going to go King Kong Bundy on someone. Santino says they are not here to wrestle. Larry came to wrestle…He then drops the mask and apologizes to the ladies for the eye candy that’s here. Santino says Larry must train and be experienced. Larry says he has experience…he beat up ol savage in Florida. Santino says Randy?! Larry says no, Fred Savage at a buffet. Santon wants to know what Larry would call his outfit if he were a wrestler. Larry says he’s a fan of Stone Cold. He’s a friend, so if he were wrestling tonight….apparently God doesn’t want me to continue this, because the feed goes out and comes back to GOldust and Stardust making Larry poop his pants. The dusty dudes head down the ramp. Larry leaves. That was unsuccessful…

-Commercial Break-

The tag team champs come out after the break and Sandow has toy replicas. Awesome.

Match 3: WWE Tag Team Championship Match
The Miz and Damien Sandow vs Goldust and Stardust
Miz and Stardust to start. Cody with a body slam, misses an elbow, and Miz works the left arm. Miz twists and puills back, points to Sandow, nearly tags, but Cody hits a knee and sends Miz into the heel corner. Goldust tags in and hits Miz with an uppercut. Inverted Atomic Drop to Miz! Sandow comes in, hits the ropes, and sells an Atomic Drop hahahha. Goldust: “What are you doin?!” Goldy sends Sandow to the outside then Miz rolls him up! Pin for 1…2..NO! Miz gloats then hops up on the turnbucle. Goldust hits an upeprcut and sends Miz into the corner. Tag to Cody. Cody drops an elbow. Miz reaches for a tag, but Cody sends Sandow off the apron. Miz runs, but Cody sends him over the top rope. Both Miz’s are outside the ring as we go to break.

Back, and Cody is with Miz in the ring. Miz hits some rights then a kick. Whip to the corner, but Cody stops the momentum and kicks Miz. Both men down, however. Miz with a tag to Sandow!! He comes in with a clothesline! He hits MIz backbreaker/neckbreaker! Kip up from Sandow! Sandow goes to attack the distracting Goldust, giving Cody the opportunity to hang up Sandow. Miz is struggling on the outside. A doctor is with him. Cody hits an uppercut then tags in Goldust. Goldust with a right uppercut then a snapmare. Goldust hits an elbow to the back of Sandow. Cravat from Goldust as the doc still checks on Miz. Whip to Sandow. Goldust hits him with a kick into a powerslam and a pin for 1…2..NO! Goldust argues with the ref. Goldust with a right hand to the face of Sandow. Tag to Cody. Sandow shoots up and checks on MIz, but Cody hits him in the back. Cody sets up for a front suplex, and hits it. Pin for 1..2…NO! Cody rolls into a pin again for 1..2…NO! Cody pulls back on the arm and face of Sandow as The Miz tells the doctors to “get off the freakin nose.” Cody whips Sandow into the corner. Sandow knocks Goldust off the apron then clips the leg of Cody! He sets up for the Figure Four!!! Sandow locks it in! Cole gets a dig in saying it’s more effective than when The Miz does it. hahahaha. Sandow has the hold locked in the middle of the ring. Cody looks to tap. Goldust is in the ring and stops the hold!! Sandow sends Goldust to the outside! He turns! Locks the Full Nelson. Going for the Skull Crushing Finale!!! Cody sends Sandow into the corner.
Blind tag from Miz! Cody didn’t see it! Beautiful Disaster kick to Sandow!! Miz is in, pushes Sandow, and hits the Skull Crushing Finale! Pin for 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: The Miz and Damien Sandow
Fun match that shows which story they’ll be going with.
RATING: **1/2

Miz and Sandow celebrate. Every time MIz holds his belts up, he gets boos. Sandow holds his up and gets cheers. Kudos to Miz for fooling half the comment section.

-Commercial Break-

Backstage, Kane is tableside with popcorn, nachos, cups, and things of that nature. His “Manager” comes. She says that she hears Kane likes to burn things, but he is going to kept away from the deep fryer. She wants to know if Kane can handle chips, and if even one chip goes missing, Kane will have to pay for it. Um…did they get a high school drama student for this “Manager” role?

Anyway, our United States Champions is in the middle of the ring, and we get to see what he has decided. Lana says this is not fair. She speaks some stuff. America is not fair. What kind of country forces its will upon its people. ha. Rusev brings up some great points in Russian. I think. He says he will not be brainwashed, he doesn’t care who is in charge. He tells Lana, they’re leaving. Bryan is on the screen. He figured something like this would happen. Should Rusev choose not to do the pledge, the battle royal can happen now. He will give Rusev another chant. To make sure that it’s done properly, he’ll enlist someone to supervise….

Sgt. Slaughter is here! Sgt calls for attention then presents the flag. Lana screams like she JUST caught an STD. Sgt leads the Pledge, says it’s an order, and waits for Rusev and Lana to follow. He starts the pledge, but Rusev shakes his head no. Sarge waits. Lana puts her hand on her heart and whispers in to the mic. Sarge can’t hear her! Lana struggles, then drops her sadness and gets super fuckin angry. It’s like….mega hot.

Rusev stops Lana from continuing. He grabs the mic and drops it, then holds the ropes for Lana to leave. Rusev is fed up, yo. Rusev stands toe to toe with Sarge. Sarge drops the mic. He ain’t scurred. Rusev yells at Sarge, backing him into the corner a bit. Sarge removes his hat. The music of Jack Swagger hits!!

Swagger runs down the ramp and into the ring! Rusev beats his ass with some kicks! He attacks the chest, kicking him hard! Rusev hits the ropes but Swagger catches him and plants him down!! PATRIOT LOCK!!!!! Rusev towards the ropes and rolls out of the ring. Swagger checks on Slaughter as Rusev makes his way to the back while my little brother gets giddy for the possibility of a Battle Royal. Now I have to tell him logic doesn’t work in the WWE…

-Commercial Break-

Back in concessions, Kane seems to be doing pretty well. The Cable dude and Santino are here. He calls Kane “Kahn-ay” haha. Santino orders extra mustard, so Kane squirts it all over his head.

In the ring, there is an Anime character waiting for a match.

Match 4: Justin Gabriel vs Fandango
Lockup to start. Some ropework results in Fandango hitting a hard kick to Justin. Some rights then he sends Gabriel into the corner. He beats down a bit then whips hard into the corner. Gabriel bounces off. Fandango deflects a right then hits a knee to the face. Fandango misses a right. Justin is up top. He flies off with a fist the nheads to the other side. Springboard elbow to Fandango. He hits a back kick, hits the ropes, then runs right into a hard kick from Fandango! The crowd tries to chant Fandango’s old music.
Fandango wih a modified suplex. Fandango goes up top. Leg drop to Justin Gabriel! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Fandango
I don’t think people care…
RATING: 1/2*

BIg Show is backstage, and he has a heel face on. So the turn seems all but official.

-Commercial Break-

Big Show’s scowl is gone once his music hits. He comes out smiling and giving a thumb’s up. He wanted to come out and make sure that we’re all cool. He saw some things online and saw reactions backstage and a lot of people are under the impression that he committed some horrible atrocity and is now a “bad guy.” He says no, he’s just human. He made a mistake. People make mistakes all the time. There isn’t one person who can’t honestly say that haven’t made a mistake, also. Show says he despises The Authority. They took his job, his house, and they forced him to do horrible things to people he cared about – like Daniel Bryan. Physically, he is strong, ok. He didn’t ask to be born this way. He has a medical condition. On the inside, though, he’s just like each of us. Show has feelings and fears. He has a family just like a lot of us. Show made a judgment call last night. Dolph was knocked out, Cena was all but gone. At that moment, he figured his team would lose, so he did what he thought he had to do. He asks for forgiveness. He’s not asking for cheers or boos, this is serious. He is a good person. If he could do it over again, knowing how things would turn out, he wouldn’t have done what he did. He asks if we believe him. Not to sound like some kind of a jerk, but for the past twenty years, he’s been putting his body on the line, and he kind of thinks we owe him a Mulligan. He wants to forget Survivor Series and start over, pretending it never happened. Crowd doesn’t feel it. They give him a sellout chant. Show gets angry. He says that we are judging him, we are high and mighty. We have nothing on the line. This is his life. Show mentions cowards in the back and says if any one of them have something to say, to come out to him now and say it.

Of all people, Rowan heads out with music that made me think Kenzo Suzuki was back. Show laughs it off, calling this ridiculous. Show calls Rowan The Upside Down Sheamus. haha. Show understands if Cena has something to say, but Rowan? Show goes baby talk on Rowan. Big Show tells Rowan this ring is made for men. Rowan removes the sheep mask. He looks confused. Show gets in his face, says he has no place being out here and tells Rowan to go back up the ramp before he gets hurt. Rowan snatches the mic. “I Don’t Like Bullies.” Rowan attacks Big Show. Spinning heel kick to Show. Show heads out of the ring pissed off. Rowan yells from the ring as Show points very vigorously.

Backstage, Seth Rollins is playing Candy Crush. Noble and Mercury come in with confidence, saying they’ll be Shield 2.0. Seth says they’re great but they don’t measure up and he’s sorry. Dolph is here! He tells Jamie and Joey that Seth doesn’t believe in them, but he does. He just asked his Twitter followers to vote for them.

-Commercial Break-

Kris Jenner is a Bella Twins fan….makes perfect sense.

The Bellas are in the middle of the ring. Brie is introduced first. AJ is here!!!! Looks like we’re getting a Brie vs AJ match. AJ has the mic. She congratulates Nikki and found a way to turn her life’s work into an accesory. She goes all “Lesbehonest” on Brie and says she should be proud. She proved that she is an even bigger skank than her sister.

Match 5: AJ Lee vs Brie Bella
Brie gets AJ in the corner and Brie attacks. AJ pushes her out. AJ blocks a right and hits a few of her own. Spinning kick into a crane kick! Brie heads to the outside! AJ follows. Misses a clothesline to Brie, but hits one on Nikki. She turns and Brie hits a clothesline of her own. Brie rolls AJ in the ring. Cover for 1…2..NO! Brie lifts AJ and hits the divorce court. AJ holds the arm. She drops her weight on it. AJ is on the ropes, but Brie grabs the other arm and chokes up AJ on the ropes. Nikki talks shit ringside. AJ stands up, Brie hits a kick to the chest. Brie locks the arm behind AJ. AJ tries to sit out of it. AJ with an elbow. ANother. AJ turns and hits a right. AJ tries for offense, but Brie cuts her short, attacking the arm again. Brie looks to hit AJ with something, but she hits a rollup and a pin for 1…2..NO!! AJ hits the ropes! Thesz Press! She attacks! Brie in the corner. AJ hits a splash then a knee! SHINING WIZARD! Pin for 1…2..NO! WHAT THE FUCK!?! AJ grabs the leg, but Brie kicks AJ away. Brie goes for a knee, but AJ hits the gut .AJ with an elbow.
Nikki grabs AJ’s arm and hangs it up on the ropes. Brie rolls AJ up! Pin for 1….2….3!!!
Official Result: Brie Bella
Focus on arm work would have been great if Brie a) kept it to the same arm and b) used it to enhance the finish…
RATING: ****1/2

AJ grabs a mic! She says it takes two Bella Twins to be the champion, but two of them don’t even come close to being half the woman she is. If they want to cheat or kiss their way to a title, then it’s about time someone breaks it to the Bellas. Talent is not sexually transmitted. Well….shit.

-Commercial Break-

Adam Rose is here. His bunny is here. AJ is still on my mind. Larry the Cable Guy is at the announce table with Santino.

Match 6: Adam Rose and The Buny vs Tyson Kidd and…Natalya?
The Bunny starts. He ducks a clothesline and struts. The Bunny shimmies then hits a dropkick to Tyson Kidd. Kidd is in the corner, seated .The Bunny hops over to him and does a bunch of kicks. The Bunny then stares at…Larry? And humps the air. Tyson Kidd with ak ick to the Bunny’s nose. Tyson sends The Bunny in the corner and hits some knees. Nattie wants the tag. Tyson listens to the 5 people who want her in. Nattie lifts The Bunny, seemingly concerned. Tyson is upset, then tags himself in and asks for a kiss. He turns right into a flapjack. The Bunny scurries to Rose. Tag. Rose in the ring with a spinebuster to Tyson. He covers for 1…2..NO! Rose sends Tyson into the ropes.
The Bunny trips Rose up, thinking it was Tyson. Pin by Kidd. 1….2…3!!
Official Result: Tyson Kidd
I saw the potential for this, but ever since he humped Rose, I’ve lost a lot of interest.
RATING: *

Backstage, Renee Young congrats Ryback on his win against Henry. Ryback is more concerned with Thanksgiving, though. He says he’s hungry and wants to know where a good concession stand is…

-Commercial Break-

We get another promise of a New Day, but this time all three guys are together and cut a pretty decent promo about togetherness.

We’re back to Kane. Ryback is here, and he is hungry. Kane turns. Ryback orders two cans of tuna fish, a protien shake with extra protien, and a big bag of beef jerky. Kane offers a hot dog, tosses it into Ryback’s face. Ryback pushes the table into Kane and squirts mustard all over Kane. Ryback grabs a bag of peanuts and tells Kane he forgot his nuts, stupid.

Renee Young is here with John Cena and Dolph Ziggler. She calls the past 24 hours extraordinary. Cena calls Show a 500 lb traitor and woke up to find Dolph Ziggler alone facing almost the entire team. Dolph says that jobs were on the line and he promised them if it took every last breath, he would do whatever he needed to to survive. They needed a miracle, and that miracle was a man named Sting. He helped change the course of history. Cena is here saying because of Sting, the course of the WWE has changed. Tonight, the universe rules and they decide who teams with ROllins. Cena does a lot of hand motions and says a lot of dumb words while Dolph tried to be serious and create, you know…emotional investment.

-Commercial Break-

Daniel Bryan heads out after Cena and Dolph to let us know who won the vote. Bryan introduces Seth Rollins first. J&J got 93% of the vote! haha. Noble and Mercury come out in their suits. Aw man.

MAIN EVENT: John Cena and Dolph Ziggler vs Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble, and Joey Mercury
Noble wants to start the match. He’s super-pumped. Cena and Noble to start, it appears. Noble gets warmed up. He goes for a side headlock to Cena. Noble backs up into the ropes and MErcury tags himself in. There’s some hilarious rope work that results in Mercury shoulder checking Noble on accident. Both men end up on the outside as we go to break.

Noble in the ring with Cena. He hits a few knees then drops an elbow. He stomps Cena in the corner. Noble drives the knee to the face of Cena. Noble hits the corner, then runs. Cena moves, and Noble hits the corner shoulder-first. Cena is laid out like he’s got his ass beat…did we miss something? Cena gets a tag to Dolph. He comes in with clotheslines to Jamie and a splash in the corner. Neckbreaker from Dolph. Dolph with an elbow drop to Noble. Noble stands, and Dolph goes for the DDT. Hits it! Pin for 1…2…NO! Mercury breaks the pin! Dolph stands, and Seth attacks Dolph with a right hand!! Noble crawls to the corner and tags in Seth. Seth with some stomps. He mounts and gets some right hands. Seth tosses Dolph to the outside. Seth distracts the ref so that Mercury can grab Ziggler and toss him into the barricade. Seth heads to the outside and lifts Dolph up, dropping him face-first onto the apron. Seth rolls dolph in the ring and stops the tag. Seth pulls the ramen-like hair of Dolph. Tag to Noble. He lifts Dolph and hits a body slam. Leg drop from Noble. Pin for 1. Noble from behind and locks a cravat. Dolph stands and hits a jawbreaker. Cena calls for the tag, but Dolph opts for a splash in the corner. He misses, as Noble moves. Noble steps on the head of Dolph then lifts Dolph. Dolph with a dropkick out of nowhere! Dolph reaches for a tag, but Noble reaches Mercury first. Mercury tries to stop Dolph, but Dolph is able to get the tag. Cena is in! He hits the shoulder. Another. Five Knuckle Shuffle. He hits it. Seth is in, Cena set up for an AA. Dolph is in the ring. Seth is stuck between Dolph and Cena!
Noble and Mercury come in and attack Dolph and Cena! They get out! Superkick! Firemans! AA and Zig Zag at the same damn time! Ziggler and Cena pin! 1…2….3!!!
Official Result: John Cena and Dolph Ziggler

RATING:

Seth Rollins is at the top of the ramp. Ziggler and Cena call him out. They want him in the ring. Seth gives them the ol “no, no, no, not today” but Bryan is here! He grabs Seth and sends him down the ramp and into the ring! Cena with the AA….was that necessary….

BRYAN CELEBRATES with Cena and Seth when…out of nowhere…

“Forgive me for interrupting this joyous celebration. This party is over. Next Monday, Cyber Monday, order and discipline return to Monday Night Raw.”

The tone then rings over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

END SHOW