The 8-Ball: Top 8 Immediate Fixes for the WWE

Top 8 Immediate Fixes for the WWE

Hopefully anyone with a sentient mind has now recognized the WWE in recent months has been like a whale carcass rotting in the sand. The maggot level is rising. Vince McMahon apparently doesn’t mind the stench, but he should mind the diving ratings on Monday nights. Fans are heading toward more entertaining alternatives. 411’s Ronny Sarnecky offered his take on the recent problems and I 8-balled my thoughts a month ago (can’t find the link for that column since the site relaunch) – predictable and dull product, throwaway PPVs, extremely white roster, flogging the dead horse that is John Cena, no direction for the mid-card talents, a lack of fun, a mostly empty tag division and unconvincing heels. I could do “What the WWE is getting wrong” columns from here to the end of the year and not run out of material. It’s gotten that bad.

Yet this week I’m using the power of the Magic 8-Ball to propose some immediate fixes for the WWE’s predicament. How can it start digging its way out of this self-created hole? The actual answer might be sending Vince to Tahiti for a few months since it would seem he’s the one running the enterprise into a creative crater. Yet Vince is too easy a target.

A few notes before we hit the list, just because I’m down on the overall product it doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that some good things have happened since WrestleMania – continued advancement of the Shield guys, the Usos’ title run, Brock Lesnar’s demolition of John Cena at SummerSlam. Unfortunately we’ve had to wade through a sea of crap to get to that stuff. And I say that as someone not angered in the least by the Mini-Gator. That’s an obvious goof so I don’t blame it for being goofy. The supposedly serious stuff that turns out goofy (the Bellas, any match with Kane in it, Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas) is a much bigger problem. Also, I wasn’t down on the WWE a year ago when it was yanking the chain on Daniel Bryan. While the main event scene was most certainly confused at that time, almost everything else was going great. Both Raw and Smackdown were cranking out hot shows every week in late 2013. I’ve been a WWE/WWF/WWWF fan since this guy named Bruno was the champ. I’m pretty forgiving of the product and take no pleasure in this recent swoon.

8. Main Events that Deliver

Three weeks ago, Smackdown did something kind of amazing. It put on an actual standalone show with a unique main event. Cesaro won a battle royal and got a shot at Dolph Ziggler’s Intercontinental title later that night, and Big Show vs.
Rusev had a hot match to close out the action. It worked like a dream. For one night we got off the treadmill of endless soap opera installments featuring John Cena. It felt like the world was new again. Instead we got right back on the treadmill. I’m not sure why anyone should watch to the end of Raw, Smackdown or a PPV.

This past Monday the supposed payoff was Dean Ambrose with a hot dog cart. I love me some Dean Ambrose, but that sucked. Apparently mustard and ketchup are the condiments of destruction. If you’re going to use a hot dog cart, didn’t anyone see Sleepers? The week before on Raw we got Seth Rollins curb stomping both Ambrose and Cena onto a briefcase, which is supposed to be a hard object. That was good, but then on Smackdown Ambrose and Cena were bopping around like it had no lasting effects. Really? Your emerging top heel lays out your top two faces and they shrug it off? I’m calling bullshit on that. If the institutional memory of the WWE can’t even last a week, why am I supposed to care? PPV main events have been a problem too – Night of Champions, Battleground, Money in the Bank.

It’s time to start mixing it up. They need more Show-Rusev nights where we get an actual payoff and to cut back on the soap opera installments so that they resonate better when they happen. TNA two weeks ago had a Knockouts title match close the show and last week it was a tag title match. Worked like a charm in both cases. Make the folks who stick to the end of the show happy they did.

7. Let the Girls Play with the Boys

Last week I argued AJ and Paige should take their hostilities inside Hell in a Cell. I know they won’t, but they should. Whatever talent exists in the Divas division is getting buried by an avalanche of trash television. One of the more notable features of the current chumfest has been the women are more or less presented as completely different product. Maybe it’s a Total Divas effect. Outside of Nattie’s recent road-to-D-I-V-O-R-C-E storyline and Lana-Rusev, we’re not seeing much in the way of co-mingling. The reflex it’s
creating is that when fans see a female come out, they’re dreading how bad it’s going to be. Better booking and adding a whole lot more action to women’s matches would improve things, but for the short-term sprinkling some of the ladies into the storylines of the male roster would help break them from the current downward spiral. Whether it be valet, love interest, manager or ball buster, it would be better than coming out to the ring and screeching at each other.

6. Rebuild the Tag Division

I can’t believe they’ve gone half year without addressing this. Literally, a year ago they had 11 teams they could mix-and-match with. Now, with the apparently dissolution of Harper and Rowan, they’ve got four. What are they waiting for with Speed Force? I’m not in love with the name, but if they’re good in the ring the name will do just fine. It’s not like they should be hard to book. I’d go tweener with them and have them take issue with the WWE power structure. They’re fed up and kicking everyone’s ass. Xavier Woods just got his Ph.D. Call him Dr. X – with a calculating genius persona, not a Malcolm X persona. Give Kofi and Big E the Power-Plex finisher and stop using them as jobbers. They’d be instant contenders. Rumor has it the Ascension will be coming up to join Bray Wyatt. If so, good. If not, get Konnor and Viktor up to the main roster immediately. Do some mixing and matching with the rest of the roster – Miz and Mizdow have been a surprise hit and probably ought to chase tag gold – and get this division off life support.

5. Fracture the Roster

The problem with the good and bad monoliths is everyone gets slotted into a pecking order. Why do you care about the 5th-best good guy fighting the 6th-best bad guy? You probably don’t. However, there’s a void in the WWE right now. Brock Lesnar supposedly isn’t coming back with the WWE title for the rest of 2014. CM Punk is gone. Daniel Bryan, Roman Reigns and Wade Barrett are on the shelf. Batista didn’t stick around. Randy Orton is supposedly dialing back his schedule. Forget about standing in an orderly line, wrestlers should be looking to claw their way past each other with this kind of opportunity in front of them. The good guys shouldn’t all necessarily see eye-to-eye. Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean you lack ambition. There’s more to life than rallying around John Cena. The bad guys shouldn’t get along all that well in the first place. I mean, they’re bad guys. Not being able to trust each other should come with the
territory.

With Survivor Series coming up, it’s a golden opportunity to highlight how different people have their own stakes in the game. Build some new alliances. I’m not saying they have to go full Chikara King of Trios, but it wouldn’t be the worst idea. Shouldn’t Kane have some tortured soul affinity with Erick Rowan? Dolph Ziggler and the Usos seem to be a perfect mix. Maybe they want to fight the Authority and don’t feel like inviting John Cena to the party. Meanwhile, Cena famously gets all U-S-A about stuff, wouldn’t it make some sense to have him pal around with our latest defender of the American way, the Big Show? Plus, there’s the newly-minted sympathetic real American, Jack Swagger. The WWE is two-tracked and too hierarchical. It needs to create a wider set of competing interests so this Smackdown doesn’t feel like the last Raw, which felt like the previous PPV.

4. Turn Sheamus Heel

Sheamus has been spectacular in the ring this year. He cranks out quality matches like few others. Unfortunately he’s quality in a vacuum. They give him nothing to do outside of “I’m gonna fight ye, fella!” It’s a waste of talent. Really it’s a function of working in the mid-card. WWE Creative has an enormous blind spot that encompasses most of the roster. Thing is, Sheamus is in his prime. If he’s going to do more big things in his career, the time to do them is now. As for the heel part, he’s so believable as a brute. He’s even a brute face. Seeing that fans have been lukewarm to him for the past couple of years, what does he owe us? Nothing, I say. Sheamus should do for Sheamus. Plus, supposedly in real life he’s tight with Triple H. Randy Orton has been out of place as the Authority’s lackey. The role robs him of the unpredictability that was essential to his Viper image. Yet Sheamus as the unblinking muscle behind the WWE’s power structure? I’d buy that for a dollar.

3. Rollins vs. Authority

The Authority has done about all it can for Seth Rollins. The fact of the matter is Randy Orton and Kane don’t give a hang about Rollins winning the belt. If Rollins wants help and a crew that properly protects his interests, he’s going to need to form one of his own. A blow up between him and the Authority would be perfect. It would rearrange just who the real bad guys are in the WWE, with Rollins looking to one-up Trips and Steph. On top of that, it could be a great way to give Orton a new direction. Characterwise he should be itching to move onto something new. Rollins vs. Authority should be a quick hit that involves a number of top talents. Rollins could bring a guy like Cesaro into the fold, putting him closer to the main event action. If it lasts too long someone inevitably turns face, but a short, violent break would expand the ranks of big-time players capable of doing something truly nasty.

2. It’s Ziggler Time

During the past month, crowds are going crazy for Dolph Ziggler. The WWE invested a lot of time in building up Roman Reigns as the next big face. Now it seems to be doing that with Ambrose. Yet Dolph Ziggler seems to have happened organically. Just because it didn’t emerge from the master plan that doesn’t mean the WWE should ignore it. In fact, it would be foolish to turn away good fortune. If the WWE wants to send the message that it indeed is listening to its fans, push Ziggler. If the WWE wants to go with a storyline no one saw coming, push Ziggler. Instead of making him yet another IC champ who’s a stepping stone for guys in the main event mix, turn him into the first IC champ in ages who uses that title as a stepping stone to the main event scene. Let Dolph close the show on various Mondays and Fridays, maybe even make the IC title the main event at TLC if the WWE title truly is out of play until the Rumble. Seriously consider letting him be the guy who ends Rusev’s unbeaten run. That could be longer term. Rusev takes the U.S. title and then we get a unification match at WM31. The larger point is go big with the Zig.

1. Ambrose vs. Cena, Full Hostilities

No getting around this, the WWE has a John Cena problem. He’s a talented guy and he sells t-shirts, but too many fans are sick of him, particularly the folks the WWE wants to buy those WWE Network subscriptions. Right now he’s a creepy third wheel in the Ambrose-Rollins feud. Seriously, his reason for being there is beyond flimsy. Let’s
see, Rollins betrayed Ambrose, who was supposedly like a brother, and basically tried to kill the guy. On the other hand, he’s like the 10th guy who’s come at Cena with a MITB cash-in. Rise above the hate, John. Plus, if anyone pulled a heel move at Night of Champions, it was Cena. The crowd went electric when it looked like Rollins might cash in. Cena spoiled that party.

No one gives a hot crap about Cena getting his hands on Rollins. Ambrose, sure. Though you know what fans really seem to want? Ambrose getting his hands on Cena. We know Cena’s impervious to heels. He’s proven that. Yet maybe he’s vulnerable against anti-heroes. Ambrose has that whole lunatic fringe vibe working for him. If Cena fully gets in the way of Ambrose’s righteous vengeance on Rollins, then maybe he turns his attention to wiping out Mr. Cena’s sense of entitlement. Rollins goads the loser of Ambrose-Cena at HIAC into crashing the HIAC main event, because he’s thinking two moves ahead. I’d make Cena the crasher, but it would work either way. Ambrose and Cena beat each other silly and end with a big spot that leaves them both laid out. Rollins smiles like an evil scientist who just received a fresh shipment of orphans. We got a tease of that on the last Smackdown.

If they go that direction at Hell in a Cell, then suddenly Cena’s awkward insertion in this feud makes sense. The reality is there’s no clean way out of Ambrose-Rollins. Both need to emerge from this intact and the way it’s been booked basically requires one of them to end up ruined or dead. Postponing their hostilities makes a ton of sense. And Ambrose-Cena would put Cena in an interesting predicament for the first time since WrestleMania 28. The Franchise could keep mouthing his same platitudes and insisting he stands up for his loyal (and increasingly silent) fans. Yet the vast majority of fans will rally behind Ambrose. Ambrose gets minted as a mega-face. The WWE can play around with Cena as a tweener and then go in any number of different directions afterward. They could pretty easily milk six months out of this feud. Eruption at HIAC, dueling factions at Survivor Series, full-blown hostilities at TLC, costing each other title shots at Royal Rumble and Elimination Chamber, megamatch at WrestleMania 31.

I take requests.. The purpose of this column is to look forward. What could be? What should be? What is and what should never be? What would make more sense? 411 has plenty of columns that count down and rank things that happened in the past. This is not one of those columns. The Magic 8-Ball is here to gaze into the future. If there’s someone or something you think should be given the 8-Ball treatment, mention it in the comments section. I might pick it up for future weeks.