Cook’s WWE Payback 2017 Report Card

Hi, hello & welcome to the WWE Payback 2017 Report Card! I’m going into this show in a pretty good mood, as all of my sports teams won their various games and made me forget about my NFL team’s draft blunders earlier in the weekend. Sometimes I go into these shows in a bad mood and take it out on the wrestlers, but I expect myself to be extra-nice tonight. Hopefully I’ll have plenty of reason to be nice!

Here’s how I grade the WWE SuperStars…

A – Outstanding. Great moves, selling, interaction with the fans, everything. Stands out as a top performer.
B – Above Average. Very good offensively or defensively. Plays their role well. Helps the match accomplish what it set out to do.
C – Average. The type of performance that does nothing to stand out. No outstanding moves, no great effort to sell their opponent’s offense or draw the crowd into what they’re doing, just bland, basic wrestling. Sometimes, especially in a multi-man match, a short period of time spent in the ring without a chance to do too much.
D – Below Average. Poor execution, ignoring the crowd, not doing things that make sense.
F – Failure. Not doing anything useful. Actively holding the match back from accomplishing its objective.

Kickoff Match: Gallows & Anderson vs. Enzo Amore & Big Cass: Enzo & Cass talk about poo poo platters before the match. Mr. Amore is all hot & bothered and gets off to a quick start on Anderson, but Karl gets the advantage & they take turns working over Enzo’s left arm. Well, Karl is an Anderson, so it only makes sense. Cass nearly tags in but it’s broken up and Enzo eats more of a beating. Tag attempt broken up again. The crowd does like them some Enzo & Cass and seems awake early, which is a good sign. Cass gets the hot tag & cleans house. Unfortunately for their team, Enzo accidentally tags back in. They set up the Magic Killer, but Cass breaks it up and Enzo rolls Gallows up for the three count! Not a whole lot to this one, but nothing bad either. Enzo, for all of his faults, is good at getting beat up.

Grades
Gallows & Anderson: B-
Enzo & Cass: B-

Matt Hardy getting a little more broken by the day if the backstage segment with the Hardys and the Golden Truth is any indication.

Cesaro & Sheamus are in the Social Media Lounge. So is Charly Caruso, so I’m not paying much attention to whatever they’re saying.

Miz TV with Finn Balor: Miz is confused by the fans cheering a five-minute entrance. Finn doesn’t let him & Maryse into the Balor Club, and Miz runs him down for not living up to expectations on Raw yet. Finn’s plans are to get the Universal Title back, and Miz mentions that Brock Lesnar has it. Miz TV ends the same way it usually does, with Miz getting his butt kicked.

US Title Match: Champion Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho: Jericho is rocking the sparkly scarf, while The New Face of America has a new American-flavored t-shirt to sell, and it seems to be of the Underarmour family of apparel. Jericho starts off on a roll and even teases a Lionsault, but Owens rams Jericho’s head into the top of the ringpost and cannonballs him on the outside. Tye Dillinger is over on Raw too if the 10 counts are any indication. Some nice back & forth action here, Owens dominates most of the way with Jericho getting some spurts of offense. Owens plays up a finger injury, but that’s a ruse for a pinfall attempt. Or maybe it is injured, as it keeps him from doing the pop up powerbomb & Jericho locks the Walls in! Owens taps and we have a new United States Champion! Jericho has a nice moment at ringside with a young fan that has a List of Jericho clipboard. Good stuff.

I mentioned in the 411 Payback Preview that switching the title to Jericho to have a rematch on SmackDown seemed like a good idea to try & ease some current ratings woes, and I’d guess that’s the thought process here. Apparently I was the only one that thought of this as a possibility as my Twitter TL is full of confused people.

Grades
Owens: B
Jericho: B-

Cruiserweight Title Match: Champion Neville vs. Austin Aries: Two solid hands right here. People still headscissoring Aries after all these years. Aries loses his momentum after getting crotched on the top rope & Neville goes to work. He’s really coming into his own as a full performer here. Aries’ selling is on point and he does things you typically don’t see, like shaking to try and get the kinks out. I don’t think I’ve seen the top rope elbow to the back of a seated opponent before. Heat Seeking Missile gets a two count. Neville knows how to take the knee breaker into the back suplex. Sunset flip into a powerbomb into the Last Chancery! Neville pulls the official to break the hold, and the referee disqualifies him! The bogus cruiserweight division finish strikes again, as Aries wins by DQ & Neville retains the title. At least this one makes sense in the rulebook.

Both guys brought it tonight, I certainly can’t fault their effort. And the idea of more matches with them isn’t something I’ll complain about.

Grades
Neville: B+
Aries: B+

Raw Tag Team Title Match: Champions Matt & Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus & Cesaro: The fans want to delete things for unknown reasons. Matt & Cesaro start. “Obsolete” & “Brother Nero” chants are featured early on as Cesaro takes some vintage Hardyz offense. Sheamus tags in and takes the advantage over Matthew. Jeff takes his turn as the Hardy in peril. Sheamus catches Jeff with a kick in the face that looks pretty painful. Sheamus is a good wrestler, but man I would not want to work with him too often. He goes all out. Whisper in the Wind takes out both Sheamus & Cesaro, and Matt gets the hot tag. I gotta say the Matt Hardy hot tag isn’t as fun as the Cesaro hot tag, but what is? The swing is pretty fun! Matt got busted open somehow during this sequence, I have no idea how but it doesn’t look good. Sheamus hits White Noise on Matt from the middle rope for two. Jeff gets the tag and Sheamus doesn’t notice, so when Jeff Swantons Sheamus during a pinfall attempt and gets the win, it’s gotta suck to be him. Mutual respect all around after the match! OR NOT. Cesaro knocks Jeff off the top rope and Sheamus brutalizes Matt on the outside! Matt gets rammed into the ringpost multiple times! Jeff eats a Brogue kick into another ringpost! Matt gets the Brogue kick in the ring & Sheamus and Cesaro stand tall!

You might say that they broke Matt & Jeff. Heh?

Nice solid match here and the turn by Cesaro & Sheamus after the match was well done.

Grades
Hardys: C
S & C: B

Raw Women’s Title Match: Champion Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss: Alexa is so disgusted to be here. It’s heartwarming. Bayley takes control early but gets her head taken off eventually. Alexa goes on an extended offensive spell while Bayley gets sympathy from her hometown crowd. My Network feed is having its first issues of the night, which is a shame because I need Alexa in as high quality as possible. Bayley makes the classic comeback, but Alexa breaks up the Bayley to Belly attempt & heads up to the high-rent district…Bayley follows her up and Alexa eventually turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for two. Bliss misses a tumbling moonsault and Bayley knees her right in the dome. Top rope elbow gets two! Bayley’s top rope elbow is better than CM Punk’s. I said it. She then stomps a mudhole in Alexa but doesn’t quite walk it dry. Bayley gets kicked off into the steel post on a pinfall attempt, and it leads to a DDT & a new champion! Alexa Bliss is your champion and we live in a fair & just world.

Was I the only one to call that in the Preview? I think I was. Watry’s got some competition now. In any event, Bayley had a solid run as champion but it’s time for her to go back to the challenger role that she’s better at anyway. Bliss is a great champion, as we found out on SD Live last year, so everybody here wins. Good work by the ladies, I’d say it was the best match so far tonight.

Grades
Bayley: A-
Bliss: A

Seeing what’s next, I wonder if we should end the show right now.

House of Horrors Match Part 1: Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt: Jojo tells us the match will start at Bray Wyatt’s House of Horrors and end right here in the ring with a pinfall, submission or forfeiture. Orton pulls up to the House of Horrors in a limo wearing dress pants & elbow pads. Bray appears in a window. A tractor rolls by with no driver. Yep, this is looking promising. Orton kicks down the door & enters the house. I think that’s Kane’s hook from See No Evil on the table. Bray attacks from behind and here we go. Bray attacks early but a broken bottle sends him to the next room. I’m not really sure how to describe the setting so I’ll let other show reviewers try. After another physical altercation Randy goes around the house looking for Bray. He finds…a teepee? I’m not sure. Bray attacks in the kitchen but Orton gains the advantage. I feel like I’ve let you readers down by not being intoxicated for this match, as I could probably describe all this a lot better if I was. As it is, Wyatt just toppled a refrigerator on top of Orton. The house lighting changes to red & Wyatt crawls away. He goes to the limo and has the driver take him to the arena.

I guess we’re coming back to this later. Which makes sense because it was dark whereever the House of Horrors is located, and it’s still sunlight in San Jose. Gonna be a long drive for Bray. I think I’ll go ahead and flunk these guys now and save the time later. I know WWE is trying to incorporate the Broken Universe/Lucha Underground style into what they do, but this totally missed the mark and was the bad kind of weird instead of the good kind.

Grades
Orton: F-
Wyatt: F-

Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe: Good luck following that, boys! They’re trying hard out there, but man it’s tough sledding. I am pretty much tapped out on this show right now and from what I can tell I am not alone. God bless these fans though, they’re at least wooing along with the chops. Joe splashing Rollins’ knee like that can’t be good for anybody. When Rollins is selling I can’t tell whether he’s actually hurt or not. Partially because he’s good, partially because he gets hurt pretty frequently. Falcon Arrow by Rollins gets 2, as does a frog splash. Joe almost loses on the Survivor Series 1996 finish, but clotheslines Rollins’ head off. He goes back to the choke, Rollins rolls him up and gets the win!

It took me awhile to get into this, but I don’t blame these guys at all. That previous match/video pretty much killed the show for me. I’ll give Rollins & Joe credit for trying though.

Grades
Rollins: C+
Joe: C+

The scary part is that there’s so much time left in this show.

House of Horrors Match Part 2: Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt: Wyatt leans against Neil’s workbox & takes a breather after getting out of the limo. Fortunately Orton survived death by fridge and he also arrives so they can have a bit of a wrestling match in the ring. The Singh Brothers show up and attack Orton because there wasn’t enough nonsense already. RKO to Bray, and here comes Jinder Mahal to attack Orton with the WWE Championship belt. Wow. Bray hits Sister Abagail and gets the “win”, though we all know that nobody won this. Losers all around. Orton goes back to his feud on SmackDown that nobody outside of India cares about (at least there’s like a billion people there, so there’s that going for it), Wyatt needs the help of three random dudes to beat a guy he crushed with a fridge…it’s just bad times all around.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman: Roman is all taped up after his death by ambulance a couple of weeks ago. Other than the tape he seems to be going ok. at least from what my Network feed will let me see. Strowman hits the chokeslam on the announce table. Roman gets sent into the ring steps, which is always fun. Say what you will about Reigns, he does have good tattoo game. Especially compared to Strowman and whatever the heck he’s got going on there. Reigns Cactus clotheslines Braun over the top rope. Drive-By! Strowman runs into the ringposts a couple of times, those things have taken an absolute beating tonight. I think Strowman broke the lighting on one of them. SPEAR gets a two count! The small girl in the crowd is not pleased. SUPERMAN PUNCH SUPERMAN PUNCH…well, no spear. Braun locks in the arm triangle choke, then lifts him up…running powerslam gets two! Another one gets the three count! LOL BRAUN WINS? Not like he’s done or anything, as he tosses the ring steps into the ring. The referees tell him to stop but that doesn’t really help matters for Reigns. THANK YOU STROWMAN says the crowd, as Reigns gets dropped ribs & shoulder first on the steps. Then Reigns gets the steps driven into his ribs, and he’s coughing up all sorts of blood. The fans are pleased.

Hey, they did the right thing! Strowman has been on a roll and should be winning matches like this against guys that are less than 100%, even if its Roman Reigns. The only real downside here is that we’re still swimming upstream and trying to get Roman Reigns over as a never-say-die babyface when people want him to…well…you know. At least the Era of BRAUN continues.

Grades
Reigns: B+
Strowman: A-

Well hold on. I thought we were done, but Braun wasn’t finished with Roman and ran himself through an ambulance door. I gotta say that wasn’t the best look for ol’ Braun and maybe they shouldn’t have done that one.

Final Thoughts

You know, if it wasn’t for that big pile of crap with Orton & Wyatt I wouldn’t have had a problem with anything on this show. Everybody pulled their weight and performed up to standard. The booking, with that one huge exception, was pretty darn solid. I think I gotta go B+ for my overall grade…there weren’t any Match of the Year contenders, but everything (with one exception!) delivered.

For more of Steve Cook’s thoughts on pro wrestling, along with his thoughts on the Cincinnati Bengals, Cincinnati Reds, Nashville Predators, Tottenham Hotspur & University of Louisville sports teams, follow him on Twitter!