Euro Fury: Progress Chapter 33 Malice in Wonderland

PROGRESS Chapter 33: Malice in Wonderland

 

July 31 2016

 

I was going to attend this show, after going to Chapter 32 (5000 to 1) but discovered it fell on a day I was at work and didn’t buy a ticket. Then my rota came out and I wasn’t working and the show was sold out. So I missed this show but I’m delighted to check it out on DemandProgress.pivotshare.com. If you don’t have PROGRESS’ streaming service you’re missing out on one of the most exciting promotions in the world today.

 

We’re in London at the Electric Ballroom, Camden. Host in the ring is Jim Smallman. He’s slightly worried his wife might give birth during this show. Glen Joseph is actually missing from this show and gets a standing ovation with jazz hands. There’s a chap from Chicago in the crowd who came specifically for PROGRESS. It’s a company that’s gaining global traction for the live show atmosphere. Commentary on this show comes from RJ Singh and Callum Leslie. Before we get underway Jim introduces William Regal. Holy shit! He’s here to watch some wrestling and goes into the VIP area to watch the show. Celebrity fans! Love it!

 

The Dunne Brothers vs. Moustache Mountain

The crowd remind Pete Dunne that his top knot is gone. Moustache Mountain shake hands with every single person in the front row. Not slap hands but shake hands. This is a rematch from an earlier Chapter show in Manchester (Chapter 28: Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want). Moustache Mountain were over huge in that match and the same is true here. Although the crowd have more fun abusing Peter Dunne for his lack of top knot and his “shit teeth”. Brother Damien gets called a “shit Jack Whitehall”, which makes me chuckle because the similarities are there. Moustache Mountain do great things with their strikes, escapology and passing Damien around for a suplex that never happens. Tyler does good work in taking heat and also in mounting a fiery comeback. The heat the Dunne’s get is tremendous. Damien is an ok worker but Pete’s presence and persona dominate proceedings. Bate gets the best spot in the match by doing simultaneous Airplane Spin and Giant Swing on the Dunne brothers! That’s incredible. Both teams have communication issues with Trent getting knocked off the apron and Damien accidentally superkicking Pete. The issue comes to a head when Seven gets the hot tag and turns on Tyler Bate! No! Damien looks confused until Pete kicks his brother in the nuts. “What the fuck?” chants the crowd but Seven and Pete have formed a team in the middle of a match and just leave. Why Trent why? The strike on Tyler was unbelievable. A stunning moment and a perfectly executed strike. Tyler ends up leaving to a standing ovation and I have no doubt a singles match with Trent will be fantastic but this turn was brave booking.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

Zack Gibson vs. Jack Gallagher

This is a rematch from the Super Strongstyle Sixteen quarter-final match that Gibson won. When Gallagher comes out here it’s like a fucking party. Everyone is jumping around to his music. It’s incredible. He’s caught fire recently and he’s perfectly positioned for a big run. Meanwhile Gibson’s pre-match promo is the most heated thing in all of wrestling. The heat is off the charts. Even Jim gets heat for reading out Gibson’s promo. I have never known anyone get this kind of rabid hate for just talking. Especially in the modern smart fan era of pro wrestling. Gallagher does wonderful job as the babyface, at one point timing a headlock escape in time to the crowd chanting “if you all hate Gibson clap your hands” and clapping his hands on his way out. Both men do fantastic work on the mat with Gallagher’s being sillier versions of Gibson’s serious grappling. When Jack gets forced into taking things more seriously and using defensive headbutts the match really picks up. As they lay in tough spots and stretches both men get worn down. It’s a war of attrition. The finish sees one of the best counters of the match where Gallagher side-steps the diving Codebreaker and hooks the anklelock for a submission win! They made everything seem important in this match. I appreciate that.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Wasteman Challenge

Bringing out ‘Bodyguy’ Roy Johnson makes for a nice change of pace after such a tremendous display of grappling. “Progress’ resident pervert” Jack Sexsmith answers the Wasteman Challenge. He molests Smallman on his way to doing so. Johnson destroys Sexsmith on the microphone including a “Jack’s bell-end’s on FIYUH” bit from a take on the Will Grigg song. Sexsmith almost gets a win by getting the crowd to chant “Johnny McIntrovert” at John Briley (also known as J-Breezy) but commits a faux pas by calling Johnson “chocolate bear”. “We are not on that level, fam”. Sexsmith turns his attentions to the South Pacific Power Trio with some sick burns. Of TK Cooper: “that dickhead looks like Bruno Mars but he acts like Chris Brown”. Of Dahlia Black: “Between her pussy and her arsehole there’s no longer a gap”. That brings out an enraged South Pacific Power Trio. Roy leaves Sexsmith to take a three on one beating but saves him afterwards suggesting the Shirt Lifters tag team is a go. Smallman books Shirt Lifters vs. Power Trio right now!

 

TK Cooper & Travis Banks vs. The Shirt Lifters (Jack Sexsmith & Roy Johnson)

Cooper and Banks are destined for greatness but at the moment they’re goofing around with inexperienced undercard guys. Sexsmith is all comedy and Roy is powerful but super-green. With the faces limited with what they can do the Kiwis work some simplistic heat to control while the crowd chant sexually related abuse at Dahlia. For those horrified by this, I have heard some truly vile things yelled at women in wrestling and this is at least slightly tongue in cheek. Roy makes for a passable hot tag although Banks and Cooper do all the work. Dahlia earns her money with distractions and eventually just kicking Sexsmith in the cock. Travis promptly kills Sexsmith with an airplane spin that leaves Jack looking like a car crash victim. TK punches the already loopy Sexsmith in the face for the pin.

Final Rating: **1/4

 

El Ligero vs. Mark Andrews

Ligero forces Smallman to read out his list of accomplishments including being the “most in demand masked wrestler since Kendo Nagasaki”. They do some pretty little flips to establish parity although Ligero is keen on maintaining his heel persona. He does this by pantomiming ejaculating in Andrews’ face, which is pretty disgusting but it made me laugh. They have a tidy match because they share similar abilities and have chemistry based on prior encounters. My favourite spot in the entire match is when a fan yells “Ligero, you suck” and while he’s distracted Andrews hits him with an Enzuigiri. It was probably happening anyway but the fans timing was organic and incredible. The counters are slick and it’s a good match although I’m feeling ever so slightly burned out from watching so much wrestling recently. The feeling is matched by the crowd in the venue though. Is everyone just watching too much wrestling at the moment? Surely not! The finish is a bit flat with Ligero blocking the SSP but injuring his knee in the process and Andrews wins with a roll up. This was fine and the smooth work was a highlight. I just wasn’t feeling it like I have been with Origin and FSU tags in the recent past.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

#1 Contenders Match

Mark Haskins vs. Will Ospreay

Ospreay is not 100% having worked hurt for a while and getting injured again the week before this. The reaction he gets for just walking through the curtain is pretty special though. He’s not been in PROGRESS since losing in the Thunderbastard match back in March. It’s like a competition to see who can give the Best of the Super Juniors the best UK homecoming. This comes close to the massive reaction at Rev Pro and is aided by a load of streamers raining down on Willy as he enters the ring. Will tries for a streamer angel but PROGRESS fans should remember the streamers are supposed to come when the wrestler is introduced. Nice try though. This is a rematch I’ve been wanting since Ospreay vs. Haskins in 2015 (Chapter 23: What A Time To Be Alive!) when Will was the champion. Ospreay has a shit load of tape on his injured shoulder. While Andrews-Ligero had chemistry these two have chemistry and a tonne of intensity. Ospreay plays the heel, by being a cocky shit, and Haskins takes him to school for it. Will loses his shoulder tape and his horrible looking shoulder injury is exposed. That looks nasty. Like a circular bruise just above the shoulder blade. Haskins uses his technical skill to dismantle Ospreay. Will has become very giving in his match structure recently, perhaps knowing full well he’ll be spending the majority of his time in Japan and he doesn’t need to look good anymore. They do have some innovative counters based on their familiarity. Like Ospreay avoiding Haskins rope fake and slipping back inside to dropkick him. Or Haskins turning the Cheeky Nandos set up into an armbar over the ropes. The match turns into an absolute belter. Incredible striking, amazing high flying and wonderful recognition spots. I love that Haskins plays Ishii to Ospreay’s Okada. Firing up despite being outclassed and showing more heart. Only Haskins is technically better than Ishii, operating more on KUSHIDA’s level, and has the skill to pick off Ospreay’s hurt arm. Ospreay’s Fade Cutter is countered right into the Star Armbar and Will has to tap because he’s got an injured arm. Holy shit, this match was awesome. Clinical win for Haskins, working the body part and scouting everything about Ospreay. Occasionally Will found something else to counter that but ultimately Haskins was better prepared and healthier. Wonderful match. Even better than their 2015 classic in the same ring.

Final Rating: ****1/2

 

Post Match: Ospreay deliberately deflects attention onto Haskins by physically pointing the camera at him and leaving almost immediately. It’s a classy move from Ospreay. Haskins calls his spot for the title; he wants the shot at Brixton! Which is exactly how I called it back at Strongstyle Sixteen where I figured Haskins would win and challenge at Brixton. I feel strongly that the original booking was that and it all altered when Haskins got injured on night one. Anyway, Brixton’s main event will be Haskins challenging for the PROGRESS title.

 

PROGRESS Tag Team Championship

The London Riots (c) vs. War Machine

When the Riots won the belts they issued an open challenge to any team in the world. Here’s a global team; ROH’s War Machine. A chant of “Big Lads Wrestling” greets these four burly gents. There is extensive clubbering. It’s home advantage for the Riots but both teams get a decent response. The match doesn’t have the fire that you normally associate with the Riots due to them sticking to the rules and War Machine working heel as the visitors. When the match breaks down it plays into both teams strengths. The increased carnage benefits them all and they get to start popping off crazy spots without needing to sell afterwards and a jolly good time is had by all. There are no tags so if the actual tagging aspect of tags is something you think should be enforced this is not the match for you. The finish is out of nowhere with Davis getting a roll up for the win. The stuff where the match broke down was fun but I wasn’t overly keen on the start of the match and the finish was as tad flat.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

PROGRESS World Championship

Pastor William Eaver (c) vs. Marty Scurll

This is Eaver’s second defence after ‘cashing in’ his Natural Progression win against Scurll on the last Chapter show (32: 5000 to 1). He defended the belt in Ireland against Paul Robinson in a solid match up. They tease Scurll quickly recapturing the title but the chants of “we believe” suggest the fans are into Eaver’s title run. Eaver’s presence here is even greater than usual. His fake dive following by pescado sequence shows incredible charisma. There are certain things that are above your average grappler and Eaver looks like a fucking star here. Scurll does too but Marty has looked like a star ever since he switched his gimmick to the fur coat/umbrella/’Villain’ persona. Scurll finds it easy to dodge the Pastor, knowing Eaver lacks experience but Bill is here to prove himself and has the crowd support. It makes the match more even than anticipated. Eaver does great work in feeding off the crowd’s emotion and when his timing is better he will be a legitimate main eventer. He’s already very good, especially considering his inexperience, but there is a quality gap between himself and Scurll. Right near the end there’s a fine spot where Eaver breaks out a ‘lariat, just kidding’ moment. The resultant lariat sends Scurll out of the ring and suddenly there’s a voice over the PA. “No, it’s not God…but it’s pretty fucking close”. It’s Sebastian. He’s been missing since being kicked out of the Natural Progression Series that Eaver won. Seb apparently knows a secret about the Pastor, which is enough distraction for Scurll to grab the Chickenwing and reclaim the PROGRESS title.

Final Rating: ***1/2

7.5

The final score: review Good

The 411

A solid show but the number one contender’s match was a blow-away contest. Haskins and Ospreay tore the house down. As I’ve been saying for a while the end game here is Haskins with the belt and his main rivalry is with Scurll. So this all makes sense. It’s a little sad that Eaver has gone from champion to feud with Seb, who’s not been in PROGRESS for nine months. But during his brief championship run he has garnered a lot of crowd support and love. Brixton is going to be a big room so it’ll need a big main event with lots of build and that’s Haskins vs. (probably) Scurll.