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The 411 Wrestling Top 5: The Top 5 Worst WrestleMania Matches
The 411 Wrestling Top 5: Hello everyone and welcome to 411 Wrestling’s Top 5 List. We take a topic each week and all the writers here on 411 wrestling will have the ability to participate and give us their Top 5 on said topic. So, onto this week’s topic…
Week 302 – The Top 5 Worst WrestleMania Matches
Name the worst WrestleMania matches of all time. Go.
Scott Rutherford
5. The Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzales – Brutal. Take a couple of 7 foot guys, one dressed as a mortician the other as a Yeti, ignore that fact that they can barely work, give them a 16 minute match, send them out during a daytime event in a place that looks like a coliseum. What do you go from there? Go down to your local bar and drink a while, come back 20 minutes later and ask, “what did I miss?” with a straight face then burst out laughing. That’s what I imagine Vince McMahon did.
4. The Big Show vs. Akebono – Big Show in a sumo wrestling match. Yup, this was someone’s good idea. Does anyone in the WWE ever actually sit down and wonder why people don’t take a 7-foot tall, 450lb monster seriously? He’s been turned into such a joke (even outside all the heel/face turns) that he’s done as being a draw. This match is ample proof of that. Sacrificed in the name of putting over a Japanese wrestler that NO ONE outside of Japan could give a fuck about. There was no pay off for the win and everyone refuses to talk about it to this day.
3. The Undertaker vs. The Big Bossman – No explanation needed…sorry, channeled a little Watry there. Really though, what can anyone say about this abomination that you don’t already know? Surprisingly, this is the 2nd time The Undertaker appears on my top 5 and he had a couple of others that were borderline (King Kong Bundy chiefly). Funny when you think this man had such an amazing run of ****+ matches during the last decade or so at WM.
2. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon – While intentions are good, the reality of this match wasn’t. Bret Hart wasn’t allowed to get hit or else he voided his Lloyds of London insurance policy. Thus rendering one half of a singles match completely useless. This may have been OK if his opponent was anyone other than Vince McMahon but isn’t isn’t the guy you need to carry a match. They tried to hide the obvious short comings behind the Hart Family Retribution booking but the match itself was WAYYYYYY to long, had surprisingly little heat and too much going on outside the ring to really have any meaningful catharsis about the whole deal.
1. Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole – I was actually a fan of the heel Michael Cole character. I felt there was a lot to like about the heel announcer shtick but as with most things WWE, it was about as subtle as a sledgehammer and driven into the ground with little to no payoff. This match was supposed to be Lawler’s big WM moment (first match ever at the big show) and Cole getting his arse handed to him (retribution for being a prick for so long). It should have gone all of 3 minutes, Cole never got an offensive move in (or at least Lawler should never have sold any), special ref Steve Austin should have humiliated him and we would have had a fun WM moment. Instead we got a match that even a carny like Lawler couldn’t save, Cole winning and everyone burning out their frontal lobe trying to erase this match (and Michael Cole in wrestling trunks) from our minds.
MICHAEL WEYER
5. Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel, WrestleMania VII Blindfold matches suck. That’s an absolute fact, it’s always been true. Yet WWF decided in 1991 to blow off the long-running Rick Martel/Jake Roberts feud with this gimmick. It did make a tiny bit of sense as Martel had “blinded” Roberts months before so Roberts wanted to even the odds a bit. But it still reeked as you had two guys with hoods over their heads stumbling about, bumping into each other for brief shots, then breaking apart to stagger around the ring. It was slow and agonizing to watch as Jake finally used the crowd reactions to zero in on Martel for a DDT. A shame to see two guys who really could work well together in the ring put through this idiocy and a reminder again why this gimmick needs to die.
4. Big Show vs. Akebono, WrestleMania 21 You have to feel a bit for Paul Wight and how he has put up with some truly insane crap from the company he loves working for. Big Show has had some duds in his time but this tops it all. Who exactly thought fans were begging to see Show in a thong against a sumo wrestler pretty much no one in the U.S. had heard of? The fans were hating on this from the start as sumo matches tend to be fast affairs and this was no exception, Show shoved out of the ring in less than a minute. Just a terrible idea and no pay off, no reason for Show to job like this as it was never mentioned again, making this a huge waste.
3. Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez, WrestleMania IX Many consider Gonzalez the worst major wrestler of all time and it’s hard to argue with that. He had a good look with his 7 foot stature but was so ungainly in the ring, it was ugly to watch. He and Taker went at it in a “match” that was painful to watch in every way, slow shots, Taker having to carry this untalented lug about and the idiotic finish of Gonzalez DQ’ed after using an ether-soaked rag to knock Taker out. Taker did do a comeback with Heenan yelling “The man’s not human!” but still not enough to salvage things. Being the worst match of the worst Mania of all time is something and a notch on Taker’s Streak most like to forget.
2. Big Bossman vs. Undertaker, WrestleMania XX Big Bossman in a Hell in the Cell match. Let that sink in. There was no reason to waste the Cell on this (hell, WWE left it off their HITC collection DVD) and less for the match itself. The bout was totally one-sided, Bossman having barely any offense as Taker smacked him about before Bossman handcuffed him to the cage and hit him with a nightstick to no reaction. Even a mild blade job by Taker couldn’t fix this as, after a block, a Tombstone was made to get the pin at last. We then got the horrid visual of the Brood helping Taker hang the Bossman from the rising Cell. Thank Vince Russo for one screwed-up bout to fit a screwed-up Mania and yet another part of the Streak fans don’t like to remember.
1. Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler, WrestleMania XXVII Yep, topping my list as well. This should have been a total massacre of Cole smashed about by Lawler, maybe a tiny offensive but still totally overmatched to be beaten badly. Instead, Cole was actually given the offensive after a bit in a glass box, working on the leg with special ref Steve Austin letting him do it. Jack Swagger interfered and ate a Stunner before Lawler go this comeback but didn’t even get to use his patented piledriver as the finisher but an ankle lock. It was ugly to watch, the crowd hating Cole in charge and the celebration was ruined by the “RAW GM” Computer announcing that Lawler was DQ’ed and thus Cole was the winner. Horrible up and down as the obvious booking of Cole getting slaughtered was undone for a cheap “Dusty Finish” for the modern age and an insult that Lawler’s biggest Mania moment didn’t even get the proper celebration it deserved.
Kevin P
5. Big Bossman vs. The Undertaker; Hell in a Cell at WrestleMania XV: Poor Undertaker. Despite being the guy who is always associated with WrestleMania, he will appear on this list twice. This was not only one of his worst WrestleMania matches, but it was also the worst Hell in a Cell in history. This was the first time the Cell stipulation was a total waste as this feud didn’t deserve it at all. Bossman barely got in any offense although it was Undertaker who ended up bleeding. Whatever. The shot of Bossman being hung from the ceiling was horrible and the only thing redeeming about the match, was the short appearance of the Brood coming from the rafters.
4. Akebono vs. The Big Show; WrestleMania 21: I understand that this was meant to just be a special attraction but that doesn’t mean it didn’t completely suck. Nobody wanted to see a Sumo Wrestling match and we wanted to see the Big Show’s ass even less. On a good WrestleMania, it is the one thing that I always skip when re-watching it.
3. Miss WrestleMania Battle Royal; WrestleMania XXV: As a strong supporter of women’s wrestling, this match is an absolute travesty for me. The idea of a lot of Divas from the past appearing was cool but instead of getting to see the girls and enjoy their return, they get shoved into a group entrance during a terrible Kid Rock concert. So not only do we barely get a mention of which girls are involved, but the eliminations came fast and furious, with most not even getting acknowledged. It was a terrible display for the women’s division, made even worse by Santino Marella winning the whole thing. No wonder Trish and Lita chose to stay away from this debacle.
2. The Undertaker vs. The Giant Gonzalez; WrestleMania IX: WrestleMania IX is a pretty dire show for the most part, but the worst thing about it was the Undertaker’s match against the Giant Gonzalez. Gonzalez was not the first guy brought in for an Undertaker program but man he was not ready. It’s as if he didn’t work any house shows and nobody saw him work at all beforehand because he could do nothing. Not only is the match an absolutely terrible watch, but the finish sucked too. The only blemish on the Undertaker’s Streak (before Brock Lesnar) was this disqualification win against his worst ever opponent.
1. Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole; WrestleMania XXVII: There is nothing that should top this on any list. First off, the angle leading up to this sucked. Then when it happened, Jerry Lawler should have absolutely destroyed the annoying little pipsqueak in quick fashion. Instead we got a long and drawn out match for no reason, in which Cole got in way too much offense. Not only that but after Lawler got the win, the Anonymous General Manager reversed the decision and gave Cole the win by disqualification. This should have been the annoying heel getting his comeuppance and Lawler getting his WrestleMania moment. Instead it was about 15 minutes of my life wasted and far and away the worst WrestleMania match in history.
Jack McGee
5. Velvet McIntyre vs. The Fabulous Moolah (WM 2) – This was short, but damn it was ugly. The work is sloppy, Moolah wins in a very anticlimactic way and then McIntyre’s leg was on the ropes, leading to “controversy”. Lame as fuck.
4. Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler (WM 27) – This should have been short, sweet and to the point. Cole gets some shit cheap ass heel offense in, the King drops the strap and gets retaliation for everything Cole did leading to his comeuppance. Instead, it went over 14 minutes and kept getting worse as the match went on. Instead of keeping it simple and being exactly what it should have been, it was basically everything it shouldn’t have been.
3. Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon (WM 26) – Going more current, this match was something that actually had people excited. Not because they thought it would be good, but because people were happy to have Bret back, and because Vince is good at taking his comeuppances. Due to Bret’s health and insurance situation, they were limited in what they could do and this ended up was a way too long, way too overbooked mess. It felt as if it lasted years, when it should have been short and sweet and to the point. I appreciate that Vince took his medicine to speak; Bret came back and got his time to shine, but in no way was this good.
2. Mr. T vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper (WM 2) – Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper we part of the WM 1 main event, and together helped weave magic that led to a very successful event. With that in mind, WWE tried to recapture the magic during their second WM event. They played off of T’s success as Clubber Lang in Rocky III and Piper’s rumored background with boxing to put on this special boxing match. Worked boxing in wrestling usually comes off badly, and this was no different. Not only that, but it was filled with bullshit and a non-finish. Due to the level of media involved and the fact that this was a heavily hyped bout for the show, that is why it ranks so highly on the list.
1. The Miz vs. John Cena (WM 27) – This gets my nod for#1 because not only was it bad, but it was the main event of a WrestleMania. Forget the shit double count out finish, the Miz concussion, match restart and the fact that it was only there to set up Rock vs. Cena; the works here sucked. The match was not good, the crowd didn’t care and pretty much knew that the Rock would somehow get involved and sat there waiting for him. This was overbooked and very poorly worked and left me completely frustrated.
List your Top Five for this week’s topic in the comment section using the following format:
5. CHOICE: Explanation
4. CHOICE: Explanation
3. CHOICE: Explanation
2. CHOICE: Explanation
1. CHOICE: Explanation
