From The Shelf – CHIKARA The Thirteenth Hat

CHIKARA The Thirteenth Hat
1-28-12
Easton, PA

Your hosts are a plethora of CHIKARA guys.

Ultramantis Black and Hallowicked are in a cave with the Eye of Tyer looking for Delirious. Delirious appears and Black says Delirious can now be free since the BDK is gone. Ultramantis performs a chant but Delirious steals the Eye of Tyer and smashes it with a rock!!! Delirious screams “I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!” That’s one way to start the season.

Green Ant vs. Mike Quackenbush
They battle for control on the mat to start and Quack goes into the ropes to break it up. Quack blocks the Chaos Theory and both men attempt to work the arm of the other. Quack attempts the Rear Naked Choke but Green Ant gets to the ropes to break. Green Ant takes Quack down into the half crab but Quack goes to the ropes to break. Quack catches Green Ant into the abdominal stretch but Green Ant escapes and they trade submission on the mat. Green Ant gets into the ropes to break and we reach another standstill. Indian Deathlock by Quack but Green Ant escapes and Quack catches him with a roll-up for 2. Quack grabs a half crab of his own but Green Ant makes the ropes to break again. Abdominal stretch again by Quack but Green Ant turns it into a cover for 2. They trade chops and Quack grabs a unique version of the abdominal stretch. Green Ant kicks Quack in the leg and he rolls Quack up for 2. He grabs the Crowbar and he converts it into the cross arm breaker. Quack escapes so Green Ant goes to the grapevine. Green Ant goes for the Cloverleaf but Quack escapes. He goes for Quackendriver III but Green Ant counters into CHIKARA Special: Green. Quack taps!!!!
Winner- Green Ant *** (This was a fun catch wrestling match. The submission counters were terrific and this culminated a yearlong story of Green Ant losing to Quack on two prior occasions and finally coming into his own and beating his teacher. A good start to the season and Green Ant keeps the momentum going coming out of High Noon.)

Dasher Hatfield comes out and talks about the first time he appeared in front of the Easton crowd and says Sugar Dunkerton also got a warm reception when he made his Easton debut too. He says he got a telegram from his in-law saying he wanted to follow in his footsteps and he introduces Mr. Touchdown, who comes out through a paper banner. Hatfield starts to sing the praises of Touchdown but he takes the microphone and calls everyone a nerd. He puts himself over and he tells everyone that now that he’s here, it’s good.

Kobald vs. Jigsaw
Back elbow and a dropkick by Jigsaw to start and Kobald bails. Back in, Jigsaw chops away and he snap mares Kobald before throwing some kicks for 2. They head to the floor and Kobald works the back of Jigsaw. Slingshot elbow drop to the back by Kobald and he goes to the bow and arrow. Kobald works over Jigsaw on the floor and back in, he hits an elbow drop for 2. Abdominal stretch by Kobald but Jigsaw escapes. Hurricanrana by Kobald gets 2. Dropkick to the back by Kobald gets 2. Slingshot splash by Kobald gets 2. Kobald hammers the back of Jigsaw and he grabs a chin lock with his knee into the back of Jigsaw. Seated senton by Kobald gets 2. Rear abdominal stretch by Kobald but Jigsaw starts to fight out so Kobald hits the Fameasser for 2. Standing double stomp to the back by Jigsaw!!!! Jigsaw throws some rapid chops at Kobald and he hits a spinning face plant. Sliding knee strike by Jigsaw and he hits a German suplex for 2. Spear by Kobald gets 2. Kobald goes up and hits the Whoopee Cushion for 2. Super kick by Jigsaw and he goes up. Double stomp misses and Kobald rolls him up for 2. Jigsaw blocks a hurricanrana and hits a slingshot power bomb. Basement super kick by Jigsaw gets 3.
Winner- Jigsaw **1/4 (This is one of Kobald’s earlier matches so this was a bit rough around the edges. Jigsaw had a huge height advantage over Kobald so some of the spots looked awkward when Kobald tried to toss around the much bigger Jigsaw. A couple of nice spots from Jigsaw makes up for things a little bit though.)

Icarus says Akuma won’t be attacking him from behind tonight, he knows who’s across the ring from him this time. Tonight, he’ll show why Akuma doesn’t belong in CHIKARA.

Icarus vs. Gran Akuma
Rolling dropkick by Akuma and Icarus snaps his neck off the ropes to come back. Hilo by Icarus gets 2. Slam by Icarus and he hits a leg drop for 2. Suplex by Icarus and he hits a side Russian leg sweep. Rear surfboard by Icarus but Akuma fights out. Kicks to the chest by Akuma and he hits a hurricanrana. DVD by Akuma and Icarus bails. Icarus grabs a chair to shield himself from Akuma and Akuma stalks Icarus toward the entrance. Gregory Iron comes out and blocks the entrance. The ref counts both men out and Iron gives Akuma the Gimp Slap!!!
Match ends in a Double Count-Out *1/2 (The match wasn’t given enough time to develop and this was a placeholder for the feud so this ended up being a disappointment. The Gregory Iron thing at the end was really weird since Iron is supposed to be a good guy yet he decided to get some revenge on Akuma rather than go after his hated rival Icarus.)

Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeir say the BDK is back and better than ever. Jakob mentions Ares’ name and Donst slaps him. Donst warns Jakob better not lose tonight like Hydra did.

BDK (Tim Donst and Jakob Hammermeier) vs. 3.0 (Scott Parker and Shane Matthews)
Matthews and Jakob start. Matthews overpowers Jakob to start and he hits a dropkick. Jakob bails and Donst rolls him back in. Parker tags in and he rides Jakob on the mat. Drop toe hold by Parker and Matthews tags in. Back elbow by Matthews and he chokes Jakob with his neck tie. Tag to Parker and he hits a double axe handle to the back of Jakob. Donst comes in and Parker hits a super kick. Donst comes back with a clothesline and he chokes Parker in the ropes. Double suplex on Parker and Jakob chokes Parker with the neck tie. Tag to Donst and he gives Parker a PURPLE NURPLE~!!!! He slingshots Parker down to the mat for 2. Jakob comes in and grabs a front face lock. Parker starts to fight out so Jakob brings him down by the hair and Donst tags in. Rolling gut wrench suplexes by Donst and Jakob tags in. He goes for the third suplex but he talks too much so Parker counters into his own. Tag to Matthews and he cleans house. Tilt-a-whirl head scissors by Matthews to both Jakob and Donst. 3.0 charge at Jakob in the corner and Matthews drop toe hold him into an elbow drop off his back by Parker. Back breaker/knee strike combo by 3.0 and they hit Sweet Taste of Professionalism for 3.
Winners- 3.0 **1/2 (Fun match. 3.0 is always entertaining and fun to watch. I like the dynamic of Donst and Jakob. Jakob is cocky and arrogant but isn’t a good wrestler while Donst is the jerk who is trying to toughen him up while proving how good he is. There characters were incorporated well into the match.)

Archibald Peck w/Veronica vs. Hallowicked
Hallowicked frightens Peck in the early going and Peck tries his own scare tactics but Hallowicked is having none of it. Both men battle for early position and Hallowicked begins to work the arm. Peck looks to go old school but Hallowicked tosses him off the top to block. Hallowicked continues to work the arm and he dumps Peck to the floor. Suicide dive to the floor by Hallowicked and Veronica distracts Hallowicked, allowing Peck to snap his back off the ropes. Peck looks to dive but Hallowicked blocks. Back in, Hallowicked misses a corner enzuigiri and Peck snaps the back of Hallowicked’s back off the top turnbuckle. Swinging neck breaker by Peck gets 2. Snap mare and Peck works the neck of Hallowicked. Hallowicked fights out and Peck misses a seated senton to block a sunset flip attempt. Atomic drop by Hallowicked and Peck comes back with a standing Blockbuster for 2. Leg drop by Peck gets 2 and he goes to the rear chin lock. Hallowicked fights out and he hits a back suplex. Peck chokes Hallowicked in the ropes and Hallowicked comes back with a hurricanrana. He puts Peck on top but Peck comes back with a flying forearm to the back of the head. Peck goes up but Hallowicked crotches him and tosses him off the top. Hallowicked cleans house and hits the corner enzuigiri for 2. Peck blocks Go To Sleepy Hallow and he hits the enzuigiri. Peck goes up and leaps but Hallowicked kicks him on the way down for 2. They collide mid-ring and both men are down. Peck fires away and hits a big boot to Hallowicked. Peck goes up and leaps but Hallowicked catches him with the Rayden Bomb on the way down for 2!!! Peck blocks the Graveyard Smash and he hits Unchained Melody for 2!!! Hallowicked blocks the Victory Roll for 3!!!
Winner- Hallowicked ***1/2 (I dug the hell out of this match. Archibald Peck is constantly entertaining and they had a very competitive contest with Veronica interference being kept to a minimum and they played off Peck’s goffiness and his desperation to win to impress Veronica very well.)

Ophidian says at High Noon he started on the path of redemption. Osiris says he was angry with the Osirian Portal so he removed the soul of Amasis. He says he was a disgrace as well so he removed his own soul. He says he is not worthy of the soul and his new path led him to a war with Hieracon tonight. He promises victory tonight and that Heiracon’s soul is his.

Ophidian vs. Hieracon
Ophidian has new gear to reflect his heel turn. They grapple on the mat to start and they trade forearms. Hieracon comes back with a hard forearm and Ophidian bails. Back in, Ophidian knocks Hieracon down but he comes back with a crucifix for 2. Back elbow by Hieracon gets 2 and he works the arm of Ophidian. Ophidian blocks a back suplex and he hits a neck breaker in the ropes. Thrust to the throat by Ophidian gets 2. Knees to the back by Ophidian gets 2. They trade forearms and Ophidian throws a one legged dropkick for 2. Ophidian works over Hieracon in the corner and he snapmares him into a kick to the back. Spine buster by Ophidian gets 2. Hieracon fights back with chops and Ophidian catches him with a spinning heel kick for 2. Enzuigiri by Hieracon but Ophidian comes back with some kicks to the chest. Roll-up by Hieracon gets 2. Sunset flip by Hieracon gets 2. Enzuigiri to the back of the head by Ophidian and he goes up. He leaps but Hieracon moves and he dumps Ophidian to the floor. Suicide dive by Hieracon and back in, Ophidian sweeps the leg of Hieracon. Back suplex on the floor by Ophidian and both men are down. Hieracon makes it back in before the twenty count!!! Hieracon blocks the Death Grip and they trade forearms. High kick by Ophidian and Hieracon comes back with a super kick. Release German suplex by Hieracon and he follows with a regular German suplex for 2. Death Grip by Ophidian but Hieracon breaks with a Stunner into an Ace Crusher!!! Hieracon goes up for the 450 splash but eats knees. Ophidian covers for 2!!! Ophidian charges but misses and lands on the floor, allowing Hieracon to hit a standing moonsault press off the apron. Back in, Hieracon goes up and hits the 450 splash for 2!!! High kick by Ophidian and they trade forearms again. Lariats by Hieracon and he finishes with a discus lariat for 2. Cross arm breaker by Hieracon but Ophidian breaks. Shoulders to the gut in the corner by Ophidian and he hits a slingshot Lionsault for 1. Egyptian Destroyer by Ophidian gets 2!!! Bridging Death Grip by Ophidian and Hieracon passes out!!! Ophidian takes off Hieracon’s mask and takes it with him to the back.
Winner- Ophidian *** (They worked hard and put forth a solid match but almost eighteen minutes was way too much for this match. They introduced Ophidian’ new character but taking so long to put away Hieracon did not get this new character off to a hot start. The crowd also wasn’t hot for Hieracon’s comebacks nor sympathetic toward the beating he was receiving. this would have worked better if Amasis was in the role but he had recently retired at this point.)

Vin Gerard interrupts Gavin Loudspeaker’s intro to the main event and Eddie Kingston has to held back from attacking him. Gerard attacks a staff member so Kingston chases him out of the building. Kingston demands Wink Vavasseur reinstate him but he refuses. Kingston grabs Wink by the tie but Jigsaw pulls him away before he does something stupid.

The Batiri (Obariyon and Kodama) vs. The Colony (Fire and Soldier Ant)
They decide to put a box of sugar on the line for the match, because why not. Kodama pulls Fire down by the mask to start and the Batiri stomp away. Kodama bites the head of Fire but Fire comes back with a fireman’s carry roll-up for 2. Spinning head scissors by Fire and Obariyon comes in along with Soldier. Soldier toys with Obariyon and he hits a Samoan Drop. Fire tags in and they charge at Obariyon in the corner. Double basement dropkick by the Colony and Soldier slams Kodama into some rapid back sentons by Fire. Dropping head butt by Soldier gets 2. Slam by Soldier and Obariyon switches places with Kodama. He kicks Soldier in the head and throws a back elbow for 1. Tag to Kodama and he hits a spinning heel kick for 1. Dropping head butts by Kodama gets 2. Tag to Obariyon and he chokes Soldier in the ropes. Tag to Kodama and he hits a slingshot hurricanrana into a big boot by Obariyon. Basement dropkick by Kodama gets 2 and he goes to the body scissors. He starts to fight out so Kodama comes in and knocks Soldier down. The Batiri misses elbow drops and Fire tags in. Crossbody off the top by Fire and he cleans house. Obariyon presses Fire into a dropkick on Kodama and Fire hits a wheelbarrow stunner. Tilt-a-whirl DDT by Fire but misses a slingshot pescado to the floor. Kodama nails Fire in the midsection with a chair and back in, Kodama hits a flying forearm on Soldier for 1. He hammer Soldier on the mat and chokes Soldier in the ropes. Obariyon comes in and Soldier tires to fight back. Inverted atomic drop/knee strike combo by the Batiri gets 2. Dragon sleeper by Obariyon but Fire finally makes his way into the ring. Drop toe hold/knee to the midsection combo to Fire and they go back to the Dragon Sleeper on Soldier. Soldier starts to fight out so Obariyon hits a Curb Stomp before going right back to the Dragon Sleeper. Soldier fights out and he catches Obariyon in the CHIKARA Special. Kodama breaks it up and he hits a neck breaker. Obariyon comes off the top with a sloppy DDT for 2 as Fire saves. Fire backdrops Kodama to the floor and Soldier follows up with a suicide dive. High kick by Fire to Obariyon and he hits Beach Break for 3!!! The Colony brings two kids into the ring to celebrate to end the show.
Winners- The Colony **3/4 ( I was enjoying the early portion of the match and thought we were going to get a wild, action packed finish and top off this show with a hot main event. Instead, we got a prolonged heat segment on Soldier Ant that got dull and came apart at the seams. They probably overdid the Fire Ant hurt by the chair story and it didn’t help he quickly finished off the Batiri after suffering from pain for the second half of the match. I disappointing match and a kind of awkward end to the show.)

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

For a CHIKARA season premiere, this came off as a disappointment. The promotion was hot of the heels of its giant High Noon show and they drew their biggest crowd ever in Easton. However, the wrestling on this show was pedestrian and everything on the show seemed to help launch the beginning stages of the season's big angles. We got some big moments like Green Ant finally beating his teacher, the debut of Mr. Touchdown, and the start of the Kingston/Vavasseur tension, so it's not like this show isn't important in the greater picture of CHIKARA. However, for what should have been CHIKARA's biggest season debut ever, this didn't live up to the hype nor come close to the expectations off the heels of one of the company's best shows ever. Unless you are a CHIKARA die hard, you can skip this show with no regrets.