wrestling / Columns

Q&A Session: Alberto El Patron Drama

July 14, 2017 | Posted by Jeremy Lambert

It’s that time once again where my brain has questions and my fingers have answers. Let’s get to it.

What’s the deal with Alberto Del Rio?

Fuck WWE and that pussy Triple H

Huh?

Sorry. That’s an automatic response by our new word association bot. We’re still working out the kinks. The latest on Alberto Del Rio is that he was involved in a domestic violence incident at an airport. He’s also the GFW heavyweight champion.

GFW?

That’s TNA undergoing another name change. We can get back to that later if you’d like.

No thanks. Did he hit Paige at the airport?

According to his girlfriend/fiance/second wife, no, he did not hit her at the airport. She initially claimed, “I found out bad fam news & and a lady tries to take a pic. She gets angry throws a drink on Del Rio.”

But then she changed her story.

Correct. Then she changed her story and said that she threw the drink at Del Rio.

Does anyone know what’s going on here?

Nope. My best guess is that Paige is blaming herself, even though she’s the victim. It’s the worst state a person can reach. The state where the person thinks they are at fault even though they are the ones being wronged. Del Rio seems to have a history of being an asshole, but he’s somehow manipulate Paige into believing that he’s a great guy and she’s the asshole.

Did you see the TMZ report where they had audio from the incident?

I did. The audio is damaging to any side of the story that Paige and Del Rio are trying to say. It was an argument between two public figures with a tumultuous history.  It also gives more credence to the theory that Del Rio and Paige have a lot of issues.

Maybe he just has bad luck?

Maybe. Or maybe he’s not a good person and brings this trouble upon himself. Just look at his history. He was fired from WWE for slapping an employee. Maybe the employee made a racist remark, but slapping the employee wasn’t the best way to handle things. Then there was the time he beat up someone in a turtle costume because he looked at Paige the wrong way. He’s still technically married despite being engaged to Paige And, of course, there was the whole stabbing incident.

Finally, multiple people, including her own siblings, have claimed that Paige has bruises on her. Given that she isn’t currently wrestling, you can draw your own conclusions as to how she got those bruises.

Wait. Are we going to completely ignore the potential physical harming of Paige?

Yes.

Why?

Because that’s what we do in the wrestling business.

That seems really dumb.

It is. And Paige’s brother, who has called out Alberto for beating his sister, agrees with you. But everyone else will continue to ignore it until it’s too late. Then we’ll all say, “well, we all saw this coming.”

Shouldn’t Paige leave him? Why is she still with him? 

She should leave him. She hasn’t because Alberto has some kind of magical powers that allows him to mistreat women and get away with it. While the rest of us have to work 24/7 just so a woman gives notice, Del Rio walks up to them, says, “wanna be my perro tonight?” and they fall head over heels.

And that line works even after he mistreats them?

It’s a damn smooth line.

How does this end?

Probably with a ref bump, some interference, and Del Rio retaining the title.

Not the next GFW pay-per-view, Del Rio’s relationship with Paige.

Oh, right. It ends in a messy split. It’s already been a messy relationship, there’s no way the split is rainbows and unicorns. When they split, they’ll both say nasty things about each other They’ll reveal truths that we thought we knew and more that we didn’t. It’s going to be “bowling shoe ugly” when it’s all said and done. I just hope no one is truly hurt before things come to an end.

Why did it have to be this way?

It didn’t. But Del Rio is a good looking guy with a lot of charm and an alpha personality. Paige is an impressionable and immature girl who doesn’t know what she wants in life. They both grew up in the business and have become jaded by it. It was doomed from the start.

What does WWE think?

They haven’t commented. They probably won’t comment. I’m a little surprised they haven’t released her. They wanted her away from Del Rio from the jump, but she chose him over them. They should let her walk away and wash their hands, but The Rock is currently filming a movie on her life, and they probably want to cash in on that.

They can’t be that petty.

This is wrestling. If they can keep someone under contract, even to the detriment of all parties, just to make money. They’ll do it.

What about GFW?

Oh, now you care about GFW.

Not really. But Del Rio is their champion. So I thought I’d ask.

Well, GFW suspended him. But they’ve also taped months of events and have no intentions of re-shooting. And since they don’t run house shows and have no major upcoming events, the suspension is meaningless.

Wrestling seems like a terrible business.

Wrestling is a terrible business.

Thanks for joining this edition of Q&A Session. Follow me on twitter @jeremylambert88