wrestling / Video Reviews

Jack Still Likes Wrestlemania In Spite of this Interminable Show: Wrestlemania IV

March 1, 2015 | Posted by Jack Stevenson
3.5
The 411 Rating
Community Grade
12345678910
Your Grade
Loading...
Jack Still Likes Wrestlemania In Spite of this Interminable Show: Wrestlemania IV  

WRESTLEMANIA IV
So the WWF Championship was declared vacant in the run-up to this event in zany circumstances involving evil twin referees that you’ve probably all heard about a million times before. It was the first time in history that the WWF Championship had been vacated, and thus necessitated a grand response from the under pressure Jack Tunney. He decided to cram a fourteen man championship tournament into Wrestlemania IV, squeezing in alongside two other title bouts, a six man tag, a 20 man Battle Royal, and an Ultimate Warrior match. 16 matches! The most of any of the 30 Wrestlemanias! It… didn’t work perfectly. I’ve tried to keep this review as brief as possible because it’s such a boring show to write about and there’s 16 matches to try and get through, so in depth play by play will not be found here!

Gladys Knight opens the show with a stirring rendition of America the Beautiful, continuing WWF’s fine tradition of excellent anthem singers that started the moment Gene Okerlund stopped belting the song out at Wrestlemania I. We’re emanating from soulless nightmare-plex Trump Plaza. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Venture are your host again.

MATCH TAHA- 20 MAN OVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL FOR A RATHER NICE TROPHY: We’ve got The Hart Foundation, The Young Stallions, Sika, Danny Davis, The Killer Bees, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, The Rougeaus, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, The Junkyard Dog, The Bolsheviks, Hillbilly Jim, Harley Race, and George Steele. A colourful selection to say the least! This is typically directionless, punching and kicking fare for most of the duration. At least they get through the early eliminations fairly quickly- always a blessed relief in Battle Royals. Sam Houston has the dual embarrassment of being eliminated first, by cowardly referee Danny Davis. George Steele refuses to enter the ring, preparing to cause trouble on the outside, and eventually he’s just asked to leave. He is able to ditch Jim Neidhart by the goatee though, which takes a bit of skill. Junkyard Dog brings some continuity from last year by taking out King Harley Race. In the end, the final four are Bad News Brown, Bret Hart, Junkyard Dog, and, um, Paul Roma! The latter is the first of these four to go, dumped out by Bad News. Hart and Brown form an unlikely alliance and dispose of the plucky Junkyard Dog! Gorilla and Jesse speculate that Bad News and Bret have decided to split the trophy, and if that sounds a little unlikely, it’s because it’s incredibly unlikely. Bad News smashes into Bret with the Ghetto Blaster, and tosses him out to win the trophy! * ¼. Yeah, this was mostly monotonous. But it wasn’t noticeably worse than a lot of the undercard matches from last year’s show, and we get a cool post match angle as well, as a livid Bret Hart dismantles Bad News’ trophy to the glee of the crowd! The Bret Hart singles run that was meant to flow from this match wouldn’t materialise for another three years, but I think things turned out OK for him in the end.

MATCH UA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN VS. TED DIBIASE: An acceptable, meat and potatoes start to a tournament that could generously be described as “meat and potatoes of the quality that would be served in a hopeless Victorian workhouse.” Ted DiBiase has a giant (hehehehe) advantage going into this match, with Andre the Giant in his corner, and indeed it’s Andre that helps him secure victory. Duggan has DiBiase in trouble, landing a hard clothesline and powerslam. He readies himself to hit the three point stance but Andre sweeps his legs away, distracting Hacksaw long enough for Ted to knee him in the back and drop a fist for the three count. * ½.

MATCH TOLU- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- DON MURACO VS. DINO BRAVO: Criticise this show all you like, you can’t accuse it of lacking unusual manager/wrestler pairings, if that’s what you primarily look for in a show. Don Muraco is accompanied by ‘Superstar’ Billy Graham! Who probably could have had just as good a match, even in the retired state he was in. This is a largely barren match, although occasionally someone will hit an impressive power move to liven things up. Muraco drops Dino with a powerslam, Dino matches it with a gutwrench suplex. A troubled Bravo hurls the referee at Don Muraco as he attempts a flying forearm. Short term, this works out well for Dino, who lands his side suplex, but when he comes round the referee decides to call for the DQ, sending Muraco through to the next round! ¼ *. A dry, cumbersome power battle.

MATCH FA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- RICKY STEAMBOAT VS. GREG VALENTINE: Barry Blaustein, flushed by the success of his prediction that Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware would be the match of the night at Wrestlemania III, has apparently told Jesse Ventura that he’s picking Steamboat to win the whole WWF Championship tournament. Ricky brings Richie Steamboat to ringside, cleverly disguising him as an adorable pudgy child. There’s some flipping excellent chopping in this one, as well as Valentine’s usual strategy of grounding his opponent in pleasingly tenacious pursuit of the figure four. He doesn’t seem to particularly target the leg though. Oh, Steamboat’s arm drags! I’m going to miss those when they go. As you’d expect, not all of Greg’s attempts to secure his favoured submission go to plan, and with the match wearing Steamboat chops his way free of one and gains the momentum. A back elbow followed by a flying chop off the top rope gets a two count. The Dragon indulges in the peculiarly eighties quirk of bouncing your opponent’s head off the turnbuckle ten times. Ricky soars off the top rope with a crossbody, but Valentine rolls through with a handful of tights, and it’s enough to send the Hammer to the quarter finals! ***. This would turn out to probably be the best match of the night in terms of pure in ring quality, although the main event probably shades it thanks to its drama and significance. The steady stream of knife edges added welcome intensity to the match and differentiated it from the other tournament bouts, although it did get a bit bogged down in chops in places. Still, a worthy effort here.

MATCH NIMA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- RANDY SAVAGE VS. BUTCH REED: Butch Reed is in control for the vast majority of this short bout, keeping Savage down with low-tech punching and stomping. Things look bleak for Macho as an attempt at a comeback is thwarted by a powerful lariat. Reed inches his way onto the top rope but gets distracted by the demure Elizabeth. This allows Savage to send him head over heels down to the mat, and then crash into him with the Flying Elbow for the three count! ¾ *. A classic example of the Savage gambit- lull your opponent into a false sense of security by letting him beat you down for the entire match, then catch him off guard with one big move and secure the victory. This wasn’t a particularly interesting example of it though.

MATCH ONO- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- BAM BAM BIGELOW VS. ONE MAN GANG: They exchange some strikes and power moves for a couple of minutes, although things like Bigelow’s falling headbutt always seem more comical than anything else. Gang’s manager Slick pulls the ropes down as Bam Bam hits them, sending him tumbling to the floor, and he can’t quite break the count in time to prevent OMG (his character would entirely be built around those initials matching some SMS slang in modern WWE) from making the quarter finals. ¼ *.

MATCH FITU- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND- JAKE ROBERTS VS. RICK RUDE: Strangely and disappointingly, this is comfortably the worst match of the opening round, a tedious and interminable time limit draw. It receives a noticeable “boring” chant midway through and it isn’t undeserved. It’s particularly annoying as the match gets on to a reasonably enjoyable start. There’s a nice spot where Roberts has control of an arm wringer, Rude tries to punch his way out of it and catches his opponent right on the button with some strikes, but Jake tenaciously holds on and drags him down to the mat in the hold. Little moments like that give the semblance of a serious, tough competition really easily. However, Rude kills the match dead with rear chinlock after rear chinlock, always cutting off Jake’s comebacks and returning to the hold even in the face of audible fan discontent. Literally half the match;s runtime is comprised of chinlocks and Jake briefly fighting out of chinlocks before immediately falling back into a chinlock. If they didn’t have enough ideas to fill a 15 minute runtime a double DQ or count-out would have sufficed. The match picks up a bit once the rest holds are finished but it’s too little, too late. Roberts almost get the DDT, but RR powers out of it. Both men catch each other with clotheslines- Jake recovers first, but there’s no time to take advantage of it, as the referee calls for the bell with the time limit expired. After all of that, neither man goes through! I CAN’T GET NO SATISFACTION. These guys were not in the Wrestlemania mood. ¾ *.

MATCH VALU- THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR VS. HERCULES: I’m running out of ways to introduces matches as ‘pretty unremarkable.’ Hercules proves to be the match of Ultimate Warrior throughout the match, though it does take three clotheslines to drop him. Eventually Herc clasps on the Full Nelson, but Warrior kicks off the turnbuckles into a pinning predicament that leaves both men’s shoulders on the mat. Warrior gets his up at two, Hercules doesn’t, and we have a winner! ½ *. You would have no clue from watching this that Warrior was on the brink of mega stardom. Look at him whirling Hercules’ chain round his head in triumph post match. Observe what a shambling dweeb he looks. Remember that he’d tear the house down at two of the next three Wrestlemanias (albeit with a lot of help.) Wrestling is odd.

MATCH HIVA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT QUARTER FINAL- HULK HOGAN VS. ANDRE THE GIANT: This seems an appropriate place to talk about two moments that didn’t take place in the ring, yet would endure far longer than any of the actual wrestling on this show. Hulk Hogan’s promo from slightly earlier in the broadcast is a semi-famous one in which he threatens to slam Andre down with such force it would cave Atlantic City into the sea. I think this is such a magnificent promo, and perhaps could be ranked as among the best of all time. I mean, it lacks the emotional power of Dusty Rhodes’ ‘Hard Times’ or Mick Foley’s ‘Anti-Hardcore’ tirades, and it isn’t filled with instantly quotable lines like The Rock’s promos, or drip with venom like Bret Hart’s similarly underrated rants against America in 1997. Yet, in it’s own funny way, this promo encapsulates everything that was so great about Hulk Hogan and late eighties WWF in general; it’s deeply ridiculous and has a definite preference for style over substance, but it’s so much fun to watch, so stupidly entertaining, an interview to bring the dumbest of gleeful grins to your face. Importantly, it also has it’s own internal coherence to it, and it isn’t just a self indulgent, bizarre story- Hogan puts over the seriousness of his feud with Andre and his desire to make all the little Hulkamaniacs proud before swerving effortlessly into sublimely surreal territory, warning Donald Trump he’ll have to let go of his “materialistic possessions” in order to escape the watery rapture that will follow his predicted slam on Andre, and promising to let all the Hulkamaniacs cling onto his back while he paddles them to safety. To demonstrate how sincerely he means this, he backstrokes out of the interview to prove he can swim, which makes me laugh every time. I’d post a GIF of it if I had the faintest idea how. This promo is everything that the current WWE product needs; it needs to take itself less seriously in places, it needs to have a better sense of humour, it needs to be creative and ambitious and at times a little bit demented. It’s a marvellous promo, impeccably delivered, with really great use of language and pace and rhythm. I bloody adore it, I do.

In the aftermath of the bout, Bob Uecker attempts to get some words from Andre, and ends up being cheerfully throttled by him. I’m not going to write anything massive about that since it lasts only a couple of seconds, but I think it’s worth noting just because of what a fantastic image it is. Uecker sells it in such a great, comic, exaggerated way that he could have been a cartoon character, and while you think Andre is doing it in a kind of playful fashion, you’re also aware that at any moment he could literally crush poor Bob with his bare hands. It’s a super fun little skit that still gets replayed to this day, which isn’t bad at all for what it is.

I have far less to say about the big Hogan/Andre rematch than I do the surrounding promos. Suffice to say it’s nowhere near as good as last year’s main event- it’s similarly slow paced, but loses all of its dazzling spectacle in being taken out of the headline spot in the Pontiac Silverdome and dumped in the middle of the hideous Trump Plaza, the worst Wrestlemania venue of them all, as part of a bloated, boring tournament. Even with only five minutes to fill, the decaying Andre still has to fall back on locking in a tedious nerve pinch, a dreadful submission hold that has just no drama to it, since it’s essentially just a hand being placed firmly on a random body part. Hogan tries to replicate his iconic body slam, but Ted DiBiase denies him with a chair as Virgil distracts the referee. Hulk swiftly disposes of Ted, and he and Andre then just crudely whack each other with chairs until a double disqualification is called for. Hogan and Andre are both out of the tournament! ¼ *.

MATCH TAHA NOA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT QUARTER FINAL- DON MURACO VS. TED DIBIASE: The stakes are high in this one- as a result of the double DQ in the last match, the winner of this goes straight through to the semi finals! Muraco looks impressive in the early stages, landing a powerslam and a crisp dropkick. Ted tries to take a breather on the floor, but is threatened back into action by unusual managerial choice Billy Graham. DiBiase admirably hurls himself all over the ring for Don’s offense. It makes little things like clotheslines and Irish Whips look really great. Muraco mows down DiBiase with a big shoulderblock, but DiBiase wraps up his place in the final with a terrific Stun Gun for the three count. ** ¼. It might really just have been another short tournament match, but both men put much more effort into it than they needed to, which is good of them.

MATCH TAHA TAHA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT QUARTER FINAL- RANDY SAVAGE VS. GREG VALENTINE: Everything about Valentine is just so grizzled, from his looks to his offense, and while it’s not always an adrenaline pumping thrill ride, it works well for the story they’re trying to tell with Macho, having him get worn down more than anyone else in the tournament and surviving on sheer guts and guile. Hammer controls much of the match, and Randy’s initial attempt at a comeback is thwarted when he’s distracted by chasing Jimmy Hart. Greg tries for a suplex once he’s stopped, but Macho blocks and hits one of his own. He heads to the top rope, only to be met with a fist in the face from Greg on the way down. Valentine looks for the Figure Four, but Savage flips him into an Inside Cradle to eke into the semi finals! **. This served its purpose!

MATCH TAHA UA- WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP- THE HONKY TONK MAN VS. BRUTUS BEEFCAKE: Maybe this will not be as good as last year’s Intercontinental Championship match. The body of this match is competent but unremarkable- the finishing sequence, however, is… different, to say the least. With Honky trapped in Brutus’ signature sleeper and his hopes of retaining the championship fading fast, manager Jimmy Hart takes matters into his own hands by knocking the referee out with his megaphone. A fuming Beefcake pins Jimmy down on the ring steps and starts to hack away at his hair! Honky Tonk’s desperate gal pal Peggy Sue dumps a bucket of water over his head, reviving the champion. Brutus takes that as a cue to go after him, but new referees stop tending to the old one long enough to throw the match out. Honky Tonk Man escapes to the back with his shambles of an entourage! **. The enjoyable farcical conclusion to this makes it one of the better matches on the card.

MATCH TAHA TOLU- THE BRITISH BULLDOGS & KOKO B. WARE VS. THE ISLANDERS & BOBBY HEENAN: The Islanders and Heenan instigated this rivalry by dognapping the Bulldogs’ beloved mascot and physical manifestation of their ringname, Matilda. Heenan is dressed in a special padded suit to fend off Matilda’s vengeful advances, and maybe that protection gives him added confidence, as he tags in to stomp away on Koko. Then again, maybe that confidence is ill founded, as the Birdman quickly fires back and whips him hard into the turnbuckles! Koko then dropkicks him right into the ring post, and that’s too much for the Islanders, who launch a 2 on 1 attack. In turn, the Bulldogs come in to fight them off as the match predictably breaks down. In the chaos, The Islanders slam Koko and dump Heenan on top, and are able to sneak a three count! ** ¾. The show’s mini revival continues! This was fast paced and fun, with a near constant stream of action and Heenan putting his ‘manage like a wrestler, wrestle like a manager’ philosophy to good use.

MATCH TAHA FA- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT SEMI FINAL- RANDY SAVAGE VS. ONE MAN GANG: The sole semi final! Savage’s first two matches largely consisted of him having the shit kicked out of him, and things only get more difficult for him in his third bout of the night against the fresh, gigantic One Man Gang. Gang methodically controls the whole match, with Savage’s brightest moments largely coming when he dodges moves like the 747 Splash. Eventually he’s able to hit a double axe handle off the top rope, but his attempt at a slam is foolish. Just when things are looking bleak for Macho, Slick inadvertently changes the course of the bout by leering at Elizabeth at ringside, scaring her onto the ring apron. This distracts the referee, making Gang think he can get away with using Slick’s cane on his opponent. He can’t- the official turns around, sees him, and disqualifies him! Savage is through, but doesn’t much look like the winner. Like all his matches tonight, this accomplished it’s purpose, but in terms of quality it was a step down from the quarter final. ¾ *.

MATCH TAHA NIMA- WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS- STRIKE FORCE VS. DEMOLITION: I bloody love the way Smash starts the match by very literally Smashing his opponent, clobbering him with axe handle after axe handle after axe handle. I mean, it would have worked equally well for Ax, but one of the most fun things about late eighties WWF is seeing these wrestlers take their characters so seriously. This is a decent match as well, although the crowd are exhausted. Demolition are dominant, but it looks like Strike Force might have been able to weather the storm when Martel rallies and locks Smash in the Boston Crab. Ax is taken clean out the ring by a Flying Forearm by Santana! Demolition are not just a two person outfit though- Mr. Fuji slips his cane into the ring. Tito and the referee go after him, allowing Ax to crack the cane across Martel’s back! Smash rolls over into the cover, and we have new tag team champions! ** ½.

MATCH TAHA ONO- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FINAL- RANDY SAVAGE VS. TED DIBIASE: Celebrities! They’re just like us, except they spend most of their days performing menial tasks at Wrestlemania. Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White is timekeeper, the delightful Bob Uecker is the ring announcer, and smug looking presenter of a TV show Robin Leach ceremonially delivers the championship belt to ringside.

Only this match out of the whole evening really feels worthy of a Wrestlemania- not necessarily in match quality (although it’s the best in that respect as well) but just in terms of feeling significant and having even the potential to be iconic. In terms of match quality though, it’s little better than the rest of the tournament- everyone just wants this show to end. DiBiase has Andre in his corner, while Savage is accompanied by the ever loyal Elizabeth. The early stages of the match are marred by repeated interference by Andre, and the crowd are desperate for Hogan to end this injustice. This gives Elizabeth an idea so crazy, it just might work! She scurries to the back, and returns with the Hulkster! This pays instead dividends, as Hogan puts Andre in his place when he next attempts to interfere. Meanwhile, Macho dumps DiBiase off the top rope and tries the Flying Elbow. He only meets canvas though! Ted locks on the Millon Dollar Dream, but the referee is distracted by Andre, so Hogan to decides to repay the villains for their cheating earlier in the bout. He does this a little bit disproportionately by smashing DiBiase with a chair! Savage escapes his foe’s clutches lands the Flying Elbow- and gets the three! We have a new champion!!! And a worthy champion at that!!! ** ¾. Both guys looked pretty out of ideas having already had five matches between them in the evening, but the raw drama that comes from a big tournament final, and the raw ability that comes from being Randy Savage or Ted DiBiase, tided them over into an adequate main event.

3.5
The final score: review Bad
The 411
This show is just no fun at all, probably an outside contender for the worst Wrestlemania ever. The centrepiece tournament is unbearably long and primarily consists of average matches stained with bad, repetitive finishes. In the whole tournament, only the quarter finals boasted entirely clean conclusions. The non tournament matches are actually marginally better, there's a greater variety of them with a battle royal, a six man tag, and two championship bouts. However, none of them are long enough to be of real consequence and the dissatisfying finishes pervade these as well. There is at least a smattering of historical value in the form of Savage's big championship victory and the setting in motion of the outstanding, year long Megapowers storyline, which would headline the much better Wrestlemania V. There's not much to recommend about this show though- the venue is bad, the matches are bad, the format is bad, the show is bad. If I don't actually finish this project it will probably because I put off doing this review for nine days.
legend

article topics :

WRESTLEMANIA IV, WWE, Jack Stevenson