wrestling / Columns

Evolution Schematic 12.13.08: Victoria (Version 2.Goddess)

December 13, 2008 | Posted by Mathew Sforcina

Writer’s Notes

So, clearly I can’t let this horrible, horrible and certainly UNTRUE rumor about Victoria retiring pass without an ES. The fact that I’m in the middle of a long weekend of stuff and thus don’t have time to do a full ES is besides the point, the focus is on Victoria. And sure, like Meehan said, I should be thankful for what joy she has brought me and wish her well in her future career. She’s not Kelly Kelly’s age, after all.

And yet…

She’s not retiring. She’s not, not not not not notnotnotnotNOTNOTNOT!


Onto the column.

Made By Meehan.


She’s a Bitch.


That’s it?

Well, kinda. Victoria, the Vicious Vixen, has had several changes in her life. She’s been a fitness model. She’s been a prosti- sorry, Ho. She’s been insane. She’s been Trish Stratus’ worst nightmare and best friend. She’s been WWE Women’s Champion twice. She’s been Stevie Richards’ Flower. She’s been a dancin’ fool. She’s been stalked, has stalked, and is still stalkable. She’s been friends with the new Raw Divas. She’s hated them. She’s been one of Vince’s Devils. She’s been Kenny Dykstra’s Associate. She’s been in a totally not at all lesbian relationship with a rather fetching Canadian woman. And she’s been a rather goofy girl, who seemed incapable of realising an old switcheroo when she saw one.

But throughout it all, she’s remained tough, strong, independent (to some degree), and just a little bit through to very much deep into the odd side. And a bitch, in the best possible way.

And she’s also done this.

Yeah! Knock That Bitch Out!

And for that, we should be forever grateful.

Origins- I wish all California Girls could be her…

Doesn't quite belong here, but then again, it belongs wherever it is.

Victoria’s family was athletically gifted, all her brothers amateur wrestlers themselves. But in a family of active people, Victoria was something special. But while she trained and dabbled in bodybuilding and athletics, she also worked in the medical field, and worked as a Human Tissue Coordinator. What this entailed was finding the backgrounds, and assessing the usefulness, of organs for donation. Thus, she spent a lot of time looking, working around and on cadavers. Hence, she’s not at all squeamish, and has learnt to view other people not as people, but things. And in the Pro Wrestling industry, that’s very, very useful.

Soon enough she, through the fitness world, she met and became fast friends with a Canadian gal called Trish Stratus. They shared a background in medicine, and athletics, they have lots in common. But then Trish got a rare, once in a lifetime chance at advancing in the quite popular world of Professional Wrestling. Victoria was also interested, but for whatever reason, only Trish was able to take advantage. The two had a teary goodbye for a while, Trish swearing that as soon as she was established, she’d help Victoria out.

But that never happened. So, out of a desire to prove Trish wrong, Victoria made her own way up the industry.

Debut- Gimme a H! Gimme a B! Gimme a I! Gimme a C!

So Sweet and Innocent and Pure and I need a cigarette.

Victoria debuted in UPW, Ultimate Pro Wrestling, a small but popular company in southern California. There, she took the idea of being a ‘cheerleader’ at ringside to a whole new level .She would literally wear a Cheerleader Outfit, and would call herself the HBIC, or Head Bitch In Charge. If Trish can be a manager, then so can she. Victoria managed a few men, but soon tired of not getting her shot at upward mobility. So in 2000, when she saw how Trish was sleeping her way to the top via Mr. McMahon, Victoria again tried to copy her, and to one up her a bit…

Phase 2- Ho Ho Ho…

That costs extra, but it is well worth it.

Victoria joined the Godfather as one of his Hos, using the logic that sleeping with guys was a small price to pay for getting onto WWF TV. Of course, the fact that Trish did not acknowledge her existence both angered her (thus building the rage inside her) but also was somewhat understandable, given that she, you know, slept with men for money.

But then, The Godfather was indoctrinated into the Right To Censor by Steven Richards and his cult. And thus, Victoria, as the Head Ho, had to take action.

Phase 2b- Save The Hos! Collect the whole set!

God I love that Bikini.

Thus, she founded the ‘Save The Hos’ movement, and would often accompany whoever the RTC was fighting to the ring, all the while protesting her right to be a slut for money if she damm well pleased. And she, along with other Hos, did manage to get various measures of revenge on the Goodfather as he was now known and the rest of the RTC.

But it all came to a head with two actions.

One, on August 7th, 2000, the day the WWF acknowledge her name was Victoria; she was also put through a table by The Goodfather, thus sending her a very clear message.

Then, a few months later, after she recovered, she was back, doing what she did for a living, this time enjoying the company, along with another female friend Mandy, of Eddie Guerrero. This was a problem, since a) Eddie was dating Chyna at the time, b) footage aired of the three of them thanks to GTV, and c) Chyna was, well, Chyna.

Thus, Victoria was beaten up and gone from the WWF for a while. But she quickly got off her back and back onto her feet.

Phase 3- Commissioner Victoria to you!

Isn't that the best looking Commissioner you ever saw?

MCW, Memphis Championship Wrestling, was looking for a Commissioner. The fact that they hired a former prostitute in Victoria says a lot about the company. While in the company, she also managed Steve Bradley, a large, muscular man who never quite reached the potential he had, and also had run ins with Stacy Carter, a.k.a The Kat and RTC member Ivory, who was assigned to hunt down and get rid of Victoria from the industry once and for all, the RTC not happy she was still around.

But then, all too soon, MCW closed, and Victoria migrated to another small, WWF affiliated company.

Phase 4- Queen Victoria to you!

Doesn't She Just Look Precious?

Now calling herself Queen Victoria, her slight edge and desire to succeed now manifesting itself in a bizarre attempt at royalty, Victoria quickly took the OVW, Ohio Valley Wrestling, by storm, shocking many and really coming into her own. But before long, she got involved with a group that would rock OVW…

Phase 4b- You say you want a Revolution?

Wow, the Bashems must LOVE Strong Women, huh?

When Victoria was added to Revolution, it was led by Doug “The Machine” Basham, then OVW Heavyweight Champion. The duo, backed up by Big Bad John, ran roughshod over the company, thanks to Doug being the nephew of OVW owner Danny Davis, and thus, thanks to a very old contract, he could never be fired and could buy stock in the company, which he did. Thus, Revolution could do what they liked, when they liked. They targeted Damaja for the longest time, even when Leviathan, a.k.a Dave Batista, won the OVW Heavyweight Title, and many were confused.

But when Damaja then joined, it all became clear. After all, he was Doug’s brother. Doug just wanted them as one big happy family, so when John left due to being jealousy of Damaja, the Revolution was solid. Doug, Danny, sorry, Damaja, and Queen Victoria. The group quickly took control of the Tag Titles, and continued to wage war for full control over the company. But in the end, they lost the belts and the stock, and thus the Revolution failed.

After Davis got full control back, he fired the three of them. But before the ink had dried, Doug had gotten the WWE involved, and their contracts were reinstated. But this forced the WWE to look at them, and particularly Victoria. She was much more advanced than when she left, and thus, a month or so later, she finally got her wish, a WWE Contract.

Phase 5- Who are you, and what have you done with Psycho Bitch?

Hot Pink. I like.

For she seemed, well, normal. She was just a new girl. A friend of Molly. A woman with a couple of matches against Victoria. A woman whose ass Chris Nowinski had to check to be reminded of her name. Just another woman.

Admittedly a woman with a mean streak, given how she faked a knee injury in order to get the win over Trish (who seemed concerned with her old buddy), and was helping Molly. But then…

But then, the mean streak got worse. It got crazier. And by the time late September/early October rolled around, Victoria was viciously attacking Trish, drawing DQs and generally, well…

Acting Like A Mad Woman.

Phase 6- The Psycho Bitch Arrives!

Isn't She Just Adorable?

And then we found out the truth. That Trish and Victoria were pals back in the Fitness Model periods of their careers. And that Trish promised Victoria that once she had gotten a foothold in the WWF/WWE, after she was established and her contract was solid, she would help bring Victoria in. But Trish never did that. So, like Trish hurt her, she would hurt Trish.

Trish said Victoria was, well, crazy, and that she may be. We only have Victoria’s word about how that went down. Trish may have just made a promise to do what she could, or Victoria might have misunderstood something Trish said. Regardless, Victoria’s opinion of events was what was driving her, and that was the important thing.

Eventually, the constant brawls and DQs and weapons led to Victoria challenging Trish to a Hardcore match at Survivor Series 2002 for the Women’s Title. And in perhaps the most violent Women’s match in WWE history (certainly on PPV), Victoria overcame Trish to win the WWE Women’s Title for the first time.

The following night, Stacy, then valet and girlfriend for Test, was in the ring shooting new ‘Testicles’ shirts out into the crowd when Stevie Richards came out and got in her face over his problems with Test in the past weeks. This was unrelated until after Stacy shot a t-shirt into Stevie’s crotch, Victoria ran out and beat up Stacy, then helped Stevie to the back. Later in the show, after Victoria easily defeated Stacy to retain the Women’s Title, Trish assaulted her only to be attacked in turn by Stevie Richards.

And a beautiful relationship was born.

Phase 7- He might be crazy, but he’s not stupid.

Lucky, Lucky Bastard

The two seemed happy, as far as could be told. Victoria found a loving, supportive man while Stevie got…Victoria. The two supported each other, Stevie always happy to help beat up other women and generally help Victoria keep the Women’s Title and Victoria treated Stevie like Raven used to, albeit with much nicer fringe benefits. And she also supported him in his role as (self appointed) GM Of Stevie Night Heat, in so much as when Stevie did stuff, she could be counted on to hang around in the background, wearing furry slippers and tearing up paper in a self-obsessed way.

With her new theme music by t.A.T.u, and a win in a big triple threat match at Armageddon over Trish and Jacqueline, Victoria was on top of the world. But the New Year brought a new problem, in that Jazz returned. Now yes, Jazz seemed more concerned with destroying Trish, but Jazz also a) wanted the Women’s Title back and b) used to be Stevie’s Cute & Cuddly Babe. His current ‘Flower’ was concerned, even with Stevie’s instance that that relationship was over and dead. But the two women couldn’t get along, often coming to slaps when Jazz would stick her nose in Victoria’s business. Stevie tried to play peacemaker, but never woman would have it. So when time came to determine the #1 contender for the belt, to determine who would fight Victoria at Wrestlemania XIX for the belt, Victoria, naturally, interfered in the match 20 seconds in. This only led to the match being made into a triple threat match.

And, unfortunately, this only led to Victoria losing the belt back to Trish at Wrestlemania.

Phase 7b- “I can’t find my belt!”

Here she, I, that is, what was I saying?

Victoria didn’t take the loss well, for a few weeks she seemed lost, confused that she didn’t have her belt. Thus, when Jazz beat Trish to win the belt, Victoria was even more confused. Why did these women have her belt? No matter, she’d just have to win it back herself. Her first major shot came at Judgment Day, in a fatal four way, but Jazz pinned Jacqueline before Victoria could beat either diva or Trish. And then Gail Kim swooped in and won the belt.

Gail who?

Victoria then went back to teaming with Molly (as well as Stevie, obviously) to try and take this Gail woman out.

And then things went wrong.

See, like any good (albeit insane) girl, Victoria would accompany Stevie to ringside for his matches, and help out when needed. And at this point, Stevie was having a real problem with Test. Or rather, Test was having a problem with Stevie, given that on Heat, Stevie had beaten him twice in a row. So Test challenged Stevie to one last match, on Raw. Stevie accepted, and then won. As Victoria held her man’s hand up, and was supportive, she turned around…

And that bastard, that sore loser, that, that smeghead Test hit the Big Boot right in Victoria’s beautiful face! Test seemed smug after the act, but karma got him in the long run. But in the short run, the kick led to Victoria having to take time off to recover. But she returned. Oh, she returned.

Phase 7c- Wait, is this her?


Victoria returned in September, not taking that much time off, although Stevie was missing his ‘Flower’ for the whole time. And at first, although her relationship with Stevie seemed a little rocky, everything seemed ok. The Crazy Bitch was Back, and everything was cool. But then with the New Year came a new problem yet again.

Well, not so much a problem, as a change. For Victoria wanted the Women’s title. Obviously. The thing was, the current title holder was Molly Holly. And given the choice between the two women, the fans, quite rightly, chose to cheer for Victoria.

And that turned out to be a bad, bad, BAD thing. For the cheers began to, well, cure Victoria. She slowly became a little less crazy, a little less bitchy. She was finally getting the respect she deserved, she was finally getting cheered in her mind. Which sounds great, but the boos and the anger was what made us love her. It was a slow process, but when Victoria in late February won the Women’s title by outlasting Lita, Jazz and (obviously) Molly Holly to win the title, Victoria celebrated with the belt in a, well, normal way. She hugged it tight, smiling broadly, on Stevie’s shoulder and, for all intense purposes, playing to the crowd.

By the time she beat Molly Holly at Wrestlemania XX in a title vs. hair match, shaving Molly bald, the transformation was pretty much done.

Phase 8- The grace period.

She was still hot, so here's a hot pic.

There was a short while, a couple of months, where Victoria broke up with Stevie, Stevie obviously confused, hurt and generally not liking the ‘new’ Victoria, but Victoria was still coming out to the t.A.T.u music. She was balancing her old attitude and her new one, focused but happy. She had a respect match with Lita at Backlash, and was teaming with Lita regularly to fight Gail and Molly. And then, on May 24th, 2004, Darkness Fell.

Phase 9- The Damm Dancing.

Since I refuse to use the stripping outfit, here's a mere beautiful and hot bikini.

The music, by itself, isn’t that bad.

The whole “Victoria stripping as she comes to the ring” is an approach she should be using.

The hugs and kisses aren’t quite going far enough, and she kept picking the wrong guys.

But the dancing. The Damm Dancing…

Victoria the Pod Person had arrived. That said, you could understand the thinking. After all, Victoria was still a little unsure as to how to please the fans, and she wanted to please us. She just picked a bad way to do it.

Not surprisingly, Karma saw to it that she lost the title in her next major defense at Bad Blood in a fatal four way, when neither Gail Kim nor Lita could stop Trish Stratus (showing the fire, desire and Bitchy attitude Victoria had lost) from winning the belt.

But Victoria seemed to quickly realize that the fans weren’t into her dancing, and so she cut back. Of course, she had other things on her mind soon enough.

Phase 10- The Mystery Red Head Who Is Not Stevie, Uh-Uh, No Way, No How.

Since I refuse to picture Stevie in drag, here's another nice and hot bikini shot.

Trish, along with Tyson Tomko, was beating Victoria up the week after Bad Blood when a Mystery Red Head Woman came out and made the save. No-one knew who it was.

Of course, when I say that, I mean that Everyone knew it was Stevie.

And you can’t blame the guy, after all, he just wanted to get back into Victoria’s life.

Wait, no, you can blame the guy. He was dressing up in drag. Stevie may be insane, but is he really that stupid? Apparently he was, as while he was wishing Victoria luck before her #1 contenders match at Vengeance, a match that Victoria won over Molly Holly, and other normal acts to try and hook back up with her, he was still dressing in drag to save Victoria. And sometimes to accidentally cost her matches due to distraction. Although at Unforgiven everyone got put out of their misery thanks to Tyson Tomko unceremoniously beating Stevie up, thus ending the whole sad saga, although maybe Victoria had a word with him as well.

Phase 11- Marking Time?

Since I refuse to, oh screw it.

Throughout the rest of 2004, Victoria continued to be a fan favourite, dressing up like a school girl at Taboo Tuesday, tagging with the likes of Stacy Keibler, Nidia and Lita. But when 2005 rolled around, and the women’s division crumbled and the Raw Diva Search contestants began to take over, Victoria survived, thanks to being, you know, hot as hell.

But then, May 30th, 2005, it all got too much for her.

Phase 12- The Bitch Is Back! HOORAY!

Yes Yes Yes!

For on that date, Jerry Lawler hosted a Bikini Contest. After Lillian Garcia was removed by Viscera (in a nice, completely sexist kind of way), Victoria was the only non-Diva Search contestant in this, a way to mark the (totally unofficial) start of summer. And despite totally outclassing the other 3 women, Jerry Lawler ignored Victoria and gave the contest win to Christy Hemme. Victoria was about to leave, then changed her mind and then beat up everyone, including the best low blow to Jerry Lawler this decade.

Victoria was sick of all the attention the Diva Search bimbos were getting, after all, Christy Hemme got a Women’s title shot at Wrestlemania. CHRISTY HEMME. Victoria put her in her place at Vengeance, by beating her, albeit with the help of the ropes. But the vicious bitch was back.

But the vicious bitch needs someone around her at all times. And given that Stevie was on SD, The Heart Throbs were totally unacceptable and she wanted to bide her time to see what the new Diva Search winner was like, her finding a new partner, or partners, took a little while. But she found some eventually.

Phase 12b- The Leader, The Lackey, & The Les…Main Driving Force.

She's Still 100% Sex.

In Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle, who despite being a Diva Search bimbo realised her place, was respectful and wanted to learn (and other such ass kissing to get on Victoria’s good side). Victoria thus formed a triumvirate with the two other women, dedicated to making new Head Bimbo Ashley’s life hell. And then to getting the belt off Trish when she aligned herself with Ashley. And to trying to contain this Mickie chick.

And while Torrie was the leader of the little group, which at first called themselves the Ladies In Pink, Candice was obviously the bottom of the rung, given her constant sucking up to and dressing like Victoria, who was CLEARLY the true power of the group. For she was to be the one who got the title, she was the wrestler, the drive. She was the heart, the soul.

Hell, she WAS the trio.

Until it got a new boss.

Phase 12c- Vince’s Devils

Smart man.

The three women became Vince’s playthings, thus proving why Vince is a Billionaire Genius. Although the three still wrestled, their duties became more of treating Vince right.

Smart, smart man.

Phase 13- It’s always about who gets to strip naked first, huh?

Nice…. Nice….

However, tensions soon developed when Candice got the 2006 Playboy Shoot, the WWE issue by now firmly established as a yearly deal. Not with Victoria, despite her formerly stated desire to pose. No, Torrie got jealous over the issue, and this led to Candice and Torrie splitting. At first, Victoria sided with Candice, and the two fought against Wilson and hew new ally Trish.

But their duo soon broke apart as well when Candice has the gall to call a match as a special guest ref fairly and not, as she should have, called it in Victoria’s favor.

Phase 14- The (sadly) last great run.

Don't Cross This Woman.

In late 2006, Victoria won a #1 Contender’s Diva Battle Royal, and went on the Bitch Checklist Tour 06, where each week she fought and beat another Diva on her road to winning the WWE Women’s Title at the 2007 New Year’s Revolution.

Well, actually despite beating champ Mickie James in a non-title match prior to the event, Victoria was robbed and lost the match, as well as her rematches. Naturally, this put her in a bit of a rut, until, eventually, she got drafted to Smackdown. And given that, at the time, Smackdown had no women’s title, she had to turn her attention to another field.

Phase 15- Smackdown’s New ‘Power’ Couple.

This was the highlight of their relationship.

It seemed logical. Kenny Dykstra was young, inexperienced, needing guidance. Victoria had a ton of experience to give. She was hot. He was young. That seems like a perfect match.

But for whatever reason, probably just Kenny being a very ordinary guy who had no right to have Victoria, their relationship never really clicked. She feuded with Torrie Wilson and Michelle McCool while Kenny fought their boyfriends, Jimmy Wang Yang, Chuck Palumbo. As 2007 drew to a close, Victoria and Kenny broke up. And as 2008 started, Victoria went… Goofy.

Phase 16- Goofy as a Pet… Australian Cheese Brand.

This shot has nothing at all to do with this section of her life, but DAMN!

In 2008, Victoria began to show that crazy side to herself again, although whereas before it had manifested as insane, focused rage, now it had dispersed into comedy. She would yell nonsensical insults, dress up like Yokozuna and dancing bananas, and only occasionally do photo shoots that were as hot as that one just above this section.

It didn’t help that she soon gained a new ally and friend who didn’t mind her wacky hi-jinks.

Phase 16b- BFF!

Stupid WWE Flash Photos…

Sorry, I couldn’t find any images of the duo better than that one I could post.

Regardless, after Wrestlemania, Victoria introduced the world to Natalya Neidhart, who quickly formed a strong bond with Victoria, the two women sharing similar outlooks and attitudes and just being such a cute couple.

*goes off to think quietly for a while*

The two worked well together, although not great enough to secure the new Diva’s title around either woman’s waist, but that would come in time. But right now, ignoring these pesky rumors, there’s a certain duo who are in Victoria’s focused view…

Today- A pesky set of twins.

No, not THOSE twins. Those are beautiful.

The Bella Twins have been a thorn in Victoria’s side for many months now. After all, they have shown themselves to by lying, cheating women who screwed over everyone else by switching mid match in order to cheat, and yet people loved them, just because they were hot and identical.

But soon enough, Victoria will have her revenge, and then she will have her title, I’m sure of it…


See, since this is the overview, here's a pic of an over view of her. See, it's a pun!

Ok, her mental state might be a little unbalanced. Sure, she’s been crazy, a ho, a bitch, a flower and a flat out whack job.

She’s still the perfect woman.

Or near enough as to make no difference to me.


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Mathew Sforcina
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