Jessicka Havok Says Racism Controversy Cost Her a WWE Job, Talks TNA Run & More

– TNA alumna Jessicka Havok posted a new blog entry where she addressed losing out on a WWE deal due to some racially-charged posts she had made on Twitter years earlier, what went wrong with her TNA run and more. You can read the whole thing here and see some highlights below:

On her TNA run: “Back sometime in 2014 TNA reached out to me to do a Knockouts One Night Only against Madison Rayne. I happily accepted because it will have been the biggest thing that happened to me in my then ten years in. It went well. They asked me back by offering me a “deal”. Long story short I was dicked around about a contract for about nine months before they decided Awesome Kong’s return was a bigger deal than they anticipated, and signed her instead. I was happy for her, and very sad at the same time. She herself said there was room enough for both of us there but [the] office didn’t see it that way. They invited me back for a couple more sets of tapings to job me gloriously to all the people I ran through prior. Which is fine. But I knew why they were doing it. They changed a lot of stuff about me in the process, several people telling me to do stuff a certain way. I tried to please everyone even though multiple things I was being told to do was contradictory to the other. I tried. I don’t feel I was given a fair shot to showcase what I can actually do. I know that some of the girls there were reluctant to work with me based on assuming I would hurt them. I feel like I was treated unfairly by the office there. Even though I know for a fact I had Christy Hemme pulling for me. I’ll be grateful for that. I know she wanted me there. I just wish that others would have given me a fair shot. The one positive is that I got to hold the Knockout Championship for 5 weeks on national television. No one can take that from me. I got to wrestle in Tokyo Japan on Bound for Glory. No one can take that from me. I just wish I was given a bigger chance to shine. I’m leaving out a lot of the shitty things that would make them look 100 times more unprofessional if I repeated it. I won’t be that guy. I also don’t care who gets mad about it.”

On her WWE tryout: “During this time, Sara Del Rey found out I was never actually contracted with TNA. So she contacted me and I sent her all the criteria for pursuing a tryout. I was invited to the June tryout of last year with only about two weeks to prepare. I busted my ass. Dropped 20 pounds and upped my cardio as best I could. Let me just say that there is nothing you can do to actually be fully prepared for something like that. In that three days, I endured the hardest physical obstacles and cardio drills. That tryout was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can’t express to you how painful and physically taxing it was on the body. I killed it though. I was along side the likes of Athena, Taylor Hendrix, Drew Gulak, Biff Busick, Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano. I busted my ass and I killed it. I nailed my promo. The coaches seemed to love me. I have every right and reason to believe I was getting signed.”

On the racism controversy: “On the third day of my tryout a group Of trolls, because they don’t deserve to be called fans, decided to drudge up old tweets from 2010 and 2011 and retweet and tag me in them. A lot of them were me talking shit about WWE angles and outwardly expressing my disdain for their then women’s division. A lot of girls on the indies then hated it for the way they portrayed women on TV. I was just the only one stupid enough to post openly about it on my social media. I will openly admit that I probably wasn’t mature enough to have a social media account at that point in my career. That was a point of my career when I thought it was cool to cuss in promos and say shit for shock value. What was worse was that they took tweets of me and one of my best friends tweeting jokes back and forth to each other that was considered stereotypically racist. They were taken out of context and basically I trended world wide as a racist bigot. I am not and never have been either of those. I trended world wide as a racist that day. What is even more fucked up is that the tweets that trended world wide and got plastered on every dirt sheet website weren’t even real. The KFC one especially. That same group of little trolls used a twitter app to Photoshop these tweets that made it huge. I had a team of people look into this group and I have screen shots and proof of them bragging about screwing me over. And even saying things like “Who do we mess with next?!” Again, call me a liar and anything else you can think of. I’ve heard it all at this point. But I have proof kids. I am even told I can sue. Slander and deformation of character. They cost me my dream job. I may pursue it. Who knows.”

On her reaction at the time: “I was so devestated to see myself trending online for such an ugly lie. I will admit, some of what I posted was in bad taste. I didn’t need a social media account at that point. Tasteless jokes that were absolutely taken out of context. I apologize to everyone who I did offend for ANYTHING I have ever said. I owned up to what I did say. I also issued an apology on Twitter that day because Dave Lagana from TNA told me to. He reached out to me and told me that even if I didn’t tweet them to apologize because it would make me look bad if I didn’t. I listened and I shouldn’t have. I was directed to delete my apology from a more reliable knowledgeable source shortly after. I panicked. I was sad. I contemplated quitting. I cried for a month. I didn’t know how I would come back from such a horrible accusation. And I only looked guilty. But obviously I came back a little stronger and with a little thicker skin. Its going to have to take a little more than a pathetic group of trolls living with mommy to fuck me up.”

On how she’s changed: “I’ve changed and matured and mentally grown over the last 5 years especially. I am a human being. I have feelings. I deserve to be successful and I know my worth. I will be damned if someone who isn’t god himself will tell me I am a failure and a racist and I don’t belong. I am not a racist. I am not a bigot. I love all life. I love everyone. We are all here to make a difference and learn and grow. Listen to all sides and form your own opinion based on your experience with that person / situation.”