wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling Sandwich 03.16.11 Part 1

March 16, 2011 | Posted by Steve Cook

3…

16…

11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve Cook: Hi, hello & welcome to the very first edition of The Wrestling Sandwich! I’m Steve Cook, and I know a good idea when I stumble across one. A few weeks back I made a analogy comparing wrestlers on WWE Raw to parts of a sandwich, and it was my most popular analogy since the time in 2002 that I compared Charlie Sheen to a tiger. Little did I know how right I was. Anyway, this column will present a little bit of everything in the world of pro wrestling just like a good sandwich presents a little bit of everything in the taste spectrum. I have a tag team partner for this endeavor…the concept of this column dictates that I find a man who represents my opposite in many ways.

This man dislikes Stone Cold Steve Austin, who happens to be my favorite wrestler of all time and the reason I picked this date for the debut of the column. 3.16…get it?

This man has compared himself & his political thought to that of Glenn Beck. I have compared my ass to that of Rachael Maddow.

This man loves TNA. You TNA fans that always complain about 411 writers hating on TNA will love this guy.

What we do have in common is a love for wrestling, beautiful women and long walks on the beach.

Ladies & Gentlemen…The Black Scorpion!

Black Scorpion: Wednesdays on 411 will never be the same again!

With that wonderful introduction from my 411 Pro Steve Cook, I welcome you to the debut edition of the Wrestling Sandwich. I am the Black Scorpion from the comments section, and I’ll be your co-party host every week to bring you the best and worst in professional wrestling or “Sports entertainment” if you wish. And with that comes the obligatory “about me” which won’t be long, since we have a lot to get to this week.

I chose the name Black Scorpion for two reasons: To stand out, and because of the value the Scorpion angle in the NWA actually had if they bothered to, you know, figure out who it was before starting the angle. Everybody on the site, with a few exceptions, basically use their name. Me? I use this nom de guerre because it allows me to write what I feel without people knowing my most intimate personal details, and trust me they aren’t that interesting. I’m a long time wrestling fan who began watching in the 1980’s, a big fan of sexy women (you’ll be seeing plenty of them in this column over the weeks) and charismatic multi-dimensional characters, and I work with the creation and maintenance of computers for people in my area. Yes, they get a virus all the time from all the porn they watch, before you ask. I am perhaps the biggest TNA supporter of all the writers on the site, because I love the idea of competition forcing both companies to actually work harder and put on a better product, and I’m a pretty big fan of metal, industrial, and alternative styles of music. No I’m not actually black, or a scorpion. I like to consider myself able to tell it like it is, although no doubt I’ll be accused of bias time after time.

I made my decision to finally write after seeing Thomas Hall’s recaps of TNA basically tear the company apart time after time in what was supposed to just be a recap. I do not know Thomas, and I do not hate the guy, but after seeing how many people just bashed TNA non-stop I figured somebody had to step in and help the little guy out. And I’m a sucker for a good argument! So in a way, I thank Thomas for inspiring me to finally get off my ass and write after being a regular reader here since the very creation of 411 – yes, I actually was here during the time guys like Scott Keith and Chris Hyatte wrote rants and recaps. I did write about wrestling in the past, so I’m not coming in as a greenhorn. But enough about me, let us get to the news and reviews!

WrestleMania XXVII is less than three weeks now, so Steve thought it was an opportune time to grade the build of each feud coming to a head at WrestleMania. A mid-term report, if you will. Scorpion thought it was a great idea and a good way to illustrate how much of a WWE homer that Steve is these days. Here are their grades & thoughts on each WrestleMania feud…


World Title Match: Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

Steve Cook: B

Edge has had a horrible run of feuds lately. The Kane feud can best be described with the word “clusterfuck”, and the Dolph Ziggler feud was dominated by the Edge/Vickie Guerrero issues and put a dent in Mr. Ziggles’ credibility. Edge is still a champion, and is now a fifty-three time champion by my count, but he needs a really good WrestleMania feud or more people will give up on him.

Enter Alberto Del Rio. The Essence of Excellence has been on fire since entering WWE, as it seems that everything he touches turns to gold. He surprised many observers by winning the Royal Rumble like he said he would, and going on to main event WrestleMania in his first year with the company. There aren’t many people that can say that they did these things. I guess there’s Ric Flair, his match with Randy Savage at WM VIII was part of the double main event if memory serves me correctly. Yokozuna also did it, but we try to forget most aspects of WrestleMania IX. This is very exclusive company for Mr. Del Rio.

The natural beef between these two is the fact that ADR took Edge’s longtime friend & tag team partner Christian out of action several months ago. People were worried that Christian would be ignored in this feud as he often is, but Captain Charisma has actually been right in the middle of it. The feud seems off to a good start, but lacks the steam that a couple of the other feuds have behind it.

Black Scorpion: B+

Edge, as Steve pointed out, was part of several horrible feuds. In fact, I’d go all the way to Jericho’s feud with a returning Edge from 2010 in a forced face turn that the fans didn’t totally buy into. Edge is now an 11-time champion, and after dominating Ziggler, he needed something to do. As it turned out, so did the “Next Big Deal” Alberto Del Rio.

When Del Rio won the Rumble, most of us already filled out our WrestleMania booking card with this match. Alberto, on RAW the next night, signaled indeed he’d challenged Edge for his title. Alberto assaulted him as he had his former tag team partner Christian. And when Christian returned at Elimination Chamber, this just added fuel to the fire as now Alberto was in trouble against not one but two men out for revenge. After attacking Edge again, Del Rio threw Brodus Clay against Christian but in the end, Christian won out and Alberto had to assault him from behind. Oddly, there was no Edge, which makes us wonder if Christian will have choice words for his former tag partner on Friday since he bailed Edge out twice and Edge hasn’t returned the favor.

As Steve already mentioned, this is something very few men have accomplished: Headlining WrestleMania and winning the Rumble their very first year. I think the build has been good outside of one main issue: What is Christian’s role, if any, in this match? Will he end up as a guest referee or enforcer? Will he turn heel on Edge? All of this guesswork causes people to find interest outside of Edge vs Del Rio, which should be the main focus. In terms of giving the guys involved enough exposure and reasons to fight, I’d actually grade this slightly higher than Cook. I know, I’m shocked too!


WWE Title Match: The Miz vs. John Cena

Steve Cook: A-

There was a very real possibility of Miz being turned into WrestleMania X8 Chris Jericho in this feud. The Rock’s calling out of John Cena had taken Cena’s attention, and the attention of Cena’s fans, away from Miz, who Cena’s wrestling at the show. Cena had spent most of his time trash talking the Rock, and the one time he addressed Miz led to Alex Riley being taken out of the equation. Things looked bleak for Miz, but he re-emerged from the loss of A-Ri with a new intensity and motivation. People were wondering if he’d hold the title until WrestleMania, and now some are wondering if he’ll still be champion afterwards. I’m not, but the Penguin is and I know he can’t be alone.

The Rock stuff has been great. The first promo was legendary…the second one was a little less so, but I thought it got the job done. Cena’s had two very good promos towards Rock, and one pretty awful promo towards Miz. He’s always been a hit or miss kind of guy to me, but his hits have been stronger as of late. Antagonists like Miz & Rock should give him lots of material to work with.

The one flaw…I know it makes sense to keep Rock off of the show until WrestleMania so it seems like a big deal when he appears there, but fans are going to grow impatient if Rock continues appearing via satellite, if at all. My guess is that he shows up on Raw the week before WM and they hype it the week before that so they pop a big rating before the show.

Black Scorpion: C

It was 2009 when The Miz challenged John Cena to wrestle him, and declared himself the winner when Cena never showed up. Of course, one time Cena did show up, and he beat Miz in fairly decisive fashion. Although the two had other, more competitive outings, this will be the first time Miz truly has a chance to wrestle Cena and may actually win.

The problem with this feud is the very reason people are interested in it right now: The Rock. When it became all about Rock vs Cena with Miz promoted as an after-thought, I was not interested in seeing Miz vs Cena. I wanted to see Cena vs Rock. Nothing has really changed over the past few weeks, as Miz has attempted to verbally attack both men and laid out Cena at the end of RAW last week. Does this make me believe for a second he can overcome a month of Rock/Cena talk? Hell no! Everybody I talk to about the feud could care less about Miz, and this is terrible not only because the man is in the WWE title match, but also he’s the champion! I always hear how people cannot wait for Rock to destroy Cena in the ring but very few times have I heard much about Miz. Rock’s original promo was gold, his second was more bronze than silver, but Cena is making some damn good points about Rock never being there and eventually fans will tire of tuning in waiting to see The Rock. Keep in mind Rock is the guy who raised their ratings from 3.1 to 3.87, 3.89, and 3.92 ever since he returned. People are not tuning into this match because of the Miz, he’s more of an annoyance to be dealt with so people can see the real one on one match they want. And WWE can thank the bookers for that sentiment.


The Undertaker vs. Triple H

Steve Cook: C

I loved the beginning of this feud, which featured Triple H challenging Undertaker to a match and Undertaker accepting without either saying a word. It was great television. The thing I don’t like too much is that the assumed rivals of both men have been left with their dicks in their hands and nothing to do for WrestleMania. I guess Kane & Wade Barrett (and the Corre) will have some sort of a match with each other, and King Sheamus will probably be reduced to appearing on a pre-show battle royal or something.

What’s happened since then? Not much. They’ve talked a lot and pointed at each other some more. There probably should be some physical interaction between the two before WrestleMania, or at least they could have Triple H squash somebody else into oblivion. All I know for sure is that right now I have no doubt in my mind of who is winning this match, and even though that’s a good thing in the Lawler vs. Cole feud, it’s not a good thing here. I know people will complain, but H needs to do something before the show if people are supposed to take him seriously as a threat.

Of course, the more cynical among us take him seriously as a threat for other reasons.

Black Scorpion: C

There exists in Death Valley a plethora of marked granite stones that one dares not touch. As winds whistle amongst the 120 degree landscape, no man dare approach for unmitigated fear of reprisal if such objects were ever dealt the trespass of mortal man. For these are the graves of the Undertaker’s victims, until recently numbering eighteen. From afar, it is still possible to glimpse the creation of a nineteenth stone that is intended for one Triple H, a grave that will be finished on April 3rd, 2011 when the Last Outlaw lays another to rest eternally. And once further, the stones shall be untouched by time or human hands until the next year when the process shall repeat itself as it has for twenty years earning the respect, awe, and fear of any who dare tread the heated soil.

If kayfabe were alive, that above would probably appear in WWE magazine about the upcoming match. And another would follow about the legendary HHH and his many accomplishments. But lets not kid ourselves! Every WrestleMania, betting on Undertaker is the equivalent of betting on a horse racing against lobotomized sloths: It is a foregone conclusion UT will chalk up another victim to The Streak. The Undertaker is quite possibly the greatest character ever created in wrestling, a man I’ve followed from the very first day he stepped foot in the WWF. I knew as a child he was going to be amazing, and that prophecy has come true.

HHH may have backstage stroke and power on his side, but the Undertaker is one of the very few to have Vince McMahon’s eternal trust and gratitude. When all others abandoned ship, Undertaker stayed through the toughest times: The steroid trials, the New Generation, the WCW talent raid, the declining ratings streak, the lack of a boom period late last decade for the first time in thirty years (1985 for Rock N Wrestling, 1998 for Attitude), and even a PG stamp. Although this match will not be wonderful to watch for a wrestling purist, and has already occurred ten years earlier, it is important that HHH attempt to get revenge for Undertaker ending his best friend’s career – something yet to be really described by HHH. He simply claims it is his last challenge, in the process making everybody in the locker room look like shit when he opines that the only thing he sees in the locker room left worth doing is ending the streak. So far, the feud has been built mostly through short promos and comments from Shawn Michaels, and only has a few weeks left before the match takes place. I’m not sold much – Why isn’t UT attacking the Corre for what they did to him, and Kane as well? HHH took down Sheamus in a burial to continue building himself up, but at least it made sense as Sheamus “ended” HHH’s career last year. HHH is the smartest man backstage, and he knows if he ended the streak he’ll be universally despised for putting his ego over sound business.


Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Steve Cook: C

I like how the Punker still holds a grudge against Randy Orton for something that happened in 2008. Usually WWE wants us to forget things that happened more than a couple of months ago, so I give them credit for actually acknowledging Punk & Orton’s prior history. Other than that, there isn’t a whole lot to say about this. I kind of feel sorry for the New Nexus guys because they’re using the punt to take them out of action and send them back down to developmental or Weight Watchers or wherever the hell they’re sending these guys.

Black Scorpion: C-

Some people probably think this deserves a higher rating but let us be honest, look at the way this so-called feud has been promoted: Randy Orton is attempting to take down a five member group that destroys all in their path. CM Punk costs him the Royal Rumble, and Orton is out for blood. Orton wants Punk and the RAW GM agrees, saying Orton must compete against Punk at WrestleMania but all Nexus members must wrestle Orton in one-on-one matches to determine if they can accompany Punk at WrestleMania, this instituted after Orton punt kicked Husky Harris. Now, the four man group took beating after beating, losing Mcguillicutty, Otunga, and now Mason Ryan to leave it as the one on one match it should be to focus on both men’s best attributes: Punk’s mixed style and Orton’s quick impact moves. Problem? Nexus has now been destroyed and all credibility they had left is lost. Punk winning or losing wouldn’t even matter, we all can see it appears as if Punk will go one-on-one and lose after a vicious assault on Orton, falling prey to the RKO and probably another punt kick. The feud’s predictability and destruction of Nexus’ image costs it here, as if five guys weren’t enough to take out Orton, why should only one? One, as it was pointed out, Orton already took out for months with a punt kick?


Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Steve Cook: A

OK, I’ll admit my bias here. The King is one of my favorite wrestlers of all time (if you haven’t checked out anything from Memphis you’re truly missing out), and the involvement of Stone Cold Steve Austin as a special guest referee is always something that’s going to make me interested. Lawler has had a career renaissance in recent months, having a compelling feud with WWE Champion The Miz and doing a lot to help Miz establish himself as a viable top guy. At sixty-one years of age, the King can still perform in the ring and it’s only right that he has a Mania match this year after being on the sidelines for eighteen years.

But as much as I love Jerry Lawler, a lot of the credit for this feud has to go to the performance of one Mitchell Beatrice Cole. Cole Slaw’s had a rough go of it with the fans ever since he arrived in the WWF back in 1997. First he was known as “that guy who looks like Todd Pettengil” and was pretty ineffectual otherwise. His commentary skills weren’t really noticed until he was forced into action to fill in for Jim Ross after JR’s Bells’ Palsy attack in late 1998. Then he got hate from the fans because he was pretty horrible at announcing and was a sorry replacement for good ol’ JR.

Indeed, JR is the source of a lot of Cole Hate. Most of us love Jim Ross and think of him as one of the greatest wrestling announcers of all time, if not the greatest. The perception we’ve always gotten from WWE is that they never really wanted JR as their voice. They would have preferred somebody with a more acceptable physical appearance that didn’t have a Southern accent. But they were stuck with JR for so long because whenever they tried to replace him, the replacement couldn’t fill his Stetson. Cole got hate from the fans not only because he wasn’t a great announcer, but because he wasn’t Jim Ross.

No matter what Cole did, fans didn’t like him. Finally WWE came to the conclusion that if people don’t like Michael Cole, why not give them a good reason not to? So he became a Miz apologist on Raw and spent most of his NXT run crapping on Daniel Bryan, Kaval & AJ. Internet favorites, each of them. Not a coincidence. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I find the character entertaining or not. At first I thought it was hilarious. Then I got mad because he was crapping all over the storylines and spending all his time on every single show getting himself over. Then I realized that was exactly the reaction they wanted, and now I’m back to liking Evil Cole.

“Liking” is probably a bad word to use, because I’ll be as happy as everybody else when the King pile drives him on his head. I’m just saying that Cole has done a great job as a heel here, and it’ll be interesting to see what he does after WrestleMania. Does he return to the booth like nothing ever happened? Does Lawler knock some sense into him? Does he become even more deranged? Does Jack Swagger do anything after this feud? I don’t know, but I know I’m hooked.

Black Scorpion: A

Mitchell BEATRICE Cole? Somebody has GOT to reveal that on WWE TV. Talk about jokes for years to come!

And we come down to the question of whether or not the build was successful thus far. Let us analyze!

Do we know who Jerry Lawler is? Most fans only know him as a commentator. Some of us know him as a former Southern territories mainstay, legend, and occasional wrestler throughout the 1990’s in WWF. Eighteen years have gone by, and Lawler has never won a championship title, a Royal Rumble, or even competed at WrestleMania. Steve mentions how great the King has been in the past, but now he’s a shell of his former zany self who flung one liners from the commentary booth like arrows at any target he damn well felt like. So WWE decides to throw the King a bone and let him have a chance to be WWE champion. They decide to put him in a few matches and then, he gets The Miz in a TLC match for the gold. After dealing with Miz and his apprentice Alex Riley, King goes up the ladder until he’s stopped by Michael Cole, the play by play man who has gone on a major heel rampage and become a male cheerleader for the Miz (Spirit Squad, eat your heart out!)

My problem with this is that Steve and I have very different opinions on Michael Cole. The truth of the matter as I see it, Michael Cole is a mediocre announcer who had no ability to get emotional connection with the crowd. I watched his first few weeks once again through the magic of WWE 24/7, and he was basically the same announcer in 1997 as he was in 2010, pre-makeover. Cole has little knowledge of the actual move names (powerslam anybody?), any emotion feels forced and unnatural, and he utilized some of the worst cliches and catchphrases. When it came to calling the big matches, nobody took him seriously and if anything, Cole sucked the enthusiasm out of the match like a vampire on a morbidly obese hemophiliac. The real reason, Steve, fans hate Cole is because he sucks. When UT and HBK together beg for JR to call their match last year over Cole, you know how bad it is. WWE is simply running with the “Okay, if they want to hate Cole, let’s give them a real reason to hate him” bandwagon, not understanding the true source of fan hatred. This is why Cole is getting legends refereeing his match, twenty to twenty-five minutes of air time to build his feud with Lawler, and basically having the feud treated like it is the only reason to buy WrestleMania.

King vs Cole is something I don’t expect to see on a WrestleMania card. Yes, we know, Cole will get attacked. Cole might manage a sneaky move or two and a close pin, MAYBE. Then, Austin takes out Swagger, King pulls down the strap, Cole is flat on his back and the three is counted: Will he get piledriven? I seriously hope WWE lets Lawler break it out, but if not the fist drop will be sufficient as long as he follows it up post match with a chair shot across the spine, or better yet use the chair to choke him for a few weeks of Cole-free TV. Lawler is getting a well deserved WrestleMania match and victory, but at the cost of fighting a non-athletic announcer in a match that fans will probably boo for years to come outside of the ending. There is no denying, however, that WWE has spent a lot of time and money into promoting this match and for that, I’ll award it the top grade for build. But for interest? Work rate? That’s something not even JR at ringside could save.


Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

Steve Cook: A

I think anybody who’s read my work before knows that I’ve been on the Cody Rhodes bandwagon since he moved to Smackdown and became the Dashing One. I think he’s got the potential to be one of the top stars in WWE, and a feud with Rey Mysterio could be just what he needs to get there. He has brought the awesome ever since Rey took him out of action with a knee brace to his face. The Dashing One has taken things up to another level recently on Smackdown, stepping his game up and showing a more sinister side. One of the most interesting things to me about this whole show is Cody’s performance. I’m hoping he has an outstanding showing whether he wins or loses, and it leads to bigger things. If he doesn’t…well, I’ll have to find a new man crush.

Black Scorpion: B-

I think Rey is a selfish little wrestler who enjoys going over the big time names just because he is allowed to, and worse than that he seems to injure opponents now and then with his clunky knee-brace that is used to protect his oft-operated on left knee. Mysterio legitimately put several wrestlers on the shelf in 2010, including Undertaker and CM Punk with injuries relating to that brace, and perhaps the entire angle with the assault on Cody is part of a little friendly reminder from WWE to keep the health of his opponents as the top priority.

Mysterio and Cody began feuding when Mysterio hit the famous 619 in a match where Cody had already exposed the knee-brace. Seemingly, Cody was hurt badly and refused to show his face, claiming he required reconstructive surgery. Mysterio mostly laughed it off, but Cody assaulted him out of nowhere wearing his Trish Stratus plastic nose-guard mask along with a suit. After that, Rey competed on Smackdown and post-match, Dusty Rhodes joined him to call his son out. Cody stood there as Dusty discussed the importance of actually worrying about the world title and headlining WrestleMania over his looks, delivering an excellent promo, before revealing he and Cody were in cahoots all along to double team Mysterio. After a vicious beating, Cody unmasked Rey Mysterio, although he fell so we couldn’t see his face. After that, Rey readily agreed to a WrestleMania match the next week.

Problems with this build include such things as Cody obviously not being injured at all, but treated by everybody as if he was. Apparently, in 2011 we’re supposed to believe somebody can undergo major facial reconstructive surgery and then get a pass to wear a clunky mask to protect themselves that they use as a weapon. As far as the match itself goes, I think it could be a good one, depending on the chemistry the two have. However, Dusty’s promo mentioned how Cody should focus on the title instead of his unblemished countenance. Cody instead is pursuing vengeance for an attack on that countenance. So Cody cares more about hurting a little masked dude than going for the world title on the biggest stage of them all? Personally I think the story could have been started a lot better, but the build has helped Cody Rhodes break out from the pack and show he has some skill on the mic, like his old man.


Trish Stratus, Snooki & John Morrison vs. Michelle McCool, Layla & Dolph Ziggler

Steve Cook: C

I would much rather see both Morrison & Ziggler in some sort of a singles confrontation, whether it be with each other or somebody else. Both men have had very good years and definitely deserve a featured spot on the card…which they have, in a way. As my readers often remind me, Jersey Shore has a large fan base & Snooki is probably the most well-known person from the show with the possible exception of The Situation. Whether people like LayCool or not, they’ve had a strong twelve months and also deserve a spot on the WrestleMania card, and it’s always nice to see Trish Stratus even if she’s ripping off Rock catchphrases. I don’t have a major issue with any of this, though I definitely see where the haters are coming from.

Black Scorpion: F

Basically, this all began on the last RAW when Vickie Guerrero fought Trish for a job on RAW. The proceeding comedy match really wasn’t funny, made worse by the fact that Snooki got no reaction whatsoever when she came out to talk in the ring about how excited she was to be here, which seems to be a mandatory sentence to read aloud when you guest star. LayCool interfered in this suddenly NO DQ match and cost Trish the victory, allowing Vickie to be employed. Vickie then issued a challenge after Morrison came out to help during the fracas by keeping Ziggler occupied, saying she wanted her boyfriend and LayCool to take on Trish, Morrison, and Snooki. Sadly, they agreed.

Yeah, I know, Trish and her team will win and the fans will be happy but I am not looking forward to this match one single bit. And the entire build for the match took place in two minutes! Disgusting. MITB regulars are losing a paycheck for something like this!

Dumbest/Stupidest Things of the Week (We each pick ONE dumbest and ONE smartest thing in total for 2 per writer – not one per company)


Scorpion’s Dumbest Thing Of The Week: NXT Season 5!

Two quick notes:

1. I bet a lot of you probably figured anybody writing this after Sunday’s Victory Road PPV would put that as the dumbest thing of the week. However, since this column didn’t debut until this week, Tuesday’s decision trumps Sunday’s because Sunday lasts for one day but Tuesday’s decision ensures months of shame.

2. For all of you who bashed TNA for having Jersey Shore people: HAHAHAHA! Now Snooki will be wrestling on PPV for WWE! TNA didn’t even make you pay to see them “Wrestle” other people.

NXT started off as a pretty good idea: 8 rookies with 8 pros from the WWE compete against each other for a contract and guaranteed world title match. The first season had some excellent performances for rookies, such as Wade Barrett and Justin Gabriel. Of course, Daniel Bryan was no rookie and he shone when he was allowed to.

Now, we’re on Season 5. Six rookies who were eliminated on previous editions of NXT will compete for a prize of… the chance to compete in Season 6 of NXT.

Yeah, you heard me right.

So not only are these six individuals fighting for a PLACE on the next season but they are also former eliminated contestants people didn’t like enough to vote for the first time around. In case you can’t find NXT on your programming, that’s because it got cancelled due to low ratings and the move to SyFy of Smackdown, and only airs exclusively on WWE.COM.

But it gets worse! Also, at the same time this season is going on, Tough Enough will be airing again on April 4 with MORE rookies trying to fight for a contract, and this one will be televised! Tough Enough, which was cancelled after miserable failures of four seasons, is returning with Stone Cold, Booker T, and Trish Stratus as trainers. It will air on USA before RAW, except on April 4 when it follows RAW, which means a lot of people have the chance to see it.

So let us recap: Eliminated competitors from NXT Seasons 1, 2, and 4 will fight on NXT Season 5 for a SPOT on NXT Season 6. This will also be shown only on WWE.COM, and will also have competition in the form of a cable prime time rookie competition known as Tough Enough with two former world champions.

And people give TNA crap!


Steve’s Dumbest Thing of the Week: Jeff Hardy at Victory Road

Indeed they do, Scorp.

The toughest part of my selection this week was figuring out who exactly committed the dumbest offense. Was it Jeff Hardy for getting messed up on drugs the night of a big PPV main event title match where he was expected to put on a main event quality performance? Or did TNA top him by being dumb enough to send him out there even though it was pretty obvious to anybody with a brain that he shouldn’t be wrestling?

Tough call. I talked about this a bunch in The Corner yesterday. I said that Jeff Hardy should be fired, and I stand behind that. You can’t pull that kind of an act on an event where fans have paid good money to watch you in a main event, or any kind of a match, really. I said that TNA probably wouldn’t have the stones to do it, and as far as I can tell they haven’t done it yet.

So I think I’ll call it a draw.

Honorable mention goes to Hulk Hogan for a comment he made at Monday’s Impact taping that won’t air if TNA has any intelligence.


Scorpion’s Smartest Thing of the Week: Edge and Christian reunite on Smackdown

One thing WWE has been doing right lately would be bringing back people who draw. First, they introduced The Rock seemingly out of nowhere for WrestleMania. Trish Stratus came back along with Christian at Elimination Chamber, Steve Austin was introduced as the Tough Enough host, HHH and Undertaker returned, and now we saw the reformation of Edge and Christian briefly on Smackdown.

One thing I always have claimed is that E&C were the top tag team in the WWF. Some preferred the Dudleys, others preferred the Hardys, but I stuck with Edge and Christian. They could take bumps like the Hardys, and deliver damage like the Dudleys, but they also had unique, wacky personalities and the ability to get the crowd behind them. However, in 2001 they split the team to allow the two to go on their own individually.

Ten years later, Edge is an eleven-time world champion and Christian is a former TNA World Champion. Although both discussed the money in an Edge vs Christian feud, the people wanted to see them team up again. I sure as hell did! And last week, E&C finally reunited for a brief time on the Road to WrestleMania. Not only that, but now they have a tag title shot on Smackdown – Frankly, this is what could help save the tag division from its current stagnation. Edge and Christian would be the perfect choice to help revive the division, as long as WWE got more than one tag team to oppose them. If WWE ever wanted to revive the tag division at all, right now is the best time to do it, considering all we really have would be Gabriel/Slater, Usos, and Kozarella.


Steve’s Smartest Thing of the Week: Dragon Gate USA donates to Japanese relief fund

Dragon Gate USA is an offspring of the wildly popular Dragon Gate promotion in Japan. It owes its existence to the wrestlers and promoters that made that promotion what it is today. It only makes sense that DGUSA would donate 20% of their DVD sales this week to the Red Cross Japan Earthquake And Pacific Tsunami Relief Fund. Classy move from the DGUSA bunch, and if their wrestling isn’t your cup of tea, you can donate here.


Always Down On Dixie: The Bully Ray Character.
By Black Scorpion
This section will deal with the public reaction to one of TNA’s ideas/storylines and it will be my attempt to defend it. I ask that only the people who believe they may be wrong about TNA read this section, those with pre-disposition to hate TNA should simply skim forward in the column.

One of the many things people are not happy about in TNA would be the Bully Ray character. Basically, they are saying such things as “For a company trying to eliminate hate, they have a bully storyline going on” and “All they are doing is letting Ray play his real self” to crap on the concept. But, I submit to all of you that this character is actually here to serve as a positive influence on the “eliminate the hate” campaign by showing what a bully truly is.

Bully Ray is an evil, vicious, cowardly excuse for a man who attacks people he perceives to be weaker than he is. If one of them should fight back, he turns tail and runs for his life rather than deal with even odds. He runs his mouth constantly and attacks anybody for any reason to continue his reputation as a “tough guy” which is completely unwarranted. One example would be when security kept Devon from attacking Ray weeks ago on Impact, and Ray taunted him, calling him weak because he couldn’t get through the security when it was Bully Ray himself who had them put there. And this past Impact, Bully Ray called out Tommy Dreamer, but Devon answered the challenge and beat the hell out of a surprised Ray who began begging for mercy. Playing the bully part perfectly, once Dreamer and an older security guard pulled Devon away, he turned on the guard and beat him down with a weapon while screaming not to ever put his hands on Bully Ray. This is the exact type of character we all want to see get their ass handed to them, is it not? The slimy, sleazebag type that spew insults and hatred, attack from behind, call you names behind your back, and when you try to fight back they run behind the rules and anybody stupid enough to defend them?

When I was in junior high years ago, I had my own run-in with about four Bully Rays. One was a very small kid who hid behind the other three, another was pudgy and liked to smart mouth anybody around him, a third was pretty much normal sized, and the fourth was large and intimidating. They used to work as a pack, terrorizing people one at a time so all four of them were never in any danger. As the principal of the school was morally bankrupt and paid off by one of the students’ fathers, he looked the other way whenever anything went down. I was one of the targets of these bullies, and they enjoyed using four on one means to smack me around and call me names. They spread rumors about me, they talked behind my back, and they only talked trash if I wasn’t facing them one on one. But, I didn’t break. So, they went to a new tactic: They started lying to the principal. I recall one day I was in the office reporting their latest attack on me and as I left, the largest bully walked in and said “I’m here to tell you the things Scorp said about my mother” – right in front of me. Now, this kid was nearly twice my size. He had three friends who hung around him constantly – Was I really so stupid as to make fun of his mother? It soon became apparent that money talked because I was suspended for something I quite literally never did. But when I came back, I fought fire with fire. I had some money, and paid off the biggest, toughest kid in the school I could find to take out the lead bully in the bathroom – One shot and the bully was down crying and begging for mercy. Well, what that did was keep all four of them from ever attacking me again. Does the lead bully sound familiar to you? He is exactly like the Bully Ray character, is he not?

Bully Ray is -that- kid who bullied us in school, took our lunch money, smacked us around, the one all the teachers knew were bad news but got away with murder anyway. He is -that- guy in the office who insults us, tells lies to get us in trouble, and flees from a direct confrontation. He is -that- person who knocks down your mailbox and keys your car but would call the police if you went within 100 feet of him. That is the beauty of the character: An emotional investment is made because you WANT to see him get his. You want to see Devon rip Ray’s head off and destroy him. And therein is why the gimmick is successful: He is playing the part of a bully perfectly to emphasize the type of behavior we should all be against: In schools, at work, at the gym, and all around the neighborhood. Devon is playing the role of the bullied, the people who stand up and fight back however possible. In this case, it is one on one and despite massive size advantage, Ray still hides every chance he can from Devon to show his true color: Yellow.

Before we condemn this angle, or that gimmick, remember when you were ever bullied or treated badly – as a kid, as a teen, or as a grown man or woman. Remember how you wanted to see them get theirs regardless if they ever did. And now, you have a storyline you can relate to – a storyline that has emotional connection to your life. Isn’t that what wrestling storylines are supposed to do, connect us to the antagonist or protagonist in some manner? Before we judge the character and storyline, let us look to our own lives to see why it is so effective and perhaps uncomfortable for some to watch.

SC: I have no problem with this character, actually. I’ve heard the argument that since TNA has an anti-bullying campaign going on they shouldn’t have a bully running around, but that’s exactly why they should. Bully Ray is a heel. He demonstrates that being a bully isn’t cool and isn’t the right thing to do. He’s done a pretty good job at it from where I sit. In this instance, Scorp is right on the money.


Old School Wrestler of the Week: “Macho Man” Randy Savage
A Conversation With Steve Cook & Black Scorpion

SC: Our Old School Wrestler of the Week, as chosen by my esteemed colleague, is the incomparable Macho Man Randy Savage. Scorp, what was it about the Macho Man that makes him stick out to you after all these years?

BS: Outside of Vince McMahon’s adamant refusal to induct him into the Hall of Fame? Probably the fact that Savage was the very first wrestler I saw on television, and as luck would have it, the day he beat Tito Santana for the IC title.

SC: Ah yes, as I remember it from DVD it was at the famous Boston Garden, where many great WWF months took place. I got into wrestling a few years later than you did…the first time I saw him would have been as the Macho King, but the first thing I really remember was the infamous angle with Jake Roberts where Roberts attacked him with his king cobra. Yeah, that was pretty intense to a seven year old.
And that was back when I thought wrestling was real, so all of that stuff with Roberts attacking Savage and his family was real to me, damn it!

BS: Savage was one of the few wrestlers that I found interesting regardless of his allegiance – face or heel. I was a huge fan of his even when he went after Hogan in 1989 accusing him of lusting after Elizabeth, and I was a huge fan when Savage was in the nWo in the late 90’s taking out guys left and right. His outfits, the charisma, the interviews that made little to no sense, and his stellar in ring work and selling – did you ever see his SNME match with Bret Hart?

SC: Indeed I have. He did a great job in that match of selling the pain in his knee. Bret wrote about it in his book, and rightfully gave Savage a lot of credit for making it work because he’d never really had a match like that before. Have you ever watched some of his work in Memphis? There are several Savage matches in the Wrestling Gold collection that showcase a guy with incredible athletic ability that was willing to do crazy stuff.

BS: Actually Steve, it was his ankle and he even took his boot off to sell the “swelling” Bret caused by attacking it.

SC: Knee, ankle, it’s all connected!

BS: I have seen some of those classics and I can see why Vince took a serious risk with putting the belt on somebody who wasn’t 6’6 and 300 lbs for a year as he did with Savage. The guy just had “IT” to a T.

SC: His feud with Jerry Lawler was legendary for several reasons…Savage’s father was the head of a rival wrestling promotion, and they spent years challenging Lawler & Jerry Jarrett to matches before finally working together. I’m pretty sure they still hold the Rupp Arena wrestling attendance record for their first match there. People wanted to see Savage vs. Lawler because both guys had “it” and had never faced anybody with that much of “it” before.

BS: I think Savage had the world’s attention from WrestleMania 3, where his match with Ricky Steamboat garnered such a huge star rating. Although, I really think it was massively inflated because of the fact most of the match involved Savage throwing Steamboat over the top rope, and then at the end, George Steele shoves Savage off and Steamboat just rolls him up. If that happened today we’d probably boo hoo it to death. But you have to ask this question Steve: What do YOU think was “the incident” that has kept Macho Man blackballed, for the most part, in WWE?

SC: Everybody asked me that question when I wrote Ask 411 Wrestling for this website. I got so tired of trying to answer it, and frankly, I’m still not sure of the answer. I tend to dismiss the Stephanie theory. I’ve heard some say Vince was mad because Randy took the Slim Jim sponsorship with him. Some have said Vince got mad because Randy drunk dialed him to quit. I don’t know. But one has to assume it’s pretty serious because Vince always seems willing to bring people back again and again and again.

BS: The only two times I’ve heard of people being blackballed in the fashion Savage was had to do with physical assault. Dr. D and John Stossel back in 1984, and then Nailz punching McMahon backstage right after his and Bossman’s only PPV match. Knowing Savage’s temper, he probably did throw a shot off at Vince to jump to WCW where a big fat contract was waiting for him. Just my two cents but he could throw a hell of a punch.

SC: Not a bad theory. Speaking of WCW, what did you make of his run there? He started out really strong and proved to people who thought he should just be announcing that he could still be one of the best wrestlers and drawing cards in the business. Eventually he got older and less effective in the ring and on the mike, but that happens to everybody. Savage played a key role in helping WCW pass the WWF for a period of time.

BS: Hogan happened. See, the one guy Macho was really never able to defeat in the ring due to politics was ALWAYS Hulk Hogan – either McMahon or Bischoff would constantly keep Hogan from taking a pin. I think there was internal pressure on Savage to take part in the nWo angle, take the money, and don’t complain. Hogan always had the spotlight – hell, who was the guy he dropped the leg on when he turned nWo? Savage. It was political, no doubt.

SC: The thing people have always said about Hogan & Savage was that while they really didn’t like each other, they liked working together because that’s where the money was. Once the money started to run out and people got old and bitter, they were free to hate each other. We did get a great rap song out of it. Savage’s run in TNA can best be described as bizarre from where I sit. They brought him in for a pop at the end of a PPV, I think he might have wrestled twice, if that, and he didn’t do much for TNA other than give them the inspiration for Black Machismo a few years later.

BS: Jay Lethal probably kept his job for years because of that imitation he did. TNA really wasn’t Savage’s place to go at the end of his career – I think he should have come to the WWE and possibly had a last match with McMahon years ago. But he accomplished a lot – First ever Undisputed Champion, first and only guy to wrestle four times and win all four at WrestleMania, former IC champion, former WCW champion, US Champion, Tag team champion, and it goes on and on. Savage was known for his agility but I saw him slam Big Show back when he was the Giant and near 500 lbs on WCW!

SC: Dude was definitely jacked up. We can guess why, but who in that era didn’t do that?

BS: Of course everybody ate Slim Jim’s back in WWF! Oh, wait, that.

Let’s close it out by talking about our absolute favorite Macho Man memory. Mine, even though as I said before I didn’t get to see it as it happened, was his WrestleMania VII match with Ultimate Warrior. Warrior was never confused with a workrate titan, but he and Savage had great chemistry & Savage was known for plotting out his matches to perfection so nothing could go wrong. And of course the storyline with Elizabeth was amazing. It’s a shame their marriage didn’t last long after their characters got married on TV.

BS: Honestly that Retirement Match I’d rate as his top WWF match on PPV, period. Better than Steamboat, Hogan, anybody. Possibly my greatest memory? That very first one I had, when Savage clocked Santana with a foreign object and fell on top of him for a three count and won the IC gold. The action and the whole Macho Man mystique, and yes, Elizabeth, got me drawn in and I was watching this “WWF” show ever since. So, really, my entire wrestling fandom is owed to the Macho Man.

And one last thought: Those Slim Jims are actually pretty damn tasty.

SC: They’re good stuff. I forgot to mention how great Sherri was in that match as well. And that dress…indeed. Wouldn’t have minded snapping into that.

BS: You can have her. Gorgeous George in WCW was my choice to snap into.

SC: Didn’t half the locker room?

BS: Well, you can take the girl out of the strip club but you can’t take the club out of the girl. At least not until you’re done.

SC: I don’t know if he was as protective of her as he was Liz. That poor girl couldn’t have had an affair if she wanted to. Wonder if anybody tried…BROTHER?

BS: I don’t think he really cared, considering he was pretty much able to snag anybody with his fame and fortune. Did Hogan try something? Probably not! After all, he only goes after women that look like his daughter. Some shrink will make millions and a Miami condo off Brooke down the line.

SC: I’d like to make something with Brooke if you know what I’m saying. If it’s at a Miami condo I’m ok with that.

BS: I prefer the chick that played Brooke in Orton Knows Best.

SC: I think it’s time to move on to the next part of this column.

BS: Okay.

Part 2!

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