“On the Marc” 2013 Royal Rumble Review
January 27, 2013
Live from the US Airways Center in Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler
Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Alberto Del Rio… Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett… United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro… Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No… NXT Champion: Big E Langston… Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn
In the back Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez bump into Bret Hart! He says he reminds him of a Mexican Bret Hart. A star-struck Ricardo gushes at him so Bret gives him his sunglasses.
World Heavyweight Championship Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Big Show Last Man Standing: They lock up and Show powers him into the corner and chops him. Del Rio comes back with kicks but eats a big clothesline. He slams him and stares at the fans; ADR up at five; more chops in the corner follow. He fights back and tries a second-rope move but gets chopped. He continues to dominate with the reverse avalanche; he looks for the spear but gets upended with a low dropkick. ADR hits a running kick and Show is up at three. Show kicks him and tries a powerbomb but ADR counters with a hurracanrana; he heads up top and hits a seated senton. Show is up at six. Del Rio with the step-up enziguri in the corner and works the arm; he goes for the cross-armbreaker but Show stands up mid-move and slams him back down. Del Rio rolls to the floor at seven, breaking referee Scott Armstrong’s count; Show follows him and CHOPS him there. He meanders about the floor and grabs a steel chair. Del Rio dropkicks Show avoiding disaster and lays into Show with the chair. The fans have adapted to chanting “sí” at him. Show gets up so ADR tries to come off the second rope but gets caught in a chokeslam. ADR is up (using the ropes) at nine and then collapses to the floor. Show comes out after him again and tells Armstrong to count to ten. ADR is up so Show slams him on the floor. Del Rio is up at eight. Show is about to nail him so Alberto kicks him in the balls; Show’s facial reaction is awesome as Del Rio superkicks him. Show barely makes it up at nine. Alberto comes in on the attack but Show punches back and they battle up on the stage; Show hits an odd looking DDT. He tosses him into the Rumble set at and breaks a piece of it off and nails Del Rio with it; he then clears off a table and brings it into play. He then CLIMBS onto the set and palms Del Rio onto it as well and they fight on top of it. He launches ADR off the structure with a chokeslam through the table. Del Rio somehow makes it up at nine as the fans explode. ADR collapses again so Armstrong begins the count again. Show brings him back towards the ring and savate kicks him. He tosses him back into the ring and cocks the WMD. Del Rio slips out of the ring to avoid it. Show goes over to the steps and THROWS them at Del Rio, he moves, and the steps crash into the ringpost. Ricardo tries to attack but gets launched into the ring barricade. Show thinks spear through the timekeeper’s pit but ADR moves and Show crashes and burns. The referee gets to nine so Del Rio waffles him with a chair a bunch of times. He entraps Show’s arm in the steel steps and hits a kind of Con-chair-to move; ADR then gets the trusty fire extinguisher to blind Show as he heads back into the ring. ADR locks in the cross-armbreaker as Ricardo duct tapes Show’s legs to the bottom rope. ADR releases the hold and the duct tape coupled with the injured shoulder spells Show’s inability to answer the ten count (fans count in Spanish) and Del Rio retains. 5/10 The match was fine and it booked as such to keep Show strong by not taking a pinfall but has to use the ol’ duct tape ploy to win the match. Not bad but it’s a Big Show match so there is not much to expect from it.
Here is your winner… Alberto Del Rio via Last Man Standing
Matt Striker is with Dolph Ziggler and his crew. Dolph is upset with Vickie Guerrero’s bitterness by screwing him out of a good number. Ziggler picks #1. Striker tries to point out a statistic but is interrupted by AJ Lee who threatens to send Big E Langston after him. Langston grabs the mic and shows personality mocking an annoying interviewer and asks him what he is going to do. Dolph says he’s going to win, cash in, and unify the two titles at WrestleMania. Interesting… it’ll NEVER happen, but interesting.
We hear from Antonio Cesaro (who notes that the past three Rumble winners aren’t American), the Primetime Players, Randy Orton, John Cena, Wade Barrett, Sheamus and Ryback in an old school rapid fire promo sequence all we were missing was the Rumble logo behind them.
Earlier on the pre-show Antonio Cesaro successfully defended his US title against the Miz.
WWE Tag Team Championship Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars: Bryan and Cody open the match; Rhodes works the arm so Bryan does the Danielson Counter to escape. Bryan hits the ropes so Cody tries a leapfrog but Daniel catches him mid move in the Mexican Surfboard Kane tags and hits the low dropkick. He pummels Cody but he fires back with a dropkick and tags in Sandow. Kane overpowers him with a bodyslam for two. Bryan tags in and they hit the Hart Foundation style whip into a shoulderblock in the corner. Bryan hits about twenty No Kicks and tags Kane back in to maul Damien. Kane boots him to the floor and then chucks Rhodes out there as well. Bryan hits the seven-ten split with a topé. Back in the ring, Sandow desperately pushes Bryan into the ropes for a Cody low bridge giving the Scholars their first advantage. Rhodes stomps away and hits the short kneelifts in the ropes; he slaps on a half crab. Bryan turns it into a small package but only gets two. Here’s Sandow for the Russian leg sweep/Cubito Aequet combo for a pair of nearfalls. Michael Cole begins to fire off all of Sandow’s fifty nicknames for himself as Rhodes returns to take a heel kick to the face. Damien cuts off the tag and brings Cody back in immediately; he puts Bryan in the Canadian Backbreaker, which I haven’t seen since WCW/nWo Revenge using Fit Finlay (I got a lot of submissions with that move). Bryan slips free and spikes him with a DDT. Kane gets the hot tag and hits corner clotheslines and the sideslam, for two. He heads up top but Sandow stops him… temporarily; Kane recovers, knocks Damien off, but MISSES the diving clothesline. Sandow capitalizes with the Idolizer but only gets two. Kane goozles both Scholars; they break his grip but Bryan blind tags in. The Scholars nail Kane with a double suplex and Sandow tries a pin but the referee won’t count the illegal man down. Bryan scales the buckles and hits a missile dropkick. Cody gets caught in a chokeslam as Bryan taps Sandow with the No Lock to keep the titles on Hell No. 6/10 Pretty good tag match but I pegged the Scholars to win here; I figured that Hell No would break up when they lose those belts. I hope not but we won’t know, at least for now.
Here are your winners… Team Hell No via No Lock submission
In the back, Team Hell No is celebrating their victory when Vickie Guerrero excuses herself and gives them their numbers in the Rumble. I miss the old tumbler. Bryan shows Kane his number but Kane refuses to show his. They get into an argument over it. It appears that Bryan got the shittier draw.
The Royal Rumble: I hate when the Rumble is not last; this also officially blows out my CM Punk loses the title and wins the Rumble call. #1 Dolph Ziggler opens the Rumble officially. He won a “Beat the Clock” challenge on Raw to pick his number in the Rumble but advising Raw manager Vickie Guerrero (or whatever they call her) swerved him and told him he could pick one or two. Before the match, Dolph has some words for us. He will be standing in the ring at the end just as he is now. He does not care who the second person is, which is never a good statement. #2 Chris Jericho! Holy SHIT! Good surprise here from the WWE. Chris has a new tattoo. They lock up and Chris applies a side headlock. Dolph fires him off and gets him over but not out; Jericho comes off the second rope with a sledge and clotheslines Dolph onto the apron. They fight atop the buckles as Jericho tries to push Dolph off the top. He nails a superplex as #3 Cody Rhodes who has changed trunks since the tag title match heads out; Jericho is able to take over on him because he’s tired from the tag match. Dolph gets him from behind and they double up on him. Cody hits the Hollycost but Jericho comes back with a Liontamer to pop the crowd. Ziggler blindsides him and chokes him under the bottom rope; he hits a hangman. Here’s #4 Kofi Kingston bouncing into the ring; he springboards into Cody and pummels him in the corner. He whiffs on Trouble in Paradise to Dolph and almost gets eliminated but does that shoulder bounce off the top rope move of his. He gets Ziggler to the apron but not out. Y2J and Cody come over and we get a mess in the ropes. Jericho and Rhodes pair off as do the other two. Next is #5 Santino Marella with his powerwalk. He gets everyone over the top but not to the floor and acts like he won the thing. They all reenter the ring so Marella busts out the Cobra sock. Kofi charges but gets nailed; he goes for Jericho but he stops it with a chop into a Dolph Ziggler superkick. Rhodes gets the honors and ELIMINATES Santino. Jericho tries to sneak up on Cody and get him over so Dolph in turn tries to eliminate Jericho. Everyone pairs off again and #6 Drew McIntyre comes in. He goes after Kofi and kicks him square in the face; Jericho tries to eliminate Kofi and McIntyre as the other two battle on the opposite side. Jericho goes over and dangles like last year but recovers. Here comes #7 Titus O’Neil to the ring; he attacks everyone. Cody and Kofi try to team up on him but he flattens both of them with a double clothesline. Titus nails Kofi with backbreaker. Y2J gets Drew over the top and ELIMINATES him with the springboard dropkick. Nice flip sell off the apron from McIntyre there. O’Neil and Jericho get Dolph onto the apron but not out. Next is #8 Goldust, back in a WWE ring. Cody is in the ring and we have the battle of the brothers! Dolph tries to get between them so Goldust nails him for Cody to hit the Goldust Uppercut. Nice moment. Cody reverses a whip on his brother and tries a backdrop but he gets hit with the Goldust Uppercut from Goldust. He gets his bro over but not out. Everyone battles in the ropes in a classic Rumble spot. O’Neil teeters Jericho on the top rope while #9 David Otunga hits the ring. O’Neil hits a short-clothesline to Goldust. There is a lot going on in there; notably the Rhodes’ teaming up on O’Neil then Cody turning on him and almost getting him out.
Up to #10 Heath Slater who hits the ring; he goes after former Nexus ally Otunga. Jericho gets Ziggler over the top again. Everyone pairs off and brawls. Last year’s winner #11 Sheamus runs in; he hits an Irish Curse to Cody and Dolph. Slater and Jericho both eat Finlay Rolls. He tosses O’Neil over the top for O’Clubbering and then sends Otunga into Titus, ELIMINATING Titus O’Neil. He then beats up Otunga with O’Clubbering; the Brogue Kick ELIMINATES him. Slater and Rhodes end the flurry as #12 Tensai lumbers to the ring; he goes for Sheamus. Everyone in the ring gangs up on him but he manages to survive. Dolph goes over the top but not out for the twentieth time by my count. #13 Brodus Clay dances into the ring. Brodus goes after Jericho but Tensai comes up from behind. They battle in the center of the ring. Cody and Goldust continue their brotherly rivalry. Cody nearly goes out and then drags Goldust onto the apron. Goldust clotheslines Cody back into the ring but he sends Goldust into the post back first for a wicked looking bump to ELIMINATE Goldust. Now #14 Rey Mysterio comes out making a mini-return. He kicks Ziggler in the face and then nails the 619 to both Ziggler and Jericho. Rey drops the dime on Y2J. Everyone battles in the ropes. This has been a full ring Rumble for the most part. #15 Darren Young comes out as everyone gangs up on Brodus to ELIMINATE him. Kofi uses a body scissors to ELIMINATE Tensai. Dolph sends Kofi onto the apron but he loses his balance and leaps off the apron and lands on Tensai’s back! His feet haven’t touched the floor yet. Tensai props him onto the announce table and pounds on him. Kofi now has to figure out how to get back into the ring. He’s stuck on the island that is the announce table. Kofi asks JBL for his chair. #16 Bo Dallas from NXT heads into the ring. Kofi uses JBL’s chair like a pogo stick to bounce his way back to the ring apron and back into the ring. Darren Young charges at him and gets low bridged to the floor, ELIMINATED. Rhodes then nails a Disaster Kick to finally knock Kingston off the apron, ELIMINATING him. Rhodes over celebrates and almost gets tossed by Sheamus. #17 The Godfather heads out in another Rumble surprise. He enters the ring and immediately gets dropkicked back out and ELIMINATED by Dolph Ziggler. His entrance theme never went off the entire time. It is time for #18 Wade Barrett to head out. He goes after Mysterio who was on the apron. He finally meets Sheamus and nails him with the Winds of Change. Former mentor and rookie, Jericho and Barrett, team up on Sheamus. #19 John Cena hits the ring. He gets the Undertaker treatment. Everyone pummels Cena but he fights back and ELIMINATES Heath Slater; he then ELIMINATES Cody Rhodes. Bo Dallas of all people attacks Cena.
#20 Damien Sandow comes out just as his partner was tossed; Damien attacks Dallas. Mysterio is in a precarious position on Wade’s shoulders and manages to hurracanrana him over the top but both lands on the apron; Barrett scurries back in to not get eliminated and savate kicks Rey off to ELIMINATE him. He turns right into Sheamus; Jericho gets the Walls of Jericho on Cena while #21 Daniel Bryan comes in. He attacks Sandow as the “yes” chants are really loud. He kicks Dolph over with No Kicks and then Barrett suffers the same fate. He goes for Jericho and Sheamus helps him out; Cena is dangling in the opposite corner via Sandow. Up next, #22 Antonio Cesaro comes out in all white and attacks Bryan. Everyone pairs off; Barrett nearly gets Cena out. Dallas has lasted a long while for a rookie. Bryan throws uppercuts to Barrett while #23 Great Khali comes in. He Head Chops everyone and stands on Jericho’s head. Cesaro almost gets Sheamus out. Cena and Jericho renew acquaintances. #24 Kane comes in who is four eliminations away from the all-time record. Kane attacks Khali but he gets the upper hand on him. Next is #25 Zack Ryder who nails Dolph with a Rough Ryder. Kane manages to ELIMINATE the Great Khali and then Bryan sneaks up on Kane and ELIMINATES his own tag partner. He celebrates but gets sent onto the apron by Cesaro; Daniel gets knocked off but lands in Kane’s arms. He pleads Kane to put him back in but he lets him go and Bryan is ELIMINATED. Funny stuff. #26 Randy Orton rushes into the ring. He clotheslines everyone and hits a powerslam to Ryder and Ziggler. Orton tosses Dolph onto the apron and then nails him and Dallas with a double Viper DDT. Ryder takes an RKO and is ELIMINATED. He takes a nasty looking spill onto his face. #27 Jinder Mahal getting the lucky spot; they usually win. He attacks Sheamus. Cena ELIMINATES Cesaro. Jericho and Ziggler find themselves again and brawl on the mat. Cena slingshots Dolph over but not out; Sheamus clotheslines Barrett. Next is #28 The Miz with a really good draw. He meets Cesaro in the aisle and attacks him. Miz hobbles into the ring afterwards; he hurt himself in the preshow. Sheamus ELIMINATES Mahal. Miz hits the Vintage Neckbreaker to Cena. #29 Sin Cara makes a return from injury. Sheamus and Cena battle in the ropes; Bo Dallas ELIMINATES Barrett, in the shocker of the match thus far. Miz gets Jericho over the top as the sore loser Barrett returns and pulls Bo Dallas out to ELIMINATE him. Wade adds a receipt with a Bull Hammer to Dallas on the floor. Lots of people in the ring for #30 Ryback, getting the draw of a lifetime… now bodies are gonna fly.
Ryback gets in and obliterates everyone in sight. Damien Sandow is ELIMINATED as his first victim. Cara tries to get at him but Ryback swats him away and press-slams him into Sandow, ELIMINATING Cara. Miz tries to blindside him but gets promptly ELIMINATED. Jericho nails him with a Codebreaker to cut him off. Jericho battles Cena and manages a Lionsault. Y2J then gets Sheamus onto the apron but not out trying for payback from last year. He nails Codebreaker to Ziggler but gets reversed and Jericho is ELIMINATED. There are five left. Sheamus and Orton battle as Ryback gets up. Orton nails a RKO to Ziggler and Cena and Sheamus. Ryback is on the apron so he gets nailed with a Viper DDT. Randy stands tall in the ring. He makes the mistake of trying to RKO Ryback and Orton is ELIMINATED. So the final four in the 2013 Royal Rumble are Ryback, Ziggler, Sheamus and Cena. Cena tries an AA to Ryback but gets shoved into a Dolph DDT. Sheamus floors Ryback. Sheamus then ELIMINATES Ziggler, after forty-six minutes, with a Brogue kick. Sheamus and Cena attack Ryback and double suplex him. Cena and Sheamus realize there is a WrestleMania sign. Cena fires up on Sheamus with a Proto-bomb but gets upended by a Meat Hook clothesline. Ryback tries Shell Shocked but Sheamus reverses into White Noise. He goes for the Brogue Kick but Ryback ducks his shoulder and ELIMINATES Sheamus! We’re down to Ryback and John Cena. Ryback says “feed me more.” John tries to attack but gets nailed; Ryback goes for the Meat Hook but gets entangled in the STF. Cena wears him down with it until he passes out. He deadlifts Ryback onto the buckles but Ryback wakes up and floors him with a Thesz Press. He goes for a running powerslam but Cena reverses and ELIMINATES Ryback to take the 2013 Rumble. 6.5/10 Pretty good Rumble but Cena winning it may tell the future in the next match; this is the only problem with the Rumble not being last. I enjoyed the surprises and Jericho’s return. Kofi’s near elimination and subsequent Bryan elimination were fun too.
Here is your winner of the Royal Rumble… John Cena
The Rock is interviewed by Josh Matthews who kicks him off and delivers the “finally…” line. He says he’s been through adversity but it’s what we do with it that’s important. He discusses his mom who was diagnosed with cancer; she did not quit like he won’t quit. Everyone matters and the Rock will end CM Punk’s title reign.
WWE Heavyweight Championship CM Punk (w/Paul Heyman) vs. The Rock: If the Shield interferes here, Punk is stripped of the WWE title, per Mr. McMahon. Now, I love the Rock but this whole “gets a title shot on one of the biggest PPVs of the year” just because he’s the Rock, bugs me. I know the WWE wants ratings but the Rock has had three matches in the WWE in about seven years… yeah, he’s won all of them but still, I think the title shot could go to someone who is on the active roster. Punk attacks at the bell and the Rock fights back; Punk then takes over in the corner and tosses him cross-corner but gets nailed with a clothesline. Rocky clotheslines him to the floor and gives chase. They battle there. Rock dismantles the announce table but Punk kicks him and tosses him back into the ring; he makes sure to repair the table for the Spanish announcers before he reenters. They fight back to the floor as the fans chant for Punk. Rock reverses a whip and tosses Punk into the ring barricade. Heyman nails the Rock while the referee is distracted and allows Punk to hit a clothesline. He suplexes the Rock onto the ring barricade; the same ribs that were softened by the Shield on Raw. Back in the ring, Punk kicks Rocky in the spine. He applies a body scissors allowing the Rock to catch his breath. Rocky elbows his way back but meets a kneelift, for two. Punk applies a Koji Clutch like move for a little while. Rocky reverses it and punches his way back but runs afoul of a leg lariat. Punk metaphorically kicks dirt onto the Rock. He chokes him in the ropes and clubbers him. The pace has slowed tremendously, I guess to allow the Rock to pace himself since he hasn’t had a match since WrestleMania; JBL mentions this on commentary in the form of “ring shape.” Heyman adds another cheapshot and Rock is on the apron so Punk hits the Jericho springboard dropkick; Punk looks to have tweaked the knee that was surgically repaired a month ago. He heads up top, so I guess the knee is okay, and nails a top-rope clothesline all of the way to the floor. Back in the ring, the Rock zeros in on the knee but Punk forces him to the floor to create space. Punk nails a suicide dive but winces as he gets to his feet (the knee). Punk misses a springboard move and the Rock works the knee again; he hits a Russian leg sweep for a one count. He looks for the Rock Bottom but Punk counters and tries the GTS; Rock counters that into a Sharpshooter, but Punk reverses again, into the Anaconda Vise. Rocky rolls Punk onto his back forcing a break or pinfall loss; Rock hits the People’s DDT. Both men down. Rock gets up and tries the Rock Bottom again but Punk counters into a rollup but Rocky rolls through and applies a Sharpshooter. Punk drags himself to the ropes for a break. Back to the floor, the Rock goes back to the Spanish announce table. They fight atop it and Punk tries the Go2Sleep but the Rock reverses into a Rock Bottom (I think) because the table broke before they could complete the move. Rocky dives back into the ring to break the count… and then nails a Rock Bottom on the floor. I guess it was supposed to be a Rock Bottom through the table. Back in the ring, Rock gets a nearfall. Both men down again. Rock moves in slowly so Punk kicks his head off with a roundhouse kick. Both men down are again as referee Mike Chioda counts up to nine before they begin to stir; both men up before ten. They begin to exchange blows in the center of the ring; Punk tries an Irish whip but the Rock hits that leaping clothesline of his, off the ropes. The Pinebuster sets up the People’s Elbow… but the lights go out. The commentators say someone is dismantling the table, Michael Cole says it’s the Shield. We can’t see because the lights stay out throughout the entire sequence. Cole says they nailed the Shield Bomb through the announce table as the lights come up with Rock out on the table, Punk out in the ring, and the Shield nowhere in sight. Cole thinks that someone interfered with Chioda as well since he did not see anything. Punk smiles as he professes his innocence. Cole continues to bitch about the Shield as JBL calls him a “stooge.” Heyman sits on the ring steps as Punk drags Rocky back into the ring… for three! Punk survives! We see fans looking on in disbelief, including the Rock’s mother who is in the front row. Mr. McMahon comes out. This does not look good. He reminds him about the Shield’s attacks and he’d be stripped of the title. He is about to strip Punk of the title but the Rock grabs the mic and tells him to restart the match now! Vince agrees. Punk is bewildered but he smartly attacks the Rock in the corner and stomps away. The bell rings again as Punk hits the high knee in the corner; he heads up top and drops the Macho Man Elbow, for two. Punk says sleepy time. Rock, of course, counters into the Pinebuster and the People’s Elbow, this one connects and gets the three count. 4/10 I don’t know how I feel completely about this yet. I know I’m going to be at WrestleMania and I’ll get Cena/Rock II for the WWE title. Unfortunately, I know how that will end. At LEAST have Punk job to the Rock Bottom. The Rock has not wrestled in months so we get this slow paced match; this is one of the only problems with these sporadic Rock appearances. I really do not like the restart match thing but I guess they had to give Punk an escape clause to complain about being screwed over. Yup, Cena’s win in the prior match foretold the story.
Here is your winner AND NEW WWE Champion… The Rock via People’s Elbow pinfall
OVERALL 5/10 I’ll give this one right in the middle. It was not the best Rumble but certainly not the worst either. Rock gets his WWE title win setting up the WrestleMania rematch. Cena’s a two time Rumble winner. Time to hit the Road to WrestleMania!
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