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Ford’s CHIKARA Blink and The Empty Child Reviews
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Kennebunk, ME – 3.4.2017
Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: UltraMantis Black
Campeones de Parejas: Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels
Young Lions Cup Champion: Space Monkey
Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.
Dez Peloton rode 121 miles from Cape Cod to Kennebunk, ME. Jasper Tippins remembers when they defeated Los Ice Creams at “Orientation.” Today will not be a cheat meal, but rather they will burn those empty calories.
Dez Peloton (Jasper Tippins & Donald Kluger) vs. Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.)
Los Ice Creams fail to attack Dez Peloton before the bell and get taken out with clotheslines instead. Jr. takes a Broken Arrow. With helmets still on, Dez Peloton deliver tandem headbutts to Hijo. Kluger overhand chops Jr., then a young fan does the same. Hijo comes from behind and holds onto Tippins. Jr. accidentally chops Hijo. Los Ice Creams get into a fight and chop one another repeatedly. While they’re quarreling, Dez Peloton form a line of young CHIKARMY members to chop Los Ice Creams, who have worn each other out from the chops. Dez Peloton hold onto Los Ice Creams as the chops are unloaded. Back inside, Tippins bicycle kicks Hijo onto Kluger’s knees and sits down on his chest. Jr. takes a double hip toss and rolls outside. Dez Peloton follow and bust out their secret weapon: a hair dryer. They pull him over to an outlet and Tippins begins to “melt” Jr. He gets a young fan to hold the blow dryer and torture Jr. while they go back into the ring with Hijo. Hijo double clotheslines them back out and lands a pescado! Because of their helmets, Hijo sending them head first into the merch table does nothing. Dez Peloton pulls Hijo across the merch tables, knocking him back down to the floor. Hijo blinds Tippins with the table skirt and brings Kluger back into the ring after a shot to the chin. Hijo ramming Kluger into the corners has no effect due to the helmet, neither does a piledriver. Tippins makes his way back into the ring, even with the ring skirt blinding him. Hijo shoves him into Kluger and hits a double Cold Stone Stunner. While Dez Peloton is down, Hijo runs over to Jr. and unplugs the hair dryer. Kluger whips Hijo through an open door, sending Hijo down along hallway away from the ring. Jr. comes into possession of Kluger’s helmet and puts it on like a face mask. He charges after Kluger into the ring, headbutting Kluger as Kluger attempts a leapfrog. Jr. takes off the helmet as Tippins now takes off the ring skirt. Tippins delivers a uranage. He Climbs the Summit as Hijo runs back in and moves Jr. out of the way. However, Tippins falls off the top into a crossbody onto Hijo for the pin at 11:23. Total silliness is all I wanted from these two teams, and they certainly delivered. Getting the audience engaged right at the get-go is always wise, and although the comedy didn’t always land, this was a fun watch. **¼
Cajun Crawdad says Mr. Touchdown is the best competitor he has met in his young lifetime. Crawdad is on a one win streak, and he’s going to make it a two win streak tonight.
‘Mr. Touchdown’ Mark Angelosetti vs. Cajun Crawdad
Referee Troy Nelson has to cut the tape off of Crawdad’s pincers before the bell. He digs his pincers into Angelosetti’s hands to break a waistlock, then brings Angelosetti down in a side headlock. Angelosetti reverses into a headscissors which Crawdad escapes from. Crawdad crab walks around Angelosetti, using his legs to pull Angelosetti into a gator roll. Angelosetti pick up Crawdad, hoping for a slingshot suplex, but Crawdad instead O’Connor rolls him for two. Angelosetti slingshots in with a sunset flip. Crawdad goes back to a crab walk stance and kicks Angelosetti in the face. Angelosetti is able to chop Crawdad on the apron. Crawdad yanks Angelosetti’s legs to block a moonsault attempt, posting Angelosetti on the top. Crawdad pulls him off onto the shoulders. Angelosetti uses his elbow to escape. He drives Crawdad multiple times into the corner. Crawdad stops a charge with a nerve pinch and a running boot to the side of the head. Crawdad goes back to the gator roll. Angelosetti fights out of a suplex attempt. Crawdad blocks a dropkick and jackknife pins Angelosetti. Angelosetti escapes and goes for a backslide. Crawdad spins out and tries a clothesline. Angelosetti ducks and clotheslines Crawdad to the floor. He dropkicks Crawdad before landing a Bermuda triangle moonsault. Angelosetti repeatedly stomps Crawdad back in the ring. After a flying clothesline he snapmares Crawdad into a cradle for two. Crawdad slips out of a suplex. He charges, but Angelosetti drives him down with a running spinebuster for two. He shoulder tackles Crawdad in the corner before bringing him to the top turnbuckle. Crawdad headbutts him away, then drops Angelosetti with a claw STO for two. He wants a claw chokeslam. Angelosetti catches the hand, so Crawdad knees him in the stomach and crab walks over to Angelosetti for a chest kick. He gator rolls Angelosetti before attempting a vertical suplex. They end up fighting for the suplex and end up on the apron. They climb up to second rope where Angelosetti superplexes Crawdad back into the ring for the pin at 9:34. It was surprising but smart to see Crawdad in control for so much of the contest. Him adding the crab walk not only makes sense for his character, but adds a whole new dynamic to his offense. This is unquestionably the best he’s looked to date and Angelosetti did a good job in helping to bring out the best in him during their exchanges. **¾
Oleg the Usurper has been salivating at the thought of standing in the ring with Wani again. Last time they fought, Wani pinned him, but the Gods this time around say he will be the victor. He also warns Kobald to stay out of his way.
Oleg the Usurper vs. Wani
This is a rematch from “Like Phantoms, Forever.” Oleg pummels Wani in the corner to start. Wani fights back, but Oleg halts him with a spinning backbreaker. Oleg misses a somersault senton. Wani low bridges the top rope to send Oleg outside, then follows with a double axe handle off the apron. They fight around the entrance area. Oleg lands a somersault senton off the apron onto a standing Wani! Wani baits Oleg into a superkick when they’re back into the ring. He jams up Oleg’s arm across the top rope. Wani outmaneuvers Oleg to catch him off guard, then drives Oleg’s arms into his knees like a Code Breaker. He drives his knees into Oleg’s arms on the mat. A low flying clothesline gets Wani close to a two count. Wani fights to get Oleg on his shoulders, dropping him with a Finlay Roll when he’s successfully able to do so. He follows up with a senton for two. Wani slips out when Oleg whips him to the ropes, but when he enters the ring, Oleg takes him out with a running crossbody. They trade slaps to the face as they get back to their feet. Oleg splashes Wani against the ropes. He picks up speed hitting the ropes repeatedly before splashing Wani in the corner thrice. Oleg shakes out his arm before chokeslamming Wani. He crawls over to Wani for a pin, only for Wani to grab a kimura lock! Oleg is able to grab the bottom rope to escape. Wani sends Oleg shoulder first into the ring post before jumping into a guillotine position. Oleg swings Wani’s arm up over his neck and suplexes him. Kobald makes his way to ringside, distracting Oleg. Oleg avoids a charge from Wani and cracks him with a Usurper Kick. He calls for Off With His Head, but Kobald pushes Wani out of the way and tries to get Oleg to strike him instead! While Oleg and Kobald are interacting, Wani sneaks in with a kendo stick and hits Oleg with it. Referee Troy Nelson calls for the DQ at 11:59. I didn’t care for their first match, but this was a marked improvement. The story of Wani using his speed to outmaneuver Oleg and wear down his arm to neutralize Off With His Head was smart, well executed, and engaging, especially after Oleg’s hot start. Then the ending happened. At this point, I just want the Kobald storyline to end so it will stop plaguing Oleg’s matches. It also makes no sense that Wani would attack Oleg with the kendo stick and get DQ’d. He was doing just fine without it before hand, why take the risk? I was impressed with the match up until that point. ***
Chuck Taylor™ tells DUSTIN they just need one more point to challenge for the tag titles, which DUSTIN has to pronounce the Spanish term for him. DUSTIN asks why Taylor™ has shoes around his neck. Taylor™ says they’re DUSTIN’s, because they’re Chuck Taylor’s. Taylor™ admits he pulled them off a telephone wire. DUSTIN isn’t happy because the shoes aren’t in the best shape, but Taylor™ is too busy thinking about challenging for the Campeones de Parejas.
Solo Darling & Travis Huckabee vs. DUSTIN & Chuck Taylor™
Taylor™ sings “Candy Rain” by Soul For Real to Darling before the bell. Huckabee takes Taylor™ down in a waistlock and goes for the arm. Taylor™ scrambles to the bottom rope to force distance. Huckabee easily escapes Taylor™’s headlock. Taylor™ doesn’t seem to notice, making it easy for Huckabee to put on his own headlock. He kicks Taylor™ away out of a wristlock. DUSTIN is tagged in. He shoulder blocks Huckabee after Huckabee attempts a headlock. DUSTIN grabs an abdominal stretch after some Lucha rolls. Huckabee hip tosses his way out of it and twists up DUSTIN’s wrist. He gets the ropes and asks for Darling. Darling kicks DUSTIN in the head to escape his wristlock. Huckabee and Darling each attack DUSTIN in the corner. Huckabee sends him into a clothesline from Darling. Taylor™ serenades Darling from the apron, distracting her long enough for DUSTIN to scoop her up into a backbreaker. Darling is short enough to easily duck DUSTIN’s clotheslines and spike him with a tornado DDT. Taylor™ sings to Darling, backing her into a corner. Darling slips out between his legs, but DUSTIN yanks Huckabee off the apron and throws him into a trash can. Darling backslides the singing Taylor™ for two. Taylor™ puts down the microphone and gets in Darling’s face. She nails him with a barrage of strikes. She lands a sole butt kick. Taylor™ throws her down into the apron. Darling backdrops Taylor™ to escape his forthcoming offense. Taylor™ catches her double knee attack, but she takes Taylor™ down with a tornado snap suplex. Huckabee tags in. He assists Darling with a back elbow and corner hip attack. Huckabee puts Taylor™ in a Camel Clutch. DUSTIN saves his partner with a kick. He cracks Huckabee with the Brodie Knee before doing the deal with a Falcon Arrow for two. Huckabee evades a moonsault and takes DUSTIN over with a butterfly suplex for two. DUSTIN superkicks Huckabee to the floor and nails a second from the apron. Darling blocks Taylor™’s Soul Food attempt. DUSTIN holds onto Darling’s foot as she hits the ropes. This allows Taylor™ to schoolboy Darling for the pin at 9:27. Taylor™ then points to a homemade WrestleMania Weekend sign signaling for when he and DUSTIN are cashing in their Campeones de Parejas opportunity. This was also a lot of fun. You can see that even though DUSTIN is contractually obligated to be with Taylor™, he’s figured out how to work with him and make the team a success, so it makes sense that they would defeat a team that’s still figuring things out. Huckabee and Darling are a team I didn’t expect to see, but gel very organically. ***
Ophidian vs. Jeremy Leary
Leary wears Lucas Calhoun’s jumpsuit to the ring. At this point, the episodes of Season 17 where he robs Calhoun’s identity have yet to be released. Leary baits Ophidian into a series of right jabs and a facebreaker. Ophidian bandera’s to the apron. He leaps over Leary when coming back in and takes him down with a quebrada press. Leary again jabs Ophidian before ramming him face first into the top turnbuckle. Ophidian nails Leary with a roundhouse kick and headstands into a twisting splash for two. He nails a corkscrew enzuigiri. Leary rolls to the floor to avoid double knees. Leary brings in Ophidian from the apron with a German suplex. Leary gets two with a knee trembler. He delivers more shots to Ophidian’s head while keeping him grounded. Ophidian throws a barrage of forearms to the chest, but one hard shot from Leary keeps him in control. He snapmares Ophidian into a basement clothesline for just slightly above a one count. Ophidian is able to hit the Duat Driver, leading to double knees in the corner. He headstands again, but this time Leary brings him down with a Death Valley Driver for two. Leary pounds on Ophidian’s neck in the corner. Ophidian jabs him in the throat. Leary chops his neck. Ophidian flips out of another Death Valley Driver attempt and goes for the Death Grip! Leary rams him into the turnbuckle to break his grip. Leary tries another German suplex. Ophidian lands on his knees this time and sends Leary outside with a flying short arm scissors. Ophidian bicycle kicks Leary off the apron and walks up the ropes before diving onto Leary with a somersault senton. Ophidian comes off the top with double knees insider the ring for two. A top rope moonsault has the same result. Ophidian uses the ropes for another Duat Driver. Leary blocks and uses the ropes for a slingshot belly-to-back suplex. Ophidian kicks out. He peppers Leary with shots. Leary takes him down, boots him in the side of the head, then pops Ophidian up into a Detonation Kick. Again, Ophidian kicks out. Ophidian nails Leary with a hard roundhouse kick and corkscrew enzuigiri. He strings together two double knee strikes in the corner. Meteora gets Ophidian the win at 12:03. Leary has not done much for me in general, but wrestled well here, showing a focused attack and some personality along the way. Like the Crawdad/Touchdown match, it was a case where the veteran competitor had to fight hard to best the relative rookie and both men came out stronger from it. **¾
Ophidian tells Leary that he earned his respect. He offers a handshake, but Leary instead nails him with a clothesline! Leary gets in some more shots in the corner. The officials get some distance between them. Leary goes to strike some more, but Ophidian hypnotizes Leary. Ophidian calls Leary a sore loser, then decides to embarrass him by making him dance. Ophidian ends the hypnosis, sending Leary over the top rope and to the floor. Ophidian says the moral of the story is not to be a sore loser. Frustrated and flummoxed, Leary exits.
Campeonatos de Parejas
Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels vs. The Force (Officer Warren Barksdale & Officer Bruno Meloni)
Defarge & Crummels have been champions since “The Shape of Things to Come” and this is their first defense. Officer Magnum accompanies The Force to the ring, but heads backstage before introductions. Defarge rubs his dirty palm into Barksdale’s hand to end their opening exchange. Meloni doesn’t want to lock up with the sneezing Crummels. Barksdale finds an extra pair of gloves on him for Meloni to wear. In a test of strength, Crummels sneezes in Meloni’s face. Meloni chops Crummels multiple times in the corner before bodyslamming him for two. Barksdale tags in and grabs his arm, but Crummels rubs his forearm into his face to escape. Barksdale puts the incoming Defarge into a half crab. Defarge kicks Meloni to the corner. Meloni escapes and tags in Barksdale. They use a battering ram to take down Defarge, then Barksdale uses Meloni to boot out Crummels before leg dropping him onto Defarge. Barksdale belly to back suplexes Defarge. He cartwheels around Defarge before dropkicking him for two. The Force land a double Samoan drop for two. Meloni finds himself onto Crummels’ shoulders outside the ring. Defarge suplexes Meloni from the bottom rope off of Crummels’ shoulders and back into the ring! This allows Crummels and Defarge to isolate Meloni in their half of the ring. After Oliver Twist, Defarge goes for a suplex. Meloni small packages Defarge. Barksdale sees Crummels about to jump in and jumps in himself. Unfortunately, Bryce finds himself tied up with Barksdale, allowing Crummels to reverse Meloni’s cradle. Crummels then takes out Barksdale, leaving Bryce free to count Meloni’s shoulders down and reward the first fall to Crummels and Defarge at 10:51. Crummels and Defarge attack as The Force are telling Bryce about the injustice. Meloni finds himself trapped in Crummels and Defarge’s corner. Once again he gets Defarge in a small package. This time Bryce catches Crummels after Crummels reverses the cradle. Barksdale has time to reverse it back, and Defarge’s shoulders are counted, giving the Force the second fall and tying the match up at 13:30. Crummels and Defarge attack again, but this time the Force have the double clothesline scouted. They send Crummels and Defarge into one another and spike Defarge with a double spinebuster. Barksdale hits a Superfly splash on Defarge for two. Crummels saves Defarge from a double atomic drop. Meloni pitches Defarge to the floor. The Force gives Crummels a double Samoan Drop, but Defarge is able to drag Meloni out and throw him into the ring post. Barksdale pummels on Defarge’s back until Defarge shoves him back first into the ring post. He’s rolled back inside where Crummels pins him for two. As Meloni recovers in the corner, Barksdale is worn down in the Campeones’ corner. Barksdale is able to flapjack Crummels and Defarge at the same time. He crawls slowly towards Meloni, kicking both Crummels and Defarge on multiple occasions before making the tag. He Judo throws both of his opponents, then clotheslines them both in opposite corners. Back elbows and double knees follow. He swings Crummels leg first into Defarge before dropping Crummels with Case Closed. Defarge breaks the pin. Defarge stops Meloni’s tornado DDT and sends Meloni to the apron. Meloni kicks Crummels away who is on the floor. Defarge however is able to muscle Meloni in from the apron. They roll around in a small package but neither man gets a pin. The Force grab a double small package to no avail. Barksdale’s small package on Crummels also does not work. A series of shots leaves all four competitors laying. Defarge falls victim to Law & Order. Crummels shoves Meloni onto Barksdale’s pin to break it up. The Force call for a Doomsday Bulldog. Crummels shoves Meloni into the corner to crotch Barksdale. Crummels curb stomps Meloni as Defarge places Barksdale on the top turnbuckle. The super tandem monkey flip leads into Great Expectations, giving Crummels the pin and his team the win at 22:53. Even though both teams looked pretty good here, there was no need for the match to go as long as it did. They told the story they needed too and all the elongated time did was cause for a lot of repetition in the action. This was a moment where you could argue that The Force would have cause to use the handcuffs, but they did not. This was a solid enough first title defense for Crummels and Defarge but a few minor tweaks would have made it even better. ***
Encore Match
Lucas Calhoun vs. Hermit Crab
Calhoun has a buzzed haircut and a new jumpsuit, the first time this crowd is seeing it. Calhoun immediately Jon Woo dropkicks Crab at the bell. He follows Crab to the floor with a somersault senton off the top turnbuckle! Crab knocks him down with a flurry of forearms, then lands a Bermuda Triangle moonsault! Crab climbs back to the middle turnbuckle. Calhoun shoves him back into the ring. Crab ducks a roundhouse kick and digs his pincers into Calhoun’s shoulders. Calhoun tries a karate chop. Crab blocks and chokeslams Calhoun for two. Crab hits a Naniwa elbow. He goes for a Boston Crab. Calhoun kicks Crab to the ropes, catching him on the rebound with a Samoan Drop for the pin at 2:05. That was a banger from bell to bell. *½
Enfield, CT – 3.5.2017
Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: UltraMantis Black
Campeones de Parejas: Sonny Defarge & Cornelius Crummels
Young Lions Cup Champion: Space Monkey
Commentary is provided by Mike Quackenbush.
Hermit Crab gives Hatfield credit for being a great baseball player, but all his strength and skill will mean nothing when he pinches his nerves.
Dasher Hatfield vs. Hermit Crab
Hatfield considers a pre-match handshake, but thinks better of it. He instead trips Crab. Crab leapfrogs over Hatfield, but Hatfield slaps him on the buttocks. Crab avoids an armdrag and unloads with forearm strikes. Crab ducks Hatfield’s clotheslines but is taken down with a side headlock takeover. He weaves Crab up into a backdrop. Crab avoids a backdrop and gives Hatfield a neckbreaker. He digs his pincers into Hatfield’s neck before attempting a chokeslam. Hatfield intercepts and spins Crab out into a pair of armdrags and a double wrist clutch drag to send Crab outside. Hatfield comes out and gets shoved shoulder first into the ring post by Crab. Back in the ring he again digs his claws into Hatfield’s neck. Hatfield fails to elbow Crab away. Hatfield catches Crab’s Naniwa elbow drop and O’Connor rolls him for two. Although Hatfield lands a knee lift, Crab catches him coming off the ropes with a clothesline. Hatfield peppers Crab with shots to stop Crab doing more damage to the neck. Crab blocks a corner attack and digs his thumb and claw into Hatfield’s left clavicle. Hatfield is able to lift up Crab’s arms. He ducks a chop and tosses Crab overhead. Some running forearms lead a Detonation kick from Hatfield. He snapmares Crab into a two kick. Hatfield bandera’s to the apron when Crab whips him to the corner. Crab pulls Hatfield off the top, but Hatfield follows through with a cradle for a nearfall. Crab drops Hatfield neck first out of a Death Valley Driver across his knee. Hatfield swings Crab up for the cyclone neckbreaker. Crab digs his claws into the neck to stop the attack. He chokeslams Hatfield for the pin at 8:58. Like Crawdad vs. Touchdown last night, this was Crab’s best outing as a singles competitor to date in which he wrestled a smart strategy against a veteran competitor. Given Hatfield’s skill level and status, this win came across as a big deal. Hopefully Crab will be able to capitalize on the win. **¾
Fire Ant vs. Merlok
Merlok tosses Fire Ant to the corner out of a lock-up. He mauls Fire Ant with forearm shots and a headbutt in the corner before whipping Fire Ant across the ring into the opposite corner. He tries again but Fire Ant bandera’s to the apron. Merlok resists two armdrag attempts, but Fire Ant is able to send him to the floor with a flying headscissors off the second rope. He follows out with a suicide dive. Back inside, Merlok catches Fire Ant’s high crossbody and drives him into the mat with a spin-out slam. He headbutts Fire Ant in the side of the head. Fire Ant gets in some desperation shots but is nailed with a knee strike from Merlok. Fire Ant gets in some chops, but Merlok stops him with his own strikes and a corner splash. He misses a second splash, allowing Fire Ant to nail a running forearm smash. Merlok counters a brainbuster attempt with a suplex slam. He drives Fire Ant back first into the corner. When he tries a second time, Fire Ant slips underneath looking for a sunset flip. Despite Merlok pulling him up, Fire Ant is able to drop him with a tornado DDT for two. Merlok pummels Fire Ant’s back to stop another brainbuster attempt. Merlok tries one of his own, but Fire Ant turns it into a stunner mid-move. Merlok blocks the Yahtzee Kick and pulls FIre Ant up onto his shoulders for a running Samoan Drop. Fire Ant gets his shoulders up right before a three count. Merlok hits a diving clothesline, but only gets two with that as well. Merlok decides to ascend the ropes. Fire Ant fights to bring him down with a super Frankensteiner. The Yahtzee Kick connects. Finally Fire Ant hits the brainbuster, but it barely gets a two count! Merlok absorbs a pair of high kicks and flurry of palm strikes to the chest. Merlok counters Fire Ant’s tornado DDT attempt with an Emerald Frosion for the pin at 10:19. Like the first match, this was the rookie besting the veteran, but with the size difference the story was even more convincing and Merlok looked even more dominant. Fire Ant adapted as the match progressed, but when he tried going back to the well with what worked before (the DDT), Merlok was prepared for it and it served as Fire Ant’s demise. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve seen from Merlok so far and nobody is better in an underdog role than Fire Ant. ***
‘Mr. Touchdown’ Mark Angelosetti & The Force (Officer Warren Barksdale & Officer Bruno Meloni) vs. Wani, Jeremy Leary & Mr. Azerbaijan
Meloni thinks Azerbaijan may have diplomatic immunity, but that doesn’t stop them from locking up. Azerbaijan checks himself out in the mirrors on the wall after each one of Meloni’s failed shoulder blocks. Meloni comes off the second rope with an alita before delivering a dropkick. Barksdale assists Meloni with a splash upon tagging in. Barksdale activate some lights on his shoulders to act as sirens, cartwheeling around the ring and dropkicking Azerbaijan. Leary runs in, only to take four atomic drops from the members of the Force, and a Manhattan Drop onto Azerbaijan’s knee. Wani and Angelosetti fight for control on the mat. Wani knees Angelosetti in the stomach in the corner. Wani snapmares Angelosetti into an enzuigiri for one. Angelosetti catches Wani’s leapfrog, slamming him into multiple splashes. A large back splash gets a two count. Barksdale attempts many different pin attempts on Wani to no avail. Azerbaijan enters and succumbs to a flapjack. Meloni tries a whip to the corner. Azerbaijan reverses, then tags in Leary who nails a low flying lariat. Meloni takes Leary to his corner with a chinbreaker. Angelosetti strings a series of shoulder blocks to Leary’s midsection together. Barksdale lands a second rope senton. Leary uppercuts Barksdale and brings him to the Rudo corner. Barksdale goes up and over when Wani whips him to the corner. He muscles Wani up into a vertical suplex for two. Meloni hammerlocks Wani’s arm. Wani rakes his eyes. Meloni gives him a warning. Wani grabs his ears. Meloni brings Wani down and cuffs his arms. Azerbaijan offers to translate the Miranda rights, but he can’t understand Meloni. Leary argues with the Force, allowing Wani to attack them both from behind. He tosses both of them across the ring near their collar. He airplane spins Meloni, and despite Barksdale’s best efforts to duck, it knocks him down. Wani Finlay rolls Meloni next to Barksdale, then hits a double senton. Angelosetti takes over with an armdrag and dropkick to Wani. Angelosetti flips out of a monkey flip. He shoulder blocks Wani multiple times in the corner. Wani and Angelosetti trade pin attempts. Angelosetti ducks an enzuigiri and press slams Wani onto the incoming Azerbaijan. The Rudos attempt a triple whip of the Tecnicos, but instead get their heads sent into one another. Azerbaijan and Leary dispose of Barksdale and Leary and isolate Meloni in their corner. Angelosetti is able to strike Azerbaijan from the corner, into a bearhug slam from Meloni. Angelosetti tags in. He slams Leary but Wani breaks the pin. Angelosetti swings Wani out into a reverse suplex. He spikes Leary with a running spinebuster, but Azerbaijan breaks the cover. He release suplexes Angelosetti. Barksdale knocks down Azerbaijan with a running clothesline. The Force hit Law & Order on Azerbaijan. Leary breaks their cover just in time. Wani tosses an illegal object in the ring. This causes Meloni and Angelosetti to take him and Azerbaijan out on the floor. While the referee is distracted by that object, Leary pulls another object out of his pocket and nails Barksdale with it, getting the pin at 15:54. Despite him looking solid against Ophidian last yet, I’m just not into Leary. The Force are trying but the crowd hasn’t responded to them just yet (Magnum aside.) This was harmless enough, but just too long for an ultimately pointless bout. **¼
Lucas Calhoun says there’s strange things going on in CHIKARA, and tonight will be a strange night for Juan Francisco de Coronado. He recognizes the tragedy of Coronado’s Ecuadorian ancestors creating Jiu Jitsu and the Brazilians stealing it, but Calhoun has a counter for anything Coronado wants to bring his way. Coronado may think he’s walking into a martial arts fight tonight, but he will find out Calhoun can wrestle as well as anybody else.
Lucas Calhoun vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado
Coronado refuses to let Calhoun keep on a headscissors for very long in the opening exchange. Coronado mocks Calhoun’s karate stance before slapping him in the face. Angry, Calhoun Judo throws Coronado twice before landing a Jon Woo dropkick. Coronado changes direction enough to strike Calhoun with an enzuigiri. Coronado attempts the Tiger Driver, but when Calhoun lifts him up, he tries a sunset flip. Calhoun muscles him up into a backbreaker, but Calhoun shows ill effects from that as he grabs his knee after the fact. Coronado notices, a chop blocks Calhoun’s leg out after slipping out of a slam attempt from Calhoun. Coronado continues wearing down the knee. After two shin breakers, Calhoun counters a third with a sunset flip. Coronado escapes, then dropkicks Calhoun down so he can apply a figure four leglock. Calhoun turns over to shift the hold, forcing Coronado to grab the bottom rope to break. Calhoun catches a charging Coronado with a back elbow. He turns Coronado around out of the corner with a vertical suplex and lands a senton splash for two. He fights for, and hits, a Samoan Drop. Coronado grabs the bottom rope to halt the count. Coronado trips Calhoun and floats over into the Coronado Clutch. Calhoun taps out, giving Coronado his third point and a Grand Championship opportunity at 8:40. Coronado has won all three of his points with the Coronado Clutch, so you know that will be a piece of the puzzle in his Grand Championship contest. This was simple, but very effective. **¾
Travis Huckabee is talking about the opportunity to fight two of the top tag teams in an Atomicos match tonight. Solo Darling is too distracted by the tantalizing Los Ice Creams, curious if they’re edible. Huckabee knows with Los Ice Creams experience and the heart of himself and Darling, they will be victorious.
Travis Huckabee, Solo Darling & Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.) vs. Sonny Defarge, Cornelius Crummels, Cajun Crawdad & Rock Lobster
Despite being grossed out by Defarge, Ice Cream Jr. is able to give him a two scoop slam and an Ace Crusher. Defarge rolls to the floor to avoid a pin. Crummels sneezes in Huckabee’s face to escape his technical wrestling prowess. Huckabee gets the better of Lobster in an exchange, feeding him to Los Ice Creams to get his face sent into Jr.’s boots. Los Ice Creams crush Lobster in the corner various tandem offense. The Rudos strategize outside before entering the ring. Whatever the Rudos had planned fails, as Crummels ends up hip tossed onto Defarge and both crustaceans. The Tecnicos feign a dive and have a laugh at the Rudos embarrassment. Once things calm down, Huckabee and Lobster go back to chain wrestling. Lobster rubs Huckabee’s face into a wet part of the canvas, wet due to melting ice in the canvas that formed due to the cold New England weather. Lobster trips Huckabee into a back senton from Crawdad. Defarge and Crummels assist the crustaceans wear down Huckabee in their corner. Huckabee is able to slip to the floor after a neckbreaker from Crawdad. Jr. intercepts a leapfrog from Crawdad and applies a Boston Crab. Crawdad gets the ropes. Crawdad bandera’s to the floor when Hijo whips him to the corner. He comes back in to try and assist Crummels and Defarge, but ends up getting double clotheslined by them. Crummels, Defarge, and Lobster miss a triple senton on Hijo. Darling and Huckabee run across their backs before Jr. gives Crawdad an Ace Crusher onto the three of them. Darling tries to get her sugar fix with Los Ice Creams, causing Los Ice Creams to flee. Defarge picks her up, which allows her to tag Huckabee incognito. Huckabee helps her clear the apron and take down Defarge with a headscissors. Defarge uppercuts Huckabee to escape a Stretch Plum. Defarge wins the fight for a fisherman’s suplex. Darling fights off both Crawdad and Lobster on her own, sending them out with hip attacks. Crummels catches her off guard with a dropkick. She takes Oliver Twist and a clothesline from Crummels and Defarge for two. Darling rolls to the apron while avoiding stomps from Defarge. Hijo attempts a suplex. Crummels tags in and sunset flips Hijo. Defarge knocks Hijo into Crummels’ knees for two. Hijo avoids a double leg sweep and sends their heads together. Huckabee comes in with a double dropkick off the top turnbuckle. Crummels coughs in his face so he can pull off a suplex. Huckabee blocks Crummels’ filthy hands from his face. Crawdad digs his pincers into Huckabee’s shoulders so Crummels can successfully pull off a sneeze. Huckabee uses their limbs to hurt one another. Jr. cleans house with clothesline until Lobster jams his neck on the middle rope. He punches Jr. into a back suplex from Crawdad. Jr. finds himself in trouble in the Rudos corner, until he stacks up the crustaceans in the corner and clotheslines Crummels and Defarge simultaneously. Darling makes the tag and spears all four of her opponents. As she’s celebrating, Defarge nails her with a running uppercut. Hijo starts a headlock chain with all participants except Darling, who spears Crummels and causes the entire chain to fall. She pins everybody and gets tossed off. Fast-paced offense from multiple competitors leads to Huckabee pinning Lobster with a butterfly suplex, which is broken up by Crummels. Huckabee and Darling fight out of tandem crustacean powerbombs into stereo huracanranas, but do not get successful pins. They get rid of Darling and Crawdad powerbombs Huckabee into a German suplex from Lobster. Darling is trapped in the corner by Crawdad and Crummels. Lobster is messing with her from the top turnbuckle. Los Ice Creams double superplex Lobster into a Superfly Splash from Huckabee but Crummels and Crawdad make the save just in time. Jr. finds himself the lone Tecnico in the ring. He falls victim to Crummels and Defarge’s super monkey flip for the pin at 27:50. As a fan of Atomicos matches I enjoyed this, even if it was long. Everybody got to showcase their character and it helped further Crummels and Defarge’s legitimacy by having them pin one of the longest reigning teams in the company. Mileage may vary on your particular level of enjoyment, but I had a good time watching this. ***¼
Sidney Bakabella says Max Smashmaster has already been approved by Jim Barnett to be the new world champion, offering Mantis to lay down for him instead of having to take a beating. Smashmaster says if he doesn’t lay down, he’s going to drop Mantis on his head as many times as he can without being disqualified. All of his dreams will come true when he becomes the new Grand Champion of CHIKARA.
Grand Championship
UltraMantis Black vs. Max Smashmaster
UltraMantis Black has been champion since “Whatever Happened, Happened” and this is his second defense. Sidney Bakabella is in Smashmaster’s corner. He tries bribing referee Bryce Remsburg with a single dollar. Smashmaster mauls Mantis in the corner before the bell. Mantis blinds Smashmaster with his cloak so he can dropkick Smashmaster to the floor and follow with a suicide dive. Mantis Mongolian Chops Smashmaster and sends him face first into the canvas. Bakabella grabs Mantis’ legs, allowing time for Smashmaster to recover. Smashmaster catches Mantis’ rolling somersault attempt and drops Mantis back first onto the ring apron! He slams Mantis on the edge of the ring once again and sends him face first into the ring post. In the ring, Smashmaster tosses Mantis into a standing splash for two. Bakabella punches Mantis behind Bryce’s back from the floor. Smashmaster pummels Mantis on the shoulders and back before tossing him outside for Bakabella to stomp on him. The camera misses a presumed groin shot to Smashmaster. Mantis tries a sunset flip from the apron, but Smashmaster counters with a splash. Mantis cradles Smashmaster for a two count. Smashmaster mows him down with a clothesline after kicking out and gets his own nearfall. Mantis unleashes a flurry of chops before being caught with a boot by Smashmaster. Mantis is able to stop a corner attack with his own boot. He strings a pair of neck strikes and low clothesline together for two. Mantis low bridges the top rope to send Smashmaster to the apron. He wears down Smashmaster with chops and kicks him back first into the ring post. Mantis can’t knock Smashmaster down with a somersault senton from the apron, so he comes off the top turnbuckle with one and it does the trick. Both make it into the ring before the twenty count, with Bakabella assisting Smashmaster. Although Smashmaster swings out of the Praying Mantis Bomb, Mantis is able to swing Smashmaster into a full-nelson slam for two. Mantis manuevers Smashmaster to the top turnbuckle. Smashmaster knocks Mantis to the mat. Smashmaster misses a Swanton Bomb! Mantis again places Smashmaster on the top turnbuckle. He brings down Smashmaster with a butterfly superplex for two. When Mantis goes for the Praying Mantis Bomb, Bakabella hops on the apron. Smashmaster is able to reverse the move into a Beach Break. Smashmaster splashes Bryce into the corner! Bakabella passes Smashmaster his own mask. Mantis ducks the mask shot and schoolboys Smashmaster, but there’s no referee to count. Smashmaster recovers and lands a tombstone piledriver. Smashmaster hurt his knee on the landing, the same one he hurt in the Challenge of the Immortals finals that kept him out of action for a long while. Mantis gets on a half crab. Bakabella jumps in and cracks Mantis in the back of the head with a roll of quarters! Bryce counts slowly while still recovering, and Mantis is able to get his shoulder up just in time. Smashmaster looks as if he’s going to strike Bryce again, but Bryce catches him in the act. Mantis rolls up Smashmaster for two. He then drops Smashmaster with Cosmic Doom for the pin at 16:37. Smashmaster did what he promised in dropping Mantis on his head as many times as he could. When things looked desperate, Bakabella and him executed their illegal back-up plan and it backfired and led to his demise. You don’t want to have championship matches like this all the time, but for these two characters in this environment I think it worked out very well. ***½
Encore Match
Dez Peloton (Jasper Tippins & Donald Kluger) vs. Xyberhawx 2000 (Sylverhawk & Razerhawk)
As Dez Peloton are posing, Razerhawk interrupts with a headscissors to Tippins. He and Sylverhawk dropkick Kluger to the floor. Sylverhawk backdrops Razerhawk onto both Tippins and Kluger over the top rope and to the floor. Sylverhawk pins Tippins for two. Kluger schoolyard trips Sylverhawk. Tippins bicycle kicks him onto Kluger’s shoulders and lands a seated splash on the knees for two. Razerhawk stops their Broken Arrow attempt, only to be tossed onto Sylverhawk. Sylverhawk retreats to the floor. Kluger tosses Razerhawk into a gutbuster from Tippins for two. Razerhawk armdrags Kluger to the floor. Sylverhawk knocks down Tippins with forearm strikes and an armdrag. He lands a second rope crossbody for two. Kluger yanks Sylverhawk off the top rope. Tippins pops Razerhawk into a wheelbarrow suplex from Kluger. Tippins then hits Climb the Summit on Razerhawk for the pin and their third point at 3:23. At times this was really sloppy, but the ending offense from Dez Peloton was pretty sweet. *
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