Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Monday Night Raw – January 12, 1998

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• After the entire year of 98 RAWs were added to the WWE Network, I decided to dive in and reviewed the first RAW of 1998 a month ago. Now, it’s time for #2.

• WWE Raw – January 5, 1998

• We’re still 6 days out from RR98, and after last week’s casket attack, HBK appears back to normal as he, Trips, and Chyna are in the back of a limo on their way to Penn State. And we all know the best part of college: college chicks. H and crew have the gall to make a nose joke at Owen’s expense and say that he better keep his out of DX business. H takes an inside jab at Flair for some reason and mocks a kidney injury, but then segues into calling out Taker and calling him a loser. HBK drops trou for a little Moon over State College for that big fight feel.

• Now, we’re live in-arena with JR, Cole, and KK. JR puts over the upcoming tag melee with the Godwins, Bangers, and Truthers already in the ring with the NAO yet to make an entrance. Cole says DX has an announcement coming up later and they have a camera posted outside awaiting their arrival in a limo. KK bats clean up hyping the FIRST TIME EVER….LIVE…. RR drawing. Also, the marked man SCSA is here. And Mike Tyson might make an announcement.

• Fatal 4 Way Match: The Godwinns vs. The Headbangers vs. The Truth Commission vs. The New Age Outlaws. The Truthers were last seen jobbing unceremoniously to the DOA last week because Kurrgan did a walk rather than run-in. The Bangers were beat clean by the NAO last week. And The Godwinns are finally getting the NAO in the ring after scouting them last week.

• The NAO are out in Florida Gator garb to stick it to the locals because the Gators beat the Nittany Lions in the 98 Citrus Bowl a few weeks prior.

• The entire tag division puts the boots to the NAO as JR plays sleuth. JR: “IS THE RUMOR TRUE? WILL MIKE TYSON BE AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE?! FIND OUT TONIGHT!” The Truthers send off Billy for a few clotheslines, while the Bangers shitcan Road Dogg out. Henry Godwinn Pearl Harbors Thrasher to finally get the legal men in the ring. Thrasher baseball slides through with a few dropkicks to come back. Mosh and Truther 1 in the ring and even Cole can’t be bothered to give a shit which one it is before confirming that it is indeed Sniper. Mosh with a dropkick and Sniper has had enough and bails out. He tags right back in and Cole has now decided it’s Recon instead (he’s right, it is Recon AKA Bling Bling Buchanan). Recon with a clothesline for 2 as the crowd gives no fucks about anything other than booing the NAO for their Gator jerseys.

• The Godwinns work a few quick tags, while KK tries to channel all that energy into pointing out that none of these jabrons matter because the LOD get the title shot at the RR. Recon and Thrasher have a pow wow and can’t decide which corner to pretend to brawl into before Mosh gives them a hint by heading up top for a flying clothesline. JR: “OVER 40,000 STUDENTS RETURNED TO COLLEGE TODAY, AND WE’RE GOING TO COLLEGE WITH THEM!” Thanks for that. Phineas in but Recon is blown up after that bodyslam and brings in Billy Gunn. Phineas sends Billy into the opposing corners for some shenanigans. He preps the Slop Drop but Road Dogg makes a token save only to get shitcanned out by Henry. Billy blindsides Phineas with the loaded knucks for 1, 2, 3 to take it at 4:10. Eh, not terrible, but the hot crowd was only interested in the NAO’s cheap heat. A decent tease of the NAO getting their just desserts though. *1/4

• Meanwhile, a video package puts over the LOD only through their WWF exploits until showing how the NAO shaved Hawk’s head and powerbombed Animal through the announce table last month.

• We cut to the camera awaiting DX’s arrival BUT WAIT! THE TEXAS RATTLESNAKE! Austin storms the place in his pickup and shouts some profanity at the camera man for good measure.

• We take a break and are back to footage during the commercial of Austin attacking the Godwinns single-handedly and dropping them with no problem. Austin drives his truck into the arena and up to the stage to make his entrance. Cole’s got the stick and wants to know if Austin is following the inverse of the golden rule. HELL YEAH! Austin says that he should have won the RR last year but was robbed. However, he’s not here to complain; just know that if you get into the ring, your ass belongs to SCSA. Cole speculates that Austin is a marked man. Austin calls him an idiot and then draws a bullseye on his own chest with a Sharpie. He’s not here to take crap from anyone and that’s the bottom line cuz he said so.

• Next up, a limo arrives but we’ll have to wait til after the break to see who is inside.

• Back from break, a tractor trailer is blocking DX’s entrance but no resolution just yet.

• Handicap Elimination Match: Jimmy Cicero and Lance Diamond vs. Kurrgan the Interrogator. Kurrgan no sells and works over the jobbers, while Cyrus converts a few pre-teens in the crowd and joins on commentary. Kurrgan with a BOOT OF FEAR and a powerslam. Cyrus hypes Kurrgan as a RR favorite and then threatens the crew with demotion to the indies for no particular reason. KK wants the scoop on whether Sniper and Recon will be in the RR, and Cyrus forgets his gimmick and his own stable in lieu of hyping Tyson’s likely appearance at the RR. Kurrgan crotches one of the enhancement talent and then locks in the Claw and finishes the other with a hanging vertical suplex at 2:30. Quick and painless. DUD.

• Post-match, Kurrgan rips apart a gimmicked Penn State helmet at the behest of Cyrus.

• Meanwhile, DX is still trying to get in the building. BUT WAIT! OWEN HART IS IN THE LIMO ATTACKING TRIPLE H! The chauffeur takes it upon himself to throw it in reverse and go joyriding during the beatdown.

• Marvelous Marc Mero vs. Vader. Last week, Mero ate a Stunner in Stone Cold’s rampage but still saved his wife from the knight in shining armor, Tom Brandi. Mero gets the stick, but it’s dead. Live TV and all, so JR tells the monkeys in the truck to hit Sable’s music. Finally, Mero gets a live mic and reveals that he promised to not hurt Sable anymore. Instead, he’s enlisted Goldust in drag and a thong as his second. Also, last week, Vader was hot on the heels of Goldust and chased him off to the back after he took out Flash Funk, and he’s still pissed about Goldust abandoning the team back at SS.

• Vader takes Mero over to the corner, so they can exchange shots to the breadbasket. Mero goes to work and Goldie trips up Vader, while the crowd chants for Sable. Mero uses the distraction for the BLATANTLOWBLOW. Sable is out and she takes offense at Goldust impersonating her and kicks him away. Mero sends Sable to the back much to the crowd’s chagrin and Vader capitalizes and sends him into the stairs. Back in, Vader with a Ho Train and calls for the VaderBomb. He hits it but Goldust blasts him with a coconut (yes, a coconut) for the DQ at 3:00. This was somehow worse than a Kurrgan squash, but still had Sable. DUD

• DX is back and worse for the wear, but Owen is nowhere to be seen.

• In the back, Austin has dropped Vader with the help of a trash can.

• The Rock & D’Lo Brown vs. Ken Shamrock & Mark Henry. Rock is currently sliding up the hierarchy of the NOD and is miles ahead of Farooq in terms of actual heat, but still not actual top dog yet. Farooq, meanwhile, is nowhere to be found. Still, Mizark is rocking a sweet blood red “Rocky Sucks” t-shirt. Shamrock is on the war path taking out the LOD one at a time, week-by-week, and at the RR, he’ll finally get Rocky one-on-one for the IC strap. He saved Mark Henry from an attack by the LOD a couple of weeks back.

• Pre-match, Rocky gets the stick. He calls out Kordell Stewart and the Steelers for getting advice from Joe Pa instead of the Rock himself and now they’re both losers. Then, he says he’s going to whip both of Shamrock and Henry’s monkey asses.

• Shamrock and Rock to start as the crowd lets Rock hear it. Shamrock with a back elbow and some GnP as KK predicts that Shamrock will win the IC belt this Sunday. JR warns though that if Shamrock snaps, he’s as bad as they come, but that doesn’t stop him from swinging and missing with a roundhouse. D’Lo in and Shamrock hits a shitty leg lariat. He can’t seem to figure out which way to whip D’Lo until finally realizing it’s time for Rock’s cutoff with a cheapshot from behind. Rock hits a shoulderbreaker and the People’s Elbow to absolute silence for 1, 2, no. Shamrock comes back with a powerslam for 1, 2, kickout. A rana and Shamrock is fired up. He takes out D’Lo and Godfather and hits Rock with a suplay. Shamrock goes for the AnkleLock. BUT WAIT! MARK HENRY WAFFLES SHAMROCK! Henry joins the Nation and drops Shamrock with a powerslam and a few elbow drops. They put the boots to him for a DQ at 3:50.

• Post-match, a Rock Bottom flattens Shamrock and Henry counts the 3 for Rock’s figurative victory. JR is flabbergasted and reckons that the IOC and USOC are disgusted with Mizark’s actions. Farooq greets his minions at the top of the ramp but is a little peeved about not being consulted on the new addition. As a whole, energetic and effective, if brief. *1/2

• After a break, we return with Rock proclaiming this as the 2nd greatest day in the history of the NOD, lagging behind only his entry into the Nation. Rocky talks circles around the segment, while Farooq is forced to only look pissed off in the background, realizing his push and gimmick are getting swallowed up by this smiling schmuck.

• Next up, DX is out with JR promising a major announcement about Undertaker’s family. H gets the stick and dismisses Owen as a nugget again and then makes a few puns about tips, heads, and such for all the sorority girls in the crowd. HBK takes over and calls out Tyson and says he’ll dance all over his face at the RR. JR: “I’D LIKE TO SEE HIM TRY TO DO THAT!” He moves on to Kane, but Owen via the tron, interrupts with some odd-looking “blood” on his face from the earlier attack.

• H invites him into the ring to settle the score, so out comes Owen with a crutch. Referees interject to prevent anything entertaining.

• Skull & 8 Ball vs. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express. Last week, the DOA got a weak victory over The Truth Commission but still jobbed to Kurrgan in the post-match segment. After dazzling the North American wrestling scene last week with a sub 5 minute schmoz, the NWA and Cornette are back this week to redefine tag wrestling with the RNR who look every bit of 1000 year old vampires. To cap off the insanity, the RNR actually come out to the Rockers’ old music.

• Ricky runs the ropes a few times before landing in a spinning side slam that appears to travel the show back in time a decade. Cornette: “CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS, JR?!” JR: “No… I can’t.” Gibson is in and decides he’s going heel and fakes a shake before booting away. He, too, is taken down by the big bald guy of DOA. Morton trips him up for some double teaming, while Cornette tries to wax poetic about how everyone is watching RAW because of the NWA invasion. Gibson clips the knee and Ricky falls on top but the ref can’t be bothered to count because he is too transfixed by the tassels and mullet combo. Oh yeah, Cornette apologizes but he forgot the RNR are the NWA tag champs. High times. The DOA have had enough of this tomfoolery and clear the ring. Cornette wants a DQ for the shitcan and decides to plead his case by waffling the other big bald guy with the tennis racket. The ref catches him in the act and throws out the match at 2:20. 1/4* for JR’s blatant no-selling of Cornette’s jabs on commentary.

• Post-match, Chainz saves the boys from sure dropkick doom.

• Still to come, the live RR drawing and an announcement on Mike Tyson.

• Meanwhile, JR and King hype the hotline and tease that Hogan may be at the RR.

• Earlier today, Cactus Jack was at Beaver Stadium. He talks about all the wars he’s been in with Terry Funk and how he knew he needed his help to go against the NAO. It will be a chance for them to all get to know each other at the BRUTAL BOWL! BANGBANG!

• Mankind vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Luckily, Goldie is dressed as Dude Love instead of Sable. Mankind pounds him down to start and hits a backdrop. He calls for the Mandible Claw. BUT WAIT! IT’S AUSTIN! He Stuns both for the DQ at :24. DUD. At least, Goldust’s sell of the Stunner by jumping out of the ring to the floor is pretty awesome.

• Post-match, Austin steals JR’s headset to talk some trash about how he’s going to win the RR. This segment produces the famous AWWWW, HELL YEAH! clip you’ve seen a zillion times though.

• We’re back and Vince is backstage and hypes that Tyson will be on RAW next week.

• Sunny is out in a not very flattering Penn State cheerleading outfit to introduce the next match.

• Los Boricuas vs. Scott Taylor and TAKA Michinoku. Last week, Los Boricuas took the payoff and delivered Owen to DX and looked incompetent in the process. Scott Taylor is Scotty 2 Hotty but mostly a jobber and TAKA is happy to be here. King: “I’m not embarrassed to be with younger women, except when I drop them off at school. COME HERE, SUNNY!” JR: “Well… I’m not going there. I’m going to the Royal Rumble on Sunday.”

• Taylor with a shoulderblock and a dropkick that sends Jesus to the floor. Taylor baseball slides through and kicks him off the apron again. He tries a small plancha but eats rail. Back in, Taylor handstands to the apron and hits a fuckin’ palm thrust off the top into a clothesline. Meanwhile, King and JR debate immigration policy and how many words of English TAKA knows (JR says 4 – “King is a jackass.”). TAKA in and drops an elbow for 1. Savio Vega in and he throws down TAKA but gets Victory Rolled for 1, 2, no. Savio with a few chops in the corner, while King and JR fantasize about a Stone Cold/Mike Tyson showdown. Savio hits a spinkick in the corner and a sweet JACKKNIFE. No cover and instead Jesus in for a badass flying knee. Jesus misses a crooked Stinger Splash by a solid 3 seconds in the corner and wipes out. Scotty 2 Taylor outsmarts Jesus and teases a crossbody before backflipping onto his feet and backdropping Jesus down. TAKA in and they clean house with dropkicks. JR: “SHADES OF THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS!” Savio bails out only for TAKA to hit a moonsault to the floor. Savio catches him(!) and plants him with a POWERSLAM! HAYMAKER! That was pretty sweet on Savio’s part. He then crotches Scotty and Jesus hits a reverse superplex for 1, 2, 3 at 4:35. Hey, look, a clean finish and decent work. **1/2

• Post-match, Owen Hart with a crutch comes back to get some revenge on Los Baricuas for last week.

• We get another remembrance of Bam Bam’s initial attack on LT at RR95.

• Time for the main event interview as DX is back out with Michael Cole. HBK throws his pony tail tassels into Mitchell Cole’s face a few times before getting down to business. DX would like to invite Kane to join the stable. BUT WAIT! IT’S THE UNDERTAKER’S MUSIC! JR says pre-dates Stuart Scott by saying that it’s colder than the other side of the pillow for UT’s entrance. UT says not much of note before goozling HBK for the infamous(?) EVERYBODY TALKS TOO MUCH screenshot for Botchamania. HBK only works Sundays though and instead Chyna looks to eat a ChokeSlam only for Trips to break that up with a crutch. UT no sells only to eat a Sweet Chin Music and more crutch shots. BUT WAIT! THAT’S… THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE! JR speculates about his loyalty as he stalks DX to the back. But UT and Kane share a mythical secret handshake from the ramp to the ring to apparently answer that question for the time being.

• Time for the live drawing. A slew of midcarders are in the ring. Shamrock comes out and tries to start a brawl with the NOD. In a funny spot, everyone stops brawling as Honky Tonk Man’s music starts and then resumes brawling. Cactus Jack is next as the refs appear to have restored order. SCSA’s music plays as he bum rushes and Stuns Phineas Godwinn from behind and then leaves flipping everyone off. Cue the Pier-30 man brawl. Austin tries to slink to the back but is jumped by Rock, Savio, and D’Lo. They kick his ass all the way to the back. The monkeys in the truck aren’t satisfied, so they have King reintroduce the brawl and send the boys back out for MOARBEATDOWN on Austin.

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6.5

The final score: review Average

The 411

While far from the best in-ring product I've ever seen, this show did a solid job of setting up the RR: I want to see the NAO get their asses kicked; I want to see UT and Kane go after DX; I want to see Shamrock go after the Nation and Rock and Farooq collide; but mostly, I want to see Austin at the RR. Bad on the quality, good on the hype.