Csonka’s WWE Smackdown Review 5.07.15

Introduction
As a reminder, this will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard. Remember, this is a review; and I am here to review the show. As always, I encourage discussion and even disagreement, just do so in a respectful manner. I will be doing the review for Raw and most PPVs and iPPVs going forward.

Thursday Night Smackdown 5.07.15

OFFICIAL RESULTS
~ Dolph Ziggler defeated King Barrett @ 5:15 via DQ [**]
~ Dolph Ziggler & Neville defeated King Barrett & Sheamus @ 5:42 via pin [**½]
~ Luke Harper defeated Fandango @ 1:40 via pin [NR]
~ The New Day defeated Kidd, Cesaro and Ryback @ 10:12 via pin [***]
~ Naomi defeated Emma @ 3:20 via pin [*½]
~ The Lucha Dragons defeated Los Matadors @ 6:50 via pin [**½]

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The Opening Talking Segment LED TO Dolph Ziggler vs. King Bad News Barrett AND THAT LED TO Dolph Ziggler and Neville vs. King Bad News Barrett : Jerry Lawler was in the ring to interview Barrett. Barrett didn’t appreciate Lawler pretending to be a King, and wanted Lawler to say “All Hail King Barrett”. He was completely condescending to a great way, but Lawler refused. Barrett looked to give Lawler a bull hammer, but Ziggler made the save. Ziggler called him a renaissance fair reject, and challenged him to a match. Very short in comparison to the usual opening, setting up the opening match.

So we had Ziggler vs. Barrett in singles action. Lawler was completely useless on commentary; instead of selling the opening threats from Barrett he spent the match making fun of Barrett’s nose and the fact that he likely bowls with his boogers. Big nose… big boogers… FUCK YOU ITS WWE COMEDY! Anyway, the action was fine, Sheamus ran down for the DQ and then the heels beat down Ziggler. Neville then hit the ring to make the save (without music, which I appreciated) and we all know what that meant…

The old Smackdown mid-card tag team match, at least this one wasn’t made directly by the opening promo and they tried to break up the old formula. Sheamus worked a pretty uninspired heat segment on Neville, Ziggler got the hot tag and things picked up well. Barrett is a complete ass, doing some nice little things like using the ropes and such on pins. Little touches like that are needed and mostly forgotten. Neville stopped him from doing that, Ziggler scored with the zigzag and the NEW KING OF THE RING is already losing matches. Some of you hate when I get on this kick, but this wasn’t the right time for Barrett to lose. They needed to be rebuilding him and instead they are booking him exactly the same, but hey he’s a KING! They also don’t want Sheamus losing, so either they work a DQ finish or maybe not book this match.

I will actually go with NOT BOOKING THE MATCH, because over the last two weeks the WWE has completely burned me out on the matches between these four guys. And keep this is mind, that’s happened a week before the PPV when you know we’re getting singles matches. Think I’m kidding? Lets go back to April 26th and work forward: Ziggler & Neville defeated Barrett & Sheamus (SD before Extreme Rules), Neville defeated Barrett (Extreme Rules), Ziggler defeated Sheamus (Extreme Rules), Neville defeated Sheamus (KOTR), Barrett defeated Neville (KOTR), Barrett & Sheamus defeated Ziggler & Neville (Raw), Ziggler vs. Barrett/Ziggler & Neville defeated Barrett & Sheamus (tonight). The wrestling was fine, but the whole thing came across lazy to me as we just have four guys trading wins and no one really feels special.

* Renee Young spoke with Dean Ambrose. He doesn’t give a shit about rules and authority, he is chaos and they cannot figure that out in all of their equations. Maybe the last guy you expect, or want to, will walk out of Payback with the title.

Fandango vs. Luke Harper: Harper mockingly did the little Fandango dance and then promptly kicked Fandango in the face. Fandango fought back, but Harper took him out with ease. So much for that renewed Fandango push some people actually believed in. Post match Erick Rowan hit the ring… and attacked Fandango as Harper watched on. Good, put these guys back together ASAP.

Lana and Rusev Talk: Lana was in the ring, and getting cheers. She actually thanked the fans, but then asked then not to cheer for her because it angers Rusev. Rusev yelled at her and banished her to the back. He ran down Cena, noting that he WrestleMania win was a fluke and that he is weak for showing Sami Zayn mercy. He then says he will meet Cena on Raw and explain to him why he will win at Payback. This was a talking segment. It wasn’t bad but felt like complete filler.

* Renee talked with Reigns. She asked him about the Payback main event, and says he doesn’t like Orton and Rollins. Ambrose is like a brother, but he plans on bringing the fight and taking the title.

The New Day vs. Kidd, Cesaro and Ryback: New Day challenged Kidd & Cesaro to find a tag team partner, so they picked THE BIG GUY. Cesaro, Kidd and Ryback did suplexes to clear the ring early, playing to the crowd and working well together. Kidd & Cesaro are awesome, and I have turned the corner recently on New Day with this over the top, obnoxious heel gimmick. New Day got the heat on Kidd, Ryback got a hot tag and cleaned house. Cesaro then did the new running uppercuts spot from corner to corner, which the crowd loves. Kidd & Cesaro had gotten cleared out and Ryback took control but Wyatt’s lights out gimmick hit and it was a big distraction, New Day took down Ryback, Cesaro hit something sloppy on Big E on the floor, leading to Kofi rolling up Kidd with the tights for the win. New Day keeps winning with help/shenanigans, which perfectly fits the characters right now. The feud will continue, and the lights out deal furthers the issues between Ryback and Wyatt. This was an overall fine segment.

* Renee talked with Orton, who says he will drop who ever is in his way to win the title back. He then says that after tonight, maybe one of his points won’t make it to Payback.

Naomi w/Tamina vs. Emma: Naomi worked aggressively, controlling the majority of the match. This was perfectly fine, they didn’t do anything wrong, but the crowd did not care at all and it just felt like it was there. Naomi won clean with the rear view. They then beat down Emma post match.

* Renee talked with Rollins about tonight’s contract signing. He says that the title is his; he makes the impossible the possible like at WrestleMania. She asks him about the recent comments by Kane, and Rollins calls him irrelevant and obsolete. Kane is just trying to keep his job because he is jealous of him. He always has a plan, because he is the man; the future is now.

Los Matadores vs. The Lucha Dragons: they got to go through the commercial break, and largely worked a fun and clean tag match. They kept a good pace and worked well together. Kalisto got the hot tag, ran wild and provided a great up-tempo segment of the match. The Lucha Dragons then tried to steal a Young Bucks dive spot where one dives through the legs of the other guy who is holding open the middle and top ropes…

Well, they had the wrong guy doing the dive. Cara hit the ass of Kalisto as he tried to do the dive and came up a bit short, it didn’t look good. This is really unacceptable on a taped show. The finish stretch had a good pacing to it, but it felt a bit flat overall. I think these guys showed some really good flashes, but this felt disjointed at times and I feel that they are capable of much more. Post match Los Matadores were pissed off about the loss shoved Torito down.

Main Event Contract Signing: Kane hosted the main event interview segment. Orton, Reigns and Ambrose all came out to the ring and sat in chairs politely waiting on Rollins. Rollins stood on the ramp and refused to come to the ring. Ambrose and Rollins had jokes, Reigns threaded to kick Rollins’ ass and then Orton said they all want the title. Rollins said Kane had the authority to sign the contract for him, he and Kane argued because they don’t like each other and told Rollins to sign it himself. Again, segments like this make the entire thing feel more about Kane and Rollins, and not about Rollins defending the title against three top challengers. Rollins then had more jokes about the three challengers, trying to mindfuck them into fighting each other. Kane and Rollins argued as Ambrose started to move furniture around. We got a brawl with all of the guys in the title match, J&J and Kane. Rollins ran, Reigns almost speared Ambrose which led to them arguing and an RKO on Ambrose. Reigns took out Orton with the Superman punch; Rollins hit the knee off the top to Reigns and stood tall. This was every contract signing ever.

* End scene.

* Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

This was a perfectly fine, but forgettable episode of Smackdown. They did things to set up or add to several matches for Payback (Ryback vs. Wyatt, Sheamus vs. Ziggler, Barrett vs. Neville, New Day vs. Kidd & Cesaro) but nothing really stuck out as great or something that you need to go out of your way to see. Basically it felt like most episodes of Smackdown (to me), an average show that’s mostly easy. Nothing really important happens, and if it does, they’ll repeat it on Raw.