Euro Fury: Progress Chapter 38 When Men Throw Men At Men

Progress Chapter 38: When Men Throw Men At Men

 

October 30 2016

 

We’re in Camden, London at the Electric Ballroom for the first London show after Brixton. Jim Smallman takes the piss out of everyone who turned up in fancy dress and one bloke has cosplayed Zack Gibson and is very into it. Commentary comes from Glen Joseph and Callum Leslie. The crowd sing “Buddy Holly” by Weezer at the former. I hope this happens every time he’s introduced.

 

New Nation vs. The Hunter Brothers

New Nation is the Primate (or Jason Prime as he’s also known) and Alexander Henry. They’re making their Progress debuts. Primate has been getting some exposure in WCPW recently. Henry looks like a jacked up Kevin De Bruyne. This is the Hunters first appearance since losing to SDS in a title match over a year ago. If you’ve not seen them, they’re identical twins and I have no idea which one is which. The New Nation are all about the power spots. Primate in particular freaks the crowd out and hits the kind of spots that impress. The Hunter’s respond with old school flying and babyface fire. The Hunter’s are the veterans as the New Nation lads have only been around for a few years but it’s the Nation who show off. Henry hits a fucking moonsault to the floor. Prime misses into the corner and the Hunter’s win with a roll up. Good showing from the Nation boys on their debut though.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Natural Progression Series IV

Pollyanna vs. Jinny

It’s a bit strange to kick the tournament off with two of Progress’ most recognisable women’s wrestlers. Pollyanna was the main star for the division when it started while Jinny was a heat machine. Jinny has improved dramatically in the ring since the first women’s matches in Progress. They try very hard here, taking risky bumps and attempting big spots. The real work is in the characters though. Like Jinny’s general bitchiness and Polly spitting right in her face in response. That is until they step it up and Jinny takes a vicious DDT on the apron. The match is a little rough around the edges but it shows the progress being made by women’s wrestling that it feels genuinely epic. Like Jinny flipping Polly off when she refuses to pin after the Pollynator to inflict more abuse. Pollyanna somehow kicks out of a head-spike from the top off the super X-Factor. I’m of the opinion that if your finisher doesn’t get it done off the top then your finisher is dead. Polly again tries to kill Jinny with repeated head drops but Jinny counters and gets a cradle for the pin. The selling was a bit wonky but the storytelling was great. Polly has been so pissed off with Jinny’s behaviour that she wanted to destroy the fashionista rather than simply defeat her. That backfired and now she’s out of the running for the title.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

William Eaver vs. Paul Robinson

There’s nothing like a chant of “fuck him up, Jesus, fuck him up”. It’s a Bible belt chant and no mistake. This is an interesting challenge for the Pastor as Robinson is super aggressive and he has to stand up to that or get taken apart as the inexperienced man in the match. Eaver does have a big size advantage though and if we’re using logic he should win but Robinson is such a devious little bastard that he’s able to control the match. When Eaver mounts his comebacks he looks smooth. He’s improved so much since breaking onto the Progress main shows. There are a few minor timing issues from Eaver that prevent the match from flowing as well as it could. It’s all part of the learning curve. Robinson pins Eaver out of nowhere with the Curb Stomp for the win.

Final Rating: **3/4

 

Post Match: Sebastian, complete with neck brace, turns up to confront Eaver after he knocked him out in Brixton. Seb seems angry that Eaver is being booked after assaulting him before the bell in Brixton. Seb says he could have pressed charges for assault but instead Bill has to answer to Sebastian. The biggest problem with this angle is that Seb isn’t very good, which he rather proves by relying on profanity and comedy during his dead serious promo. Then he tries to throw the neck brace at Eaver and misses. Not keen on this angle. Maybe it’ll pay off but I can’t see it.

 

Tables Match

South Pacific Power Trip vs. The Shirt Lifters

Jack Sexsmith has been mostly used as comic relief to this point but his pre-match promo about getting beaten up his whole life just for being him is incredible. I already love the man for DJing the Quantum Leap theme into his set at the Dog Star but this is his coming out party as a proper superstar in Progress. The company had people vote on the match type and Sexsmith tweeted “give me wood”. This was the popular choice. TK Cooper is wearing dungarees. They’re shit. Sexsmith’s presence in this match is unreal, although the best work comes from Travis Banks, to no one’s surprise. “We’ve changed our table supplier” quips Glen Joseph, referencing the shit-show that was SDS vs. London Riots where the furniture betrayed the wrestlers. Dahlia Black interjects herself so Sexsmith snogs her and TK takes revenge by throwing Sexsmith off the stage into a section of chairs. A horrible bump to take and one that freaks out fans by the entrance way (including @specificluchador). Dahlia comes in handy because she can arrange tables allowing the lads to fight each other, thus removing a massive flaw in multiple tables matches. TK accidentally punches his girlfriend and she falls through a table in a sensational spot. This is already a brutal match and we’re only two spots in! Roy gets tabled and Sexsmith comes back on wobbly legs, screaming and getting fired up. Roy gets up to hit a 3D on Travis through a table. Sexsmith beating TK in a fist fight in one of the best moments in the match. Followed swiftly by TK tapping out to Mr Cocko. Unfortunately that doesn’t count as a finish. Travis powerbombs Sexsmith through a table to win it for the SPPT. They are number one contenders so they kinda had to win. It was a great match for Sexsmith though, bringing super intensity. Plus he earned the respect of Roy Johnson with his efforts, which is perfect storytelling.

Final Rating: ***3/4

 

Atlas Championship

Rampage Brown (c) vs. Bad Bones

This is Rampage’s second defence and both have been ‘open challenges’. It’ll be nice to see how this open challenge gimmick escalates. It started with Mikey Whiplash but this is a definite step up. This is Klinger’s first match in Progress. He’s certainly good enough for the spot. Rampage has top spot in the Atlas division locked down though and he lays in the biggest of chops and a brutal lariat in this match. If you like to see big men pummel each other the Atlas title matches are your jam (in both musical and preservative spread sense of the word). They batter each other for a while until Rampage wins with the piledriver.

Final Rating: ***

 

Matt Cross vs. Mark Andrews

These guys have the kind of style that suits a glorious flippity collision. Everyone loves flippy shit. These two do a lot of it, although specifically stop off to pay tribute to the technical bits and bobs. It’s not full on, balls to the wall divez. But then Cross does the Sasuke Special! It’s pretty clear what the majority of the match is going to be but they don’t stop with divez. Andrews, for example, catches a flying Cross with a sit out powerbomb in mid flip. Cross isn’t just flying either, showing impressive power in jacking Andrews up for a DVD off the top. We’re not done there as Andrews tries for a super rana and Cross cartwheels out of it on the impact. The difficulty of what they’re doing is astonishing, although perhaps not on the level of the crazy Ospreay stuff that’s been blowing everyone’s minds this year. Cross ends up catching Andrews with a handspring Cutter for the win. It earns him a title shot at the Smash belt. This was an impressive match due to the sheer complexity of what they were doing.

Final Rating: ****

 

Progress World Championship

Mark Haskins (c) vs. Marty Scurll vs. Jimmy Havoc

This is Havoc’s first match in Progress since losing to Paul Robinson in September last year. It’s been thirteen months. He’s only wrestled one match since injuring his knee in February though so it’s been a largely forced absence. He and Scurll get into it but Haskins turns up and wipes them both out with a tope because he’s the fucking champion. Triple threat matches are not easy to do because one guy usually has to spend some time lying around on the floor. That’s added to by Scurll holding a chair over his face so Havoc can dropkick it. Suspension of disbelief lads. Haskins tends to hold the match together with his superior wrestling. It doesn’t compensate for the weirdness of the selling where Havoc lies around on the floor for quite some time. When Havoc is actually involved in the work he doesn’t show any signs of ring rust, which is good news for his bookings towards the end of the year. Haskins and Scurll both do fine work in making sure Havoc looks like he belongs. When they get into the three-way spots the match gets really good. The timing on everything is exquisite. Especially the Acid Rainmaker before Scurll hurls Havoc off the pin into a Chickenwing. Haskins hooks Scurll in the Sharpshooter though and gets the tap out to retain. It’s a wonderful moment as Haskins got to overcome the two greatest Progress’ champions of all time and solidify his legacy. The awesome triple threat stuff really compensated for the weird overselling in the early going.

Final Rating: ****

 

Post Match: This is where it gets weird as Haskins walks back out here and leaves the title belt in the ring. It was later revealed that Haskins has a major neck injury and it’s so serious he’s given up the title. He could be out for a year. He may even have to retire. It’s that serious. I’m devastated. Honestly, seeing Haskins win the Progress title and defend it with some panache was beautiful and I’m glad he had those moments.

 

 

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

Solid show. Last two matches were really good. The main event could have been significantly better, like ****1/2-****3/4 range, had it consistently been as good as it was at the peaks of the match. The wonky triple threat selling rather hurt matters. Quite often people were only selling because two other guys hadn’t finished their shit rather than it being for a logical amount of time. This is a frequent and common complaint about triple threats. Jinny vs. Pollyanna was really strong, in terms of storytelling, but the match wasn’t quite there in terms of the fluidity of the sequences. Otherwise that could easily have cracked **** and the UK women’s scene is definitely improving. Also pleased to see four tag teams have good showings here. None of them the champions, or the London Riots. Good show overall. As if there’s such a thing as a bad Progress show.