Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 5.30.16

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 5.30.16

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Non-Title Match: Champions New Day defeated The Vaudevillains @ 8:58 via DQ [**]
– The Usos defeated FaBreeze @ 1:47 via pin [NR]
– Non-Title Match: US Champion Rusev defeated Zack Ryder @ 2:35 via submission [NR]
– Enzo and Cass defeated The Dudleyz @ 9:16 via pin [**]
– Dana Brooke defeated Natalya @ 1:26 via pin [NR]
– Baron Corbin defeated Dolph Ziggler @ 0:35 via pin [NR]
– Cesaro, Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose defeated Alberto Del Rio, Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho @ 17:57 via pin [***½]

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– They have the roster on the stage, as we get a moment of silence for Memorial Day. As usual, WWE puts together a hell of a video package, no matter the subject.

Shane and Stephanie Talk: They bantered a bit, Stephanie didn’t want to be out done, which is why she interrupted Shane. They mentioned the news that Smackdown will go live, and advertised that Cena was also returning tonight. New Day then came out to join the party. They spoke about the Smackdown news, and we saw clippings of he news stories and Cole specifically mentioned the Brand Extension. Kofi appreciated Shane admitting it was true, and praised Shane’s shoe game. They then wanted to know where they would end up, and mocked Stephanie for dodging their questions. New Day said they couldn’t be broken up, while Shane said anything was on the table. They also wanted to know who would run Smackdown, and Stephanie said that it hadn’t been decided. Shane claimed everything would be well thought out. New Day then wanted Shane and Stephanie to do a dance challenge. I can tell you one thing that was not well thought out, and that is this segment. Shane danced and looked like an idiot. Stephanie teased dancing, and The Vaudevillains. We’re getting a match. What I took away from this segment was that the Smackdown move and brand extension are happening because Variety said so and that the WWE’s higher ups have not thought this out one bit. And they took 15-minutes to do it. They did nothing to get you excited for the big news.

Non-Title Match: Champions New Day (Kofi and Big E) w/Woods vs. The Vaudevillains: JIP with New Day in control, and hitting the unicorn stampede. The Vaudevillains cut off Kofi and took the heat, which was ok, but rather bland. We then worked through a commercial. Post break, the Vaudevillains were still working the heat to a disinterested crowd until Wood splayed the trombone and Big E finally got the tag. Big E tossed guys around, danced and hit the big splash. Anderson and Gallows attacked Woods, Kofi tried and failed to make the save and we got a DQ. The Vaudevillains beat down Big E as Anderson and Gallows watched on. They then got in the ring, the Vaudevillains bailed and Big E ate the magic killer. The match was just ok, nothing special at all and once the run in it, felt like complete filler to get there. This should officially get Anderson and Gallows into the tag title mix, and overall this was fine

– Renee Young interviews Anderson and Gallows, who say that they proved that they could do damage without AJ Styles at their side. They just put the tag division and entire roster on notice; they have arrived and aren’t going anywhere.

– We get footage of last week’s angle between Sheamus and Apollo Crews.

– We see Crews doing pushups and Big Show arrives. Show doesn’t give a fuck about eras, and said he didn’t have an issue with Crews. Crews isn’t sure why Sheamus picked on him, but does know Sheamus will get an ass beating. Show likes Crews, but warns him that Sheamus is in panic mode and is dangerous. MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH GIVING BIG SHOW IS HERE.

– Goldust and Truth are out for commentary.

The Usos vs. FaBreeze: The Usos ran wild early as commentary focused on the failure of a team that was Golden Truth. Fabreeze got some run, and then the Usos scored the win with a crucifix, which may be the first time that worked in WWE since 1978. FaBreeze was pissed off about their loss, and attacked Golden Truth, who worked together and stood tall. It was a segment.

Roman Reigns Talks: Reigns spoke about Rollins breaking up the Shield and calling himself the man, but how can you do that when you’re running from the guy. He then did his good/bad/just the guy line and called out Rollins. Rollins’ music hit and he made his way to the ramp. He took his time, teasing going to the ring, but opted to get a mic. He then teased talking, and dropped the mic and again headed to the ring. But this was again a tease because they are trying so hard to get people to hate Rollins. Unfortunately the people were not booing Rollins or begging for them to fight, they were chanting boring and “Justin Bieber” at Rollins. Booking a painfully boring segment that ended up being bland and tedious doesn’t get real heat on anyone. Also, please tell me, what stopped Reigns from charging to the floor and getting Rollins? He did call him out. This did absolutely nothing to make me want to see the match, and was an overall poorly conceived segment. Not a good start to hour 2, and it feels as if they are throwing shit out there because they know that can’t compete with the NHL and NBA games tonight.

– Those mystery images on Twitter were for WWE 2k whatever with Goldberg as a pre-order exclusive.

– Lana is out to do the ring announcing for Rusev, and isn’t even trying anymore with the accent as in a short period it went in and out.

Non-Title Match: US Champion Rusev vs. Zack Ryder: Ryder tried to attack at the bell, but basically failed because Rusev just beat that ass. After almost two-minutes, Ryder made a comeback and hit two Broski boots. Rusev countered the rough Ryder, and broke Ryder’s back and made him humble with the accolade. The match was exactly what it needed to be, Rusev running through someone with ease and using the new dominating version of the accolade. Post match, Rusev claimed to be a great US Champion and a great American because he was better than us. Titus O’Neil then came out and defended America. He claimed that great Americans fight, and attacked Rusev. Rusev bailed and this is our new US Title program, which they set up on Smackdown last week when O’Neil stopped Rusev from attacking Kalisto after their match. The bad part is that they have done nothing to set O’Neil as a challenger prior to that, and he feels like a place keeper as a challenger.

– We get a video for the Shining Stars, who have had one match are then went right back to promos.

– We get a video package on the Ric and Charlotte split from last week, as well as WWE superstars commenting on the angle. And then COMMENTARY READ TWEETS.

– Earlier today, Stephanie met with Charlotte. Stephanie was embarrassed to have Charlotte as their champions. She called her a spoiled, selfish and self-important… BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA fucking amazing. Didn’t think you could cut a woman’s balls off with such irony, but there you go. I mean, I et what they wanted to do, but I guess having a babyface WRESTLER that could challenge Charlotte would have bee too much to ask, Stephanie has a book coming out kids.

– Enzo and Cass made their entrance, did their shtick and named off 46 different cheese types. They got the crowd awake, not sure how much longer that will last.

Enzo and Cass vs. The Dudleyz: The Dudleyz tried to isolate Cass, which failed as he ran wild on them and tagged in Enzo and they worked some double teams. That led to a commercial break. Post break, The Dudleyz had the heat on Enzo, slams, clubbing shots, talking; meh. God stop by Devon, stopping Enzo from the hot tag. Bubba mocked Enzo a bit as he worked him over, but Enzo scored with a dropkick and got the tag. Cass ran wild until he got cut off with the double team neck breaker. Bubba went up top, Enzo distracted him and Cass slammed him to the mat. Big boot to Devon, rocket launcher, finish. The right team won, but this was perfectly acceptable but very forgettable.

– Cesaro, Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose met backstage, and Sami tried to fire up the troops. Ambrose said that they had to watch out for Owens and Jericho, because they were Canadian. Sami was not pleased with this.

AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA: Never give up kids, unless Pabst Blue Ribbon sends you cease and desist letter, they you give and get the fuck out. Cena gave a Memorial Day speech, which received USA chants. This then transitioned into the freedom speech, and the usual “you can say or cheer anything you want” deal he loves to deliver. He spoke about the new era arriving, and that they all think that his best days are behind him. He won’t roll over and go away, and said if the future was here, and the future had to go through him. This brought out AJ Styles, and this is another for the “shit I thought I’d never see prior to January” folder. They milked the split reaction, which I had no issue with, let the fans get into this, because the reaction was real. Styles said he had been waiting for this, and Cena said everyone was. Styles put over Cena for all he’s done in and out of the ring, and they had been in two different worlds, but now they are here. Styles respects him, and then welcomed him back. They shook hands, and then Gallows and Anderson arrived. Gallows mocked him for sucking up to Cena, and they are here to kick ass. AJ then attacked Cena and Gallows and Anderson joined in! They laid out Cena, and then posed together as the band is back together and in full force. They looked to leave and Styles charged back in and laid into Cena more as Anderson said that this is the AJ they love. After last week’s split fell flat, I think the change in direction was a good move. This was great, and the first thing on the show that felt important. They set it with the Cena promo and tease that AJ and Cena would work together, and then did the great beat down.

Natalya vs. Dana Brooke w/Charlotte: This was set up on Smackdown, as Charlotte ran in on that match for the DQ as Natalya looked to have the match won. They brawled right away, Brooke cut her off and tried to take control, Natalya was distracted by Charlotte, allowing Brooke to hit the Michinoku driver for the win. Post match, Charlotte and Brooke beat down Natalya, but Becky Lynch made the save, leading to Charlotte and Brooke bailing. The match wasn’t good, even though it was short. Lynch made sense to help Natalya, considering her issues with both Charlotte and Dana.

– JoJo interviewed Dolph Ziggler about his feud with Baron Corbin and tonight’s match. Ziggler challenged Corbin to a “technical wrestling match” for tonight. Tonight, Ziggler will show off all of his skills, and claimed he had 1005 holds. He then did a poor impression of Jericho’s 1004 holds promo.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin: Ziggler is busting out the amateur wrestling headgear. Ziggler kicked Corbin in the balls for the DQ almost right away. He said that he may have bee DQ’d, but Corbin is the loser her. This feud must continue. It was amusing, but I have no desire to see these two have any more matches.

– Maryse appeared via video and introduced The Miz. Miz appeared via Facebook video and hyped The Marine 5: Yes It’s The Fifth One. he has the IC Title with him, which means it will lead to a longer title run. He needs to rest, because they start shooting tomorrow. He also promised weekly updates from the set.

– Owens, Jericho and Del Rio argued backstage about their tag match. Del Rio told them to follow his lead, Jericho reminded them all that he invested MITB, and said that while there is tension, they need to focus on their opponents not making MITB. We got some fun banter there to set up the tag match.

– Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte is set for Smackdown. Styles, Gallows and Anderson will also be on the show.

Cesaro, Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio, Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho: Del Rio and Cesaro kicked things off, after some back and forth Cesaro lit into Del Rio with uppercuts. He took out Owens and Jericho, and then hit a cannonball to Owens on the floor as well as the running uppercut to Jericho. Del Rio then escaped the swing and tossed Cesaro to the floor, where Owens and Jericho attacked. Del Rio then took control, grounding Cesaro with a side headlock. Cesaro escaped and then ran into a tilt a whirl back breaker. Jericho tagged in, and the heels beat down Cesaro in their corner. Cesaro tried to fight back, but Jericho cut him off with the dropkick. The crowd chanted “stupid idiot” at Jericho as Owens tagged in and continued the assault on Cesaro. Quick tags by the heel team, Cesaro managed a suplex on Del Rio and got the tag to Zayn. Zayn ran wild off the hot tag, and hit a big high cross on Del Rio for a near fall. Owens then pulled Del Rio to the floor to save him from a helluva kick. Ambrose and Jericho brawled, and as the heels argued, Zayn wiped them out with a dive to take us to commercial. After the break, the heels worked the heat on Zayn. Owens was in control, and hit the running senton for a near fall. Del Rio tagged in and worked over Zayn in the corner, putting him in the tree of WHOA. Zayn tried to fight back, but Del Rio stopped that and tagged in Jericho. Jericho had control, but missed a running boot and crotched himself. He managed to cut off Zayn, laid in some chops but Zayn kept fighting. he hit the blue thunder bomb, and both men were down. Zayn got the big tag to Ambrose, who ran wild on Jericho and then even attacked Del Rio and Owens. He went for a cover and got two off of a bulldog. They went back and forth, Jericho hit an enziguri by Ambrose sent him to the floor and hit the suicide dive. Ambrose fought off Owens, sending him to the barricade and then countering Jericho’s springboard dropkick and then hitting his elbow drop for a near fall as Del Rio broke it up. Del Rio got tossed, Jericho hit a code breaker and Owens tagged himself in and tried for the pin, but got 2. He and Jericho argued, Cesaro attacked and got the swing on Jericho. Del Rio in with the back stabber to stop that, Helluva kick by Zayn to Del Rio, superkick to Zayn by Owens and then Ambrose with dirty deeds on Owens for the win. That was a fun and well-worked main event to close the show on a positive note. Good work from all involved.

– The faces stood tall to close the show.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Outside of the AJ/Cena angle and the main event, this was not a very good show. Those two segments are what you really need to see this week, as prior to the AJ/Cena angle, the show felt as if the company completely gave up on trying this week due to the holiday, NBA and NHL. If you’re a DVR viewer, catch the AJ/Cena angle and the main event, skip the rest and you’ll be better off.