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Csonka’s TNA Impact Review 5.03.16
Image Credit: Impact Wrestling
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TNA Impact Review 5.03.16
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Jeff Hardy defeated Mike Bennett @ 1:50 via DQ [NR]
– Abyss defeated James Storm @ 5:18 via pin [**¾]
– KOTM Title Match Champion Bram retained @ 7:25 [**]
– #1 Contenders’ Match: Lashley defeated Jeff Hardy and Mike Bennett @ 13:55 via pin [**¾]
– Earlier today, we see Lashley stalking Champion Drew Galloway; he found him at a local gym and attacked him. Lashley tossed him into an MMA cage, and they fought in there for a bit. A bunch of TNA guys arrived and separated them
The Mike & Maria Power Hour: Mike Bennett said that he did what Angle, Sting, Bully Ray, and others couldn’t do, he pinned EC3. He doesn’t have a God complex, because he is the Miracle, he is God and did what he said he would do. He feels that this qualifies him to be world champion. Jeff Hardy disagreed, and made his way to the ring. Mike and Maria talked down to Jeff and told him that Mike was God. Jeff again disagreed with this. Mike praised him for what he did to Matt, but said what he did to EC3 was great and the creatures have someone new to believe in. Jeff claimed that Mike had to beat him, and Mike came back and claimed that Jeff wanted to use him to get back to the top. This led to Jeff attacking when Mike said he’d talk to Dixie about the possible match, Jeff cleared the ring. This was a good start to the show, and Bennett came off better on the mic than he had previously.
Jeff Hardy vs. Mike Bennett: JIP with Bennett in control of the match. Bennett slowed the pacing, but Jeff started to make his comeback. As Jeff had control, Lashley appeared and speared Jeff out of his boots. That’s a DQ. Lashley then speared Bennett, because Lashley gives no fucks. Lashley plans to make an example out of the whole roster to prove that he’s the baddest man on the roster. He demands that Dixie come out and award him a title match. Dixie was not impressed and not happy that Lashley demanded a title shot. She won’t hand him out a title shot, because he needs to earn one. So she made Lashley vs. Jeff vs. Bennett. The winner will get a title shot. She then announces that Galloway will be the special guest referee. That works to set up the main event, and to not burn through the Hardy vs. Bennett singles match.
– We get a promo from Decay, discussing destroying Beer money and winning the tag titles. Rosemary spit mist down Steve’s throat for his “transformation.” She then told Abyss to take off his mask, and he did. She then misted him. This is like some sick baptism.
Decay Promo Time: Steve and Abyss came out wearing towels over their heads as Rosemary led them to the ring with the tag titles. Rosemary cut a promo, declaring that they are the death dealers. Her men are now changed, they have evolved. Steve now has a voice, and actually spoke for the first time. Everyone’s pain and suffering is their pleasure. Rosemary then discussed the history of men trying to control Abyss, but they want him to be free, and she revealed Abyss’ new face paint. Abyss said he previous hid, but now is free from his pain and he is beautiful. Rosemary said they banished Roode, and anyone that gets in their way will suffer. The act is way over the top in a good way; all three are playing their roles well. Storm then came to the ring, and said that he is still standing. Storm cut a fired up promo, and then claimed that he’d kick their asses. He attacked and ran wild, clearing the ring. He then challenged Abyss to a match.
James Storm vs. Abyss w/Rosemary and Steve: JIP with Storm and Abyss brawling on the floor. Steve and Rosemary got involved, distracting Storm, and allowing Abyss to post him. Steve again got involved, and Abyss maintained control. Storm started to make a comeback after Abyss beat on him some more, good and energetic comeback from Storm here. Abyss then cut him off with a chokeslam for a near fall. Storm then used his speed to avoid Abyss and hit a slingblade, headed p top and hit the elbow drop and that got a near fall. Storm avoided another chokeslam, avoided the mist by Steve but then Abyss misted him and hit the black hole slam and that was that. That was a nice TV match, especially for the time given. I wish they could have cut the shenanigans early to make the ending stuff mean more (less can be more) but Abyss looked more motivated here, and Storm also worked hard. Abyss winning is the right call, Decay just won the titles and did their transformation; they need to maintain momentum.
– Maria yells at a stagehand and demands to speak to Dixie Carter. Maria promised to make Jade pay for not going with her.
– We get a backstage promo from Jeff Hardy. He’s busted up, and has to go through Lashley and Bennett to get a title shot. He is asked about Matt, and says he broke Matt and their relationship, and also hears that Matt has changed and not for the better.
Maria Talks: Maria says she plans to make the Knockouts great again She calls out Knockouts Champion Jade. Jade has dropped the Dollhouse music, but she doesn’t come to the ring Maria demands she come to the ring, and here she comes. Maria points out to Jade what happened to Kim when she didn’t follow her, she sees big things for Jade, and doesn’t want her to fail. She demands Jade admit her mistake. Jade refuses, and Maria claims to have given her the title before calling her a scared little girl. Maria wants her to lay down for her and give up the title. Jade don’t have time for that shit, and won’t lay down for a man, woman or bitch. Maria then introduces Sienna (Allysin Kay) as Jade’s opponent. Sienna and Jade brawled, it was a bit rough at times, but was solid. Sienna slammed Jade to the steps a few times, and then tossed her back into the ring as Maria yelled at Jade. Sienna then laid out the champion and stood tall with Maria. I was really worried that they would do a match and have Sienna lose in her first night, so I will take this over that for sure. That was a solid segment overall, setting Sienna as the next challenger to Jade.
– Jeremy Borash says they were supposed to interview EC3, but he isn’t there. Mike Bennett arrives and says Borash should interview him. Bennett runs down EC3 and says his legend is done with. He will win tonight’s match to become the top contender for the TNA title.
KOTM Title Match: Champion Bram vs. Eli Drake vs. Jessie Godderz vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Andrew Everett: This is a King of The Mountain match. They worked a chaotic pace, nothing really settled in and in the first three minutes Bram and Drake got pins to become eligible to hang the title. Jessie looked to have hurt his leg at one point, while Everett was pinned and submitted in the first five minutes. Everett and Edwards brawled to the back, taking them put of the picture. Drake stopped Jessie and then KO’d him with his KOTM briefcase. Bram would missile dropkick Drake off the ladder, get the title and climb for the victory. Drake teased cashing in, but Bram ran him off. It was a solid enough match, but they never got into a good groove; it was chaotic in a bad way at times and just rushed. You can’t ask the guys to work a complicated gimmick like this and not give them the proper time. I didn’t like the booking of Everett either as he came off as a complete job guy here. Also, I know it seems like too much to ask, but WHY did these particular guys get a title shot? Hell, tell me Dixie drew names out of a hat, just give me a reason.
– Galloway cut a promo about being the referee for tonight’s main event.
– We get a promo from Matt Hardy, discussing the fact that Jeff tried to end him and take him from his family. Matt says he can’t wrestle again, and Jeff took that passion from him.
– EC3 arrived prior to the start of the match, and said that he had only one thing to say. “Congratulations.” He said they will never be friends and they will not shake hands, but he can appreciate that Bennett beat him. EC3 then said after he beat the legends, they would complain about their loss, but he refuses to do that. But he swears that it changed him. He hopes Bennett wins tonight and then wins the title, because he wants him to feel the pride of being a champion, because EC3 will take it away from him. They will fight again, the loss will make EC3 better, the best on the planet. Call yourself God, because I am your devil. EC3, he’s very good.
#1 Contenders’ Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Lashley vs. Mike Bennett w/Maria: Drew Galloway is our special referee. We had some all out fighting to begin, and then Lashley and Bennett worked over Jeff, but didn’t really work together. This is because Lashley gives no fucks. Jeff was able to make a comeback, send both to the floor and then hit a big moonsault onto both as we then took a commercial break. Post break, Jeff maintained control and ht a swanton on Bennett, but Lashley returned and put a stop to that, and then accidentally speared referee Drew Galloway. Jeff hit the twist of fate on Lashley, went up top and hit a swanton, but no ref. Jeff then took out Bennett on the floor, and then slammed him off of the steps several times. With Bennett on the steps, Jeff went up top for the swanton and it connected. Decay then ran out to attack Jeff Hardy. They beat him down and chokeslammed him on the steps. As Jeff got up, Lashley speared him off the steps and into the post. Lashley gives NO FUCKS. Cool spot. Back in the ring, Lashley finished off Jeff with a spear and Galloway had to count the pin. That was a pretty good main event overall, it slowed a bit in the middle, but overall it was pretty good. The Decay bit can be tied back to Maria, they have an established arrangement due to the kidnapping of Kim. It also protected Hardy and Bennett.
– Post match Lashley demanded Galloway raise his hand. He did and then they brawled to close the show.
– Be on the look out because in early June, I will have same special Slammiversary themed columns to get ready for the PPV.
* End scene.
* Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
