wrestling / TV Reports
Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 1.19.15
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As a reminder, this will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard. Remember, this is a review; and I am here to review the show. As always, I encourage discussion and even disagreement, just do so in a respectful manner. I will be doing the review for Raw and most PPVs and iPPVs going forward.
OFFICIAL RESULTS
~ Bray Wyatt defeated Daniel Bryan @ 15:50 via pin [***]
~ Non-Title Match: Dean Ambrose defeated Champion Wade Barrett @ 8:10 via pin [**½]
~ New Day defeated Cesaro and Kidd @ 3:05 via pin [**]
~ Paige and Natalya defeated Summer and Alicia Fox @ 2:55 via submission [NR]
~ Non-Title Match: Champion Rusev defeated R-Truth @ 0:45 via submission [NR]
~ Jey Uso defeated The Miz @ 2:50 via pin [NR]
~ Handicap Match: John Cena defeated Rollins, Kane and Show @ 13:45 via pin [**½]
Here Comes The Pain: Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are out to open the show. Brock cut off Heyman right away and demanded that Rollins make his way to the ring and get his ass kicked. Triple H appeared and tried to smooth the waters by offering Lesnar raw meat, but that failed and Lesnar threatened to fight the Hs. Mrs. Hs, Kane and Show all came out to the ring, it smells like a set up. Rollins appeared on the big screen, Paul talked, Cena then appeared. This was every opening segment with all of the same people saying all of the same NOTHING they do every week. Stephanie and Rollins actually brought it back around towards the end, bringing up that Cena failed when Ziggler, Rowan and Ryback got fired, failed last week when he failed to win their jobs back and will fail at the Rumble. Cena tried to get the jobs of Ziggler, Rowan and Ryback back by adding their rehiring as a stipulation to his Rumble title match, but he was initially declined. They then set it up for tonight; if Cena wins his match tonight they get their jobs back. If he loses, he is out of his title match at the Rumble. That is if the WWE Universe voted on the stipulation. The destination was good, but it took over 20-minutes to get there, way too long. It’s 2015 and we’re 3 for 3 on the show opening promo segments.
Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt: This is of course a rematch from the 2014 Royal Rumble. They had a really good match on that show, but never got to revisit the feud because of Bryan’s injury. Also, Kane was used to ruin everything fun in wrestling and had to feud with Bryan. Kane screwed over Bryan, leading to Wyatt scoring the win. On one hand, having Bryan lose is not the best idea considering that he has given new energy to these crowds and they have needed it. It was also his first Raw match back and he lost, not the smartest idea as you build tone of the biggest shows of the year. But having Kane screw over Bryan days before the Smackdown rematch with Bryan’s Rumble spot on the line makes sense in the context of the story that they are trying to tell. Although the problem there is that commentary once again failed to do anything to sell the match or the impact of Bryan’s loss. It was just “darn that meddling Kane”. The work was fun as Bryan knows how to work to Wyatt’s strengths unlike a lot of the roster.
* Triple H met with Hall, Nash, HBK and Waltman backstage. Sandow impersonated Waltman, hilarity ensued, and we’re moving on.
Legends Panel of More Talking: Flair, HBK and Hogan came out to hype the Rumble with their legend’s panel of talking. This was another long talking segment, which only led to Big Show coming to the ring to talk. He ran down the legends, KO’d Flair and then had words with Roman Reigns. Reigns then appeared and tossed Show out of the ring and stood tall. It was fine, but it was long and as we hit the 90-minute mark on the show, we had one match take place.
Dear Wade Barrett, you’re a bitch good sir…: You know what? Fuck it. Why should I explain for the 1,000th time why the IC Champion constantly losing hurts any credibility the title or champion supposedly had. Wade Barrett is a bitch, he has no credibility and every time they book a champion like this Vince may as well whip his dick out and piss on the title. Good on Ambrose for continuing to see his knee like a champ, but none of this matters. But he’s been getting beat like a drum and theoretically shouldn’t even get non-title matches with the champions these days. Also, bad Dean, bad boy for getting over so well on your own with a unique character when Roman was out due to an injury. We have to put you back in your place. Please explain to me why I should care? WHY?
* And there you go.
* YAY Rumble by the Numbers!
Kofi and Big E vs. Kidd and Cesaro: New Day came out to just about no reaction. Kidd and Cesaro could be a really good team, but they are stuck in this seemingly never ending feud with the New Day and hanging out with Adam Rose. It was fun while it lasted as far as the work goes, but they need to do something with the tag team division. They seem to have a ton of good parts laying around, but no one has the instructions on how to put them all together. Also, Xavier Woods is a dick as a face. First he steals Clay’s music and dancers, and now he has apparently tried to steal the Rosebuds. Keep an eye on that dude.
* Daniel Bryan’s match with Kane on Smackdown this week is now a no DQ match. If Bryan loses he’s out of the Rumble.
The nWo is out for more talking!: Hall did his survey, Nash pimped the network, Waltman started to say something and then the Ascension came to the ring. The Ascension were allowed to talk, which was a mistake; the crowd shit on them because they were standing in the ring with the nWo. JBL then got involved, and had an APA shirt on. He ran the Ascension down and Simmons came out. And then, the New Age Outlaws appeared. The Outlaws beat down the Ascension, JBL hit his clothesline, end segment. WWE, putting over the older acts for a cheap pop at the expense of the act they were supposedly building. And no, I don’t want to hear about the great Ascension vs. Outlaws feud we’re going to get. I get that the Ascension are supposed to be pretenders to the tag team throne so to speak, but this does nothing to help them.
* The Authority announces that Cena will face Rollins, Big Show and Kane. The Authority will be ringside to watch Cena’s destruction.
* Paige and Natalya will face the Bellas at the Rumble.
Paige and Natalya vs. Summer and Alicia Fox: The Bellas were on commentary. Why is Fox involved and Naomi is nowhere to be found, I though that they were feuding? Paige and Natalya won in a quick match, they stared down with the Bellas. This was the usual short Divas match because with three hours, we have no real time to give them for a match.
* The Rumble pre-show match is New Day vs. Kidd, Cesaro and Rose.
Non-Title Match: Champion Rusev vs. R-Truth: Rusev killed him very quickly, as it should be. Moving on.
* Rollins walks and talks, and runs into Lesnar. Lesnar says he is a prizefighter, he won’t hurt Rollins tonight. But then vows to take him out on Sunday.
Jey Uso vs. Miz: Another form on a match in the never-ending series between these teams. Jey won quickly with the top rope splash, Sandow did his wacky faux selling. They have traded so many wins recently that these matches simply exist and have made me no longer care about their match. I have seen it too many times now.
* The Ascension vs. The Outlaws set for the Rumble. Happy, happy, joy, joy; glad to see the heels getting booked to get their revenge…
Handicap Match: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins, Big Show and Kane: If Cena wins, Ryback, Ziggler and Rowan get their jobs back. If he loses, he’s out of the Rumble title match. They worked through a commercial, Cena constantly did his best to fight back but it appeared that he was about to be finished off due to the Authority’s shenanigans. Sting appeared and froze everyone in place with his special eyeball powers, allowing Cena to roll up Rollins for the win. Cena gets to stay in the title match and gets his friends back. Triple H threw a fit over Sting appearing, and then Lesnar appeared. He attacked Rollins, Kane and Show tried to help and ate F5s. There was some great stuff there in the way that Lesnar can make things feel so special. I really enjoyed the closing segment overall, Lesnar is money and the Sting appearance pleased the crowd. It actually all felt important and had a great buzz. But you shouldn’t have to suffer through 2-hours and 57-minutes to get to the shit you really enjoy.
* End scene.
* Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
